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Okay, listen.
It doesn’t stem from a religious belief, not like those extra-Christian girls he saw prattling about it on YouTube years back. It’s also not that Alex hasn’t wanted to kiss someone before. He has had many opportunities, with many women and even men asking him out, many times.
It’s just that… well. It all started when was twelve; he saw Henry Fox, the new student who transferred straight from London, with the poshest accent Alex had ever heard, the prettiest blonde hair, and the most kissable lips he had ever seen. That had been a very fun downward spiral into his bisexuality.
No one could compare to those lips, at least not in his mind.
It could have been a blip in his mind, a stupid teen obsession with the most enticing lips he had ever seen. But Alex didn’t do things by halves, never had, so he forced himself into Henry’s life, squirreling into his day-to-day life until there was an undeniable fondness in those pretty blue eyes.
So yeah, basically, he was fucked since then.
Now, almost ten years later from that moment, Alex lies here, unkissed, unfucked, and even worse, deeply in love with his best friend.
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The first time Henry saw Alex Claremont-Diaz, everything he thought he knew about himself went ablaze. His chocolate eyes, almost caramel under the sunlight, made him tremble inside-out, the curls that never failed to fall into his eyes while he ranted, and ranted. He was everything he wasn’t supposed to find. Everything he was supposed to avoid, according to his grandmother. He was the match that turned Henry’s well-kept forest into an uncontrollable fire.
Coming into America after spending almost all his life controlled and micromanaged by his family, Henry already felt out of his depth. Yet Henry thinks nothing could’ve prepared him for Alex, no really.
Not when he pushed and pushed into Henry’s walls until they crumbled, passing by them and pulling that charming smile that made his knees weak, every single time. He couldn’t have been prepared for any of it, yet his heart was Alex’s all these years later, resting snugly in the palm of those beautiful hands, safe and tucked in.
It’s not a surprise, then, that Henry Fox, goddamned Henry Fox, was a virgin at twenty-three. He hadn’t had a boyfriend, too busy mooning over his best friend, as covertly as he could. He had not kissed anyone, not even during Spin The Bottle, 7 Minutes in Heaven, Truth or Dare. You name it, he ran from it.
In his hopeless romantic mind, which was constantly squashed by his most logical side, wanted his first kiss, his first everything , to be with Alex.
That had never changed, even through years of friendship, of ups and downs in their lives, and the doubts that maybe, maybe , Alex didn’t see him like that.
Henry Fox is getting his first kiss from the love of his life, and no one else.
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The atmosphere around them could only be described as cozy. Alex found himself draped over Henry, his face resting on the other’s lap and his arms wrapped around those legs that drove him crazy. Top-secret, though. Very hush-hush.
His eyes were focused on the TV, a re-run of whatever-whoever-whichever on, and he was barely paying attention. His entire body was warm, every point of connection between the two of them making it impossible for him to focus on anything else.
“Alex.”
Henry’s voice made him look up, making the scene even more indecent in his mind, trying to look at the object of all his desires in the most innocent way he could.
“Yeah, sweetheart?” His voice came out a bit breathy, just a tiny sliver, but the expression on Henry’s face betrayed that he had noticed. There was a pretty pink blush on his cheekbones, painting his fair skin in the most enchanting way. “Do you want me to move? Oh, god, I am not hurting your legs, right? Fuck—”
He really had not thought it through, he had thrown himself onto the couch, and snuggled himself up into Henry’s personal space, like always . Fuck, he was constantly ahead of himself, but he got overexcited around him, always wanting more and more . He could never get enough of Henry, not when all he wanted was him. Him, him, him .
(Bad thoughts, Alexander, focus!)
“Alex, love. Breathe, please.” Henry’s voice was soft, like those cashmere sweaters he loved so much. It forced him to take a deep breath, closing his eyes for good measure. The view of Henry above him was doing things to him that were becoming unreversible. “I just wanted to talk about something. Listen to me before you panic, sunshine, please.”
Alex couldn’t help the snort that escaped him, it was always incredible to feel how loved and known he was, no matter what. There was still a tingle of anxiety thrumming under his skin at Henry’s words, though, and he bit his lower lip to try and shut himself up before blurting it all out.
