Chapter Text
After months of excruciating planning, careful timing, an absurd amount of stress, some of the most awkward moments of his life, and one drunken phone call that made him question his entire life, they were finally at the end of the road and Satoru could breathe out a sigh of relief.
Suguru and Shoko were getting married.
Despite the rough start, Satoru hadn’t managed to somehow mess up the engagement. Not that he had wanted to – he loved both Suguru and Shoko – but he had known it would not be easy. After all, he had known exactly who Shoko was going to ask to be her maid of honor, and so the moment Suguru told him that he’d proposed to Shoko, Satoru had steeled himself for the inevitable.
It was hard not to be a dick when he was working alongside his ex-girlfriend, but for his two closest friends, he was willing to do anything.
Needless to say, it had been strange. Suguru didn’t even have to tell him, just patted him on the shoulder and asked him – no, practically pleaded with him – to be nice. His and Utahime’s relationship was infamous for being tumultuous. They had dated on-and-off for nearly two years before calling it quits for good, and despite their best friends dating each other, they’d managed to avoid one another for an entire year before crossing paths again.
Another year had passed since that night when they bumped into each other at the gym. Hell, he’d even switched gyms to make sure he didn’t accidentally see her, but apparently, she’d had the same thought and they’d somehow missed each other every time. After that, the ice had begun to thaw between them, though there was no warmth either. They could at least tolerate being around each other in groups, meaning that friendly outings weren’t as awkward. She had even brought her last boyfriend to a few gatherings.
Satoru never brought girls to hang out with his friends. None of them were around long enough to matter that much, if he was being honest. Utahime had been the only one.
Seeing as how she’d also known Satoru was going to be the best man, Utahime had been a surprisingly good sport about the whole thing. This was about Shoko and Suguru and their union, not his and hers failed and soured relationship. During all the planning leading up to this event, they’d only bickered a few times, but their fights hadn’t been nearly as explosive as before. It was almost like before, back before they got together the first time, when he would tease her just to see her get riled up and blush.
That time was over though. They’d broken up and gotten back together so many times in that two years that he sometimes didn’t even bother telling Suguru, knowing Utahime would come back, but he’d put a nail in the coffin at the end. He’d known things were over when she didn’t even yell at him for what he’d done. She had simply walked out and never came back.
In spite of that, they were here now, standing across from each other as Suguru and Shoko said their vows. He was meant to be paying attention to them, but Satoru couldn’t stop his eyes from sliding across from him to sneak a glance at Utahime. She looked stunning in her bridesmaids dress, a jade color that Satoru had said looked like Shoko’s surgeon gloves. It was an a-line off the shoulder dress with long open sleeves that connected in the back (“Like a cape!” Satoru had teased when he saw her the first time in it.), thin straps holding it up, and a pleated bust and v-neck, going all the way down to her ankles with one single leg slit.
The bridesmaids weren’t supposed to outshine the bride – and Utahime had done her best, keeping her dress modest and simple – but Satoru couldn’t stop looking at her. Mostly because if he looked at Shoko in her wedding dress, he would start to wonder what Utahime would’ve chosen as her gown.
He hadn’t even come close to proposing to her. Not only had he been uninterested in committing to something as serious as marriage, but considering their temperamental relationship, Suguru would’ve probably tried talking him out of it and Nanami would’ve called him stupid. Things had changed in the past two years though, and Satoru had come to realize in the past month that some things might be worth fighting for, even if it meant fighting against himself.
Perhaps sensing his eyes on her, Utahime looked away from the couple up front and caught eyes with him. Satoru probably should’ve looked away, but he offered a lopsided grin instead. She rolled her eyes at him and back to Shoko and Suguru, but he saw a faint smile touching her lips.
Once the ceremony finished and everyone cheered for the happy couple, everyone paired up to follow Suguru and Shoko back down the aisle. Satoru’s heart skipped a beat as he met with Utahime in the middle, holding out his arm for her to slide hers through it. She didn’t hesitate, not like she had briefly during the rehearsal last night, a lightness in her step that had to come with the hard part of the wedding being over.
As they walked down the aisle together, Satoru leaned in close and murmured, “You look beautiful.”
“Thanks.” She glanced at him sideways. “You don’t look half-bad yourself.”
Before they got together, he used to tally up how many times she complimented him and would text her the final count at the end of the week. It was their little inside joke – that she insisted he was an idiot and a jerk but still managed to say nice things about him so he could hold it over her head.
