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Leehan watched, a simmering pot of jealousy bubbling inside him, as Riwoo, his boyfriend, practically clung to Jaehyun. They were backstage at a music show, the air buzzing with nervous energy and the scent of hairspray. Jaehyun, the ever-charming leader, was regaling Riwoo with a story, his hand brushing against Riwoo’s arm as he emphasized a point. Leehan's grip tightened on his water bottle, his knuckles turning white. Riwoo laughed, a sound that usually made Leehan's heart soar, but now it felt like a stab.
They were supposed to be secret boyfriends, their relationship a quiet haven in the whirlwind of their idol life. But lately, Riwoo seemed to be spending more and more time with Jaehyun, their playful banter blurring the lines between friendship and something more. It was driving Leehan crazy, this constant feeling of being neglected.
At first, he just ignored it. Initially, Jaehyun and Riwoo would joke around with each other and then laugh. But as time went on, when all the members were practicing, the two would cuddle. It was normal for them because even before riwoo and leehan became boyfriends, they were already like that, especially since they've known each other for a longer time.
He tried to ignore it, but little by little, his jealousy started to get to him. Like yesterday, he was asking Riwoo to eat with him outside, but Riwoo declined because he said Jaehyun needed help with their choreography.
He’s starting to feel that maybe Riwoo doesn’t love him anymore. Why can’t Riwoo even look at him? Leehan is feeling this way, but he still manages to stay calm.
Back in their dorm, the tension hung thick in the air. Leehan, his voice strained, suggested watching a movie. “Baby Let’s watch movie”
Riwoo, his eyes droopy with exhaustion, politely declined. “I’m really tired, Han. Can we do it tomorrow?”
“Tired?” Leehan snapped, his words laced with frustration. “You were perfectly energetic with Jaehyun back there.”
Riwoo's face fell. He looked genuinely surprised, “Han, it’s just—you know… It’s how we are.”
“How we are?” Leehan's voice cracked. “I feel like I’m being ignored, Riwoo. We haven’t spent any time alone, just us, in weeks!”
“Han, what are you talking about?”
“Don’t act like you fucking don’t know! You’re always with him” The frustration spilling over
“Please baby don’t be like this, We are just always busy with practice, but we can watch a movie later”
“Later?” Leehan shot up, his face already obvious that he is so frustrated “How many times have i asked you to watch a movie with me riwoo? And every times have I asked you to go out with me, and every time it’s the same excuse ‘practice’, ‘tired’, ‘Jaehyun needs help’!”
Riwoo’s eyes filled with tears “Han, please I’m sorry I didn’t mean it like that, I love you……”
Leehan cut him off, his anger burning hotter than ever “Then act like it” Riwoo didn’t say anything. He just looked at Leehan, his eyes filled with a mixture of hurt and confusion. Leehan, unable to bear the silence, he stood up, his voice shaking with frustration, “I’m going to the woonhak’s room, I need some space”
Leehan stormed out of the room, leaving Riwoo alone.
The next day, Leehan gave Riwoo the cold shoulder. Every attempt at conversation was met with a curt nod or a forced smile or something leehan just ignoring him, "After their practice, Riwoo approached Leehan, who was sitting and wiping his sweat.
“Han, let’s eat lunch,” Riwoo asked. But Leehan suddenly stood up, as if he didn't hear him, and approached Woonhak.
“Woo, let’s eat!” Riwoo looked at them, unable to avoid feeling hurt, but he thought he deserved it. He had hurt his boyfriend, so it was only natural for Leehan to avoid him,
Taesan noticed what happened, so he approached Riwoo who was pouting. He could sense that there was something between Leehan and Riwoo even before. He just ignored it because it's none of his business.
"Hyung, let's eat together instead. Sungho hyung and Jaehyun hyung are eating out together” Riwoo nodded
— second day
"Today is a rest day for Boynextdoor. Leehan still hasn't slept in their room with Riwoo. He is still ignoring him, and it makes Riwoo's heart hurt so much.
