Work Text:
Liko was surprised when she felt Dot's warm heartbeat resonate through her and skinny arms embrace her under the covers. Despite Dot's presence flooding every one of Liko's senses, she thought she had to have been dreaming. There was no way this could be real.
Yes, they were girlfriends. Dot invited Liko to her own room on the airship, and she even picked out a funny movie earlier in the day for them to watch together; though Liko thought the swearing and crude humor in it was a bit much, it made her happy to see Dot smile and she thought Dot's brazenness was endearing.
She was almost relieved that the movie was rooted enough in comedy to keep a romantic air from blooming as they sat next to each other by Dot's desk, and their Pokémon sitting with them helped keep the atmosphere light.
Despite that, seeing Dot's freckles crinkle together when she laughed, seeing her face more clearly when she flung her head back in laughter... It all made Liko want to kiss her more than ever.
She always felt a little spacey and vacant in times she wanted to take action, so having those excuses not to took a lot of weight off her shoulders.
Roy planned a curry night with a playdate to give room for Liko and Dot to have time for a "Date Night." That was kind of a bold term for some dedicated video game playing and a sleepover, but they weren't complaining. Liko got to watch Dot edit some Gurumin videos, too.
It was so hard not to watch her, she couldn't believe she got to be around someone so smart and talented.
Liko spent most of that time absentmindedly scrolling her phone and cuddling her Pokémon, stealing glances at Dot and pretending like she wasn't already staring every time she was asked for an opinion on which graphic to use or where to cut off a clip.
But now Kuwassu and Nyarote were presumably dead asleep with Hogator and Roy; the quietness of the room would be deafening if it weren't for the beautiful oppressiveness of Dot's breathing. Her warmth was sedating in its comfort, Liko felt guilty letting herself take it in.
Was she really allowed to be this close?
Liko couldn't stop remembering their earlier interactions: Dot yelling at her through the door in their fist meetings, pushing her away. Liko knew that Dot's hesitance to go outside or spend time with others wasn't personal; Dot was always reserved and spent her time inside, she was most confident speaking through veils, like costumes or screens. Liko knew any moment could feel like a huge step, and she wanted to be patient with her friend.
Her Girlfriend.
She started thinking about the way Dot confessed to her. It was so intense, it wasn't often Liko saw Dot make such big gestures with her hands and talk with such volume, unless she was really upset. Dot must feel passionately in some way, so why did Liko feel like she was committing some kind of crime by-
"Liko, are you okay?" Dot spoke quietly but it interrupted Liko's thoughts with the suddenness of a car crash. Liko realized she had barely returned the embrace. Despite her thoughts swirling around Dot at every moment, thinking of how much she loved her, she couldn't manage to put her arms around her the same way.
"Oh um, yes I'm alright!" Liko blurted out, embarrassed.
Was that a lie?
Dot loosened her hold on Liko slightly. "Oh, okay."
The silence became uncomfortable, and it was clear Dot was hoping for an elaboration; Liko attempted to comply.
"Well, I-" Liko paused. She thought she really was okay. In fact she was happier than ever to be in Dot's arms, she'd been dreaming about it for what felt like ages, and now they were girlfriends! It felt amazing, it was such a relief to feel so close to her, she just hoped she wasn't pushing boundaries too hard.
After a moment of silence, Dot pulled away gently. The rush of air that made its way between them felt ice cold under the blanket.
"Do you not want to cuddle?" Her tone felt straightforward, but it was hard for Liko to read the intent behind it.
"No! Um! I mean yes, I do, I just... This is really unlike you, I know we're girlfriends, but... I just worry you're pushing yourself too hard, you aren't usually so forward. I don't want to unfairly expect too much out of you." Liko's stomach tightened when she felt Dot's muscles tense, though just slightly as now they were barely touching. Dot stayed still as she spoke.
"I mean... I'm doing it because I want to. I invited you over here, didn't I?"
"Well, yeah, I just... I thought maybe that was just to hang out, I don't know why." Liko shuffled her feet against each other awkwardly. It was hard to shake how obvious Dot's discomfort with the situation was.
