Chapter Text
Regulus was glad to be back in Paris. It was his city, the place where he felt most alive. His apartment, which he shared with his brother, Sirius, was just like it had been when they had left for Britain, to record some new music. The new album was nearly done, they weren't quite there yet, but it was all coming together nicely. As much as he liked making music and traveling around, he liked being home the most. They apartment was heaven, compared to the hotel rooms they stayed in while on tour, no matter how luxurious they might be. It was not that their apartment was all that fancy or expensive, but it was the closest thing to home Regulus had ever had. It was the first thing Regulus and Sirius had bought after both leaving their parental house, just two years apart from one another. It was also how they got to forming their band.
The inspiration Paris brought the both of them, the need to release their emotions in a healthy way, their shared passion for music. Sirius did the vocals, Regulus played the drums and Barty, one of Regulus' oldest friends, played the guitar. Sirius also played the bass, sometimes, but his true gem was their voice, something Regulus envied. He could sing just fine, but his voice would never be as controlled and polished as Sirius'.
None of them had anticipated their band to take off to the level it had, to the point where they had just finished their first world tour, on which they worked over-thours to also put out some new music. It was a glamorous life, and Regulus couldn't dream of anything better, but it was also terribly tough. The death treats from haters or the stalking from crazy super fans weren't even the worst part. Regulus hated how the label was trying to force a direction onto them, one they did not want to go in. Regulus wanted them to stick with the art-rock, punk influences, almost performance art, but the label told them they'd do much better with pop-punk. Sirius had told them to fuck off, that they were not some cheap wanna be emo band, but that had not gone over the heads of the producers well. Barty had stormed off from the meeting angrily and Regulus had been left to soothe the label.
Regulus stepped onto the balcony, breathing in some fresh air and lighting a cigarette. He was dressed from head to toe in black, his blouse hanging loosely over his chest, his pants low waisted, his make up done. It didn't matter he had a day off, he was just giving the people what they wanted. There would always be paparazzi or a fan or two waiting outside. He knew he was hot, he knew he was sexually appealing to people, and he wasted no time exploiting that. If he really wanted some air and a moment to himself he'd retreat to the small alley next to their building, only accessible if you actually lived in the building and not visible from the outside. To others this might sound sad, but Regulus quite enjoyed it. He wouldn't give up this life for anything.
"Reg," Sirius' voice sounded from inside the house. Regulus turned to face the door of the balcony, the one leading to his room and found Sirius sitting on his bed. They had clearly just woken up from their nap, like they always did after coming back home. Sirius did less good on a lack of sleep, they needed at least a good eight hours of sleep at night, if possible even more, but with touring and flying around to studio's, that had not been happening and he had been insufferable.
"Siri!" Reg called back at him. Sirius motioned for him to come back inside and with a sigh Regulus flicked his cigarette over the edge of the balcony.
"I wanted to apologize, for yesterday," Sirius spoke. Regulus shrugged indifferently, pretending he didn't care he had to once again be the one to fix it all.
"I know how you two get, it was to be expected. It's fine, really," he lied.
"You were up all night, wandering around your room. I know it's not fine, Reg. I know you" Sirius said. They had a point, Regulus had been up all night.
"I never sleep well, you know this," Regulus argued. He was very set on not hurting his brother, not wanting to lose him again.
"You usually stay in bed." Sirius had another point.
"Yes, okay, alright. It's not fine. Is that what you want me to say? Do you want me to yell at you for fucking up our chances of keeping things the way want even more? Do you want me to tell you I have been losing sleep over all of this? Over our music, our fans, the way people treat us? Do you want me to tell you how I hate that people see you as a sexual object while I'm perfectly fine when the same people see me the same way? Do you want me to explain every single thing I hate about this life to you? Because if so, I will. I will tell you how I hate the fact I'm not sure if we can continue doing what we love. I will explain to you how I think I've lost how to love, I'll tell you all about the fucking hookups I've been having and the backlash on my gender identity, on your gender identity, on who I don't and do sleep with, all right?" Regulus ranted. Sirius just looked at him, wide eyed. This was not what they had come for. They mumbled something inaudible.
"Sorry, I didn't mean to snap at you, Siri." Regulus sighed deeply.
"I know, it's alright," Sirius hummed as Regulus sat down next to him.
"I know you also struggle, it's unfair to act like I'm the only one, we're in this together after all, and I could wish for nothing more" he said. Sirius nodded and pulled Regulus into a hug.
"I love you, my dearest brother," he sang. Regulus frowned at this, he was Sirius' only brother, not hard to be the dearest, that way. Sirius let him go after a minute or so and got up to leave the room.
"That's all," they said, but before stepping through the door, they looked around once more, "great work, by the way. I'm loving the new songs and concepts you keep pushing forward."