But he still doesn't stop talking to Leehan.
Leehan is sitting alone on the sofa now.
'Baby,' Riwoo calls Leehan sweetly, but Leehan just ignores him and continues watching the movie.
"Don't you want to talk to me? Can we fix this now?" But Riwoo jumped in surprise when Leehan suddenly stood up from the sofa with a loud thud and turned off the TV just as Sungho came out of their kitchen.
"Why did you turn off the TV? I thought you wanted to finish what you were watching?" Sungho asked Leehan.
"Nothing, hyung, I'll watch it some other time. I've lost interest," Leehan said, and when he said the last word, he looked at him with a pained expression that broke his heart. He wanted to cry.
"Ah, okay, maybe next time. Just rest for now. Are you still going to sleep in Woonhak's room?"
"Yes, hyung."
"Okay, rest well. I'll call you when it's time to eat." Sungho said, and Leehan nodded. Riwoo didn't avert his gaze as Leehan went upstairs to his room.
His tears were about to fall, ready to fall at any moment, but Sungho suddenly spoke.
"You too, Riwoo. Get some rest. I'll call you when it's time to eat."
"Just eat without me, hyung. I'll just sleep," Riwoo said.
"Are you sure?”
"Yes, thank you. I'm going to my room now," Riwoo said, and he went upstairs, but when he got to his room, he locked the door and immediately buried his face in his pillow, and that's when he started to cry.
He knew it was his fault, but why does it hurt so much? Is this also how Leehan feels when he feels neglected by him?
— the third day
Riwoo is still trying to initiate a conversation with Leehan when they're in the practice room. The other members are either resting, laughing, or chatting with each other.
“Hey, Han," he chirped, "Did you see the choreography I made for 'So Let's Go See the Stars?'
Leehan met his eyes for a fleeting moment, then nodded curtly, his gaze returning to his phone. He wasn’t even looking at anything, just pressing his thumb against the screen, a ghost pressing a ghost.
Riwoo’s smile faltered. He knew this was his fault.
Sungho, the ever-observant member, saw the way Riwoo’s shoulders slumped. He placed a hand on his shoulder, a silent message of support. He knew there is something wrong with leehan and riwoo.
Riwoo tried again. He took a deep breath and attempted to engage Leehan in a conversation about their track, "Dear. My Darling." But you know the way he makes a conversation with Leehan is just random.
"I like our track, 'Dear My Darling.' I just found the lyrics cool..." he trailed off, his voice cracking.
He watched Leehan, hoping for a flicker of interest, but received only a blank stare. Leehan was focused on the phone, his face a mask of indifference.
That night, after the practice, Riwoo sat in his dorm room, tears streaming down his face. The quiet of the room amplified the ache in his heart. He just cried that night until he fell asleep again.
— the fourth day
Riwoo's tears were on the verge of falling, but he needed to remain professional, especially in front of their stylists and with a live performance ahead. Riwoo stayed quiet as his stylist worked on him. Earlier, he approached Leehan, but Leehan's words stung deeply, reminding Riwoo of the depths of his despair.
Overcome with guilt and desperation, Riwoo approached Leehan once again earlier, His voice trembled as he whispered, 'Leehan, I'm sorry. I never meant to hurt you.'
Leehan's eyes hardened as he looked up at Riwoo. 'Are you finished?' he asked coldly. 'Because I have nothing to say to you.'
Riwoo's heart sank as he realized the futility of his plea. Leehan's anger had blinded him to all reason. He felt as though he were imprisoned in a cage of his own making, with no way out.
"Riwoo, are you okay?" Sungho asked with his cheerful smile, as they were sitting next to each other being styled.
"Yes, hyung, I'm fine. Why?" Riwoo replied.
"Nothing. If you need someone to talk to, I'm here, okay?" Sungho said, and Riwoo smiled and nodded.
After that day, when they were back in the dorms that night, Riwoo skipped dinner again. He just cried himself to sleep.
He missed Leehan so much. He missed how Leehan used to cuddle him, how Leehan used to sing for him, How leehan kissed him.
