Work Text:
The Sounds of Yesterday
They should be in Nagoya by now.
Haruka had left that morning from their apartment still nagging her to come along. She always got like that when it came to sentimental stuff. And what could be more sentimental to her than going to see their juniors perform at nationals?
Aoi looked out the café window to the red brick clock tower at the heart of campus. Even with such a quaint view and a constant flow of coffee, she still found it difficult to be absorbed in her work. After more than three semesters of trial and error, she had narrowed it down to this café as the best spot in the Yoshida campus to study without the smothering rules of one of the libraries. If things were not working here, there was little option but to admit defeat and return home.
There had been no real need to actually go out today. But it felt wrong to use work as an excuse to avoid going to Nagoya only to turn it into a bald-faced lie by doing nothing. Yet there seemed to be nowhere else she could do anything more than just go through the motions. The central cafeteria was stuck in the basement of the drab and worn-out general affairs building. And the only other restaurant near this part of campus was a much fancier French place inside the clock tower memorial hall itself.
Most of the students that went there were always on dates or trying to impress friends from other schools. As if Kyoto University’s name alone was not enough at this point. It was the kind of place Asuka would go to. Knowing her, she had probably even brought Kaori there. Though there was also a less rosy possibility; Asuka’s mother might have forced a dinner there at some point for a vicarious feeling of prestige in her daughter’s school.
Now that image had come to mind, perhaps moving there for the long afternoon ahead might not be the worst idea. The atmosphere of the restaurant could actually give her some inspiration. Hopefully it would be enough to make up for Haruka dredging up so many of their old high school memories this morning.
Why did writing have to be so fickle?
“I thought you would be at the band room instead of hanging around here.”
Think of the devil and she shall appear.
Aoi turned in her seat to see Asuka, a cup of coffee in one hand, and a tote bag filled with books and her laptop in the other. As usual, she did not bother waiting for a reply and simply strolled around to take the seat opposite Aoi.
“I wanted to get some work done,” Aoi said. “Going over to Doshisha always makes me feel like I’m there for band or to meet people.”
Asuka placed her elbows on the table before resting her head in her palms. “In other words, you felt guilty doing something with our band. Or maybe you don’t want one of them accidentally telling Haruka they saw you around.”
“The view is nicer here.” Aoi gestured to the window behind them. “It’s always easier to get into the mood to do work at Kyodai.”
Asuka turned around to look at Kyoto University’s iconic clock tower as well. “I guess you would be the type to get attached to this kind of thing.” She turned back and shrugged. “Still, you could just as easily have run into Kyouko or Mirai today.”
Aoi gave her a resigned smile. “They would have told Haruka I was doing work like I promised.”
It was still a bit tiresome at times to deal with Asuka, but it was far better than what it used to be. Now she just came off as being occasionally insensitive instead of possibly cruel. But it was still hard to think of her snideness as lovable or charming like Kaori and Haruka somehow did.
“I’m surprised you managed to resist all of Haruka’s nagging to go with her. I bet she even brought out all the nostalgia to make you feel a little guilty.”
“She wasn’t really upset or anything.” Aoi fiddled with her left braid. “I guess she did try to use the ‘whole be a good senpai and supporting Kumiko-chan’ angle.”
Asuka laughed. “Of course both of you would be that sentimental. I can’t believe that didn’t make you cave.” Her smile turned mischievous. “Unless your honeymoon period with Haruka has already ended.”
“Why do you always have to be like this?” Aoi sighed. “I should be the one asking how Kaori didn’t force you to go. The two of you are the ones actually pretending to be just roommates.”
“Oh, she tried. It was even worse since she brought up Oumae-chan’s visit again. The nagging after the was pretty brutal. As if I was really that blunt. She and Haruka really can be too soft.”
Aoi shook her head in resignation. “I’m sure you think you were just giving Kumiko-chan the push she needed.”
Asuka smiled brashly as she snapped her fingers. “See, I knew you’d get it.”
“I never said I agreed with how you do things. But I guess it more or less worked out from what Haruka and Kaori told me.”
