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Akito Shinonome couldn’t seem to get out of bed.
He laid there unmoving, eyes up at the ceiling as he didn't bother to swipe ginger hair out of his eyes. Honestly, he wasn’t so sure why he was acting like this— the sun leaked from his curtains and onto him, but the sunny day outside was not helping his worsening mood now. And he just woke up.
Akito’s eyes felt dry, like he had stared at a computer for hours last night. Next to him lay a blue bear Toya Aoyagi, his boyfriend, had won for him at the arcade. It was soft to the touch, and he remembered that fuzzy feeling that washed over him when he was given it.
He groggily turned his head to see its beady little eyes, until—
“Hey, Akito!” An annoyed voice shouted from behind his closed door.
“What?” He managed out with irritation. He sat upright.
“Get out of bed. It’s so late already!” Ena Shinonome yelled. “Come eat!”
Akito quieted and eventually crashed back onto his bed, sighing wearily and turning over the covers. He took the bear in his arms until after a while Ena said, “Hm. It— It’s your favorite!” She tried.
“Not hungry.” He replied monotonously.
Akito didn’t know what made him feel this way, this empty feeling— unsure of what happened yesterday, all he could grasp his mind on was the fact that he surely cried last night. In the silence of his room, of course… he couldn’t stand crying in front of anyone.
Ena huffed, but her tone softened slightly, “Fine. Just… eat when you get out of bed, okay?”
Akito didn’t respond.
“Akito?”
“I will.” Akito muttered.
Ena soon left his door, and he groaned out of exhaustion. Moments of yesterday were foggy. His body was simply lifeless, not wanting to get out.
I guess I’ve always somewhat had this feeling. He thought to himself.
He clutched the bear tighter and ruffled its hesd, staring down at it— he still remembered him and Toya, laughing happily as his boyfriend scored so many plushies from the claw machine it was unreal to Akito.
Akito’s hands went to his face, then to his pillow, and realized he’d been crying. The pillowcase was slightly damp and he could feel the remnant of tears streaking his face.
I want to just fall asleep again. Akito thought drowsily. It’s silly of me to act like this when quite literally nothing’s wrong.
His dry eyes proceeded to flutter, and he soon dozed off…
Akito Shinonome soon slowly opened his eyes to see a familiar figure entering his room with a few whispers.
“Aki?”
Akito shifted his weight on the bed and yawned momentarily before he saw Toya Aoyagi sitting next to him. His eyes widened.
“T—Toya? Why… why are you here?” He asked weakly. His brain felt foggy, hands still clammy.
“I got a call from Ena.” Toya responded worriedly as he leaned over and kissed his forehead. “She said you were… not feeling well?”
Akito made eye contact with him and quieted. “I don’t know.” He mumbled, turning over and grabbing his blue bear, setting it on his stomach. “I—I guess I’m fine.”
Toya looked at him. “You know you can tell me.”
Akito swallowed harshly and suddenly sat upright, orange hair messy and unruly, “Can you just kiss me?”
His boyfriend looked saddened, that concerned look in his eyes that said everything, how Toya simply knew that he was hurting— but he knew how Akito was. So he complied and leaned forward, taking the back of his head and pulling him closer as they kissed.
Akito tried to enjoy the moment, and… he really was, but something was making him feel distant. The ginger pulled away and his head thudded against the wall, Toya’s grey eyes locking with his. Akito tried to voice out whatever he was feeling worried about, but those words died in his throat, and the only thing that slipped out was silence. He looked away. “I don’t know.” He said simply.
Toya stared at him. “How are you feeling?”
Akito pulled more of his blanket on top of him. “Tired.”
“And are you okay?”
Akito didn’t know how to respond, feeling the tears well up in his dull green eyes— he swatted them away quickly, like it was an inconvenience. Toya pushed his hand out of the way and used his thumb to brush the tears. “I guess I’m just exhausted right now.” He mumbled, words numb as Toya’s hand trailed over to his own. “I can’t think right.”
Toya pursed his lips. “It’s fine, Akito. You can cry.”
You can cry.
At first, Akito didn’t want to. He refrained himself from it, but then it just came to him— he frantically tried to wipe his tears away and he cried about nothing, letting Toya wrap his arms around him— he wasn’t used to feeling like this. Crying around Toya had become easier, but… something inside of him seemed to just shatter into a million pieces.
And Toya took it all, silently. He hugged him tight.
Akito’s breath hitched. “Oh, Toya—“
Toya hushed him. “It’s okay.”