I hate you, she would text back.
Nah I think you like me a LOT, he would send back with an assortment of emojis.
He didn’t do that with anyone else. He couldn’t find the energy as he had with her, and so any girls he did casually date ended up boring him. Suguru said there must’ve been something wrong with him to like fighting so much, but it wasn’t fighting. It was the back and forth, the dance, that he missed. Utahime made him work for her affection, especially when he was in the doghouse, but in the end, he couldn’t be good.
Satoru wanted to be good now, not just for a reward and not just for her. His friends deserved a better version of himself too, especially in this new chapter of their lives.
Once they were situated inside at the wedding party table, Utahime let out a sigh. Satoru held back a laugh as he watched her gaze land forlornly at the bar.
“Need a drink?”
Utahime gave him a look that could almost be imploring. “I should wait, right?”
“Nah, this whole thing has been stressful as hell and you did so much work in the last few weeks making sure everything was taken care of,” Satoru told her. “I’ll go get you something.”
He left before she could thank him, his heart tripping up. There was still one more thing left for them to do, and it was perhaps the most stressful part of the night. Shoko and Suguru could sit back and relax, maybe make a few toasts and talk with guests, but Satoru and Utahime still had their speeches to make. He’d seen her pouring over her draft in between decorating the reception. When she asked him if he’d written anything, he had merely shrugged and said he’d wing it.
That had made her scowl, the look so cute he’d had to fight the urge to kiss her on the nose.
It wasn’t long after he returned to the table with a glass of champagne that Suguru and Shoko were introduced together as husband and wife. Everyone stood up and cheered, Satoru whistling so loudly that Utahime jumped and Suguru laughed. By the time they sat down, separating him and Utahime, Satoru was brimming with excitement.
Fuck, he loved them. They were his best friends. He couldn’t be happier for them, even if he’d been something of a dipshit in the middle of their relationship when his and Utahime’s blew up the last time.
When it came time for Satoru to make his best man speech, he didn’t hesitate. He didn’t falter or complain. He didn’t look at Utahime as he stood up, even though he wanted to see if she was watching him. This was about Suguru and Shoko, he reminded himself, not them. This was about their future and the hope for something more and good in this world.
He would be better this time.
“As a lot of you know, Suguru and Shoko have been my best friends since high school,” Satoru started. “I don’t know how or why since none of us seemed to have anything in common, but we stuck together like glue. I was the rich kid jock, Suguru was the moody emo skater boy, and Shoko was the weirdest girl I’d ever met.”
More than a few people laughed while Shoko nodded in agreement. “I still am.”
“It was just the three of us for a long time, and we did everything together,” Satoru continued. “They dealt with my shenanigans, we suffered through Suguru’s theater kid stage, and we accepted Shoko’s morbid curiosity and paranormal exercusions. We were a trio, and I thought we’d always be a trio.”
And then Utahime came into the picture. Though they had technically met her through Suguru when he was doing theater, she had become close friends with Shoko. It took him until college to realize that his attraction to her was more than just physical. At the core, their group was still him, Suguru, and Shoko, but things started to change after Utahime came into the picture. He wondered if that was when things began to evolve between Suguru and Shoko, when Satoru became focused on Utahime.
He didn’t blame them for it, even if he’d been a little mad in the beginning.
“Suguru is more than my best friend. He’s like a brother to me, and we’ve been through a lot. I’ll be the first to admit that I wasn’t always a great friend either. I can be arrogant, reckless, and pretty blunt – and even worse, I can be selfish.” Satoru swallowed thickly, willing himself not to glance at Utahime. “Suguru stuck with me though and helped me be a better man, even when he was also going through hard times. I was taken aback when he dropped out of college. I hadn’t realize things had gotten that bad, especially when he always supported me. For a while there, when our communication fizzled to almost nothing, I thought I’d lost us – our little trio was gone.”
Like with him and Utahime, he and Suguru had fought too, but Satoru couldn’t understand what was going on with him during that time. He’d abruptly dropped out of school, cut off communication with him, and even moved out of their shared apartment. It was like Suguru was just gone , and Satoru had blamed him for it, thinking he was trashing their friendship out of jealousy or something.
It wasn’t until Shoko called him from the hospital where Suguru was that Satoru had realized it was so much worse than that.