"Yeah, to hang out and, I guess to cuddle if you wanted." The hesitance in Dot's voice made Liko's heart sink a little. Of course she wanted to. She wanted to hold her girlfriend so close, and maybe even kiss her too, if Dot would let her...
In a moment, she shook her head to try and shake the thought away. She already pushed Dot so much, to go out shopping and make food together, she could see how exhausted it made Dot, the bruised-looking bags under her eyes always grew darker by the end of the day. Liko felt so lucky to spend time with her already, the last thing she'd want to do is overwhelm her.
"No?" Dot asked quietly.
"Huh?" Liko didn't understand.
Dot sat up and curled in on herself. "If you don't want to be here, you can just tell me."
Liko turned her head away when she started to feel tears well up in her eyes. She didn't want Dot to see her expression but the light from Dot's monitor left on illuminated the room just a little too well. She felt confused and sad and the lump in her throat kept her silenced.
Did Dot really not want her around?
"Listen. Sorry for inviting you. You can go if you want. Don't worry about waking anyone up, they can't hear it if you close the door slowly enough."
The pit in her stomach made it feel like Liko was being eaten alive. Hot tears started streaming down her face and onto every uncomfortable spot on her neck and behind her ears. If she was hurting Dot that badly, she wanted to give her space, but it was impossible to stop the river flowing from her eyes and her breath started to hitch audibly.
She gripped the blanket tightly and could barely get a word out until it came tumbling out like an avalanche. "I'm- I-. I'm sorry for making you do so much with me. I'm always pushing and pushing you to do things you don't want to do. You didn't want to leave your room and I dragged you out, I keep taking you places when you don't really want to go,"
"Woah, Li-" Dot could barely get a sound in.
"I'm being so selfish, I'm taking up time you could be working on Gurumin videos-" Liko paused for only half a moment.
"Liko-"
"Oh my god I'm ruining Gurumin's life. What am I DOING! Someone I look up to so much, I-" She froze. "-Oh my god,"
She seemed to catch herself in some way and nearly yelped as she continued, in such a way that Dot nearly flinched from the sudden noise. "Not that I only think of you as Gurumin!!! I didn't mean to even imply that. I just. I'm- I can't believe I-"
Dot reached out and grabbed Liko's hand, which seemed to quiet the rush of words into a few hics and sobs.
"Liko." Dot paused in case there was a last-minute addition to this impromptu confessional. "Is this why you're holding back?"
She squeezed Dot's hand and nodded, her eyes shut tight.
Letting out a huge sigh of relief, Dot shut her eyes too, gently, resting in the silence before using her other hand to brush her own hair out of her eyes.
"I'm not going to lie, yeah, it's kind of tiring and sometimes scary to go out so much. I'm doing a lot of things I'm really not used to. It's... It's a lot." Liko winced and a handful of tears released, and her shoulders dropped in a sad relief at the honesty. She was right. "But I've gotten to do so much stuff I would never do otherwise. I wouldn't have Kanuchan if I hadn't met you, and hell, who knows if I would have ever even tried curry or all kinds of other foods if it weren't for you, and Roy! That's still-" She paused and the sunset began to show behind her freckles. A hair or two fell back down from her palm and back in front of her face. "That's a really special memory to me, okay?"
Wiping her face with the back of her free hand, Liko looked up at Dot. "But you say so often how much you'd rather be at home, I-"
Dot interrupted her. "That doesn't mean I don't want to be with you. Hell, I'm home with you now, aren't I?"
Liko looked away. She didn't know what to say, she was frozen and thoughts were going through her head at a mile a minute.
"And I'm glad to be with you." Dot added.
Pulling the warmth of Dot's hand closer to her, Liko rested her head on Dot's arm, glad to be making more contact with her skin again. She tried to push away the feeling of being selfish.
"God, finally." Dot chuckled lightly and let her hair back down.
"Huh?"
"It feels like you've been trying to avoid getting close to me all day." She paused again and turned her head away slightly. "I started to worry you didn't really want to be here."
