Work Text:
Horangi was laying down on his bed, tapping his stomach to the beat of music blaring quietly beside him. He was relaxed, taking his own time as he always did after a tiring time throughout the day. A well executed mission meant a deserving break for soldiers, and he wasn’t any exception to that.
It was a cool October night and it was dim in the room, faint moonlight was shining through a window that made the place more relaxed. He glanced at his digital clock briefly and saw it display 22:49. A few more minutes later and it would already be the start of curfew in KorTac’s headquarters.
He was still drumming his body slightly to the rhythm of the song he liked. It was some soft rock, one that he stumbled upon weeks ago. Whenever it came to relaxation and unwinding, he’d listen to it intently before turning off the lights and letting himself drift to sleep. It was one reward of many that he had good control over, and one that he had choices with, especially after being deployed for over a week’s time.
He stayed in the blissful comfort that was his bed as his muscles loosened and let out a good long breath. The relaxed atmosphere broke apart by the sudden knocking of the door, the interval hurried but the volume’s quiet.
He took himself off the bed, paused the song playing earlier, and approached the door in a sluggish manner. From behind the door, he could hear a heavy yet shaky breathing of a man and that put his body awake and alert from it. Shit man. Gotta prepare again. Pacing quickly to his wardrobe, he produced some pillows and an extra blanket that he kept safe and hidden for occasions like this.
As he heard another knock on the door, he hurried back to it and opened it without even asking. He saw a tall man wearing used dark fabric with dull red streaks of paint below two holes cut for his eyes. He could see the faint tremble of the other’s body and as he flitted his gaze upwards, he sensed the distress from merely the worried blue orbs.
“Ah, Horangi.” He already looked apologetic. “Sorry to disturb you again, I… j-just needed—”
“Get in König, don’t have to be sorry.” Horangi opened the door completely and allowed his guest in. This was a common occurrence that he grew accustomed to, one that started many months ago since August last year.
He remembered that one night vividly, seeing the very sorry Austrian stumbling upon his door, having knocked as if his life depended on it. His appearance looked weak yet his mannerisms were visibly disturbed. He had neither a clue or idea what was happening but he knew then that his ally, his comrade, his friend had gone through something horrible by himself. He let König in, similar to what he was doing now, but there's been a great difference since then. There were new experiences, and the things he learned and taught himself to manage it better for his friend’s sake. And then there were new realizations that changed him.
He broke off from even thinking about it, grounding himself to the more critical situation placed in front of him.
Horangi already saw König on the bed, sitting down patiently for him as he slouched down in his jittery state. He had taken notice frequently of how that spot was unknowingly already used to the other’s size, some kind of dent forming from it due to the habit. He walked and sat down by his side, immediately putting a hand on his back and rubbing along it up and down gently.
“Big guy…” He was concerned as rightfully as it was needed. He tried to find the man’s obscured face but with him leaning downwards, it was hard. He patted the man’s thigh slightly with his other hand to get his attention. “You want me to do something?” Patience. Just like last time, and every time then.
“N-not much.” König hadn’t stared at him yet, and Horangi felt that his guest was still under the panic attack, but it had already gone past full-blown, discerned from merely his actions and gestures. “Just stay here. That’s fine.” He smiled gently at the request.
“You got it,” He let himself close to the taller man, still soothing his back with his hand. “Don’t worry 쾨니히.” He stayed there beside him, letting the quiet seep into the room.
Sometime after, Horangi broke the silence to make a request. “König, if you can, could you lend me your hand?” The request had been one they’ve always done together, a way to comfort and calm the uproar of the Austrian’s panic attacks since then. It was simple: König would give his hand to Horangi, then he’d feel his hand be relaxed, massaged, and thumbed at comfortingly, one such tactile manifestation of the comforts of their friendship.
König didn’t need to answer as he placed a hand on the smaller man’s lap, a wordless permission to do what was customary, what was habitual for them. Horangi took this as a sign to put his own hand on the bigger one, and began to thumb on the calloused palm at first. “You’re doing good. You’re doing fine.”
