Archive of Our Own

Chapter Text

Izuku is tired... He's just tired.

He leaned his forehead against the small window of the plane. He holds a switched-off phone in his hand (why did he even take it with him?). Eyes were red from tears, and my head was spinning <useless>.

He's a child with too much power and responsibility... And he's tired of it. But he only blames himself for this.

—< If only I were better; if only I were smarter; if I were more capable; if only I were more useful >— This was going through the boy's head as he looked at his phone. He barely restrains himself from bursting into tears and throwing away the phone, freaking out.

How did he even end up in this position? On the plane, heading to Otheon. Let's do everything in order:

POV Izuku Midoriya

— Are you sure you're okay Izuku? — Todoroki asked worriedly.

— Exactly Shouchan! Exactly! — I answered through clenched teeth as Todoroki tended to my wounds. Unsuccessful training. Kacchan was angrier than usual today...

Aizawa-sensei was very angry with him and all because I was too weak to defend myself

— Maybe you'll go see Recovery Girl after all? — Shouto suggests with a hint of hope.

— It's not worth it — "I'm not worth it" I wanted to say, looking at the burns on the hand that Shouto was bandaging.

Shouto was obviously unhappy with this answer, but remained silent as he finished bandaging my arm.

— I finished! — Shouto announced solemnly.

Todoroki has good experience in treating wounds, especially burns, and this knowledge makes me sad because, unlike the others, I know where he got this experience from.

But I have no less of this experience.

— Thank you Shouchan! But you really didn't have to do that... —

— Nonsense. I like helping you! — Shouto gives him that rare smile that I sometimes think was meant only for me. Like I deserve it.

Such a pleasant warmth spread through my chest that I couldn’t hold back my own smile, and I didn’t even try. I hugged my best friend and he immediately hugged me back.

— I like your hugs... — Shouto whispered in bliss.

It's an awkward compliment in Todoroki Shouto's style, but it's enough to bring tears to my eyes.

— Did I say something wrong? Sorry, I didn't mean to... — Shouto panicked when he heard my sobs.

— No, everything is fine! You know I'm just a crybaby — I tried to laugh it off, wiping my eyes.

— You're not a crybaby, you're just very emotional. — Shouto said as if he was stating a fact.

God, I don't deserve a friend like that

I don't deserve anything at all

.

..

...

I was walking back to class from lunch with All Might (I know we're close enough to call each other by our first names, but I can't help it) in a great mood. He told me that he was planning to take my mom out on a date today! But he is very nervous, so he asked me for advice so that he could please her the most.

They confided in me about their relationship relatively recently, worried or even afraid that I might react negatively, but of course that was not the case! I was happy for them! My two most beloved and closest people are now together! How can you treat this badly?

Mom is finally happy.

She could have been happy from the very beginning if it weren't for me

Walking down the corridor, I barely noticed a small group of students discussing something indignantly.

Unfortunately, I not only replaced them, but also heard them.

— "Deku" means "useless", right? What a ridiculous name for a hero — Said one of the guys with gray hair.

— It suits him perfectly though. — Another guy with red, half-shaved hair grinned.

— He's nothing more than just an upstart. — A girl with long blue hair has already picked up.

—< Upstart? But this is not true! >— I thought, standing behind the wall, behind which I hid out of habit.

— Thinks that if he has a powerful quirk, then he is the main star here! — The red-haired one immediately said in response.

— Exactly! He can’t even control her normally! — Gray is indignant.

— Why is he even still here? — Suddenly another girl with white hair, who until that moment had just stood silently, asked. You can clearly hear the irritation and sincere misunderstanding in her voice.

— But exactly! Their homeroom teacher is Aizawa, right? He is known for eliminating anyone he thinks is worthless. And he is obviously the most useless there! — I remembered the gray-haired one.

— Maybe he got paid? — The blue-haired one suggested.

— It's unlikely that you saw him at all? I don't think he has money for bribes — The green-haired one answered.

— Who said they were paid in money? — Red asked with a mischievous grin.

— Do you think he's so worthless that he earned his place through bed? — Gray picked up the excitement.

—< It is not true! >— My eyes burned with unshed tears.

— How else can this be explained? — Red answered.

I can't listen to this anymore!

I abruptly left my hiding place and ran to class, stubbornly ignoring the indignation and stunned looks of those guys who insulted me a second ago. When I reached the classroom, I was already openly crying.

It was so disappointing. I achieved everything through honest work! I've earned my place at UA! I-

—< Did I deserve it? >— It sounded sharp in my head.

And then I realized that this is not so true...

I would never have entered here if All Might hadn’t given me a quirk... I’m here only because I got One for All... I haven't achieved anything on my own... I shouldn't even be here... I'm just a useless Deku

— Midoriya? — Aizawa-sensei's worried voice was heard — Kid, what happened? —

— Sensei I-I... — I don't know what to answer. There is no point in telling the truth; he won’t believe it anyway. Nobody believed, so why should he?. And if he believes it, then in the end it will be me who is to blame.

— Sorry sensei, I just remembered something sad... —

— What was it? —

— I do not want to talk about it... — Just leave me alone, I know you don't really care.

— Okay, I won't push — Aizawa-sensei continued to look at me with concern before heading into the classroom, finally saying — But if anything, you can always talk to me —

I smiled slightly at the teacher.

All this time I was only thinking about what happened today. The awareness of one’s own worthlessness fell like stones on one’s head: sharply and painfully.

I was so absorbed in my own thoughts that I didn't pay attention to anything. Even when I was scolded in class for not listening or paying attention, I was in my own thoughts (how ironic).

Returning to the dormitory, nothing had changed, and this was my mistake.

— DON'T IGNORE ME, YOU DAMN DEKU! — Kacchan's scream was probably heard from the street, thereby attracting everyone's attention. From his hands he released small, but no less terrifying explosions.

I was scared. I... I was just scared...

The next second, Kacchan was lying on the floor with his eyes wide open in shock. He held his hand on his cheek.

My arm felt strangely sore.

It took me a few seconds to realize what had happened.

Realizing what I had done, I couldn’t think of anything better than to just run to my room.

.

..

...

I don’t remember how long I’ve been sitting here; several days passed in a blur. I only remember fragments of the voices of people who came to me.

— Midoriya, open the door, please! —

— Deku please talk to us —

— Midoriya, open the door, please. I promise I won't scold you —

— Izuku, my boy! Please, talk to me! —

 — Izu... Honey, please... —

I'm an idiot. I ruined everything.

I ruined my friends' day; I ruined Mom and All Might's date; I ruined everything.

I wonder if I just disappear... will everyone be better off? Would people remember me? I hope no. What stupid questions. I don't deserve to be remembered. It is obvious that without me it will be much better, simpler, calmer. I'm just a burden that prevents everyone from living in peace.

If only I could just disappear like I never existed... Just disappear...

Disappear.

But...