— the fifth day
Jaehyun is not with them today, and he is hosting with Sohee and Hanbin, but they still have a performance together with him.
There are five members in the room right now, but it seems like Sungho is babysitting Woonhak and Taesan who are teasing each other, while Riwoo and Leehan are quiet.
Suddenly, the teasing of the three members stopped abruptly when Riwoo suddenly talked to Leehan.
"Please, Leehan, can we talk now?" Riwoo asked. He had been crying for several days, especially at night, barely able to sleep from all the tears. He was scared that he might lose Leehan for good, and he didn't want that.
Riwoo couldn't let it go. He needed to talk to Leehan, to explain, to make things right. He stood up, his voice trembling. 'Leehan, I’m sorry. I never meant to…”
'Please, Riwoo,' Leehan interrupted, his voice cold. 'Stop it. I don’t want to hear it.”
'But…' Riwoo's voice cracked. 'I… I…'
'I said, stop it!' Leehan’s voice boomed, making everyone in the room jump. He was furious, his eyes blazing.
“Leehan!” Sungho stepped in, attempting to calm him.
But Leehan’s anger wasn’t directed at anyone else but Riwoo. He was just staring at him, his face a mask of hatred.
'I miss you,' Riwoo whispered, his voice barely audible over the silence in the room.
Leehan scoffed, 'Stop with the act.'
'It’s not an act,' Riwoo insisted, tears welling up in his eyes. 'I’m not trying to act, I’m just…' He paused, taking a deep breath, 'I’m just telling you how I feel. Please, just listen to me.'
'Why should I?' Leehan’s voice, though low, was filled with venom.
“Because… because I love you and i really miss you,” Riwoo finally said.
The room fell silent. Everyone stared at Riwoo with wide eyes.
Taesan, as if his mind couldn't comprehend what he just heard, simply said, 'Huh?'
Woonhak, still confused, slowly turned to Sungho, seeking an explanation.
Sungho just shook his head, his face etched with concern.
Leehan’s eyes narrowed, his gaze burning into Riwoo like a laser. Then, he just turned away and walked out of the room, leaving everyone behind.
Riwoo stood there, frozen, his heart aching with a pain he'd never felt before. He felt so small, so insignificant, like a speck of dust lost in the vastness of space.
He just misses his boyfriend; he misses his playful boyfriend.
"Let me talk to him first; he's being rude," Taesan said.
"No, it's fine, Taesan. I did something wrong to him, and his feelings are valid," Riwoo said, smiling at them.
"But hyung... he's being rude," Woonhak said.
"It's fine; he's just mad," Woonhak held his hyung's hand. Even though he was still confused about what was happening, he was slowly starting to understand what was going on between Leehan and Riwoo.
"Leehan is just rude when he's mad. It's already normal for him. He rarely gets mad, but when he does, it's intense," Taesan said.
"Let's get ourselves together. Jaehyun is arriving soon, and he'll ask what happened. We're up next to perform. I'll talk to you later, Riwoo, okay?" Sungho said. Riwoo just nodded.
-
"They performed professionally and did great. After their schedules that day, they were quiet and now they are in the van, on their way back to their dorm. Jaehyun was with them, talking non-stop and being clingy to Sungho.
'Sungho,' he said.
'What? Can you stop talking now?' Sungho replied.
'You look so pretty right now,' Jaehyun suddenly said to him, but Sungho knew he was just teasing. Still, he couldn’t stop blushing when Jaehyun called him pretty.
'Aish, Jaehyun, stop talking. Let’s rest first,' Sungho said.
Meanwhile, Leehan and Riwoo were sitting next to each other. Riwoo was wearing headphones, his eyes closed because of a terrible headache. He didn’t have the energy to argue with Leehan again.
Leehan was secretly glancing at Riwoo, feeling guilty about how he treated his boyfriend, but he just couldn’t help being annoyed.
He sighed and looked back at his phone.
-
As soon as they arrived at their dorm, the other members quickly got out of the van.
