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yu hamin isn’t exactly familiar with this odd, slightly nauseating feeling in his gut. like an almost projectile vomit that gets stuck in his throat. a heartburn, somewhat.
“hyung, that’s enough,” hamin sighs, pushing bamby hyung away from giggling eunho again.
“tsk, this punk!!!”
“what? what? you’re always pissed off with me!!”
“you’re just—!!! why are you like that!??” bamby hyung struggles to get word out, throwing irritated side eyes with lips jutted out in annoyance.
eunho keeps on wheezing, folding over holding his belly, hands over his head cowering away from bamby hyung, tears in his eyes from amusement. seeing eunho so giddy like that makes hamin chuckle too, all the while holding back bamby hyung. “come on, let’s calm down.”
it isn’t always like this.
do eunho and his physical attachment tendencies sometimes disregards personal boundaries too. he is good at keeping distance with people he’s acquainted with, but with people he is close with, it’s understandable to be like that. the hand grabs. the face rubbing. the tendency to annoy them just because. the poking. the nudging. the random flexing of his abilities. the random call outs. the teasing. the out of the blue bickering without any reason just because it’s funny.
hamin gets why. bamby hyung, is after all, very cute. he admits this a lot of times too. hamin has cute aggression towards bamby hyung, but it’s funnier to watch eunho express it through making the smaller hyung irritated. it makes hamin laugh a lot.
but hamin doesn’t really find it funny when it’s under the pretense of romantic connotations, this is what hamin realise after series of moments he witnesses time and time again. hamin ultimately realises this during their first fan concert.
the way his chest expands, this gut constricts, his throat tightens and dry, the simmering heartburn spreading to his chest; before he even knew it, he’s already on his feet, separating the silverhaired and pink haired hyung away from each other.
hamin had jokingly accused the two of them dating. not expecting the odd feeling of resentment choking him when either of those two did not definitively disagree, even though bamby hyung was expressive with his disgust just with the idea of it. then again, eunho hyung being himself, he just laughs it off and let it slide.
hamin wishes he kissed eunho on the mouth that one time. the edge of eunho’s lips was impulsivity driven by curiosity, he was too adorable, and he was leaning in, anticipatory glances thrown towards hamin, a puppy waiting for his little treat.
it was during that time hamin comes to a full realisation that eunho has hamin wrapped around his fingers, had him in an inescapable leash around his neck, bound hamin’s heart just with his laugh, his gaze, his earnesty.
hamin wants eunho to be comfortable to touch and annoy him like he is with bamby hyung. hamin wants to be the one who sat beside him when he couldn’t control and hold back his tears, if hamin was the one beside him, hamin would have hugged him. a consoling pat and rubs on eunho’s back isn’t enough, hamin would’ve hold him in his arms.
“eunho hyung,” there was nobody else in the room except them. other people has left the building, and eunho just got back from going to the toilet.
“oh? haminnie hasn’t left yet?”
“hyung, are you mad at me?”
eunho stops in his tracks, then he turns towards hamin, genuine puzzlement on his face. “why would i be mad? do i need to be mad?”
hamin stares at him, as if that would make eunho not lie.
he’s not though, lying. hamin thinks that is a bit unfortunate.
hamin sighs, sitting on the sofa, besides where eunho’s bag is. eunho sits besides it, facing hamin. “if anything hamin-ah, i think you’ve been acting off with me. is it because you think i’m mad at you?”
“maybe i’m the one that’s mad, hyung,” hamin mutters, rubbing his eyes. suddenly feeling frustrated.
“is that why you’ve been weird lately?”
hamin darts a sideway glance, defeated somewhat. “weird?”
“i don’t know,” eunho sighs, not making eye contact, his thumb, point and middle finger rubbing his forehead. “maybe i’m looking too much into this, but it feels like you’re avoiding me. bonggu said i pissed you off. i think i did. did i? hamin-ah?”
he looks at hamin again, droopy eyes makes his expression even more pathetic in an adorable way. god, it takes everything in hamin to restrain himself from pulling eunho’s pouty, uncertain mouth to find his own.
“it’s not you. i mean, not exactly.”
“then what is it? can i help?”
can i help…
eunho sounds like he’s begging. it makes hamin’s guts churn with guilt.
“it’s not that you can’t…”
“then what is it?”
“…i’m just not sure if i’ll allow myself to have you help me.”
eunho pauses, processing what hamin just told him. he is confused, of course.
like this, the more hamin observes him, the scheming fiery desire that has been burning in hamin’s chest seem to be fed more fuel, it burns brighter, hotter, more fervent. hamin’s palm starts to feel clammy, the back of his neck beading cold sweat, his throat is parched.
“i’ll do anything, haminnie. anything that’s within my capacity, i want to do it.”
it’s hamin’s turn to be quiet. examining the certainty on eunho’s kissable face.
he exhales a stuttering breath.
is this time? will courage fail or fuel me? hamin isn’t sure.
