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Red didn’t know what else to do.
She didn’t know who to tell. She certainly couldn’t tell Chloe, who would start to panic. She couldn’t tell her mother, who knew nothing about the life she had before. She couldn’t tell Maddox or Queen Ella, because none of them knew anything was wrong. But Red knew, and it was scaring her. It was scaring her not because it was inherently scary; but because she was forgetting things. It started off small; nothing to worry about. How to play cards, what the pieces of a chessboard were, boring Wonderlandian history that she barely paid attention to anyway.
When she got lost in her own castle—a place she’d lived her whole life? That was a bit alarming. It only went downhill from there. Memories of her life were fading, dissolving before her eyes and replaced with things she didn’t (couldn’t) understand. The times she spent with her mother were now unfamiliar, replaced with memories of Bridget. (The Bridget who wasn’t her mother). Military displays turned into music concerts, sleepless nights changed to all night baking sessions, arguments and violence were overshadowed by loving embraces and kisses.
Red couldn’t come to terms with it, because that life wasn’t her’s. Except it was, because she changed the past. These were the side effects she’d been warned about; it felt like she was physically being split in two. Her red hair was fading into something pale at the roots, its color seeping away just like her past. Pale like Bridget’s. She was warned something like this could happen and she didn’t listen. And now Red didn’t know what to do.
She kept the business card; one tucked neatly in the front pocket of her jacket. And she sat outside in the pouring rain, letting the water pound her leather clad shoulders and seep into her red (turning pink) hair. Auradon Prep illuminated her from behind, her body casting a long, ominous shadow across the driveway. In the rain, it was impossible to tell she was crying. It was stupid to cry when this was the outcome she wanted; they changed the past for this exact reason. To save everyone; to stop a literal coup of Auradon. But still…it was tearing her apart inside.
“…Red?” Distracted by her own thoughts, Red didn’t notice that rain was no longer falling on her. Glancing up, a familiar face stared down from the darkness. Audrey held an umbrella in one hand, perfectly pressed in a pale cream jacket and pants combo. Her brown ponytail fell over one shoulder as she furrowed her brows. “You’re freezing.”
“I’m fine.”
“Come with me.”
Red did without question. After all, she called Audrey, not the other way around. The woman said very little as she opened the door of a black town car, one still warm and left running. Only when Red was slumped in the front seat did she realize that yes, she was cold and faintly shivering. They said nothing the entire drive (Red didn’t know where they were going), nor were any words exchanged as Audrey passed through a 24-hour drive-thru, shoving a bag of fries and a cheeseburger into her lap. She ate. A.) because it was the polite thing to do. But also B.) because she was starving.
They continued to drive until Audrey parked them near a tourist lookout, one that was solitary and well away from anyone and anything that could disturb them. The sea was raging tonight, casting seafoam up over the car’s windshield and past a stone retaining wall. The headlights and radio were the only sources of light as Audrey grabbed her umbrella again. “Take a moment. Knock on the window when you’re ready.” She stepped out into the raging night, closing the door behind her. Audrey didn’t go anywhere, she just leaned against the car amongst the storm. But Red felt the burn of tears as she began to cry again, munching on her food all the while.
She needed to cry. Audrey probably knew that; hence the solitude. It was always easier to sob it out when no one was around to see it.
Only when the ache subsided and she was left exhausted and dehydrated did Red knock on the glass of the driver’s side door, allowing Audrey to come back in. She was a little wet, pushing her brown hair back behind her ears, but she didn’t say anything about it as she tossed her umbrella in the back seat and turned up the heat.
“Feel better?” She asked as easily as she would ask about the weather. The nonchalance was nice, if not a tad unusual. At least…it was unusual compared to Chloe, who was manic when it came to her feelings.
“Much,” Red sniffed pathetically, wiping at her streaking mascara with a hand. “Thanks for coming.”
“I gave you the card for a reason,” Audrey admitted somewhat blandly, resting her fingers on the bottommost part of the steering wheel. “So, what’s going on?”
“I think I’m starting to have those side effects you were talking about.”
“You look ok,” Audrey mumbled, reaching across the car to gently caress Red’s cheek. “You’re not sick, are you?”