Sungho waited for Riwoo to get off because he wanted to talk to him, but when Riwoo got out, they waited for everyone else to go inside first.
“We need to talk, Riwoo.”
“Sungho, can we do it tomorrow? My head really hurts right now.”
“Are you feeling unwell?” Sungho asked worriedly, checking Riwoo’s neck to see if he had a fever.
“No, my head just really hurts. I just want to rest.”
“Alright, go inside. I’ll bring some food to your room. Eat first and then take some medicine, okay? We’ll talk tomorrow. Don’t lock your room—I’ll put your food on your table and the medicine there, just in case you’re sleeping,” Sungho said, and Riwoo nodded.
“Let’s go inside,I really want to rest,” Riwoo said
As usual, he cried himself to sleep again. Why does he feel like he's going to lose Leehan? He doesn't want that to happen because he can't handle losing him.
---
The next day
All the members were ready, waiting for Riwoo to come down. They were almost late for their photoshoot.
“I'll go to his room,” Jaehyun said, about to stand up.
“I'll go,” Leehan said, standing up quickly and heading to their room. He knocked before entering and saw Riwoo still asleep.
“Riwoo.” After calling him several times, Riwoo finally woke up and stood up quickly when he saw Leehan.
“I'm sorry.”
“Hurry up and get ready; we're going to be late. The members have been waiting for a while,” Leehan said coldly, making Riwoo's heart ache.
“Baby, don't you really want to talk to me?”
“Can we just talk another time, Riwoo” Leehan said as he walked out of the room. Riwoo sighed deeply, trying not to cry.
Why does it feel like he did something really bad to Leehan? He knows he hurt him, but it's been almost a week and Leehan is still ignoring him, giving him the cold shoulder. Riwoo feels like he's going crazy.
Riwoo had just taken a few steps to get his towel when his vision suddenly spun. He quickly closed his eyes for a moment. When he felt his vision stabilize, he went to the bathroom to take a shower.
—
After getting ready, Riwoo only put on a hoodie, packed his things in his bag, and immediately went downstairs. He took the food Sungho had brought him last night, but he hadn't eaten it because he didn't wake up. However, he put the medicine Sungho gave him in his bag.
He saw the members in the living room and headed straight to the kitchen to throw the food in the trash can, even though he didn't want to waste it since it was already food from last night. He also washed the plate, spoon, and fork.
“You didn’t eat dinner again yesterday,” said Sungho, causing Riwoo to turn around.
“Sorry, I really didn't wake up last night.”
Sungho was about to say something when...
“Riwoo Hyung and Sungho Hyung!!! Manager-nim is already here. Let’s go now!” Woonhak shouted as he exited their dorm. The two quickly left the kitchen, seeing the other members also heading outside.
In the van, everyone found their seats. Riwoo was about to sit next to Sungho, but Jaehyun got there first. He noticed Taesan and Woonhak were already sitting together, so he had no choice but to sit next to Leehan at the back. Leehan was just looking at his phone, so Riwoo sat down and Woonhak closed the van door.
Riwoo took his headphones out of his bag, put them on, and closed his eyes. His head still hurt. The song "180 Degree" by BEN started playing on his phone.
His head hurt more because of the conversation among the four, and Jaehyun was being noisy again, teasing Sungho once more.
"You're really beautiful, yeppi."
"Stop, Jaehyun."
"Why? I'm telling the truth." Sungho didn't reply anymore; he was already blushing.
——
"Riwoo hyung, wake up!" Woonhak called, shaking Riwoo to wake him up, and Riwoo immediately woke up.
"We're here already," Sungho suddenly said. He saw that all the members were still inside, but their manager was already outside, waiting for them to get out. Riwoo noticed Leehan rolling his eyes at him.
Riwoo's heart clenched once again. He really felt bad for always making the members wait.
"I'm sorry."
"No, don't say sorry. It's fine, Sanghyeok," Jaehyun said sweetly, causing Leehan to grip his phone tightly.