The ginger’s breath felt labored and unstable as he tried fixing himself. “I don’t know why I’m crying.” He murmured, pulling away from Toya’s hug.
“Does it really matter?” Toya whispered. “It’s okay, Akito.”
“Sorry…” Akito tried for a weak laugh and lowered his head.
Toya went silent until he took the blue bear and patted its head. “You still have this?”
Akito blinked. “Well… yeah. I didn’t want to throw it away, obviously.” Another thought popped into his head, “Do you still have the orange one?”
“Right next to me when I sleep.” Toya murmured. As he spoke, he inched closer to Akito until they ended up laying next to each other on the bed, looking up at his ceiling and pretended they were under starry skies. “That was a fun day, wasn’t it?”
The other boy nodded, exhaling and closing his eyes. “Yeah.”
Toya frowned. “Is it just me, or do I see a picture on your ceiling?”
“Hm? Where?” Akito opened his eyes and stared curiously.
“There.”
“I… Oh. Yeah. It’s like a smiley face with a… cat next to it.”
Toya pulled him closer, hand knowingly around his waist, his head dipping to the other side to fall into the crook of Akito’s neck. “Yeah. Do you know the constellations? I see one right now.”
Akito laughed weakly, “Sorry, I’ve been slumping in a lot of my classes. I couldn’t tell you even if I tried.”
Toya chuckled. There were no words for a long time. It was just them in the dim room, previously swimming in Akito’s own tears. Akito’s breathing slowed considerably, muscles relaxing.
Maybe he didn’t always need a reason to cry. Maybe he shouldn’t be ashamed to show strong emotions.
Toya made that possible. I mean, Akito wouldn’t have ever cried this much in front of someone even if it meant death.
“Toya.” Akito’s position sunk down, so now his face was in his boyfriend’s chest. “Are you still awake?”
The other nodded. “I won’t sleep until you do.”
“You can’t do that!”
“No… it’s okay.” Toya sighed, “I’d rather stay awake so I can remember all the memories we make.”
Akito quieted at that. His face bloomed with scarlet. “Thanks. I didn’t mean to… pull you in, or anything. Making you stay up late. But then again, I’m grateful. Just a bit ago I— I didn’t have any energy to get out.”
“Don’t apologize for anything.” Toya mumbled.
Those words slammed into Akito’s chest. It was even worse not seeing Toya’s face when he said it.
He swallowed, and fought back tears.
Good tears, this time.
“Love you, Toya.”
“Love you, too. Get some rest… it’ll be morning soon.”
Akito let himself dive into sleep once more, and Toya’s chest was oddly comfortable.
Agh. It was bright.
Akito heard his own breathing, his eyes opening to a hurtful sun. The lines of his eyes felt so dry and tired.
He remembered how much sobbing he did last night for no reason at all. At first, a wave of embarrassment and shame washed over him, and he wanted to cover his face— but he felt Toya’s arm over his torso and he eased.
Nothing to worry about when he was here.
The ginger mumbled incoherently. That woke Toya up as well.
“Aki…?”
“Goodmorning.” Akito glanced up at him tiredly.
Toya locked eyes with him groggily and his eyes widened. “You still look tired. You should keep on sleeping, Aki—“
“N—no. It’s fine.” Akito say up with a wince, just feeling the rat nest on his head. “It was just from… what happened last night.”
Toya let him go as Akito stumbled out of bed, clearly winded and disheveled. “Toya… wanna eat with me?”
His boyfriend blinked. “Ah, sure. I’m a little hungry as well.”
It was a little overwhelming, getting out— he made his way to the kitchen and opened the fridge. Akito made an oh sound.
“What is it?” Toya glanced inside.
“She saved me some.” Akito took out a bowl of leftovers with a note attached to it. It read— You and Toya can share this in the morning. I saved the best parts for you.
Those tears welled up again, and he brought them to the table. Toya smiled gently. “It's nice that she saved some.”
Akito tried to play it off with a frown, “It’s a rare occurrence. Usually she’d just eat all of it. Here, it’s really good. My favorite.”
He took chopsticks and fed Toya a piece. His grey eyes twinkled. “That’s…”
“Right?” Akito smiled, but it drooped quickly. He wasn’t used to doing that alot anymore.
As they ate silently, Akito suddenly said, “Thank you again, Toya.”
“It’s okay.” Toya shook his head. “As long as you feel better… then I’ll feel better too.”
“You don’t mind?” Akito asked.
“Aki…
I feel good just being here with you.”
Ah. Those tears came back.
This time, he was happy that they were about Toya.