Chapter Text
You knew KARKAT VANTAS because he was the rowdy kid in first grade.
He was all rough touches and snipping words and saying things like “nooksucker” and you thought it was a bad word, the teachers gasped at it, and you suddenly wanted to know more. You were JOHNATHAN EGBURT and you were a wide-eyed blue-eyed angel and you knew it, because all you wanted to do was make people smile. Karkat never smiled, and that sort of made you sad, but you knew that two people couldn’t be sad at the same time!
Karkat never played with people on the playground, and instead always sat by himself up against the school building near the monkey-bars that people never used. (They were old, and the other ones were so much higher and new-er and shiny! the others were dinky, but you still thought they were pretty okay.)
One day you decided to see what he did over there, because you wanted to see Karkat smile.
“What’cha doin’?”
He didn’t even answer you at first, and you thought maybe he hadn’t heard you. So you leaned over and cupped your hands over your mouth, like you were holding a meg-a-phone, and yelled “KAAAAAARRRR-” and you only got that before you stopped, because he scrunched up so small at your voice that he looked like a rollie-pollie, but you didn’t want to poke this one with your finger.
So you instead touched his shoulder because he looked more sad then usual, and you tried not to be sad for him because two people just can’t be sad!
But once you did he’s snapping up at you with these wide- wide eyes and, wow, you never knew he had such gray eyes, but it just makes you sad because he looks so sad and you just can’t understand why he’s doing that.
“Get away from me, stinkbutt,” he says, and he swats your hand away. “Go back to you stupid friends or something.”
“But I want to be friends with you too! Look, my name is Joh--”
“Yeah yeah, John, okay. Now buzz off.”
And then your name was JOHN EGBERT because you liked how it sounded rolling off his tongue, and it was only one syllable, and was soooooo easier than three!
You knew KARKAT VANTAS because he was the smartass in fifth grade.
Well, maybe not so much of a smartass, but a kid with anger problems and a sharp tongue. It didn’t take much to set him off, and it didn’t take you or anyone else very long to figure it out. I mean, if you so much as looked at him funny he’d be throwing a slew of derogatory words at you!
It was bad, but you laughed with the class at him. You know that you shouldn’t have, but it was sort of funny. And you went with the crowd -- that was how you got your friends. Part of you was worried that, if you stood up and defended him, you’d be shunned.
Ha ha. But not really, right? They were your friends.
But the thought didn’t quite go away, so you never quite defended him in plain sight. You did, however, try and advert their attention when they started going off on him. Sometimes it worked, sometimes it didn’t, and sometimes it just plane backfired. But it was the thought that counted, right?
He’d always interested you, for some reason. Maybe it was just morbid curiosity, or maybe you really did want to be his friend, but you just wanted to learn exactly what was going on behind those gray eyes of his. It was sort of hard to get a moment alone with him, though. Sure, he was a loner, but you weren’t. There were always people wanting to speak with you where ever you went -- especially on the playground.
But the funny thing was, you never saw where Karkat Vantas went at lunch. Once he finished his meal, he’d go outside and disappear!
So one day you followed him. You waited until he was done, and you carefully left your group of friends and followed Karkat out the cafeteria door, a good distance behind him so you wouldn’t be noticed. You were determined to find out where he had been hiding.
As it turned out, he had crept along the side of the school and slipped through the gate that separates the back playground to one of the outside hallways; he’d been perching himself on one of the benches there, completely unnoticed!
The thing was, when you tried to follow through the gate, your hoodie had gotten stuck on a stray wire, and you’d ended up squealing away your position out of shock, and Karkat’s eyes had darted to you so quickly you thought he looked like a deer in the headlights!
“Wait!” you’d quickly said, fidgeting as you’d tried to get yourself free. “I - aghh! - I just want to talk to you and - come on gate! - just don’t run away!”
So getting yourself free wasn’t exactly the easiest task in the world, because you weren’t able to twist yourself around enough to see where exactly you were hooked, so it was hard to get unhooked! Honestly, you probably looked really retarded, squirming around in your cloths as you tried to get away.
Evidence of that was when Karkat Vantas actually laughed!
“Ahah, wow, you look like such a freaking idiot right now, it’s amazing that you ever even learned to walk with your pre-elementary skills!”
Karkat was still laughing, and you’d stopped squirming just so you could watch him. Karkat looked very different when he wasn’t scowling. You’d always wondered what a smile would look like on him and now that you’d seen, you thought he should wear more of them!
But then you remembered that you were stuck, so you continued to try and free yourself, since it was starting to get just a little bit embarrassing.