Sirius was the lead singer, leading many people to believe he was also the main lyricist, but nothing was less true. Regulus came up with most beats and songs, together with Barty.
༺☆༻
The next time Regulus saw Sirius was hours later. Dinner was ready and Regulus called for Sirius to come out of their room. Whenever they were at home, they took turns cooking, another thing they were both great at. It made sense, honestly, growing up their dad had been a cook and they had both been forced to learn how to cook since they were little. It was one of the very few things they liked about their childhood. Regulus was halfway scooping the food onto Sirius' plate when the front door unlocked and their neighbor and one of Regulus' dearest friends stepped inside.
"Dorcas!" he called out. There were very few people Regulus actually liked seeing, but Dorcas was definitely one of them. He put the plate he was still holding down and ran over to her to give her a big hug. They had given Dorcas the key to their apartment about a year ago, for her birthday. They figured it'd be easier than having to knock every time she wanted to stop by.
"I've missed you," he sighed.
"I've missed you too. I heard you came back this morning, but I figured Sirius would be asleep and you'd want to be alone so I waited until I smelled some of that godly cooking you guys do," Dorcas said. She let go of Regulus and walked over to Sirius to give him a hug as well.
"Hi Cas," Sirius smiled. They were less close with Dorcas, but was still very fond of her. Regulus got another plate from the cupboard and continued scooping up the food. He placed the plates on the table and handed them their cutlery.
"What are we having today?" Dorcas asked, looking down at the food on the table.
"Thai curry," Regulus said, digging his spoon in the food and taking a big bite.
"Sounds great," Dorcas smiled. If you didn't know them, it might have looked like Regulus and Dorcas were together, but nothing was less true. They were just very close friends. They had tried, to date, when they were still in school, but it led to the both of them realizing they did not swing that way. Both Sirius and Dorcas complimented him on his cooking and while they chatted away about their new music, plans for an upcoming tour and the whole drama with the label, Regulus fell quiet. He didn't finish his plate and left the table without saying a word. A sudden wave of tiredness washed over him and he curled himself up on his bed. He left his phone turned off, not in the mood to scroll through thousands of notifications of people either declaring their love to him or telling him to kill himself, so instead he took his laptop and opened Netflix. Mindlessly watching 'too hot to handle' sounded like a perfect way to spend his evening, but not before double checking if the door to his balcony is properly locked. You never knew these days, there could be someone waiting to break into his room while he was sleeping and do whatever they wanted with him.
༺☆༻
They would only be back in Paris for about a week, before flying back to London for another label meeting. Sirius had asked if it could not just be done online, over zoom, but Riddle had insisted it was imperative they did this meeting in person. Regulus was not looking forward to it, they would probably get shit for the way they behaved last meeting. The label, and especially their manager, Tom Riddle, was not to be fucked with.
Regulus spent his week in Paris well. The first full day back he spent at the zoo, dressed as incognito as possible. He liked animals and he liked the Paris zoo. It might not be the vision people have of the glamorous life of a rock star, but Regulus spent a lot of time in the zoo. Whenever they were on tour and had a free day to spare, Regulus went out to visit the local zoo, just sitting and spending his time being surrounded by the animals.
The second day, he, Sirius, Barty and Dorcas went for drinks and Regulus managed to find himself a suitable hook up, someone to temporarily fill the emptiness. He got properly fucked up and found himself in the bed of the nameless young man the next morning, his clothes scattered all around the room, some of them ripped. It was not like he didn't have enough money to just replace the clothes, but Regulus considered himself to be quite a sentimental person, so things breaking or ripping made him upset. It made him even more upset because he could not remember half the things that had happened last night, so the ripped up clothes were all for nothing. Sirius called him up angrily, telling him he had been expected at a brunch with an up and coming actor half an hour ago. Regulus didn't see why brunching with actors was in any way relevant for him, but he got dressed anyways, stealing one of the man's jumpers. He didn't ask permission for this, but he wasn't sure if the man had asked permission to rip up his perfectly fine clothes, so Regulus just hoped the man didn't value this particular jumper too much. He didn't say goodbye as he slipped out of the apartment and made his way to the subway. He ended up showing up an hour late to the brunch. Barty and Sirius gave him annoyed looks, but the actor they were brunching with didn't seem to mind. Regulus remembered she was a nepo-baby, daughter of a famous director. Their management had probably set up this brunch hoping to get a deal for a soundtrack out of it. She was pretty, blonde hair cut into a shaggy sort of mullet. Regulus had seen her in a few movies, he was sure of that, but he couldn't remember which ones.
"Regulus! I must say I'm a big fan of your work." The girl smiled.