She could only shrug as she took a sip of her coffee. “We both have hearts of stone, don’t we?
“It’s not that I didn’t want to support them…”
“But it’s not really our problem anymore, is it?”
“No, I guess not.” Aoi looked away, “Well, I don’t think Haruka and Kaori see it that way.”
“It’s not like you to be so easily influenced.” She chuckled. “Maybe Haruka is your only weakness.”
“I still didn’t go to Nagoya.”
Asuka gestured to Aoi’s laptop. “But you’re also not getting much done either.”
“I’ve been working here the whole morning.”
Asuka raised her eyebrow knowingly. “You were staring out the window the entire time I ordered my coffee. And you don’t have any of the novels you’re reading for class with you either.” She smugly narrowed her eyes. “If you were really fine, you’d be holed up in the library studying instead of trying to write your book.”
Maybe that was how Asuka always got away with how she acted. It was not just beauty alone. She also had the uncanny ability to be right most of the time as well. Though now that Aoi took the time to actually get a good look at her, she remembered that Asuka wearing her glasses today was not the norm anymore. She had taken to using contact lenses these past few months whenever she went out. It was unnecessary vanity, especially someone with her looks. But more importantly, it took far more effort than just putting on a pair of spectacles. The Asuka seated with her now appeared more like she did in high school. No contacts, hardly any makeup, and the only thing she could not just undo on a whim was the slight perm she had. Though pointing any of this out would only encourage some kind of evasive jab from Asuka.
“Haruka said I should go since I went to see you guys perform at nationals back then.”
Asuka’s smile turned wry. “She must have really wanted you to tag along. Did she turn on the tears as well?”
Aoi shook her head. “She was just disappointed. I told her that I only went because it was our year that was performing. Haruka didn’t protest much after that.”
A strange expression crossed Asuka’s face. It was still subtle, like most of her actual feelings on anything, but still obvious enough to anyone who knew her well. It was not quite discomfort. It was almost… embarrassment with how she winced slightly, yet also wistful.
“That’s what has you all out of sorts?” She flicked her wrist, that trace of raw emotion disappearing under a layer of flippantness. Why did she still do this even now with her closest friends? “I miss the Aoi who was willing to just march out of the music room without giving a damn what everyone else thought.”
Although it was still a bitter memory, it did not stir half as much unease as the idea of following Haruka to Nagoya. Still, Aoi could not help but look away. “I guess you were never really bothered about this kind of thing, even when we were still at Kitauji.”
“Alright, alright,” The remains of Asuka’s impishness fell away. “I know you don’t like being compared with me. But if it makes you feel better, I was excited to see our juniors last year at the Kansai competition too.”
“I thought that was Kaori’s idea and you just went along to make her happy.”
“Mostly. If it were just me, I probably wouldn’t have gone. Too much of a hassle. And I know it’d be the same for you if Haruka didn’t want to go too.”
“There’s no way Haruka wouldn’t have gone.”
Asuka shook her head. “Dodging the question, as usual. Whether it’s realistic isn’t the point.”
Aoi sighed. “Why do you always make me these parts out loud? You always know what I mean anyway. It would have been awkward to go by myself without our batch around anymore. And I don’t really feel like… like I belong there. Even after everything last year.”
“I didn’t mean it like that.” It was rare, but Asuka did appear apologetic. “Isn’t it supposed to be normal that people move on with their lives? Even I don’t particularly care about high school and I still wanted to check up on them last year. But now that another year’s gone by, it just doesn’t feel important anymore.”
“Is it really that simple?”
“Does everything have to be so complicated with you? You really fit the stereotype of students here.”
“That applies to you too, you know.”
Asuka laughed, showing one of her rare unreserved smiles. Her sincerity always managed to draw out a few chuckles from Aoi, but on any other day, an exchange like this would have created waves of laughter between the both of them. Now, it was as if a shadow had returned to hang over them once again.
