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We are all sinners in the eyes of the Lord, no matter whether we were given the choice to sin or were forcefully dragged into the depths of it. There are those among us who willingly stepped into the shadows in which He cannot see, and those of us who were pulled from his light, denied the kingdom of heaven against our will. The night of my embrace that choice was stolen from me, though I am unsure I ever would have been given the luxury. In service to my liege, I had already walked a thin line between God's grace and eternal damnation, and had she asked I would have followed her into the depths of the abyss.
I am less upset that the choice was made for me than I am that it was taken away from my liege. It was never my decision in the first place, rather it was hers to make for me. My life was hers, after all, and she would do with it whatever she desired. In truth, I blame myself as much as I blame my sire. Had I fought harder it is possible I would have escaped with my life, instead of having it forfeited from me. I could have spared my liege the heartache and pain that came with my embrace.
Lord Tulio had sent me on an errand that night, one that the nature of eludes me after all these years. I believe it may have been to deliver a missive to an ally of his, though it truly does not matter any longer. Once my duty was done I was approached by Lady Annalyse and a pair of her guards. She approached me with news that Lady Thalia had sent for me and she needed me to come with her immediately, but I had been sent on my way by my Lord, not my Lady. My resistance was not met lightly, as her guards were ordered to seize me by force if necessary, to which I fought back to the best extent I could. It was when Annalyse herself stepped in that I well and truly lost. Whispering a plea for my Lord to forgive my failure, I slipped into unconsciousness.
It was some time later I awoke, in horrific, burning agony. My body felt as if it were not mine, and my mind was clouded. Every inch of my skin felt as if it had been touched with hot irons, and as I looked at my hands I saw the scars that had adorned them though my battles for my liege beginning to fade. Within my body I felt a deep hunger, as if I had not properly eaten in a near month. Little was explained to me that first night as I lay agonizing on a singular blanket on the floor. Knowledge of what had been done to me and what was happening to me would only come later.
I would like to say that the ordeal became easier to bear over time, but it truly did not. For the first time in an extremely long time I was separated from my Lord and Lady, with each time I asked for them being met with further and further retribution. As each day passed I felt more and more of myself slipping away into the mold that had been made for me by my abductor. Each change that came to me was accompanied by that same burning pain I felt that first night. The horror I felt was indescribable, gazing at my hands on occasion, watching years of scars and old wounds fade. There came a time where I no longer recognized myself, and at that time I wept.
Lady Annalyse, my sire as she called herself, kept me out of the public eye during this period of "transformation" as she called it. Then it was a period of teaching, and so on it went for three years. An extended amount of time where the only other beings I saw were my sire's servants, her and the occasional Toreador visitor. She showed me off to them, often in demeaning ways. I was not referred to by name, but as her pet. Early on I often tried to escape, when the pain was not as horrid. I never got far, always brought back by her guards or caught by my sire herself. I desired to see my liege, the reason I had lived and breathed. At first the question was dodged, then it was beaten out of me.
After the worst attempts to return to Thalia, Annalyse forced me to drink from her. It was nothing like when Tulio requested it, the taste was bitter in my mouth but it affected me in a way. Over time my sire chipped away at the strength I held in hopes of reuniting with my liege. I became compliant and eventually gave in to the despair I felt. I was no longer Phillip, knight to Lord Tulio and Lady Thalia. In truth, I felt as if I no longer was anyone, I simply lived on because my sire commanded it. I had finally become the plaything she envisioned me as, and I was powerless to do anything against her.
One night, everything I had known for the past three years had changed. Lady Annalyse dressed me up in clothing I would not have dare chosen for myself ever before. It was a frilly blouse adorned with roses and a long, matching skirt, far more feminine attire than I would have ever dreamed of wearing. The embrace had changed me drastically, as I would have been quite out of place wearing anything like these before. When I asked her about the occasion, she simply said "We will be going out tonight. You may even see your precious Thalia while we are there." While I desired deeply to be reunited with my liege, I knew there was more to her plans. My mind dreaded to be seen in such a way, but there was no refusing Annalyse.