"Thanks" Regulus murmured. He knew he was expected to say something similar back, but he wasn't feeling it. He wasn't here to make friends, he was only here because he had to. Sirius kicked him softly from under the table, grabbing his attention as subtle as possible. Regulus met his eye, Sirius raising their eyebrows, Regulus shaking his head. They both understood each other perfectly. For the rest of the brunch, Sirius made sure Regulus had to do as little talking as possible. Barty caught up on it and helped them, leading the conversation to centre around the two of them. In moments like these Regulus was glad he was 'only the drummer', people had less interest in the drummers. They wanted the lead singers. Everyone knew the lead singers. The girl, Marlene, was very sweet, but Regulus was just having a terrible day and the setting was way too formal to actually make friends and enjoy his meal.
"Did you register anything we talked about?" Sirius asked him afterwards. Regulus shook his head. His mind had been drifting all over the place, but not to the table and the conversation.
"They want you, for their next movie" Sirius said. Regulus dropped his hands and snapped his head towards his brother.
"What? But our next album!" he protested.
"We'll work something out for that, they're not filming for the next four months anyways. That is not our biggest problem," Sirius said. Regulus frowned. Could there be a bigger problem than having to delay their album? They had deadlines and an impatient label.
"Well? What is it?" he asked. Sirius took a deep breath.
"Your co-star, that's the problem," Sirius said.
"Marlene?" Sirius shook his head.
"No, the movie follows two boys growing up, discovering their sexuality and what not. The other lead is already given to Potter." Sirius spat the last few words.
"Potter? The Potter? Potter as in..." Regulus rambled.
"Yeah, Potter as in James Potter," Sirius said, his face full of disgust.
"Then I won't do it," Regulus said. Sirius and Regulus knew Potter all too well. He and Sirius used to be best friends in school. But James had betrayed him. Had hurt him beyond repair.
"This could be the next big thing though, big production, really putting us out there, your face will be everywhere, Reg!" Sirius protested. Regulus shook his head.
"I will not be doing anything with Potter."
༺☆༻
Sometimes Regulus truly questioned how he got himself winded up in these kinds of situations. Somehow Sirius had convinced him to call back the head of the casting department, to take the role. Though Sirius hated Potter, he still liked making money and making sure Regulus got the recognition he deserved. As if they were not an already popular band, by the way. But his sibling just wanted what was best for them, to prove to the world that, even after everything they went through together, they still came out on top. The Black brothers versus the world.
The idea of having to work together with Potter made Regulus sick to his stomach. He couldn't believe Sirius still wanted him to do this, to pull through, because if it were up to Regulus, they would've never seen each other ever again.
It happened when there were in school, boarding school, somewhere in Belgium, a school that was supposed to be the best of the best. Very competitive, of course, because what else could one expect from a private boarding school for rich kids. Everyone had to prove they were the best. Sirius and James hit off right away, both rebelling against the school, just normal teenage stuff. Except James was out for something bigger, apparently. He set Sirius up to get caught by the teachers in the middle of the night, in the midst of putting on a prank. Sirius got caught, causing him to get expelled and get sent back to France. Their mother being the horrible person that she was, didn't take this lightly. Sirius got grounded for over a year, getting homeschooled by a private teacher, being forced to do the housekeeping, not being allowed even the tiniest bit of privacy. His door got taken away, and when their mother found a speck of dust, it would result in a beating.
Regulus never forgave Potter, Sirius let it go eventually. Regulus had tried to confront him once, but his girlfriend at the time sent him away. Regulus got pulled out of school after summer and neither one of the siblings ever heard from Potter until he started showing up on the big screen. Big blockbusters, commercials, you name it. Never once got an apology. But maybe this could be Regulus' way to revenge.
To clear his mind, Regulus went down to the alley, in the shadows, where no one could see him. A big breath of fresh air, as fresh as it got in Paris that is, and a cigarette.
The metal gate opened and closed, Regulus looked up from his phone.
"Hey Reg, ça va?" Barty asked him. Regulus shrugged.
"Meh, long night," he said. Barty nodded knowingly.
"Same here, though I did come up with a possible new melody," he yawned. It had been over two years since Barty and Regulus had broken up, but that didn't mean Regulus didn't still shirt was halfway unbuttoned, his short hair spiked in every direction, his tongue piercing showing when he talked. Nothing bad had gone down between them, they had just found out they were better off as just friends, hooking up occasionally after a drunken night at the club. It helped they were neighbors, they could hop over to each others houses whenever they fancied, for whatever reason, whether it be sex or just a good talk between two best friends.
"Send me the demo," Regulus said. Barty nodded, taking his phone and a joint from his pocket.