He nodded, opening his eyes again and barely concealing the breath hitch the blue of Henry’s eyes caused him. He was breathtaking in all the ways, and it drove Alex mad.
“I… I have been talking with my therapist.” He looked vulnerable, the pinch of his lips more noticeable, and without thinking he moved one of his hands and poked at it, seeing it relax under his ministrations. Henry chuckled against his finger, and it made Alex shiver. “And she said I should tell you something. Something that I have… kept from you, really, all these years.”
“What?” He knew he sounded hurt, he couldn’t contain the tremble of his jaw at the thought of Henry hiding something from him. What could it be? Was it about someone? Was it about him ? “What are you talking about, Hen?”
He watched as Henry closed his eyes, almost as he was shielding himself from his words. Everything around them felt tense, and it made Alex worry, worry about them, about everything and anything. The wheels on his overthinking brain couldn’t stop turning, and everything felt—
“I’m in love with you, Alex.”
And, what?
“What?”
He felt his brain rerouting, trying to make sense of the words. He searched desperately on Henry’s face, failing to understand the words coming out of those lips.
“I have been in love with you since we met, Alex.” He stopped himself, sighing and opening those eyes to look directly into Alex’s. It didn’t feel real, and he had to stop himself from pinching his skin, just to check. “I didn’t say anything because I know you don’t feel the same and—”
“Henry, what the fuck?”
The shocked look on Henry’s face would’ve made him laugh in any other circumstance. In any other moment, in any other situation, his widened eyes and his pretty mouth open in the perfect ‘o’ would’ve made Alex crumble, too. But now. Now…
“Henry, I have been in love with you since we met. The moment I saw you, I knew I had to have you. Any way that I could. I… Truthfully, I had ‘settled’ for friends, really. Having you in any way—
Before he could even finish, he felt Henry’s hands grab his face, tracing from his cheekbones towards the swoop of his jawline. A delicious shiver went down his spine at the mere touch of those fingers on his skin.
“Alex… Alex, please don’t lie to me.” His eyes were glassy, the blue in them the prettiest ocean for him to swim into. “I couldn’t survive this if you are lying to me, please.”
Alex couldn’t control himself, not now. Within a blink, he was sitting on Henry’s lap, pushing his hands into his hair, grabbing it softly.
“Listen to me, Henry George Edward James.” He couldn’t help the giggle at the full name, never could, and this moment wasn’t going to be an exception. “I have been so in love with you for so many years, that I have refused to kiss anyone else. The moment I saw you, the moment I saw your lips, I knew no one could ever compare to you.”
He pushed his forehead against Henry’s, chasing the closeness he had always needed but never gave himself into, in fear of being rejected.
“It’s only you for me, baby, you’re it .”
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404.error. Henry.exe not working.
Was this happening? Was this truly happening, or was it merely a figment of his imagination? Will he wake up from a nap on this very same sofa, startle awake, finding that Alex was far away from his reach again?
Desperate as he always was with Alex, his hands reached instinctively for his waist, grabbing it and moving him until their bodies were connected in every way. A gasp escaped both of their mouths, making it impossible to discern who made the sound first. The intimacy of it was making him dizzy, all his dreams and all that he had ever wanted were at his fingertips.
He really should send an entire flower shop to his therapist, if he ended up keeping his soulmate.
“I have never kissed anyone, either.” He confessed, a blush covering his entire face, surely. “Never wanted anyone but you, darling.”
He noticed that Alex’s body was trembling, and he hugged him closer to him, covering his body with his own. The need to protect that came from knowing Alex Claremont-Diaz never went away, almost in Henry’s eyes. He would move mountains just to see him safe.
“I want to kiss you so badly, Hen.” The words were hushed, like a prayer, into Henry’s collarbone. Alex’s face was hidden in his neck, the stubble covering his jawline rubbing against his sensitive skin with every tremble of his body, making Henry let the most embarrassing whimpers.
“Kiss me, then. Have me, Alex.”
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“Kiss me, then. Have me, Alex.”
There was static echoing in his ears. That, and the explicit permission to kiss the living headlight off his best friend. His soulmate. The love of his goddamned life, truly.