“No.”
“Hmm,” Audrey’s gaze narrowed. “It’s up in your head, isn’t it.” Red swallowed hard, her throat bobbing as she nodded into the elder woman’s hand. Audrey sighed then, something long and pained as she pursed her lips. “That’s not good.”
“What do you mean?”
“Physical wounds heal. Bones break and skin bleeds, but that can be easily fixed. What goes on up here?” Audrey ghosted the flat of her thumb across Red’s temple. “Is a bit more complicated. Are you hearing voices? Anything whispering to you?” Red shook her head negatively and Audrey sighed in relief again. “Good. That’s good. It’s not a curse.” Taking back her hand, Red missed the contact as Audrey turned to face her better. “I know this may not be what you wanted, but in order for me to help you, I have to know what you and Chloe did.”
Red winced and ducked her head. “It’s complicated.”
“You’re fed and warm. We’ve got all night. Take your time.”
Audrey settled down into the leather of her seat, turning up the radio to a low but comforting drone. Red heaved a breath, tearing the corners of her now empty burger wrapper. She and Chloe both agreed not to say a word about what they’d done. Not about the time travel, or the coup, or the pocketwatch. It was a promise that they wouldn’t speak about it, not even between themselves unless absolutely necessary. Yet as Red anxiously rubbed a hand across her chest, feeling the ache of being torn apart, not knowing anymore what was true and what was not, it spilled out of her.
“Chloe and I went back in time.” The story flowed like water from her mouth, spoken between wild gasps of air and more errant tears. Audrey stayed silent, her face not giving much away as she elegantly crossed a knee for a more comfortable position. One experience after another Red spilled their secret, unable to stop once she started. When it was done, laid out for Audrey to see, Red was heaving for air. She didn’t know how heavy it had been weighing on her. Glancing at her companion, her sunkissed complexion still shiny from being out in the rain, Red shrunk under her presence. “Please say something. I know it was stupid b-but it was the only way to fix things.”
“It’s certainly a way to fix things,” Audrey mumbled, running a flat hand across the underside of her jaw. “So you’re losing your memory because you changed your past? That’s what we’re working with here?”
“I got lost in my own castle over spring break,” Red mumbled, rubbing her arm nervously. “I can’t tell what’s real or not anymore. It’s driving me crazy and I don’t know what to do.”
“I don’t think there’s anything you can do,” Audrey puzzled, frowning. “You changed the past, Red. Your own past, not just your mother’s. And though I’m not an expert in time travel—I don’t think anyone in Auradon is—a single breath of wind can topple an entire line of dominos with ease.”
“I’m realizing that now,” Red huffed, accepting a handkerchief Audrey pulled from the center console. “So what now?”
“Well, my biggest concern is you completely disappearing from existence.”
“What!?”
“Chill, it’s just a thought,” Audrey assured, waving her hands. “I’m pretty sure if that were the case, you’d be gone already. It’s a miracle you and Chloe didn’t mess the timeline up enough to fully erase yourselves.”
“Can that happen?” Red blanched, feeling the heat rush from her face. Audrey shrugged.
“Probably. I’ve only read a little bit about messing with time, but it’s always highly discouraged. Which is why this choice you made was indeed very, very stupid.”
“I know.”
“Red, look at me.” Audrey’s hand caught her face again, careful and featherlight. “You’re just a kid who thought this was the only option. I understand.”
“You’re not mad?”
“Seeing as I don’t know you very well, I hardly have a right to be mad about it.” Audrey chuckled, shaking her head and taking back her arm. “I did some pretty stupid shit when I was your age. Can’t say I wouldn’t have time traveled too if given the chance.”
“Do you think I’ll lose all my memories?” Red croaked, some distant part of her breaking at the thought. “I don’t want that.”
“I wish I could say for sure, but my guess is that…well…yes, I think you will. At least the ones belonging to your past life.”
“No.”
“Do you consider the woman you call ‘Bridget’ your mother?”
Red shook her head wearily. “No, cause she’s not.”
“You messed with the past, therefore the girl raised by a tyrant is no more. Time has chosen to let you live, Red, but it must reassert itself in order to keep our world from splitting apart. That means what you remember today no longer exists. And I can only assume it will fade with time as most dreams do, replaced by the memories of the girl who’s supposed to exist in your place.”