“do you trust me, haminnie?”
hamin finds eunho’s gaze again.
trust…
“is kissing me on the mouth within your capacity, eunho hyung?” hamin’s voice is small, despite his resolve, the moment those words comes out of hamin’s mouth, his heart wilted in contradictory apprehension. it’s making hamin wants to run, find the nearest toilet bowl to empty his guts out.
yet, he perseveres, this is his one chance before he’ll tell this person with excellent memory to forget about it, or at least just pretend this confession didn’t come out of hamin’s mouth.
they’re not on camera. at least the cctv in this lounge room has no mic to record their conversation.
eunho hyung’s expression looks like he is thinking even though he is staring at hamin’s face with genuine bafflement, but hamin’s heart says that isn’t a bad thing.
because hamin knows this look, at least, the remaining sanity of hamin’s rationality is familiar with this look of do eunho. maybe it’s just hamin being too hopeful, but that’s all he has right now, suppressing any negative fear that threatens and warning hamin to dip and run and pretend he never said anything.
“for you, haminnie, it’s all of me,” eunho says, finally, with a bated breath.
hamin, despite wanting to hear it, is shocked by eunho’s answer.
“eunho hyung—,”
eunho grins, like he has been waiting for this moment all his life, he leans in, placing a gentle hold on hamin’s forearm, eyes tracking hamin’s.
“come on yu hamin-ah, i’m all yours.”
“can i have you until i die?”
eunho dips his head, chuckling, his ears and neck tinged pink already, and hamin doesn’t wait anymore.
he cups eunho’s chin, guiding it upwards, capturing eunho’s mouth.
their noses bumps awkwardly against each other, lips smashed, having them part a moment to giggle and laugh.
“sorry hyung, haven’t done this in a long time.”
eunho continues on laughing, but his gaze softens. he puts his bag between them on the floor, scooting over closer towards hamin. cctv be damned, as he caresses, then cradles hamin’s face, tilting slightly, “me too…,” reassures, bashful yet confident.
“are you sure you remember?” hamin teases, unable to look away from eunho’s captivating eyes, this close, he can see how bright his scarlet irises are, making hamin drunk, swimming in the pool of red wine.
this close, eunho’s masculine scent is potent with his own, smells addictive. hamin sighs, their foreheads press against each other as hamin shuts his eyes inhaling eunho, his hand snaking around eunho’s waist, pulling him even closer.
“hmm, we’ll just practice until we both get better at it again, then,” eunho hums, rubbing hamin’s cheek with his thumb so their eyes meet again.
…and their mouths meet again.
hamin melts into the kiss immediately, his heart taking on a crazy pace. from eunho’s waist, his hand slides down to eunho’s thigh, hoisting them up onto hamin’s lap. the movement made eunho gasp, grabbing onto hamin’s shirt. the little sound made eunho’s mouth gape open, allowing hamin to swoop in his tounge devouring eunho’s mouth.
it’s hot, it’s wet, it smells slightly like roses. eunho must’ve reapplied his lip balm just before this. dear gods, as if his scent isn’t already narcotics for poor hamin’s brain chemistry.
hamin wants more.
he feverishly wants all of do eunho.
another gasp coming from eunho, he pulls away, heaving a breath. “hamin-ah, not here,” eunho pats hamin’s chest, his voice is already breathy, and raspy. clearly not wanting to get too lost in the kiss.
hamin can’t look away, too dazed from the kiss, bewitched by eunho’s proximity, his mere visual this close towards hamin.
“i’ve got you…,” he mumbles quietly, in quiet disbelief.
“ung?” eunho finds hamin’s face, lips a bit puffy.
“do you like me hyung?”
eunho doesn’t look away, and a wide amused grin forms on his lips, the same lips that devoured and inhaled hamin’s soul just seconds before, “i don’t kiss people i don’t like, hamin-ah.”
“ah, so you kiss other hyungs too?” his quick mouth couldn’t stop his wittiness despite knowing exactly what eunho meant.
eunho only laughs, catching it immediately. “do you want me to?” he raises an eyebrow, a daring challenge, his palm is hot on hamin’s cheek.
hamin pouts, “please don’t. just me, only me. please?”
eunho inhales a sharp one, blinking in awe. the curls of his lip, the fluff of his hair as he ducks down, shying away from hamin’s pleading gaze…pats hamin’s arm, giggling, “ah, i can’t say no to our baby cat, i’m too weak!” eunho complains, light hearted.
“i’m not…” hamin pauses. then he giggles, with slight embarrassment, dipping his head into eunho’s neck, fully embracing the other, “actually, i am! i’m only eunho hyung’s baby kitten, like how you are my cute puppy!”
“ah my haminnie has given up on being oppa already?” eunho talks in baby mode, nuzzling against hamin’s head.
hamin laughs into his skin, “no need to be hyung’s oppa if i’m already a scary big black cat sensei.”