I was quite uncomfortable with the attire I wore that night, though my opinions remained unvoiced. It was at this time that I had learned not to question Annalyse, for fear of retaliation or punishment. She however appeared quite satisfied as I rode alongside her in her carriage, silent while listening to her explain where we were going at last. "This is the night of your debut, my childe. All of our preparation has led to this night, where your transformation into a proper Toreador will be displayed for all to see. Tonight is the night you enter kindred society properly, at my side, my pet."
My blood boiled at the words spoken less to me but more at me. I knew Annalyse would never treat me in the way my liege did, to this Toreador I would only be something to show off, to gawk and laugh at. I had opened my mouth to protest, but the chilling gaze Annalyse set upon me numbed my emotions and I lost my voice before I could even speak. The rest of the ride to the Elysium my head hung in shame and sorrow, horrified for my Lord or Lady to see me in such a way, if they even recognize me anymore.
The Elysium took place at an extravagant manor, which I would later learn was the home of the Prince. The main event was held in his ballroom, but even before we stepped inside there were eyes upon us. Lady Annalyse had imparted upon me that my presentation must be perfect so I could not avoid their stares. I could only watch as many of the other kindred whispered amongst themselves. Some expressions were of laughter, some of curiosity at my form… and a few were of abject horror. Some of those faces I recognized from my duties for my liege, and they recognized me. Most of those stared only for a moment before leaving the scene, departing to somewhere my eyes could not follow.
I was humiliated and horrified, yet Lady Annalyse kept me by her side. Whenever she wasn't busy socializing, she would criticize my conduct. I didn't say a word the entire evening, I had no reason to. To so many of Lady Annalyse's companions I was not one of their equals, I was beneath them. It would not matter if I had anything to say to them, my words would land upon deaf ears. I estimate it was nearly an hour later that my humiliation reached its peak with one final arrival to the event.
When my tired, sore eyes glanced back at the pair making an entrance I would say my heart stopped then and there, but in truth my heart had been stopped for 3 years at this point. The sight before me was unmistakable, I would have recognized her anywhere. A set of beautiful brown eyes staring up at her sire, contrasting perfectly against her tan skin and ringlet black curls. Adorned in an amber gown, carrying herself with elegance and poise, it was none other than Lady Thalia, my lady, my liege, my love. Lady Annalyse saw her at the exact moment I did, I fear, as she took one of my hands in hers and a wicked grin set upon her face. “Not yet, pet. Soon I will reunite you with your beloved Lasombra wench. But not quite yet.” My teeth clenched and a rage I had never felt before settled over me as my sire led me into the ballroom proper, forcing down my erratic emotions with her overwhelming presence.
I wouldn’t have to wait long for the reunion I had so desired early on in my imprisonment, as soon into the night Lady Annalyse guided me past many of the prying eyes and into the yard behind the haven. I remember feeling certain dread overcome me as I heard the sweet, ethereal voice of Lady Thalia from beyond the doorway. Motioning for me to stand where I was, I watched in silence as Lady Annalyse disappeared behind the doorway, stepping into the yard where my liege and her sire socialized with many of the other kindred present at the event. “Thalia, darling, I am so glad to see you made it tonight! It simply wouldn’t do, having you miss the most important event of the year, hm?”
Lady Thalia’s voice was a calm, consistent tone that soothed me as I heard her speak, despite the trap she was walking into. I begged my feet to move, my arms to reach out, my voice to call out to my liege, to warn her of Lady Annalyse’s trickery, but I could not. My will had been broken long ago, and I could not disobey my sire, even for the kindred that I loved. “And a lovely event it is this year, Prince Ferdinand has truly outdone himself by putting together this ball for the presentation of the new childer. Speaking of, didn’t you mention you were presenting one of your own this year? Wherever is the poor Toreador that has to have you for a sire?”
A sharp laugh came from my sire as Thalia's sire clicked his tongue disapprovingly at his childe’s words. I heard shuffling and footsteps from the patio as Lady Annalyse cleared her throat. "Well, if you are sooooo curious, then perhaps I could introduce you. I was going to wait until the event started in earnest but I suppose I can make an exception. Step on out, my pet!" At the bidding of my sire, I swallowed my pride and walked through the doorway, taking in the sight around me. There were many kindred in the yard, many of whom were paying me no mind. By my recollection there were ten in all, but I was focused on a single figure.
