Chapter Text
It was loud, so loud.
Squall couldn't think. He couldn't breath.
Why did he come? Why was he here? Because he was commander. Because he had to be here to represent SeeD.
The music was so loud, vibrating in his chest. Normally it didn't bother him. But it was happening for so long, too loud and too much.
And the place- It was packed. So many people, bumping into him, talking over his own thoughts. He hated parties, he hated people, he hated the shouting, and the singing, and.
Where was Rinoa? She said she was going to go find Selphie and she'd be back. She wasn't supposed to be gone this long.
No, he had told her to stay with Selphie. Have some fun and go party.
Why had he told her to stay? He needed her. She helped ground him. He could focus on her voice or hold onto her arm. And now she wasn't here.
When did he become so independent? He shouldn't be so dependent. Or weird. Or be affected by the loud music.
But no, instead he was standing in the corner. In the middle of all the music, and the noise, and the panic, and the-
"Hey Squall!" Irvine said as he walked over. "Rinoa sent me to come check on you."
Squall nodded. He didn't trust his own voice.
What if it came out shaky?
What if he sounded small?
"Alright, you wanna go get drinks with me?" Irvine asked, Squall shook his head. "Fair, the punch doesn't taste too great anyhow. . . You sure you alright?"
Rinoa always said he should be more open to his friends.
Squall nodded.
"Alright, you say so," Irvine said, although he didn't look so impressed.
Stupid Squall, he should have told him.
But then he'd be weak. Because he'd have to admit that the sound bothered him. And that the vibrations were too much. And he was about to throw up. And he-
"So, there a reason you're hiding in the corner?" Irvine asked, pointing in some direction. "Rinoa's over there. I'm sure she wouldn't mind you joining her and Selphie."
Squall shook his head again.
He didn't want to ruin Rinoa's time. Sure, she probably wouldn't mind having him. But he didn't want to invite himself when there was no invention.
Suddenly there was a cheer among the crowd. Squall's hands went straight to his ears. Something must have happened or been said to cause. Squall couldn't make out words, only that they were loud. And there were so many people. And they all wouldn't shut up-
"Squall?" Irvine asked, gently putting his hand on Squall's shoulder. "How about we go outside and take a breather? It's getting pretty loud in here, ain't it?"
Squall almost wanted to whine in response. Yes, it was getting loud in here. He's been waiting for someone to notice.
He'd love to leave if he could. It'd be quieter outside. It'd smell cleaner. His head wouldn't be throbbing, and he wouldn't be hunched in some corner.
But Rinoa was here, and he couldn't abandon her.
"'Noa," Squall said weakly.
"I'm sure Rinoa wouldn't mind if we hung outside for a while. I'll even text her to let her know where we are," Irvine smiled. Squall tried to decipher it. It didn't look forced. Almost comforting, gentle even. "It's nice and quiet outside. Would you like to take a walk with me?"
Squall nodded. He'd do almost anything to get out of this stuffy room.
But it was truly a horror getting outside, for both men at that.
They kept on running into random people, bumping into some and trying to dodge others. Squall would panic and hide in Irvine's shoulder. Gripping onto Irvine's coat for dear life.
Irvine would apologize and keep on movie, trying to comfort Squall as they walked. He didn't expect Squall to cling to his coat the entire time, but he did. Like a small child trying not to get separated from their parent.
They also had to walk past the speakers.
Maybe Irvine should have taken a different path. He didn't realize they were close to the door. Squall didn't look mad at him as they walked past the booming music. But Irvine swears he could almost hear a choked sob come from him.
Perhaps that was why Squall was looking at the ground, hiding his face from the sharpshooter.
It was cold when they walked outside. Although that worked in their favor. No one wanted to stand in the cold, so there was barely anyone outside.
The further they walked, the further they could hear the music. Irvine didn't want to lead him into the town, so he made sure to stay in the Garden. Although even at the entrance they could hear the music inside.
"See? Nice and quiet," Irvine said as he sat Squall on the steps. "You alright there, Darlin'?"
Squall nodded, quickly wipping his eyes. He felt better now that he wasn't in the middle of the chaos.
It was calm outside. Yes, the music could be heard, but it was background noise.
He felt light, dizzy almost. He didn't want to throw up anymore. But his hands felt shaky, and his knees felt weak. He was glad he was sitting.
"Well I'm glad," Irvine sat beside him. "Gave me quite the scare, I won't lie. But it's all good now. Didn't know parties did that to ya'."
Squall shook his head, "Not parties."
"Not parties?" Irvine asked, laying down slightly so he was resting upon the stairs. Squall was happy he didn't question how quiet or high pitched his voice was. "Then what?"
"Loud," Squall mumbled, hugging himself.
"Oh," Irvine frowned.
And Squall wanted to cry all over again.
Squall squeezed himself tightly, not wanting any more tears to fall. It felt silly, crying over something stupid like noise. Or people. Obviously Irvine could see how stupid it was. How silly Squall was being.
Irvine took off his hat, setting it beside him, "Well that's no fun. Would have gotten you out of there sooner if I knew you were getting upset."
"Huh?" Squall looked confused.
Gotten him out of there? But Squall was being silly. He was overreacting again.
But then Irvine smiled at him.
And it was that same damn smile from earlier.
"I wished you had gotten one of us earlier, or taken a break out here," Irvine said gently. Squall noticed he was watching his tone. Making sure he sounded gentle, not angry or upset at him. "You were clearly in pain. And that's no fun."
Squall wanted to agree. It wasn't fun being here. He wanted to go to his room and cover himself in his blankets. Cuddle with Angelo who was probably asleep by now.
But he had overreacted. He made a scene that Irvine noticed only got bigger. He should still be in there. Probably hanging out with Rinoa and Selphie. Or Zell and Quitis. Hell maybe even Seifer.
"It's silly," Squall frowned.
"I don't think it's silly. I think you tried pushing yourself past your limit," Irvine put his hand on Squall's shoulder. Squall focus on the pressure. "Loud noises can be scary, or even painful. You didn't look too good in there. You looked scared, and in pain."
"But I ov-over-overre-" Squall struggled. Words were so hard, and they weren't getting any easier. He huffed angrily and buried his face into his hands. "Silly!"
"I don't think your overreacting. I think you need to take some deep breaths and calm down," Irvine began to rub his back. "You'll feel better when you focus more on your breathing."
Squall shook his head, wiping his face again.
There was no need to cry anymore. He was out of the party by now, the noise was gone. His head still hurt, and his chest felt heavy, but he was out of there.
Plus he was outside, he was already breathing. Irvine was talking silly.
"You wanna breath with me?"
Such a stupid question.
And yet Squall nodded.