Chapter Text
As James sat and watched them argue for what felt like the millionth time that day, he wondered what it would be like to actually know what the two were thinking. As much arguing as they did, James could always tell there was more unsaid that almost always led to another misunderstanding and argument. If he could just understand what his friends were trying to say, maybe he could get to the bottom of the unsaid issues and help them.
Sirius and Remus were his best friends, his fellow marauders. They’ve always been so hot headed and prone to misunderstanding. Remus always said so much and yet so little. He had a habit of keeping his real thoughts to his chest in an effort to not be a burden to his friends. James could see that from the second they stepped on the Hogwarts train the first year and Remus sat arms crossed and pouty. He feels so much more than he understands but is content to keep to himself. Under normal circumstances he could continue to exist peacefully-except that he somehow was fated to be with James (Mr family man and the CEO of “let’s talk it out”) and Sirius (wears his heart so openly on his sleeve he doesn’t allow room for anyone else’s feelings). But while Remus tries to hide his thoughts and feelings, Sirius hides his thoughts but his feelings are everyone’s problem. James thinks that’s where the disconnect comes from between the two- that Remus subconsciously wants to express the feels but can only do so in anger, and Sirius doesn’t understand the feels and can only express in anger. The moody gits. Which brings James back to his original thought- what if there was a way to understand their thoughts so he could intervene? Maybe mediating an argument could help them understand each other better and improve their communication.
Sirius jabs James out of his thoughts and back to where Professor Slughorn has just directed a question toward him.
“The potion has to be stirred and brewed for 24 hours.”
James hears snickers from around the room in response.
“Mr. Potter, I asked if you could open your textbook and at least pretend to pay attention.”
From across the row, Lily Evans rolls her eyes at him as more laughter surrounds the class. Professor Slughorn continues the lesson and James watches Lily with his usual pining stare. She’s so perfect and smart and knows the answer to everything….
That’s it!
James sat bouncing his knee in anticipation the entire rest of class.
After class, James hung outside the dungeon door waiting for Lily to finish her teacher’s pet routine after every class where she had to discuss the class, homework, and supplemental reading before bouncing off to her next class. James thought it was absolutely adorable and Sirius always playfully smacked him on the head saying “careful, she’ll trick you into becoming a swot…”
James hears her approach and straightens his shirt.
“Lily Evansssss”
The red haired girl whips around, startled by the voice but softens and rolls her eyes when she recognizes it as James.
“What do you want, Potter?”
“Ouch! Still on a last name basis. You can call me James, you know. Usually I leave the professors to call me by my last name.”
“That would give you entirely too much satisfaction and might give you the wrong impression that I see you as a friend. So I won’t be doing that. Now if you’ll excuse me..”
She pushed past James and began making her way down the hall. James ran after her.
“Where ya heading?”
“None of your business”
“Oh, how you wound me.”
“What’s it to you?”
“Can’t a guy ask a girl where she’s going?”
“I’m heading to the library. Would you leave me alone!”
“Oh how delightful! I’m headed the same way. Let me take your books for you!”
She stopped dead in her tracks, clearly frustrated. James turned to her with his usual charming, cheesy smile.
“Why don’t you just tell me what you want so I can get on with my day?”
“Why would you just assume I only talk to you when I need something?”
Lily put her hands on her hips and her red hair bounced with the movement. It was mesmerizing.
“Okay fine. I do need something. But I’d happily carry your books for you wherever and whenever you needed.”
“Get on with it, Potter.”
“Okay okay. Remus and Sirius have been at each other’s throats like cats and dogs.”
“Fork in the kitchen, really. Anything new to report.”
“No no it’s different this time. They’ve been at such odds lately and I think they had some sort of secret fight and it’s just causing a problem for everyone. But no one will bloody talk about it so nothing is getting solved and they’re making everyone miserable.”
“Ah yes, trouble in paradise,” Lily responds unamused.
“Lily, I’m serious. Haven’t you noticed Moony’s been acting more out of it? Don’t you care about him?”
Lily chews on her lip for a moment while she processes. James can’t help but stare.
“Ok fine. But only because I love Remus more than I can’t stand you. What do you propose we do about it?”
“Well I figure if someone could find out what they’re actually trying to say and get them to talk about it then maybe it would model for future misunderstandings and could help them not get so upset.”
“Hmm. That makes sense. How could we do that? You think there’s a potion?”
“Ah yes- Lily, potions master, that is exactly why I roped you into this genius scheme to get Remus and Sirius on the same page. This is where your expertise comes in.”
“Tell you what, I’ll do a bit of research in the library and get back to you with what I find. But only if you let me go alone.”
James throws his hands in the air.
“Fine fine! Go study without me. How you’ll get anything done, I can’t fathom. I am notoriously good at helping Moony study.”
“You’re notoriously good at distracting him while studying. Goodbye, Potter.”
James watches her walk away for a moment with stars in his eyes before he remembers what she said.
“WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU CAN'T STAND ME!!??”