“I guess last year did make up for what happened at Kitauji.” Aoi glanced at her laptop screen, the open document still only sparsely filled. “But we’ve also been living in the past because of how we spent our first year of university.”
“It’s just because you started writing a book about a high school band.” Her smile grew smug again as she leaned forward, inching towards the laptop. “So? Am I as stunning in your novel as I am in real life?” She flicked her hair behind her shoulder but found Aoi was not amused.
“Don’t you think it’s strange? I’m writing a book more or less based on our time in school, but I feel ambivalent about seeing them.” She tried to smile but it came out strained. “Or maybe it should be even simpler. I didn’t like my time there, so I shouldn’t care. Sometimes I wonder if I went to Nagoya two years ago more for Haruka than anything to do with the band.”
“Why bother feeling guilty about that? Use your experience however you like. You don’t owe Kitauji anything.”
Aoi clasped her forehead. “I forgot who I was talking to. I’m asking the worst person about this.”
Asuka shrugged. “It’s not like people think Kafka or Dostoevsky should be thankful for the environment that inspired their books.”
It was a dramatic and grandiose way to make her point, but maybe Aoi was talking to the right person after all. Kaori did not have the time or interest to read these kinds of books with all her nursing courses. And Haruka would certainly find them too dour to stomach. It was just her and Asuka who could share this understanding with each other.
Aoi drummed the table with her fingers. “Even after two years, I’m still conflicted about everything that happened before we graduated.”
“Why has everything got to be so extreme with you? Always yes or no, one or zero, in or out. Don’t you find writing characters like that boring?” Asuka clasped her hands together in mock worry. “How will I ever get the ego boost of a novel based on my life winning the Akutagawa Prize now?”
“What I feel in real life and what’s good for a story aren’t the same things.” Aoi shook her head. “I’m not that ambitious anyway. I'm more worried about even finishing this and finding a publisher.”
“I don’t see the problem with dreaming big.”
“Of course you don’t. You’re good at everything.”
For a moment, Asuka grew serious. “You know that no one can have it all. Neither of us does, even though we got into Kyodai.”
“Yeah…” Aoi looked into her lap. “I still don’t know which one is worse though, trying and failing at something, or having some situation forced on you that you can’t change.”
“At least it’s not both. But I can already imagine what Haruka and Kaori think. They’re both real softies when it comes to believing someone’s intentions mean the most.”
“That’s always easy to think that when the stakes are low.” Aoi looked up again to see Asuka looking at her intently. “I know you’re going to be cynical and say that sometimes having to compromise or give something up is just reality.”
Asuka shook her head, her smile uncharacteristically mellow and forgiving. “Something can be true and still suck. I suppose I haven’t been very nice about pointing that out. Even with you guys.”
“You could have been nicer to Kumiko-chan when you told that to her.”
“I do have an image to maintain.” Yet as Asuka tried to put on her usual sardonic façade, it evaporated as quickly as it began. “But maybe we’re all a little stuck in the past too. Kaori was a little put off that I started acting more like how I did in high school when Oumae-chan visited.”
Had Asuka really toned down that much? It was hard to see the change with how often Aoi met her on campus and during practice. But perhaps it was not that Asuka’s words had become less biting. Rather, everything seemed much more benign once her intentions had stopped being so opaque.
“It’s not like you to come to campus on a weekend either,” Aoi said.
“No…” Asuka took a long drink from her coffee. The café around them was hushed, the already small weekend lunch crowd having left some time ago. “Going to Nagoya just for one performance is still a pain though.”
Aoi nodded but kept her silence.
“But it’s also not as if we couldn’t make ourselves free either.” Asuka glanced at her unopened laptop still sitting in her tote bag. “And it’s not like either of us is getting much done.”
“You think it’s because most of our band is still made up of everyone from our year that stayed in Kyoto?”
Asuka attempted her usual wry smile and shrug, but it came out muted. “None of them are heading to Nagoya. It never even crossed most of their minds.”
“I guess it is just like Haruka and Kaori to be the most sentimental of out of everyone. Do you think they’ll still go even after Kumiko-chan’s year has graduated?”