He didn’t understand how he ended up here. From daydreaming about him, lying across his lap, thinking that’s all he could ever have, greedily taking and taking. To… having consent to kiss him?
When his brain caught up to Henry’s words, he tugged on his hair gently, moving his head until he could look into those eyes. He lost himself admiring Henry’s face, from his swoopy honey-blonde hair, half-hidden by Alex’s hand, to the incandescent blue of his eyes, to the lips that had been haunting him almost half of his life.
Those lips, holy fuck. They deserved devotion, they deserved the obsession that caused Alex—and a lot of other people, he has not forgotten high school, college, and. Yeah. Too many people not to make him jealous— to lose his mind every single time he focused on them.
The worst of it all? That goddamned freckle adorning them. It was as if God put it there to taunt Alex. Back during their study sessions in the library, that freckle felt as if it was a torture device. Alex was known to lose his focus, hello Adhd , but he had never worked less than when he had Henry by his side.
Impulsively, like all the things he did, he dropped a soft kiss on that freckle, resting his lips on it, marking it for himself. Henry’s reaction was beautiful, the hitch of his breath making the gasp Alex let out a little less embarrassing.
“Alex…”
Quickly, he looked up and nodded, mostly to himself. It was the biggest step of his life, in his mind, and he couldn’t contain the shivers going all across him. It felt electric, it felt like fate .
Tugging meanly on Henry’s hair, he smirked devilishly and moved to settle himself more comfortably on his lap, grinding shallowly and enjoying the sounds out of his baby. His, his, his.
All his decisions, all his life, all led to this. To him. To his boy, his soulmate, his everything. For the first time in his life, Alex felt settled. At peace, even.
Still with his fingers deep into Henry’s hair, he closed his eyes and brushed their lips together, as softly as a feather. Just a mingling of their breaths, their self-made cages evaporating into thin air. As his nose rested against Henry’s, their lips fully connected, as if they were made for each other.
His hands moved down down down , as slowly as he could, caressing Henry’s face to his neck, taking care to map all of his body and memorize it. Henry’s hands tightened on his waist, moving him slowly against him, and Alex couldn’t control his gasp. Henry, wicked as only he could be, licked into his open mouth, stealing his breath away in one quick movement.
Alex, known to always rise to a challenge, sunk his hands on Henry’s nape, his nails scratching at the soft hair. His hips were thrusting, grinding slowly into the other, and when one of Henry’s hands fell into his ass, grabbing it, the moan he let out was almost deafening.
Everything felt like too much, and just enough. Their bodies touched at every single point, close together in the way they had always chased. It made Alex lose every single bit of the sanity he had left. He couldn’t believe he had him, had the man of his dreams, the person that made him not fear love.
“Worth the wait?” The cheeky smile on Henry’s face made him blush head-to-toe, and he nodded, biting his puffy lower lip. At that, Henry swore profusely and kissed him again, this time as desperate as they both felt, moving Alex’s body against his in the dirtiest grind he could. “Oh, my love. Mine. You’re mine.”
“Huh-uh, yes! Yours, you are the only person that has had me, baby. Yours, I promise.”
It was dizzying, Henry owning him in such a way, their lips barely inches apart. Looking directly at those blue eyes, he licked his lips and kissed him again, putting all of the feeling he had kept at bay all of these years into the kiss. The longing, the pining, the jealousy whenever anyone looked at Henry the way he did. All of it was in a silver platter, for Henry to see, dissect, and own.
He was his, but Henry had always been his, he now realized. They had both saved their first kiss for years, just to give it to one another. Unbeknownst to each other, they have been dating practically since they met, seeing it from an entirely logical standpoint.
They had never dated anyone else. Never kissed anyone else. Never been with anyone else but each other. They belonged to each other in such a deep way that no one had ever unfettered them from one another.
“You’re mine, too. Aren’t you, H? Huh?”
With the prettiest smile he had ever seen, Henry nodded. He looked debauched, his lips red and puffy, his eyes as alive as he had ever seen, a light in them that made Alex want to cry, and a constant flush in those rosy cheeks. He was lethal, really. How was Alex supposed to resist?
“I’ve always been yours, Alex. Since forever.”