Work Text:
Gabriel had accepted death many time in his life. He had not just accepted it, he had lived it. The first time, when Dean had called him a coward and he had walked in the damn place, knowing he was going to die, had been a few moment filled with conflicted feelings. He had faced his older brother, fear rooting in his bones in a way he had never felt before. In a way an Archangel should have never felt. He knew he could not win a fight against his older brother, he knew he did not have the strength to kill him. He did not have the strength to drive a blade across him. His brother on the other hand had killed him without even a little bit of guilt in his eyes.
Lucifer had watched his brother drop dead and he had not looked guilty the slightest. That was what hurt Gabriel the most. The moment that followed he had accepted his fate, the nothingness he was standing in was oppressive and he couldn't move his limbs so he didn't try to. He closed his eyes and disconnected with himself, going back in his mind to replay memories he was fond of.
Then, after what honestly felt like a second, he was pulled out of the empty by His Father. He was angry, but he accepted his fate. He was not the master of his destiny and and would not try to fight it. Everything seemed to be going just fine. If he forgot the face of Lucifer, looming over him, looking almost happy to have killed him. He moved on, went back to being an Archangel when it would not be noticed, answering prayer and punishing the ones with a rotten soul. Then came Loki, and his children, selling him off to Asmodeus.
By that point he was back to praying for His Father. For his dad to help him. He wished for death, whished he had not been pulled out of the empty, of the nothingness that forced him to do nothing.
When he had been done dissociating he was left to stare at Sam's face, as he gently cut the threads Asmodeus had sewn on his mouth. Sam was telling him to fight, to fight against his destiny. Against the fate His Father had chosen for him. Sam was touching him and he felt real, he felt alive. He felt determined to change his fate.
Then there was another close brush with Death, at the hands of a version of Michael, his brother. Save at the last second by the son of Lucifer. He didn't hold Jack's father against him, but it didn't stop him from putting on his mask to cover the uneasiness. The truth was that he was not scared of Jack, Jack was kind and trusting and good, but Lucifer loomed over his shoulder at every chance he got.
Gabriel had a very loose grasp on his fate, but it was more than he ever had, and now that he was given the chance and that he was given the bravery he oh so needed to stand up he was only ever going to get a tighter grip on his fate. It was his and he was an Archangel, he was Gabriel and was going to fight against Death, fight for his chance at a family.