"Doing it right now," he said. He typed away on his phone, then pocketed it again and popped the joint in between his lips. While he searched his pockets for a lighter, Regulus was faster, cupping his hands around the end and lighting it. Barty gave him a small nod as a thanks.
"Mmh, so, Potter, eh?" He asked. Barty knew about the history between Potter and Sirius, but he hadn't actually been there when it had happened, so he looked at things differently.
"Sirius convinced me to pull through," Regulus admitted. Barty nodded, eyebrows furrowed.
"If Sirius can forgive him, maybe you should too," he said after a moment of silence. Regulus took the joint from him and inhaled.
"Sirius doesn't know how to love himself," he said, shaking his head. The smoke formed a white cloud around them. Barty laughed at this.
"So stubborn, I love it," he said, softly hitting Regulus' arm.
"It's called self-preservation," he said, rolling his eyes, handing Barty back his joint. This is what he loved about his friendship with Barty, the fooling around while also having a serious conversation. Barty had truly showed him that everything did not have to be that dark. Made him more aware of the light in life, the little joys in a good meal, the fun in picking up random books at the bookstore, the magic in pulling out a guitar at a party and playing wonderwall. Overdone, but nonetheless, a hit every time.
"Hey, y'know what I was thinking?" Barty said. Regulus raised his eyebrows at him. "We order food, invite Dorcas and Panda over and get really, really fucked up drunk tonight."
Four hours later, the five of them were lying on the carpet of the brothers' apartment, staring up at the ceiling, giggling about a story Pandora was telling them about this terrible customer the had earlier this week at her shop. Pandora was one of Dorcas' oldest friends, they had known each other since they were babies. She owned a spiritual shop in the heart of Paris where a lot of tourist and weird locals stopped by, so she always had the best stories.
"His name was Xenophilius, for fucks sake! That sounds like a disease!" She exclaimed.
"But did you give him your number?" Barty insists.
A pause.
"Yes, he was such a beau gosse."
"Sympa!" Dorcas laughed.
Regulus smiled to himself, he loved his friends so much, though this was mainly the alcohol making him sappy. Of course, he always loved his friends, but moment like these, it always hit him right in the gut, how much he loved them, how happy he was he was still here. They made him temporarily forget all his problems, everything he had to deal with, the shit show this world was becoming. He didn't speak his mind though, he was not that kind of drunk.
༺☆༻
Regulus listened to the demo Barty had sent him. It was actually quite useful, he could work with this. He grabbed his keyboard and got to work. There was something so pure about the melody Barty had given him, he almost felt scared to ruin it with his drums, so he left them, for now. Instead he added more keyboard and wrote the most sappy lyrics he had ever written. Still, when he was done, he felt very content with his work. He texted the groupchat for a quick band meeting.
"So, what have you got for us?" Sirius asked. He was laying down on the couch in their livingroom, snacking on grapes.
"Right, so I took Barty's demo," he said, looking at Barty, "and accidentally turned into something that is very much not our usual style." It was a risk, going in a different direction. His bandmates would love it, but what about the label?
"Okay, hit us," Sirius said. Regulus hit play on his laptop and cringed at his own singing voice, but the others seemed to like it. Sirius had sat up straight and Barty put his phone down.
"A little dedication to you, Sirius," Regulus said when the song was over.
"I love it," Barty said.
"We need a little more guitar, obviously, and Sirius' voice will fit better, but I think we can work with this, no?" Regulus nodded. Sirius shook his head, which surprised Regulus.
"No, I fear you may have to sing this one, Reggie. I like the rawness in your voice with the feeling of the song," they said. Regulus bit the inside of his cheek. Sirius knew how much he disliked singing on stage, or in the studio, for that matter. Backup vocals were the limit. But it did make more sense for him to sing this song. He had written it for Sirius after all.
"I'll think about it," he said. Sirius nodded and popped another grape into their mouth.
"Should we send it to the label?" Barty asked. Regulus shook his head.
"Not yet, I want to make a few more changes. Maybe we can sing on it together, Sirius." Sirius nodded.
"Yeah we can play around with that a bit," he agreed.
"Merci," Regulus said. The song felt too personal to send to the label. They had to, eventually, but for now, Regulus wanted to cherish it as his own, keep it hidden and locked away from the world, at least until their next big tour.
"Oh, by the way, Riddle wants us to play a few smaller gigs next time when we're in London," Barty said. Regulus raised his eyebrows.
"That's in a month, we just got home from our tour," he stated. Barty shrugged.
"Don't shoot the messenger."
One month until they were back in London, and from there another three months until they were shooting the movie. He had recieved part of his script in the mail already, a whole lot of words to remember, while he also had to work on his album. Why did he let Sirius talk him into this? Sure, it could be his next big thing, or it could be the death of him, and he was not sure if he was ready to find out.