“That’ll be the limit. Even for someone like Haruka.” She paused for a moment before she took off her glasses and began to clean them. “But you’ve already said why we’re here instead of at the competition.”
Aoi’s brows furled. “I have?”
“You went to Nagoya because it was our year that was playing, not because the band belonged to the school. Well, maybe there’s Haruka in particular.” Asuka tried to shoot her a playful wink, but it was half-hearted. “Last year there was still Natsuki-chan and her year around, and our graduation was still pretty fresh. Now, the only reason left is Oumae-chan. But I think she would rather have some space instead of more pressure. Besides, none of that is our story anymore.”
“We were still the only ones from our batch that went to see them last year.”
Asuka paused for a moment before she put her glasses back on. “We’re also the most responsible for what happened to them.”
Aoi began to open her mouth but found herself fumbling before she could find a reply. “I… I never thought you would care about what happened back then.”
“Not nearly as much as you do. But now that I think about it, I could have done something more than just watch everything burn down around us.”
“You only feel that way because it made getting to nationals next year harder.”
“Maybe,” Asuka fiddled with the ring around her little finger, twisting it back and forth. “I wish I was as rational and calculating as you all make me out to be sometimes. I’m still like everyone else. I do occasionally wish I could go back to change things. Even though there was no way to know what was going to happen back then.”
Was she talking about Taki-sensei showing up at their unremarkable concert band? Or not telling Nozomi-chan more directly to stay in the band? Maybe it really was just all about Kaori and how much she had put her through. With how things were now, it was hard to remember that their relationship had not always been a fact of life. At one point, things might even have been uncertain between them.
“At least you had the option to do something differently.” Aoi reached for her right braid like she usually did but grasped only empty space.
Like with Asuka’s change to contacts, she was still getting used to the new hairstyle she had chosen to match Haruka’s. Both of them were trying something more mature with only a single braid or loose ponytail they wore on their left. How out of sorts was she today to forget something as basic as that?
“At least those painful moments let us learn more about oruselves.” It was rare to see a contemplative expression overtake Asuka. These words were more than just her usual clever rhetoric meant to sway people. “I don’t think what happened was so extreme that we’d rather not have discovered why we made the choices we did.”
“I think plenty of people don’t think of it like that.” Aoi bit her lower lip. “They want it both ways no matter what. Like it’s some fairytale.”
“Those are always the most boring kinds of stories. It’s easy to be a perfect little princess in paradise. We don’t live in a fantasy.” Asuka shrugged. “Maybe it would be nice if you could get through your real life without failure.” She glanced back to the clock tower for a moment. “But success does feel kind of empty when it’s so certain.”
“Maybe we just think that because our decisions didn’t blow up in our faces. If I hadn’t quit the band, there is no way I would have made it here. But if I had got nothing out of it either…”
“Then you would just be rooming with Haruka at Doshisha.” Asuka shook her head, her smile fading as she saw her facetious response was not lightening things. “That’s life, right? Even if you believed you knew what kind of person you were deep down, actually making a choice proved it, at least to yourself.”
“Not even going to soften the blow for a friend?”
Asuka held up her arms to her shoulders in mock surrender. “With how I was back then, it wouldn’t have been nice anyway.” She raised an eyebrow. “I would have just told you to be smarter or more talented. Completely useless advice.”
“I guess you would have said that.” Aoi clasped her chin. “You know, you really have changed Asuka.”
“Just a little bit,” She winked. “And not for your sake, of course.”
“Of course,” Aoi briefly chuckled. “Actually, what would you have done back then? If you had to choose.”
“What was there to choose? My mom controlled almost everything. It’s not like I can just tell her to go away, even now.”
“You know that’s not what I meant.” It was just like Asuka to take advantage of even her own sore spots to deflect from something else even more uncomfortable.
“It’s been years already. Besides, solos in a high school band are just some petty point of pride only teenagers care about.”
“It’s not like we’re very far past that at twenty.”