“ah,” eunho reminisces, patting hamin’s broad back soothingly, “jaguar teacher. that’s scary enough,” he giggles, then sighs, resting on hamin’s shoulder, rubbing circles on hamin’s back.
they stay like that for a moment that feels like their own, stretched not long enough until hamin culminates the urge to be impulsive.
“i love—,” hamin feels like losing breath, “i really really love you, do eunho,” hamin’s hold tightens around eunho, not wanting to let go, not wanting eunho slip away from his hold.
eunho shifts a little, maneouvering his head to place a peck on hamin’s neck. he pulls away then grabs hamin’s face in his hand, making sure their eyes meet.
something clicks in his intense fiery eyes.
“you were jealous.” it is a statement.
“oh god, haminnie, you were acting weird because you were jealous!”
hamin purses his lips, his face starts to burn. he looks away, embarrassed. ashamed.
eunho notices right away, yet he is giggling, dipping in to find hamin’s lips, kissing him in the way that makes hamin sighs contentedly against eunho’s ministrations, reassuring in an affirming way.
eunho lets go, rubbing their noses and forehead together, his lips in a gentle smile, “i’m not quite sure what haminnie is jealous of, but it makes me happy that haminnie likes me that much.”
the clutch of hamin on eunho’s sides tremble. “i do. so much… so so much,” hamin’s voice quivers, his gaze downwards.
“haminnie, don’t you know that you’re my favorite? haven’t i made it obvious enough? should i be more aggressive?”
shyly, “it’s okay hyung. i know now,” hamin replies, a bit quiet.
“if anything, i’m jealous how others always want you, haminnie, because you’re so talented and reliable. so good at everything you do. i am proud, and at the same time, so many people wants you too. i get afraid.” eunho and his random confessions will never not catch hamin off guard.
hamin tucks a stray hair behind eunho’s ear, appreciative of the shine in eunho’s eyes quaking in earnest. “you’re afraid, hyung?” hamin questions, gentle eyes, gentle tone.
“you’re too cute, haminnie. your contradictory appeal always makes people swoon. including me. knowing you are everything i want is also what others want, it makes me feel greedy, especially knowing you’re not mine,” eunho says, following with a light laugh, as if he doesn’t just drop a nuclear sized bomb that has demolished the existence of hamin’s heart, reforming it into a cloud of yearning for a certain silver colored haired hyung, of whom hamin can gradually paw at claiming him as hamin’s lover.
hamin doesn’t say anything. he only observes eunho’s face, his bashful, yet timid mannerisms.
somehow… hamin is quite surprised how similar they feel towards each other.
“be greedy, hyung.”
eunho looks at hamin properly again, and hamin doesn’t stop himself from swooping in another kiss. hamin is imploding from the inside, his gaze is exploding with so much want, so much desire, he doesn’t quite know where to put his hands, a carnal itch is burning both of his nerves in his palm, touching, just touching do eunho isn’t enough. yet hamin settles with a sigh, “i want you to be greedy. i want you to want me loudly,” hamin admits, his heart in his throat, his skin has tear itself from its flesh, being vulnerable like this, he’s burning with the fire eunho likes to flex cutely ablaze from his palm.
eunho let out a breath. “if you say that…,”
hamin interrupts him, feeling the sudden need to elaborate, “because hyung, i can’t do it even if i want to. because i want you so much that i get afraid of myself. so, if it’s alright with you, eunho hyung, can you do it for us?” he grabs eunho’s hands, interlacing their fingers together, locking their hands, noticing how the slight difference actually made a comfortable, perfect fit inbetween hamin’s hold.
“scared?”
“i’m scared because i won’t know how or when to stop. as much as you see me like this hyung, it’s because i need to keep myself in check, or else—,” hamin chokes at the end of his words, trailing off, breathless all of a sudden.
“okay,” eunho chuckles, nodding, amused despite the red on his face, “i’ll be so insufferable about it that you’re gonna get sick of me.”
the waves of relief that washes over hamin feels invigorating. “okay,” nods, reaffirms, a wash of relief feels like a cozy cold blanket on a warm summer day.
“be insufferable as much as you want, eunho hyung. i’ll throw up if i get sick of it but my heart will always in your hands.”
that made eunho burst out laughing, head thrown to the back, his body shakes. he is so breath taking. hamin is always awestruck with the way eunho would freely laugh like that, airy, easy, wonderful. hamin takes that chance to run his nose along eunho’s neck, his perfume remnants smells the strongest right along his jaw. eunho combs his free hand into hamin’s hair, grounding the younger a bit.
“you’re giving me too much power, aegi-ya.”
“ung, all of it is yours. just take it all.” hamin sighs, mouthing against eunho’s neck. absolutely smitten. all in for absolution. “as long as i’m yours.”
eunho sighs, kissing the crown of hamin’s head.
“thank you, hamin-ah.”
“i should be the one to say that.”