“If you feel comfortable about it, could you tell me what happened today?” He asked, his one hand still on the back of his friend, and the other soothing him with the gentle tracing of his thumbs over the lines of his palm. “If you’re okay with it, then tap my hand.”
There was no tap.
Horangi nodded in understanding. “걱정마. That’s perfectly okay, big guy.”
He looked down at their hands in contact with one another. His mind stirred to think of how close they were to be holding hands, all intertwined and sweet. One big, the other small. The closeness of their bodies didn’t help either with his thoughts. He would’ve leaned close and laid his own head by his arm, smiling at the intimacy.
His heart swelled to have to think of it, to imagine it, to have it so close to reality. The thumping within hastened and he, in a wide-eyed gaze, felt the temptation of his desires.
Only then did he swat it off of his mind. It was all wrong though. Inappropriate to have such thoughts in a time when König needed him.
Returning to his senses, he continued to soothe him. It wasn’t in his element to be like this. He’s snarky and fierce. He’s a loudmouth with a strong sense of confidence. He’s a seasoned soldier where emotions and feelings are out of bounds on the battlefield. Being soft or affectionate was on the fence most of the time, only showing his own vulnerabilities to the friends he made in time. It’s no weakness, but it’s strange, and yet in its peculiarity he felt it become natural when it came to the big and quiet man beside him.
With his hand still on König’s back, Horangi patted it lightly. Yet another way to convey a request or a question when it comes to comforting and calming a panic attack with the Austrian. “König.” He called for his attention, waiting patiently for any reply.
“Ja, Kim?” The mutter was quiet, but thankfully he was responsive.
“Would you like to lay down?” He asked tentatively, now massaging the man’s hand gently with his own.
The question sank in momentarily.
“That…” He drawled out his response in initial uncertainty. “...would be good.” He gestured to him with a small thumbs up.
From their position, König laid down immediately, already taking up much of the twin bed by his own size. Horangi sighed with a longing smile, walking to the other side of it to lay down beside him. He adjusted the bed first, placing the new pillows for their comfort, and spread the blanket to the both of them. He moved closer afterwards, wrapping his arms over the other’s abdomen.
Since the past and every situation that took place similarly to now, he’d position himself as the one to comfort, the one to provide. He always played the big spoon for both of them whenever König visited, in need of temporary solace for what he’s dealing with everyday. But he’d wish differently.
Horangi would normally imagine to himself that he’d be receiving it, that he’d be garnering the comforting affections of a simple cuddle like this, held closely and tightly. He dreamed of having bigger hands enclosing his body like a bear’s hold. This sufficed though for him, and whether in the inevitability that he would act on these (currently inappropriate) feelings for the bigger man or not, he’d still always relish being a comforting anchor to König. As a friend or otherwise.
Shared warmth from their closeness made this an invitation to sleep, up to a point that he would feel his vision fleeting. In one last effort for concern, he put his head close to the back of his chest. He listened with intent, hearing both the soft and quiet snores of his friend and the composed beating of the heart. It contrasted with his even with the tranquil lull of slumber, a heart that thrummed at the same pace as earlier, and the days after he realized his own emotional crisis for König a month ago.
It slowed eventually, his eyes drooped alongside it yet his hold over his friend’s body only grew tighter. He slept minutes thereafter, his grip on consciousness gone and fading into his own dreams.
Horangi woke up.
He was dazed, half-conscious at best. His hands went first to feel his bed only to know that König had left it. It was empty but the remnants of warmth were still lingering. He tipped his head upward from the pillows, checking left and right. He couldn’t discern the time from his digital clock under his given state, but sunshine blared itself into his room, making the space glow lightly. It’s… morning?
His gaze flicked to where his door would be, only seeing the large back of the man that he comforted with last night. He held the shortest glimpse of his threads of golden brown, the faint spots dotting the back of his neck, and the scars of previous battles, before it was all obscured with the fabric he hooded himself with.
König opened the door, but not before leaving words of gratitude. “Thank you again, Kim.” He hadn’t noticed that the man he thanked had heard it.
The door closed afterwards. Horangi, slowly gaining consciousness from his slumber, felt a different warmth on his face. He placed his hand on one of his cheeks, the residual phantom of lips comforting him. Only then he felt fully conscious.