Asuka sighed, the pause between them lingering in the air for some time. Inhaling deeply, she swept her hair behind her ear. “I don’t know.”
“That’s a first.”
She let out a short, sardonic laugh. “I was lucky that I didn’t need to choose.”
“If the audition was between you and someone like Kumiko-chan, would that change how you saw things?”
“I suppose the easy answer was that I’ve always been the better player. I would have gotten what I wanted with sheer skill. But that’s not the point you were making. Talent isn’t something you can simply make up for or change overnight, if at all.” She shook her head. “You really do know how to ask difficult questions when you put your mind to it.”
“I’m at Kyodai too, you know, even if it’s not as effortless.”
Asuka put on a small, crafty smile. “Is this just your way of trying to get more character info for your novel? I would just tell you everything you want to know without having to go through this.”
That additional utility had never crossed Aoi’s mind until now. Only someone like Asuka could so quickly see an ulterior motive in friends trying to better understand each other. Besides, asking Asuka directly almost never got anything raw or unembellished that would actually be useful. Even if she had changed since then, Asuka would never be the type of person to lay things bare without something compelling her.
Aoi sighed. “Now who’s the one trying to evade the question.”
Asuka paused, her gaze now passing right through Aoi as she collected her thoughts. “Kaori would have wanted me to choose her. No matter what. We’re both selfish that way.”
“Would Kaori really have been happy? I’m sure she knows you well enough to see through you lying for her benefit.”
“Who knows?” Asuka’s brows furled and lips rose in the usual prelude to her usual conceited expression, but that evasive façade faded as something else crossed her mind. “High school me liked to think that I could deceive anyone. And maybe that was actually true. But now it’s a little painful to think I might have been willing to do that to her like she’s just another person instead of someone special.”
“But you wouldn’t have given up your shot at nationals either. At least not with your dad there as a judge.”
Asuka could only nod slowly. “Kaori is still a better person than me. It’s why she surrendered in the end even though she could have forced the issue by popularity alone. She and Haruka are like that, willing to sacrifice their wants for everyone else.” She turned to look out the window. “I guess it’s pretty difficult to shake off know how things turned out no matter who you are. If I went back now and was forced to make the decision, I don’t know if I’d risk changing anything with her by choosing nationals.”
“So, you can be human after all”
Asuka snapped forward; her brows furled in irritation, yet her lips raised in a bemused smile. “You really can be worse than me sometimes. And I’m supposed to be the bad guy.”
Aoi could barely contain the cheek in her smile. “It would make it easier if I wrote my story that way.”
“I guess it would be interesting if I had to choose back then. It was lucky I got it both ways. And that Kaori sweet enough to be alright with how things played out.”
“You know, everything about how you appear to most people is too perfect.” Aoi turned her laptop screen to face Asuka, showing her the mostly blank Word document. “It is pretty hard to write a character like you unless they turn out to be the villain.”
“Don’t you think that’s too easy? It’s a pretty cheap way to give a character depth or create drama.”
“You’re just saying that because you don’t want to look bad.”
“I never do.” She flicked her hair back, this time managing to draw out laughter from Aoi. “I just want to make sure you’re capturing everything accurately.”
“That’s actually pretty tough sometimes.”
“But it’s also the interesting part, things being complicated. At least for a novel.” She gestured to Aoi’s laptop. “So, sensei, what would you have done if you were at the audition and had to choose?”
There was a twinge of unease at having the question reflected back at her. But strangely enough, the scenario still felt very much like a distant academic exercise despite her having been a member of the band at one point. “I suppose if Kousaka-san is as good as everyone else says she is, it’s the right thing to have her be the one to play the solo.”
“I forgot how much you like your abstract ideas.” Asuka shook her head. “Maybe you’d get people like Saki and Hitoshi on board with that because it’s the principled thing to do. If Nozomi-chan was around she’d definitely agree as well. But most people care more about what they feel is right. And they did love Kaori more than anyone. Even if it meant we’d probably never make it past Kansai with her just being good enough instead of the best.”