“I was so far up my ass that I couldn’t see what was right in front of me,” Satoru admitted, “but Shoko never lost sight. Even if I wasn’t nearly as present as I should’ve been, Shoko was there. Sure, her bedside manner was shit, but it was exactly what Suguru needed – that bleak sense of humor that made him laugh when my stupid ass couldn’t even get him to smile. Shoko understood Suguru on a level I couldn’t understand, and she was there for him, a silent and supportive partner. I didn’t think I could ever be prouder of Suguru when he got out and picked himself back up. I was so happy to have my brother back.”
Feeling himself getting a little choked up over the memories, he laughed a little when Suguru slapped him on the arm. “C’mon, man, you’re not supposed to make me cry at my own wedding.”
Satoru shrugged. “This is what you get for hiding your relationship for six months and traumatizing me when I caught you two–”
“Carry on!”
With a grin, Satoru nodded, but to be honest, he was using humor to deflect. This was the hardest part of the speech, if only because it came so close to the heart. He could easily talk about how much he loved Suguru and Shoko, but this was where things cut deep and he had to admit things he never would’ve said before.
They needed to be said though. That was important.
“When it came to things like love, I confess that my views on them were, well… They weren’t good.” Despite the seriousness of the situation, he shrugged. “My parents, while still married, had a shit relationship, so I was notorious for carrying on casual affairs and never taking things seriously. I was, in short, an asshat, so I didn’t get it when Suguru stopped wanting to go out and pick up girls.”
They would do it whenever Satoru and Utahime were off-again, so when they broke up for good, he expected Suguru to go all out with him. He hadn’t, because unbeknownst to him, he and Shoko had quietly gotten together. They were both worried it would upset him – and to be honest, it had when he finally found out. Not only had they left him out completely, but he felt betrayed that they would do this when he was alone, as if he hadn’t had a hand in ruining his relationship with Utahime.
“I didn’t believe in love, didn’t believe in happy ever afters, and it showed in my relationships,” Satoru admitted. “When I found out that Suguru and Shoko were together, I was positive it was a mistake. It was going to ruin our trio. Not only was I left out, but if they broke up, we’d never be friends. I was mad, and I wasn’t as good of a friend as I should’ve been. If I had paid attention, I would’ve seen that love between them had been there for years already.”
If he had paid attention, he would’ve seen the signs of how much he had hurt Utahime. Of course she lashed out at him. His teasing could take on a cruel tone if he was irritated enough. He thought of himself first more often than not. He didn’t take her feelings into account. Sure, they fought and she got mad, but she’d realize he was either right or she wouldn’t get better than him and come back. Plus, he was good at being able to make her forgive him. There was a pull to their push.
Satoru took a deep breath. “I didn’t want to believe that love between them existed, because if it did, it meant I had managed to squander the real thing too.”
As quiet as the room was, he thought he heard someone suck in a shaky breath and he knew, without looking, who the sound belonged to. Even though it was a bad idea, he snuck a glance at Utahime. As usual, her heart was plain as day on her sleeve, her emotions written all over her face.
“I didn’t want to believe it because then I would have to face my failures and accept my loss,” Satoru continued, forcing himself to look back out to the crowd, “but eventually, I couldn’t ignore it. They were my family, and if being happy for them meant hurting, I would do it. I didn’t want to be bitter. I wanted to be with my best friends. I wanted to join them on this next chapter in their lives. I wanted to believe love existed.”
There had been a time, in the bad part of his and Utahime’s relationship, that he thought he might love her. It was weird. It should’ve been during one of their good periods, but no, it was after they’d had a fight and Utahime was sleeping with her back to him that he was struck by the sudden realization that he wanted to touch her more than anything. He wanted to draw her in, wrap his arms around her, press his face into the crook of her neck and just breathe her in. He wanted her, when things were bad and when they were good.
He couldn’t imagine what his life would be like without her, and then a few months later, he’d been forced to live it for a full year.
“But watching Suguru and Shoko together finally made me realize that I was wrong, and there is hope when I’d convinced myself there was nothing,” Satoru finished. “And seeing them together today, I realized I'd lied to myself. I can be even prouder of Suguru, and it was in that moment when I watched him make his vows to Shoko.” He held up his drink – a glass of juice, the mixer for Utahime’s champagne – and everyone mirrored him. “So cheers to Suguru and Shoko, for helping us believe again!”