"Boys, let's go inside now!" their manager said, so they all started to get out and head to the studio. Riwoo was the last to come out, and Jaehyun waited for him.
"Are you okay? Are you feeling unwell? Do you have a fever?" Jaehyun immediately asked Riwoo as soon as he came out, not knowing that Leehan was watching them.
"No, I'm okay. It's probably just fatigue from yesterday. But I'm really fine, I don't feel sick."
"Are you sure?" Riwoo smiled and nodded, but he was surprised when Jaehyun suddenly hugged him.
"If you have any problems, I'm here. You can talk to me."
Sungho's heart clenched when he saw that scene, but he understood that Jaehyun was just like that. He didn't know why he felt hurt. Did he like Jaehyun?
He immediately turned away and started talking to Woonhak.
Leehan rolled his eyes and went inside the studio where their photoshoot was.
——
Riwoo had just getting styled by the stylist, and he was once again next to Leehan, who was seated across from him. No matter what Riwoo did, Leehan could see him.
"Riwoo, you look so pale," Riwoo's stylist whispered to him, just loud enough for him to hear.
"Are you sure you can do this today?" the stylist worriedly asked again while fixing his hair.
"Noona, I'm really fine. It's probably just fatigue from yesterday," Riwoo said softly, though his stylist remained unconvinced but had no choice.
Riwoo's eyes met Leehan's in the mirror. He smiled at Leehan, who just rolled his eyes in response.
Feeling sad, Riwoo averted his gaze from Leehan.
After the stylist finished with him, Riwoo sat on the sofa in the other room of the studio and closed his eyes. He could feel his headache worsening, but he didn't want to tell his members, stylist, or manager about it because he didn't want to delay their schedule and inconvenience everyone.
He tried to get some sleep for at least 20 minutes before the photoshoot started. Suddenly, Leehan entered the room where Riwoo was.
He found Riwoo with his eyes closed, sitting.
"You are so annoying," Leehan suddenly said, causing Riwoo to open his eyes immediately.
"What?"
"Really, Riwoo? If you just want me to forgive you, stop this act." Although Riwoo was hurt by Leehan's words, he felt overwhelmed now, and tears started to fall from his eyes.
"What? I was just trying to sleep, and even that bothers you? I was just waiting for our photoshoot. And what's the connection between my sleeping and asking for your forgiveness? Yes, I know I did something wrong, it was unintentional, I didn't mean to hurt you. You want space? Okay, I can give it to you, but I don't want to make you feel like I'm ignoring this fight of ours. So, I try to talk to you every day, even though you just ignoring me—" Leehan cut him off.
"Stop guilt-tripping me, Riwoo!" Leehan suddenly shouted.
"I'm not guilt-tripping you, Leehan. I'm just telling you how I feel these past few weeks! Do you think you're the only one hurting, Leehan? I'm hurting too. If you're just going to keep treating me like this, if you don't want to listen to me, why don't we just break up? Where is this relationship going, right?" Riwoo cried, causing Leehan to stop at Riwoo's last words.
"Leehan! Riwoo, what's going on here?!" Sungho said, entering the room.
As Riwoo continued to sob uncontrollably, Sungho approached him, trying to console him.
"What is happening here?" Taesan asked quickly, looking at Leehan.
"What did you do?" Taesan asked, and Leehan was about to answer but suddenly, sunho screams, Riwoo's body went limp as a wave of intense dizziness overcame him, and he fainted. Sungho caught Riwoo's body just in time.
"Riwoo! Oh my gosh! Wake up! He is burning!!! Taesan call manager-nim asap!!!”
When the three of them were left alone, Sungho looked at Leehan, his eyes filled with a mixture of anger and fear. "You know, Leehan," he said, his voice strained, "You've been so focused on yourself, so wrapped up in your own pain that you didn't even notice how badly Riwoo was hurting too. You pushed him away, made him feel invisible, and now… look at him."