“Always the cynic, aren’t you.”
“More like people miss the forest for the trees when it comes to this stuff. Or they deliberately don’t think about it so they won’t have to see how complicated it can get.” Asuka traced an invisible diagram with her finger onto the tabletop. “Our goal is to get to nationals. Wrecking morale for the sake of upholding some surface level idea of meritocracy might actually hurt our performance more than it helps. If we stuck to our principles and lost because of that, no one would feel better because they did ‘the right thing’. They all want to have it both ways. Better to choose the option that at least gives them what they want more. We were just lucky that Kaori isn’t the type of person to force things.”
“Ends justify the means, huh? I guess that is how you see things most of the time.”
Asuka relented with a sigh, her tone mellowing out. “It’s not like a high school band or going to nationals is that important. Or really it shouldn’t be. I’m not saying I didn’t care a lot when it was happening, or that it isn’t a nice memory I’d rather have. But it’s also pretty far from life and death or earning a living. Everyone loses all perspective when these big ideas get wheeled out. In the end, it’s just about who gets to play a few more bars at a competition. If you’re that desperate for a duet with someone you can do it on your own time. That’s what I did in the end.”
“Yeah, thanks for using us to do that last year. So much for it being just on your own time.” Aoi shook her head before returning to Asuka’s real point. “But I guess most people do use meritocracy as a big word that is supposed to be good without really thinking about what it is. The more you think about it, the more complicated it gets.”
“Ah, there’s the Kyodai snob in you coming out again.” Asuka chuckled at her own jab, yet it also took the edge off it at the same time. “Is this what you and Haruka talk about whenever you discuss her sociology classes?”
“A little bit. But she’s not the type of person that wants to talk about what’s she studying for fun.”
“Poor Aoi, I’m sure there’s nothing you’d like more than to talk about books with her.”
“I guess these kinds of questions are only interesting in a story,” Aoi sighed. “But somehow, I doubt most people want to be challenged by it”
“You know your thesis and your book are two different things, right?”
Aoi rolled her eyes. “I’m not going to write out an essay. But the story is about a high school band, making it too complex isn’t going to be appreciated.”
Asuka coyly narrowed her eyes. “Were we really so simple as teenagers that there’s nothing interesting to write about us?”
“Definitely not you. And not all in a good way.” She shook her head. “Don’t laugh, but I do want the book to be something deeper than just a simple high school drama. But that kind of story doesn’t really encourage a neat and triumphant ending. Maybe the characters can still get everything they materially want, but there’ll always be an emotional cost or aftermath.”
“You really do love your classic authors, don’t you? Half of Soseki’s stories end like that.”
“Everyone likes to see their experiences reflected.” Aoi tilted her head in thought. “I guess it does feel nice to see a character vicariously succeed. But it’ll still never change what actually happened to me.”
“No one in their right mind should want to be a character in any compelling story. It’s interesting precisely because lots of things in them are at least unpleasant to experience.” Asuka laughed. “Trust the literature student to want the most interesting story instead of the happiest one.”
Aoi could only shrug. “It’s why Dazai is still one of the most famous authors in Japan.”
“So, what would you do Aoi? Not as yourself, but as the writer of a situation like this.”
“I guess I would make you choose between the two. It feels a little cruel since being the author is a little like being a god of this tiny fictional world, but it is the most interesting thing to do. Does a character value love, or principles? Or maybe they don’t care about all those fancy ideas and just can’t bring themselves to selfishly choose one person’s happiness over everyone else’s.”
Asuka scoffed, yet it was clearly good-natured. “You almost sound like a professional. You’re right though, it might not be the most digestible thing with how complicated I bet you want to make it. Or the most easily liked since your characters won’t get everything they want. But at least all the other Letters Faculty types will appreciate it.” Asuka leaned back and smiled. “I’m glad it's not me though. I like that I got to have my cake and eat it. I might have made a choice I regretted otherwise.”
“It’s probably for the best neither of us ended up being the president.” Aoi sighed, but she still smiled back. “After everything that happened, I never felt like I had much of a stake in things either.”
