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You'd just have to live with it.
That's what you were told at the ripe age of 13 when you were diagnosed with a mood disorder. It got you early, they had said, and the treatment here would just be medications. You just nodded and smiled. What else could you possibly do in such a situation?
And so, it began. The pills were hard to take at first; you kept forgetting them. The first few months were miserable - side effects were their own hell. But after a few years, your condition got a lot better. Times like this were unavoidable, though.
-
You covered your head with the duvet and shut off your alarm for the third time that morning. In a slow haze, you registered that your body was hungry. You didn't have the energy to get up, so you just shut your eyes again, hoping to sleep - to no avail. As you remembered the instant noodles you had saved in your drawer, the doorbell rang. Oh, right. It had been 4 days without leaving the house now; a classmate or friend must have gotten concerned. You stopped responding to them, shutting off your phone and hiding it somewhere. The past 4 days were completely spent in your bed, occasionally getting up to eat or use the bathroom. Groaning, you roll out of bed and open the door. Your eyes widen slightly as you see who was waiting for you outside.
"Bachira?" Bachira Meguru was your neighbor. While the two of you weren't best friends, you had enough good interactions to consider yourself quite close, in a sense. He lived two doors away from you, and he was an interesting person. At first, you thought he was strange, but after a while you realized he was just misunderstood. In reality, he was the sweetest guy you've met, and he was fun to be around.
"You're alive!" He releases an exhale of relief. "I thought you were dead! I was going to cry, but I realized I should check up on you first." He was always like this - his thought process was very unique. After he recovered from the revelation that you were alive, he looked at you with concern on his face. "You look tired...have you slept?" You try to laugh, but it came out bitter.
"All I've been doing is sleeping." At this, Bachira goes into your apartment to observe what was going on. You had never let him in before, and usually you would've said something, but maybe you did miss having some company. He looks around, appreciating the decor, until his eyes land on the pills you had on your table. You didn't expect him to understand the situation that quickly, but somehow, he did. To be fair, he was a lot smarter than he looked - you just needed to know him well enough for him to show it. He continues further, to your bedroom, where he sees the horrific mess you had left. Ramen cups thrown on the floor, clothes everywhere, and half opened soda cans on your bedside table. Your books were sprawled on the floor too, and it looked more like a mancave rather than a teenage girl's bedroom. You closed your eyes with a sigh, preparing for the judgement. He'd scold you, or laugh at the pathetic state of your room. Instead, he turned to you with a smile on his face. "Let's have a fun clean-up day!"
-
You didn't think Bachira Meguru would even know how to use a mop, but that must have been a cruel judgement you made, as when he found your cleaning supplies, he looked like a man on a mission.
The first thing he did was play some music on his phone. He said that it would create a nice atmosphere. At your recommendation, he chose your favorite classical piece, Jeux D'eau. Honestly, when you seriously looked at your room, it felt hopeless. In the span of just 4 days, it lost its right to even be considered a room. Everything was a mess, simply put, and you felt your motivation draining by the second. It must have showed on your face, because Bachira put his hand on your shoulder and began to speak.
"Hey, it's not that bad. My room's been messier." The gentle tone he used was reassuring, and it put you at ease. Bachira told you he had the whole day off, so he could spend the day with you. Of course, you declined, not wanting to let him deal with your baggage. But he just smiled and told you it would be fun.
"I don't know how I let it get to this state. I'm usually a clean person, I swear..." You mumble. He laughed at this, a warm, golden sound.
"I wouldn't judge even if you weren't. What matters now is the fun clean up we're going to have, right?" You tilted your head in thought, but nodded. He was right. These depressive episodes didn't last too long with your current medication, and your therapist did tell you that distractions would be good.
He began by picking up the noodle cups off the floor. "I love this brand of noodles! This one isn't my favorite flavor though, it's too salty." You smiled a bit. "Me too, but it was the only flavor I had in my pantry." This light conversation was exactly what you needed. You helped him pick things up from the floor, which led to many light-hearted discussion and banter as well. You had never spent this much time alone together, and it was just as you'd expected - he truly was a fun person to be around. As soon as he stepped into your apartment, you felt the air clear momentarily - as if the clouds of your mood were making way for his beams of sunlight.
After picking everything up and throwing the right things away, it was time to scrub the floor and do your bed. He took the floor, and you changed your sheets, bringing out a new duvet cover. You made your bed for the first time in 4 days, and you caught yourself smiling in pride. These small victories felt like major achievements to you. "You know, if I tell you something, will you laugh?" Bachira looked up at you curiously, his eyes reminding you of a puppy's. "I won't laugh. Promise." He stuck out his pinky, and looked up at you with a serious expression. The action made you smile again, as you interlocked your pinky with his and sealed the promise.
"I've been like this for a while now. It's been years, and I sometimes still have these ups and downs. And usually, I just block myself from the world, you know? But I'm glad you stopped by today, because it's been a while since I was proud of myself. Doing my bed just now made me really happy - I didn't think I could do it. So, thank you." Bachira looks up at you with the most beautiful smile you had ever seen. It was so genuine, so kind, it just put you at ease. Everything he did put you at ease - his presence was comforting, and you almost didn't want him to leave.
"Anytime! It was fun, you know. And I don't think it's silly at all. I think you're really awesome, actually! It must be difficult dealing with that, but you just cleaned your room. I don't think I could do that if I were in your shoes." He rubs the nape of his neck as he laughs. "We're done now! It feels great, right?" You smiled, looking over at your progress. From mancave to comfortable room, the transformation was incredible. You shared another light conversation with Bachira as you walked him to your door. To your surprise, it was already dark out. Before he left though, he looked up at you, with an almost nervous expression on his face.
"Hey...you know, I wanna see you again. Just the two of us, I mean. When you feel better, we should go get dinner or something, if you don't mind..." He looked very shy saying this, and you laughed softly at how adorable he looked. "Of course we can. Just wait for me for a couple of days, and we can hang out." His eyes brightened, a sight you wanted to see over and over again. He waved his goodbyes and returned home, leaving you alone again. However, you didn't feel hopeless this time. He asked you if you wanted to see him again, and to you, that was the light at the end of the tunnel. You were looking forward to the day you'd go out, and that excitement left you wanting to cling onto it, his smile. The promise that you'd see it again was more than enough, and you returned to your room; your sanctuary.