Immediately, Liko shot up. "Of course I want to be here! I'm so happy to spend time with you, and just to be near you!"
She stopped herself from going on about the hours upon hours she'd imagined scenarios of them sitting close together, just like this. Holding hands, lying in bed together, kissing, going out to see a romantic movie, maybe even having Murdock cook them a nice dinner sometime... Liko began to feel really silly and her face grew red quickly.
"So... Why are you holding back?"
"I-..." Liko wasnt sure how to justify it. It was hard to bridge the gap from her fantasies, which felt so unreasonable, to talking clearly with Dot. "Well I just don't want to- I mean, this is already a lot for you, I don't want to be selfish or push you too hard."
"Push me? I- Liko. Oh my god." Dot groaned loudly. "It's like twenty times more terrifying to have to reach out. I don't know what I'm doing!!! I don't hang out with people and I certainly don't fucking know how I'm supposed to treat a girlfriend!" She started grasping at and playing with her hair as if she could somehow pull more of her hair into a veil over her face. "I don't know if I'm doing it right and I keep waiting for you to throw me a bone, but you've been so quiet. I know I shouldn't have to make you lead me everywhere, but I'm... I'm kind of fucking lost."
Liko deflated a little. "Yeah, no um... That makes sense.." She suddenly looked like she was thinking very hard.
It was hard for Liko to process what was being said to her. Had she really been so in her head about this? How many times in just a few hours did she think she was sitting too close to Dot, talking too much, feeling she must practically be spilling every single embarrassing romantic thought? Would that really be so bad? She had been so careful, nearly obsessive in her consideration, and it backfired.
Now that her heartrate settled, it really clicked that somehow despite her desperation to be close to Dot, she gave off the impression that she didn't even want to be there.
She was sad to realize that she thought the same of Dot too, who in retrospect was clearly pushing herself out of her comfort zone the whole night; she suggested a movie, picked a multiplayer game that she thought would be easy for Liko, went out of her way to sit by her and cuddle up to her, despite her being so generally avoidant to touch.
Liko thought about how much it really must take for Dot to reach out to someone like that, for how much she complains about her mom forcing her into hugs, struggling to be around people, how much she always tries to hide away. But not with Liko.
She took in a deep breath.
"Dot... Can I kiss you?"
After receiving a quiet nod and a smile in response, Liko breathed out and leaned forward.
She felt a rush through her body when their lips touched. She felt Dot wrap her arms around her, and despite how hard it was to shake the feeling, Liko told herself she didn't need to feel guilty this time. She felt Dot's lips turn to a smile along her own as she received a kiss back.
After pulling away, Liko slumped into Dot's arms, taking in all of her warmth. Her anxiety settled, but Liko still found herself needing to repeat back that she wouldn't be here with Dot if she didn't want her here.
Dot doesn't let people into her room without reason; she invited Liko in. She nuzzled into Dot and smiled to herself.
"By the way, for the record," Dot laughed. "You didn't interrupt me; I had a lot of fun editing videos with you there. It's a lot nicer than working on them alone."
Liko looked to Dot and smiled. The tears had dried but her eyes were still a little puffy. "Really?"
"Yeah dude, of course. You should come by to hang out more often-" Liko interrupted her.
"Do you think um, that we can plan more sleepovers? Um..." She played with a strand of her hair nervously, twirling black over blue and back over again. "If you want, I mean."
"Well yeah, obviously." Dot kissed Liko on the top of her head.
"Yay!!" Liko cheered and kicked her legs excitedly. "I... I want to have a lot more sleepovers with you."
"Me too." Dot looked at her girlfriend's cute smile and it was hard to keep one from growing on her own face. "Will you cuddle me next time, too?"
"Well yeah, obviously." Liko giggled and hesitated for a moment before giving Dot another kiss. The shocked look on Dot's face cause Liko to freeze for just a moment, worried again she should expect some kind of protest.
"Aaaaah I'm sorry, was that okay?" She awaited a response with bated breath and was glad to have her racing thoughts interrupted again, this time by Dot kissing her back.
"Of course. I'm doing it because I want to."