Chapter Text
“Don’t walk in front of me… I may not follow
Don’t walk behind me… I may not lead
Walk beside me… just be my friend”
Albert Camus
The second day of the pilgrimage was the toughest of all. All five god members were exhausted from the very start of the day. From exhaustion, they were barely speaking despite being aware that there were cameras filming them. Yoon Kyesang would try to lighten the mood every now and then but he himself was finding it difficult to cheer the members when he too was barely holding on.
Stopping by their third rest stop, they had their lunch, Kim Taewoo calling his family during this short break. With that call, everyone's mood was lifted up again, watching Kim Taewoo interact with his adorable kids. And although Yoon Kye Sang was out of it at that time, the members understood that he was having a hard time since the very start of the day. Even when he would deny it, and pretend like everything was fine, the members still knew that this was his way of overcoming his pain. Like some sort of mental spell, he would think that if he kept rejecting his pain long enough, his body would listen to him and all his problems would go away. This was Yoon Kyesang's biggest flaw as well as his strength. The members came to accept it for what it is, understanding that each one of them is flawed as well one way or another. Son Hoyoung, for example, displays a similar attitude but instead of denying his pain, he would hide it, afraid to burden those around him. Like a headstrong idiot, he would choose to suffer alone rather than seek any help from anyone. And although the soles of his feet were killing him, exasperated with blisters and torn flesh, he would not complain to any of his members. He would even point out Yoon Kyesang’s back problem but firmly dismiss any concerns about his own well being.
Those two had always been the most problematic in GOD, Yoon Kyesang and Son Hoyoung, a match made in heaven. The other members had to tread on fine lines around those two, just to avoid an impending disaster. It is funny how the two that are most caring are also the ones that are most troublesome.
After the short break, they set off on their journey again. As usual Yoon Kyesang was trying to cheer the team by yelling phrases like, “this is doable, guys!”...“I feel like I have recharged after having lunch!”...“We can definitely do this!”.
The members would laugh at this flat denial of reality. The truth was it was hot. The air was stifling, no wind at all, just the scorching sun directly above their heads. They were sweating buckets, and their sweat was stained with fine yellow dust as were their whole bodies. At that point, all they wanted was a nice cold shower to get rid of the clinging dust and sweat.
While everyone was trying to overcome this hell with jokes and casual chat, Ahn Danny remained silent, cursing Yoon Kyesang in his head the whole time. “Why did he have to suggest such a ridiculous trip?!”...”It is only the second day and we are all falling apart already! How are we supposed to go like this for eight more days?!!” While the rest would find it in themselves to laugh and chat, Ahn Danny was just too angry to join them. He would glance at the staff and see that they were having a difficult time as well. The camera man beside him was loudly panting, definitely exhausted from walking and carrying this heavy camera on his shoulder. He felt sorry for all the staff members, who were having an even harder time than they were. And for what? The whole show is a big flop. They can't talk properly nor entertain anyone in their current states. While Danny's head was spinning with all those negative thoughts, Kim Taewoo noticed. He tried to bring him back to the fold, pestering him with questions or requests. But Danny remained relentless. He would not budge, no matter how many times Taewoo tried to engage him in any conversation.
Back in the old days or even now, Kim Taewoo acted as the hidden leader of GOD. He was the glue that bound all of them together. He understood each one of them very well and even accepted each of their dramas. In a group like GOD with lots of history and emotions, daily dramas were common occurrences. Unlike other groups, they meddled with each other's affairs. This created the feeling of a family but at the same time caused lots of resentment among them. They demanded a lot from each other, had high expectations of each other and had always seen that the interest of the group should supersede any member's own interest…They were very conservative in a sense, very traditionalist. Everything started and ended with GOD, creating their very own GOD utopia, just for the five of them and rejecting any foreign individuals, ideas or lifestyles. In that closed off space, Taewoo being the youngest, sought to clear the air between the members. Virtue as well of being the father among them, he had the capacity to understand and handle all the members. Instead of drowning in his own emotions like the rest did, he would calmly address their problems.
However, there were times when he too had failed. Today was one of those times. Ahn Danny was refusing all his attempts to appease him. ‘This was just great!’ Taewoo thought. Not only was Ahn Danny fuming on the inside, the others as well seem to be on the very brink of collapse. While Son Hoyoung would laugh and smile with them, Taewoo knew that he was just acting fine. He was visibly limping in front of Taewoo and even though he would try to hide it, Taewoo was no fool to not see what's behind Son Hoyoung’s happy act. Yoon Kysang as well was walking very slowly and he kept lagging behind. ‘Obviously not fine as well!’ Taewoo figured. If only the power of Kyesang’s denial and delusion would last him until they reached, Taewoo would have nothing else to wish for. Their eldest was also more quiet than usual. Park Joonhyung looked like a melting robot, only going where was supposed to go based on instinct. He reserved what little energy he had left to just walking, and even that too seemed he was slowly losing the energy for. Taewoo was on the verge of a mental breakdown. How can he even begin to handle this hopeless situation and there were 10 more kilometers to go?
“Let's take a break!” Yoon Kyesang suddenly requested, breaking Taewoo out of his trance. That's when Taewoo realized that Yoon Kyesang’s denial wouldn't last him until they arrived.