Later in Gryffindor tower, James sits in the common room with his friends. Peter is playing chess James, Remus is sitting with his legs hung over the side of the arm chair with a book in his lap, Marlene is snoozing against the couch, and Sirius is nowhere to be found. It’s peaceful for exactly 5 minutes before Sirius comes into the room with his bolstering laughter, one arm slung over Mary’s shoulders who’s giggling and matching his volume. James notices Remus glare at Sirius from his book. He snaps it shut and stalks up to their room.
“Moody tosser, that one,” Sirius remarks.
“You’re hardly one to talk,” Mary teases.
The portrait hole opens up and Lily comes running in papers flying out of her arms and her books about to fall.
“Potter, may I have a word?”
James jumps right up to help her.
“Oi, James, did you finally win her over? All that talk, I was convinced it would just drive her away. Where’s Marlene, I owe her money?! Marls, you cheater, I bet you put her up to this!”
“Sirius shut it, I just need to talk to him about a project for a class,” Lily snapped at him and grabbed James by the elbow, now having her arms free, and walked them out of the portrait hole.
“I found a potion.”
“Lily Evans, evil genius.”
“Don’t get ahead of yourself, Potter. It’s going to take time and effort and it’s not exactly what you are looking for. Are you sure you want to go through with this?”
“Yes. I need my friends back,” James stared at her with his unwavering loyalty that took Lily aback for a second.
“Alright then. Give me a week.”
So a week went on without anything less than glaring anger or rude words. It seemed everyone was miserable. The full moon had passed that Sunday and James had hoped that would ease some of the tension but once returned to their human forms, the anger remained. So when Lily came back with the potion he almost grabbed it out of her hands.
“So how this potion works is that for a few hours you won’t be able to read minds exactly but you’ll be able to feel the emotions of whoever you’re looking at.”
“That’s close enough.”
“It’s going to be overwhelming especially if you take it surrounded by other people. I suggest you wait until it’s just you boys in your dorm so the most emotions you feel are 3 different people. It’s going to be a lot to handle. Especially with people who are as emotional as your friends.”
“Hey! They’re not crazy emotional… they’re the normal amount of emotional! They just can’t communicate for some reason. And I can handle it!”
“Maybe you should try one person at a time until you adjust to it?”
“Lily Evans! Are you suggesting I try it on you?”
“What!!? No! I meant, find a way to talk to either Sirius or Remus alone first and then talk to them together.”
“But maybe we need to see if it will work first…,” James waggled his eyebrows at her.
“Oh that’s enough. Just, don’t let Remus get hurt.”
“Aye aye captain!”
Lily rolled her eyes and put the vile in James’ hand. She watched him expectantly and then said “good luck” before she turned to leave.
James ran up to his room to find it empty and he began to plan. They all had a History of Magic test tomorrow so Remus was probably studying with Peter at the library, who naturally waited until the last day to stress and cram with Remus who knows the history like the back of his hand. But Sirius should be coming back to the dorm soon. So he’d pry and try to get Sirius talking about what happened. And as if on cue, Sirius stalked into the dorm in a famously bad mood. James could feel the rush of his emotions overtake him and he had to grab the bed post next to him to steady himself. He felt a wash of frustration and fear as Sirius tore off his robes and slammed the bathroom door. James approached the bathroom and softly knocked on the door. Channeling his mother’s soft, firm, and loving personality he spoke to Sirius through the door.
“Hey Pads, are you alright?”
“I’m fine.”
“Alright then, can you open the door?”
Sirius swung open the door and walked over to his bed. He flopped down and threw an arm over his eyes. James could feel an annoyance but affection from Sirius as he watched him from the bathroom.
“What’s up with you?”
“I just wanted to talk to you for a bit.”
Sirius sat up, James could feel curiosity and a sort of fear from him. James came and sat next to him tenderly.
“You’ve seemed out of sorts with Moony lately, what’s that about?” James felt his own heart ache feeling whatever mix of complex emotions brought about by Remus’ name. He could tell now that there was something about Remus that set him apart to Sirius that mirrored the way he knew he felt about Lily but it was almost deeper. He felt this emotion had not only been festering for a while but was mixed with complicated feelings of self doubt, self hatred, and confusion. It almost brought a tear to James’ eye.
“I hardly know what you’re talking about. He’s just being a swot like normal.”
“Sirius, what happened between you two.”
And then he felt a longing to confess. It was strong but he also knew there was a stubbornness to keep this one quiet, whether that be because he wants to or because he doesn’t think he can speak it. Sirius searched James’ eyes, James could feel his confusion at the understanding in James’ gaze.
“I just did something stupid I think. Like I normally do. And it’s just been painful since.”
There was a desperation to both undo whatever it was he had done but also to do it again. James was starting to understand more specifics of Sirius’ emotions which must be part of James’ getting comfortable with the new emotions. Although he still didn’t understand the full story and he was dying to know. But he knew Sirius wasn’t giving it up. This was a waste of time. He definitely understood Sirius better but he wasn’t able to get to the root of the problem like he wanted.
“It’s ok lad. I know you don’t want to talk about it but you need to address whatever it is with Moony. Clearly there’s some sort of misunderstanding.”
“No trust me I couldn’t be more clear… I just don’t think he'll ever forgive me.”
“Maybe I have something that will help you understand him a bit better…”