Leehan felt a wave of guilt wash over him, a wave that seemed to amplify the fear that had been brewing inside him. He had been so focused on his own hurt, so consumed by the fight with Riwoo, that he hadn't noticed the subtle cues, the withdrawn gaze, the quiet tears. He had pushed Riwoo away, blinded by his own pain.
Within minutes, the room was filled with the commotion as their manager rushed them to the nearest hospital.
After several anxious hours of waiting, the doctor finally emerged, revealing that Riwoo had been suffering from severe exhaustion and stress, coupled with a high fever.
As Riwoo lay unconscious in the hospital bed, Leehan sat next to him, holding his hand tightly. The intensity of the situation had brought to light the strain the two had been under. Realizations were made, wounds acknowledged, and apologies were whispered into the stillness of the hospital room.
It was only then that Leehan realized how much he had unintentionally hurt Riwoo. The mutual feelings of neglect and anguish hung heavily in the air, until a resolve came forward to mend their broken connection.
Leehan could no longer afford to ignore Riwoo's needs and feelings, recognizing that his actions had deeply wounded their love.
"Riwoo," Leehan began, his voice trembling, "I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to hurt you. I was so focused on myself, my own pain, that I didn't see how much I was hurting you too."
Tears streamed down Leehan's face as he poured out his heart. "I pushed you away, made you feel invisible. I know I don't deserve your forgiveness, but please, please give me another chance. I promise to be better. I promise to listen to you, to be there for you, to love you the way you deserve."
Riwoo stirred in his sleep, his eyelids fluttering open. His gaze met Leehan's, and a wave of emotion washed over him. He had been hurt, deeply hurt, but he couldn't ignore the love that still burned brightly in Leehan's eyes.
"Leehan," Riwoo whispered, his voice weak, "I forgive you. I’m really tired of fighting, I want a peace with you”
A sob escaped Leehan's lips as he leaned down to kiss Riwoo's forehead. "Thank you," he breathed. "Thank you for giving me another chance, sorry heart and I love you my baby
As the days turned into week, Riwoo's health gradually improved. Later that day when riwoo got home in their dorm, leehan also came back to sleep with riwoo, while they’re both cuddling in the living room.
“I need to talk to Jaehyun,” Leehan said, his voice low.
Jaehyun, who was just entering the dorm, looked surprised. He had noticed the tension between his two friends, since he is the only one who hadn’t known what was going on between leehan and riwoo.
Leehan approached Jaehyun.
"Let's talk," Leehan said. Jaehyun immediately nodded, and they went outside to a place where they could be alone and talk.
“Jaehyun, I just want to apologize, I was being a jealous idiot. I don’t want to fight with you. I just, you know… I was being an ass,' Leehan said, his face flushed.
Jaehyun looked at him, amusement dancing in his eyes. 'Look, I get it, man. We’re close, but I’m not taking anything away from you. Besides, I have my own crush on someone.”
“Who?” Leehan asked, taken aback.
Jaehyun chuckled, “Sungho. Don’t judge, man. We all have our weaknesses, and I really like him so much”
Leehan laughed, the tension finally lifting from his shoulders. He had been so caught up in his own jealousy that he hadn’t noticed Jaehyun’s feelings for Sungho. He felt a wave of relief wash over him, and they started chatting about how it all began.
After their conversation, the two of them went inside, and Leehan immediately went to the room he shared with Riwoo.
“So, are we good?” Riwoo asked, his voice soft.
Leehan smiled, kissing Riwoo’s forehead. “Always, My baby.”
From that day on, they never let jealousy or insecurity cloud their relationship. They learned to communicate better, to trust each other, and to understand that their love for each other was stronger than any jealous feeling. And while they still joked around with Jaehyun, they always made sure to prioritize their love for each other, reaffirming their bond as boyfriends and as members of Boynextdoor.
Leehan was always there for him, supporting him and encouraging him. He never missed a therapy session, and he often surprised Riwoo with small acts of love and affection.
Together, they navigated the ups and downs of life, stronger than ever before. The bond between them had been tested, but it had emerged from the fire more resilient and unbreakable than ever.