Asuka slowly nodded. “Yeah, regrets are only interesting when it’s in fiction. But you might as well take advantage of that.”
The content silence that overtook their conversation was interrupted by both their phones buzzing at the same time. The afternoon had grown late without them realising it, leaving only one possibility as to why they were receiving a barrage of messages at the same time.
Before Aoi could fumble to unlock her phone, Asuka was already nonchalantly scrolling through her messages. “They did it.”
It was hard to say what they were expecting. Neither of them, Aoi least of all, would have broken out into celebration. Everything remained subdued for such a seemingly momentous occasion three years in the making. Perhaps even longer than that when Aoi recalled all the past awards hanging in the music room from a decade ago that showed Kitauji used to be a regular at nationals.
“Aren’t you going to check your messages too?” Asuka had her chin resting in her palm, her free hand leisurely typing out a reply.
Aoi eyed her phone screen from the corner of her eye. “I already got the news from you.”
“Don’t you want to hear it from Haruka?”
Aoi shrugged. “She’s probably busy messaging the rest of the band already.”
Asuka sent off her final message before placing her phone aside. “You know, it’s kind of sweet that you’re the first person Haruka messaged. I’m not teasing you this time. It is nice to be first in someone’s mind, even when it’s not romantic.”
“Yeah…” Aoi opened her phone and sent off a quick reply. She owed Haruka that much. That and it was hard not to be moved by her deluge of crying emojis.
“It’s a little weird, isn’t it,” Asuka said.
“It feels like we should be happy. Or at least happy for them. But it’s also kind of strange to indulge in that. Maybe it’s because we’re both a little bit selfish. Going to nationals for the sake of it was never either of our dreams.”
“I thought you’d be the type to be proud of the school. Even when this achievement has nothing to do with you.”
“I do like the people there. But the school itself hasn’t ever done much for me.”
Asuka’s usual sardonic smile was tinged with a hint of bitterness. “Think of all the trouble it would have saved me if they had just given me a recommendation. Maybe I should have gone to a better high school instead of choosing the one nearest to my house.”
“Are we only happy because it worked out in the end? In spite of everything?”
Asuka raised her eyebrow knowingly. “I wouldn’t call anything about you and Kitauji happy. But we also spent our whole afternoon here instead of just dragging ourselves to Nagoya.”
“We have been talking about high school the entire time…” Aoi took a deep breath as she closed her laptop screen. “Can we really say we’ve moved on with our lives?”
Asuka shrugged. “Does it have to be so neat? It’s not like you just forget everything that happened when you start a new chapter.” She tapped her index finger on her temple. “Both of us also happen to have pretty long memories too. It’s helpful for studying, but here not so much.”
“It is fading, at least the emotions of it all. But I’m not sure if it should be like that. Or if I can just let it all just float away.”
“You really want that?” Asuka chuckled. “Holding on to all those emotions to pour it into your novel. Kind of cliché, isn’t it?”
“I wasn’t thinking of it like that. Maybe it could be useful. Without it, my book might end up more of a debate over ideas and just go over most people’s heads.” She shook her head. “But none of this is why you’re also here today though.”
Asuka held out her upturned palm. “What other personal attachment is there?”
“Well… being absent again isn’t exactly being a good senpai. Even if we’ve graduated.”
“Did Oumae-chan ask you to be there?”
Aoi shook her head. “She’s been so busy that I haven’t seen her in a while. I still feel like I should be there though. Both for her and Shuuichi-kun. I still owe them for not being around much, even at Kitauji.” She bit her lower lip. “Kumiko-chan asked if you were coming, didn’t she?”
“Why would you think that?”
“It’s the only thing I can think of that would throw off your mood like this. Unless you got into a fight with Kaori.”
She rolled her eyes. “This is exactly why I tell her not to just go around announcing our relationship to everyone.”
“Our whole band knows. And I’m sure Kumiko-chan at least suspects it.”