“Uh, haha, yeah. I can get out of this! Just - rrggh - give me a second...”
It would have probably taken your more than a second, to be honest, but Karkat was already walking towards you.
“Shut up, you’d probably be flopping around like that all day if I wasn’t here. Now stop moving so I can see what I’m doing. I don’t need you standing there like a beacon for all the teachers to see, because then we’d both get in trouble for camping out down here during recess.”
He was probably right, and you knew that. So you settled down and let him move around you. There wasn’t really much room on either side of you, so he’d had to look over your shoulder -- and reach around both sides of your neck in order to find the caught fabric.
Karkat Vantas unmistakably smelt like christmas.
It was something that was between burnt leaves and cinnamon, and it was probably a really weird thing for you to notice in the first place. But when you were free, your first impulse was to move forward--
Which ended up having you slam forehead first into Karkat’s face, and the both of you tumbling onto the ground, with you landing right on Karkat’s arm.
You honestly didn’t think you were that heavy, but when Karkat winced, you backed up off of him so quickly even you were amazed at the speed!
Straddling him from the waist, you watched as he grasped his arm with his other hand and closed his eyes, , growling out something that sounded like a ‘god damn it,’ but you couldn’t really be sure and it wasn’t like you were going to ask.
“Oh my gosh! Hey, are you okay? Man I am such a klutz sometimes...”
You really were concerned. You didn’t want to be the reason that Karkat was making that type of face.
The way he was laying there, part of his jacket had slid off, and was exposing part of his shoulder -- and Karkat had pushed it further off to grip the upper part of his arm where you’d sort of fallen on him. You probably wouldn’t have noticed it otherwise, but you could see prickles of gray dotted with shades of blue, and you knew bruises didn’t form that fast.
Did they?
“Shut up I’m fine, just, get off of me already!”
Which you did, because you were in no hurry to argue with him for one, and two, he was hurt and it was possibly because of you.
“But, that bruise! It’s because of me, isn’t it? Oh man, I didn’t think I’d fallen on you that hard but-”
“Shut up,” you remember him snarling at you as he sat up. His charcoal gray eyes were back on yours, but this time they weren’t laughing. They were cold and like stone, and they sort of felt heavy on you. It was weird how he did that -- being able to hold so much power in just his gaze. “They weren’t from you. Now be quiet before you embarrass yourself further, if that’s even possible at this point.”
“But they had to be from me!” You’d shot back, fully convinced that you had hurt him. “Because that’s where I fell on you, and you’re just trying to be nice and I paid you back by hurting you and oh my god I am such a horrible person, how could I do something like that-”
“Okay, time out for the idiot. The idiot gets a time out and shuts the hell up for a second. And yes. That would be you I’m talking about. You, are the ever-loving retarded idiot.”
So you did. You actually shut your mouth and sat there on the ground like you were a toddler, eyes angled at the ground because you were afraid to meet his eyes again. The last thing you wanted was for him to be mad at you, yet it seems like you had only been messing up since you’d found him, and you really, really didn’t think everything would play out like this.
“Thank you.” You watched as he sighed, re-covered his arms in his jacket, and softened his gaze just a little bit. Or you think, because suddenly it didn’t feel like a ton of weights were pressing down on your chest when he stared at you. “No, the marks aren’t from you. They’re from when I slammed my arm against a wall while trying to get through here the first time. Now can we not talk about that, and focus on what the hell you are doing over here in the first place?”
And you’d just laughed, because what else were you going to do?
Karkat Vantas made you a little bit nervous, and put you a little bit out of sorts.
You know Karkat Vantas because he goes to your high school, and because of the crowd he hangs around.
You don’t cross paths very often, since you hang around different groups.
Well that’s a lie. You cross paths quite a lot now, since your friends like people in his group. Sort of. The four of you, Dave, Rose, Jade and yourself, often hang around with his group, Sollux, Terezi, Vriska, and of course Karkat himself.
Occasionally Kanaya would come and hang with just your group, though. But that was just for Rose, since they had a...thing, going on. Not even going to try and explain that one, because there was no explaining it in the first place!
And that’s where they were now, hanging out in the courtyard behind the auditorium at lunch. Dave and Terezi were sitting on top of the table at the edge, Sollux and Karkat were leaning back against the railing, Jade was standing in front of Karkat, pestering him, and Vriska was sitting across form you at the opposite end of the table Dave was on.
It was a huge convoluted thing when everyone was here, but it’s been worse. When all their mutual friends come to hang out...oh man.