As everyone cheered and clapped, a wave of relief swept over Satoru. He’d done it. Contrary to what he had said to Utahime, he had actually written this speech weeks ago, the night of the bachelorette party. He might have planned on winging it in the beginning, but he couldn’t shake the words out of his head when he’d been laying on his couch with a drunken Utahime sleeping in his bed.
Sitting back down, he smiled when Suguru clapped him on the shoulder. “Seriously, thank you. I normally complain about your ability to yap, but that was… That was incredible.”
“No problem,” Satoru replied, “but you two better stick together because I am not doing that again.”
Suguru laughed. “Sure thing.”
With his part finished, Satoru couldn’t help but peer curiously around Suguru to wait for Utahime’s turn, but instead of her standing up to speak as the maid of honor, she and Shoko were whispering together. He couldn’t hear what they were saying, but he was startled to see Utahime in tears. It caught him off guard so much that he almost stood up, but the sound of his chair scraping against the floor caused Shoko to hold up a hand without even looking back.
Before he could even get a word in, Shoko turned to the crowd and announced, “Okay, since Satoru talked all our ears off, we’re going to get started on food and drinks before we do anymore speeches. I, for one, am starving after making sure I fit in my wedding dress.”
While most people were more than happy to start eating, Satoru watched as Utahime excused herself from the table and walked away, determinedly keeping her head down. He didn’t know what to do, a helpless feeling coming over him. It was different from the times he’d watched her walk away before. He wanted to run after her, but he was also scared. He hadn’t meant to upset her, but what he’d said was the truth.
“What’s wrong?” Satoru demanded. “What happened?”
“You, dummy,” Shoko deadpanned.
“What?”
“Your speech was too good,” Shoko told him.
Satoru frowned. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to–”
“No, I know you didn’t,” Shoko sighed. “I’m not mad at you and neither is she. She’s more upset with herself than anything else because she’s afraid of ruining the wedding.” She gave him a smile. “You two have honestly been so great about this whole thing. Suguru and I were worried, but… I don’t know. Maybe this was the push you needed.”
“I don’t know–”
“Satoru,” Shoko cut in. “I know Utahime called you during the bachelorette party.” He snapped his mouth shut, unable to come up with a counter. “I know you picked her up from the club, and I know you brought her back to your place.”
Flushing, Satoru jumped in, “I didn’t–”
“And I know nothing happened,” Shoko finished. “You gave her a change of clothes, water and pain meds, helped her wash the makeup off her face, and let her sleep in your bed while you took the couch.” It hadn’t been easy, especially with her babbling about how much she’d missed him and how much it hurt to see him again and how she’d been keeping up with his progress in his career. “You were a good friend.”
“Yeah, well…” Satoru held out his hands. “I was pretty certain you’d cut my dick off if I tried anything with her while she was that drunk.”
“I would have,” Shoko informed him, “but was that the only reason holding you back?”
No, it wasn’t – because in that moment, as good as it had felt to have her in his arms again, he knew she would regret it come morning if something happened between them. He didn’t want her to regret it. He wanted her to remember it. He wanted her to be happy. And if that meant gently laying her down and playing with her hair until she fell asleep and then dragging his mopey ass to the couch, he’d do it.
Because he missed her and he loved her, but he couldn’t have her, not like that.
“You should go talk to her,” Shoko told him.
Satoru gave her a wary look. “Are you sure? She probably doesn’t want to see me right now.”
“I think, out of everyone, you’re the one person she wants to see,” Shoko said. “Now go on. You did this – you and your magic words – so you can go fix it and make my maid of honor happy.”
“And if I make it worse?”
Shoko shrugged. “I don’t need a scalpel to perform a dick removal surgery.”
“Noted.” Satoru stood up and saluted them. “Wish me luck.”
Suguru gave him a thumbs up. “Just don’t insult her.”
“Shit, is the bar really set that low?” Satoru grumbled.
“When it comes to you and Utahime, yes, it is,” Suguru said, “so try to raise it, okay?”
Taking a deep breath, Satoru walked away from the table, heading in the same direction as Utahime. From what he could tell, she’d gone to the dressing room where all the bridesmaids had gotten ready before the wedding ceremony. If he knew her, she was probably hiding out there and drinking a bottle of champagne. The image brought a smile to his face. It was nice to know that even after two years and things changing in their personal and professional lives, he could still know her.
And he could love her even more. He could only hope she felt the same and if she didn’t, well, he had some work to do to prove he could be a better man. This was only the first chapter in believing the impossible.