“Who knows, she can be pretty dense. Plus, she’s distracted with trying to sort out her own feelings most of the time.”
“You’re not going to help her with that?”
“She never asked and it’s not my problem. Besides, I’ve never been confused about what kind of person I like. How would I even give her advice about that?”
“So how did she take it when you told her you weren’t coming?”
“No idea. Kaori told her.”
Aoi could only shake her head at Asuka’s flippancy.
“You would have gone if one of them had asked you directly, wouldn’t you?” Asuka said. “Even if it was just a personal request, you’d have turned it into some kind of obligation as their senior. You and Haruka are just like that.”
Aoi sighed. “I’m not the senpai they think of first even though I wish I was.”
“And I’m not the type of senpai they wish I was. But that’s just how it is.” Asuka held up her phone showing a video that Kaori had sent of what was happening in Nagoya. “They’re doing fine anyway.”
For a few moments, the only sound in the café aside from the distant hum of appliances was laughter emanating from Asuka’s phone. There was still a part of Aoi that felt like she should be there. But that drive, either out of love or obligation, had lost much of its force. What remained was only an echo of it, something driven by the supposition, the memory of what Aoi used to believe.
Maybe Asuka was right and she would have felt compelled to go all the way to another city if one of her friends said they wanted her support. But both Shuuichi and Kumiko were far too busy handling their responsibilities and feelings this year to meet with her. There would be time for that once all this was over, or when they inevitably started looking for help on their entrance exams. But when it came to Kitauji and the band, it was simply them not her story anymore, and both Aoi and Asuka had no desire to change that.
“It’s still a little detached of us not to be there. But I guess it’s just not our style. At least this chapter is closing for all of us after three years. They finally got gold at nationals for everyone else.”
Asuka chuckled. “Come on, this isn’t some anime where they act like everyone who graduated is dead. It’s good they’re doing it for themselves instead of thinking this would make us proud. I don’t want to be the person to tell them that we don’t really care about it.”
Aoi laughed too. “I think that’s kind of true for Haruka and Kaori as well. We cared about it because it was important to everyone else; because it’s what made them happy.”
“Come on,” Asuka stood up, grabbing her bag and slinging it over her shoulder. “I think we’ve spent enough time on campus today.”
As Aoi began to pack up her laptop and collect her few scattered notes, she found that the unease that had overcome her this morning seemed to fade. It might have been meeting Asuka today and getting a rare chance to talk to her like this. Or perhaps it was her juniors finally reaching getting gold at nationals that put everything to rest. But whatever it was, it now felt easier to move on and let Kitauji slip further into memory.
“I thought you would be meeting Kaori for dinner,” Aoi said as they stepped out into the rest of campus.
“She wanted to turn going to Nagoya into a whole day trip. Haruka and her will probably get dinner there. Nothing like a chance for them to gossip and complain about their worse halves to each other.”
“That only applies to Kaori and you.”
Asuka’s laughter was boisterous now that they were outdoors. “Where do you want to get dinner? The usual spots around Demachiyanagi? Though the rest of the band might be there too.”
“I never agreed to this.” Still, Aoi kept up with Asuka as they walked towards the campus gates.
“Come on, you can tell me all about your book. It’s based on me after all.”
Aoi shook her head. “I don’t think I’ll ever get into your head enough to write it.”
“Simple,” She snapped her fingers again. “Make the point of view character someone else. I get to be all mysterious that way. You can even write me as an ingenious mastermind that plans every little interaction for their advantage.”
“Don’t you think that’s stretching way too much? Who’s going to believe that about a teenager?”
“That’s what’s popular right now.” Asuka put her arm around Aoi’s shoulder and dragged her in her close. “You got to think about how to sell this story.”
Aoi groaned but did not attempt to resist as Asuka continued to lead them out of campus. At least she did have a good idea in having using another character’s point of view, even if she was still more or less the subject of the story. Maybe a dinner discussing this with Asuka would not be the worst idea for today.
With a friend like her, at least things in this chapter of their lives would seldom be boring.