“I don’t think they’re eeeeeeeever going to stop fighting. If they keep it up, they might forge a genuine kismesissitude!”
You laugh, Because Vriska’s totally right. She’s referring to Jade and Karkat, who are currently duking it out behind you while Sollux just sits there, nudging on whichever side seems to have the better argument.
Which is Jade, as usual.
Kismesissitude. The word still makes you grin, because it’s such complete nonsense! You’d learned it from Vriska herself, and it pretty much means a hate-love. Apparently it had been a phrase her and her eleven other friends thought of one night at a freshman party. There were three others, all for different types of relationships.
When you and your three friends had come and gotten close to Vriska’s group, they’d decided to prank you all by saying you had to fit into one of the four ‘quadrants’ with someone in their group, or they couldn’t stay.
Chaos ensued, naturally.
But in a way, it actually really helped! It certainly had gotten everyone acquainted with one another while they ran around like they had their heads cut off, trying to fit into a quadrant with one of the twelve.
You all thought they were serious, after all!
They’d been giving four weeks, and within those four weeks...somehow...they’d all fit in.
Dave fell into a matespritship with Terezi (which is sort of like love, except it’s not, but that’s the best way they’d explained it)
Rose had a matespritship with Kanaya,
Jade fell into an Auspisticism with Rose and Karkat, (which is sort of like...well, the best you understood it as was like, Rose was a mother trying not to get her children, Jade and Karkat, to fight,)
and you’d fallen into a matespritship with Vriska!
It had been really fun, if not a little bit weird. Using those terms was like their own little inside joke! There was another person within their group who said that, anyone who joined in with a matespritship was going to end up dating them at sometime, but you don’t entirely believe that.
You’ve never thought as Vriska as more than a friend!
Okay maybe a few times but..Rose? With Kanaya? You’re pretty sure she’s straight!
Maybe? She did have that whole tangent about ‘love is blind,’ but...
“Hey, Egderp! Are you even listening to me?”
“Haha, sorry Vriska, I just got distracted by something. But yeah, I agree, Jade and Karkat would fit great in there. They argue enough to fit it...”
Rose was currently MIA with Kanaya, again, so it’s your job to try and placate them. You have no idea where those two vanish off to sometimes, but part of you realizes that you probably don’t want to know.
So you turn around in the table and sigh, looking at the three of them. Just like it sounded, Jade’s up in Karkat’s face, and Sollux is standing there, snickering as he eggs them on.
Honestly. Couldn’t everyone get along for once?
He’s pretty sure Vriska would be laughing if she heard that one.
So you stand up and lean your arm on Jade’s shoulder, laughing a little as you turn to Sollux, who’s on the other side of Karkat diagonal from you. “So, what’s the deal this time? And what’s the score?”
“Well, it thtarted out with Jade telling Karkat that he needed to thtop being tho hard on himthelf, and thomehow evolved into an argument about if they really know one another good enough.”
“Are you kidding me.”
Yeah, you pretty much deadpanned that statement, because really? Ugh, your friends were such idiots sometimes!
“He’s not telling the whole truth!” Jade yelled, eyes still narrowed as she glared up at Karkat. “He’s accusing me of being a bad friend! Which I’m so glubbing not, thanks very much! I care for him and I just want him to be okay! But he’s just being grouchy!”
You can’t even get a word out before Karkat’s shouting a rebuttal to you as well. “Are you kidding me? I’m just being honest here about wanting her to fuck the hell off, because I don’t need her being in my fucking business all the time! And if you fucking agree with her I swear to god I will gently lower a magnificent, coruscating column of hot fuck you down that protein chute of yours, do you understand me? Personal Space people, learn it!
Jade huffs, and you just kind of stare at him, and then the bell rings and Karkat grabs his bag and storms off without another word. You swear you notice that he’s been more irritable lately, but that’s not really your call. For all you know, this is his normal level of grumpy, and you just can’t tell the different levels of normal and abnormal grumpy!
You’d kind of like to figure it out, so you wave a quick goodbye to everyone since you have next hour with him, and run off before he gets too far.
Which he doesn’t. He’s barely made it off the platform before you’re able to catch up to him, but the only acknowledgment he gives you is what you think is some sort of growl.
He’s always been like that, and you know that. Glaring at the world and everyone in it, even his friends. Even now there’s something about him that you’ve always wanted to figure out, but you’ve never been able to. Other things have always gotten in your way and distracted you.
But now, as you stand next to him, you have to smile. Because for all the years that you spent tentatively chasing him, you’ve finally got him by your side, even if you can’t understand one another. So if this isn’t your chance, then you don’t know what is.