My lady was just as I remembered her, but somehow even more radiant. Her hair hung low on her back, framing her face and body perfectly. The dark black curls were immaculate as ever, not a hair out of place. Her amber gown was shaped perfectly for her, highlighting her most favorable features quite well. She almost glowed under the moonlight, and at least to me she was the fairest of all the kindred there. I caught a glimpse of her deep brown eyes as she turned to look at me, recognition not yet reaching her. I admit I was caught in the moment and nothing else mattered to me. Upon me was the coldest gaze my liege had ever given me, and all I could do was stare back in awe of her.
My sire was clearly unamused, as she clapped her hands together and turned towards me. “Come now Phillip, that is no way to act in polite company. Greet Lady Thalia properly, now.” I heard the words coming from Lady Annalyse, but no matter what my mind wished, I could not help continuing to watch Lady Thalia from my place right beyond the entrance. It seemed that Lady Thalia could not help staring back either, her eyes narrowed as my sire spoke until an expression of abject horror replaced her polite but ever so fake smile.
What happened next occurred so quickly that even to this day I hardly comprehend it. Lady Annalyse’s face had illuminated with joy at the realization that my liege was having, as she stepped over and placed a hand on my shoulder. As she began to speak again, she was cut off by Lady Thalia, who was shaking off the hand her sire had placed on her shoulder moments before. “I see now why you were so insistent on my appearance here.” Striding across the lawn with grace and beauty, Lady Thalia’s eyes were set upon Lady Annalyse. Mine were still captivated by my liege, watching her reach Lady Annalyse in one final quick motion. “You were the one who stole my ghoul from me, three years ago! Well, much like you took my heart from me, perhaps I should return the favor.”
Her voice was barely more than a hiss as before Lady Annalyse could react Lady Thalia reached out, ripping through her gown and into my sire’s chest, directly into her heart. Blood splattered both Lady Thalia and myself as my sire was irreparably wounded, trying in vain to fight off the Lasombra seeking her final death in a frenzy. Kindred watching from the sidelines tried to pull away Lady Thalia or ran away in fear, but I was transfixed on the sight. It took only moments more for Lady Annalyse to be no more, and as she crumpled away to dust, the joy and adoration I was experiencing towards Lady Thalia gave way to pain, indescribable pain. I felt my body collapse under me, though I did not understand why. Much of those next few moments passed in a haze, but at one point I realized I was crying despite Lady Annalyse having mistreated me all those years.
Though I was staring straight ahead, I saw nothing. I was unable to focus, time felt as if it were going at a crawl. I heard footsteps approach, one from the yard and one from inside the manor. A voice I only faintly registered as Lady Thalia’s cleared her throat and speaks with calm precision. “I do apologize for the mess and the display, I think it would be best if I take that which is properly mine and exit before any further disruptions are made.” As she spoke the man who emerged from the yard, her sire, knelt before me and seemed to speak, though I was too lost to understand what it was he said. A moment’s pause passed before the tall Lasombra gentleman took me in his arms, lifting me up and over his shoulder. My eyes remained glued to the torn and bloodied dress gown, crumpled to the floor after my sire’s death until we passed through the door and it was shut behind us.
What I only assume were hours passed uneventfully, as I was sitting in an empty bedroom on my own. My mind was muddled and I still kept weeping inaudibly, though my confusion persisted. The tears had long since dried, red stains trailing down my face and onto the clothing chosen for my introduction as a member of clan Toreador. I was curled into myself, arms around my knees when Lady Thalia’s sire entered the room, voice soft and somber. “We’ll be leaving now. Can you walk, Phillip?” Thinking clearly for the first time in hours, I nodded and followed in silence. I sat next to Lady Thalia on the carriage ride back, neither of us able to look the other in the eye.
It was when we were finally back at Lady Thalia’s estate that she first spoke to me. I had escorted her to her room, and with a bow I began to turn to leave for the servant’s quarters. I felt her hand grasp mine from behind, and as I turned I noticed the sad expression on her lovely face. “Don’t leave me, my knight. I couldn’t bear to lose you again. Indulge my selfish desires and stay the day with me.”
I turned to fully face her, my hand shaking as I lifted it to cradle her cheek. “By your command, my dear Lady Thalia.” The first smile I had seen from her all night was the most dazzling sight as she led me away to spend the first of many days in the arms of the kindred I loved most of all.