“So there’s no way to stop this?”
“Do you want to remember it?” Audrey tilted her head. “It seems like the red queen of your original time was cruel. But then…my own grandmother was cruel too, and I still hold fondness for her in my mind. So I suppose I can’t speak on it.”
“She’s my mom. I don’t want to just forget about her, as awful as she was.”
“Then write it down.” Leaning into the back seat, Audrey rifled around before she found whatever it was she was looking for. “Here.” Red accepted the book she was handed, its hard maroon cover embossed with the ‘Arcadia University’ crest. “Writing out your thoughts goes a long way. If you really want to hold onto the memories you’re losing, it’s best to keep them by way of pen and paper.”
“So…you can’t use your magic to…I dunno, reverse this? Maybe Queen Mal could…”
“Red, you messed with time itself. That’s not just some party trick. Be grateful you didn’t pop out of existence the minute you met your mom in the past,” Audrey pointed out, giving her a firm stare. “Besides, I don’t actually have magic. At least not like Mal or FG. I’m merely stained by it, just like you.”
“Hmm.” Red felt the journal now in her hands, opening the cover to a million empty pages. “This is it then?”
“Afraid so. It’s going to hurt like hell, letting go. Magic can be like that sometimes.” Audrey sighed again, staring out at the pitch black night. “It makes you feel invincible; like you can do anything. But what people don’t know is that magic bites, especially magic you’re not supposed to be using.”
“You learned that the hard way?” Red wondered, taking in Audrey and her scars. She nodded, a smile curling at her lips.
“Something like that. You’ll learn to live with this choice, Red, even if it kinda sucks at the moment. What’s better is that you have someone who can support you. Chloe has a good heart. You make a great pair.”
“You think?” Red smiled too, feeling just a little bit lighter. She paused suddenly in realization. It was nearly four in the morning. “Holy shit, Chloe’s probably freaking out.” Scrambling for her phone, Red was 100% right. She had a million messages and dozens of missed calls from her girlfriend. “Oh my gods, she’s gonna kill me.”
“That’s my cue to get you back to Auradon Prep.” Audrey laughed, throwing the car into drive. The rain had lightened up, less turbulent and completely stopped by the time they returned to school. Morning light was beginning to break across the horizon. They’d been out all night. Getting out of the car, journal still in hand, Audrey stood beside her with a smile. “You were right to call me. If you ever need someone, you have my number.”
“Why did you come tonight?” Red wondered honestly, frowning. “You know Chloe better than me.”
“You’re right, I don’t know you. But if someone had been there to say ‘hey, don’t be fucking stupid’ when I took the scepter? Well…I probably still would’ve taken it, but I would’ve had to think a little harder about it.”
“So…time traveling was really fucking stupid?” Red offered, causing Audrey to snort as she nodded.
“You took the words right out of my mouth.” Her face eased into a smile as she tilted her head, reaching out a bent knuckle to raise Red’s chin. “I know this probably isn’t going to be fun for you, Red. It’s really, really, gonna suck, actually. But don’t lose yourself, ok? No amount of magic can fix it, but time has a funny way of straightening itself out.”
“I’ll remember that.”
“Good. Now, knowing Chloe she’s probably this close to waking up the whole school to form a search party, so you better get going.” Nodding and running halfway up the stairs, Audrey cleared her throat. “And Red!”
“Yeah?”
“Your hair? If it goes fully pink, you’ll need to change your favorite color. Red and pink don’t go together.”
Red scoffed, tossing Audrey a middle finger before ducking inside the school with a laugh. Chloe was waiting in the dorm, taking fistfuls of her jacket and demanding an explanation. Fibbing one about needing some time to think (yes in the middle of a storm at night), they eventually settled down, neither prepared to sleep but not really talking.
Chloe was mad, meaning it would take a bit for her to simmer down.
Red sat at her desk to wait her out, already imagining how she could paint her new journal to make it cool. Opening it to the first page, she picked up a pen and began to write:
My name is Red Hearts. I’m sixteen, my mom is
was the tyrannical Red Queen, and this is my story…