Work Text:
Wille had a strange, strange dream.
He was sitting at the Hillerska lakeshore when some kind of wind picked up. At first, it felt like an unusually strong breeze, whipping his hair around his head and pushing at his back. But then the wind became stronger, almost calling him forward. Wille slipped his shoes off and walked towards the water.
All of a sudden the breeze at his back picked up and he was all but pushed into the water. He tried his best to paddle, but the force of the water got stronger, and stronger, and then -
Darkness. Stillness.
Wille was breathing, but he felt water all around him, and how could that be? His body felt strange in all the wrong ways: fluid, and slippery, like his bones and flesh had changed their density.
Finally, light behind his eyelids, which felt heavier than normal. He opened them up to see a bright amber glow, and pebbles, and glass, and of all ungodly things, a human sized fish, and it was swimming right at him.
He ducked out of the way just in time to see the fish charge past him towards what looked like fish food. He had a very unsettling feeling and looked down at his body to find it was not his body at all. He thrashed side to side and upside down, floating in the water, to find yellow scales, two fins, and a tail. Something about the tank felt oddly familiar, a gnawing feeling in his gut that he had seen it before.
A loud grating noise sounded above him. Wille looked up and saw an impossibly large hand reach down and drop more food into the tank. The fingers were long, somewhat bony, and elegant, and he realized it with a start. It was Simon's hand.
It was a beautiful hand that Wille had many equally beautiful memories of. How he'd held it gently, the night of the horror movie, and then pulled it away. The way it tangled in his hair the few times they'd spent together in Wille’s, then Simon's, bed. How it felt heavenly wrapped around him, twisting every part of his core up as Simon brought him closer to bliss.
The largeness of the hand in the amber glow looked nearly godlike, and Wille swam as fast as he could to the surface, hoping that maybe he could get Simon's attention, could tell him there had been some terrible mistake. Maybe this was a nightmare and doing so would wake him up.
He popped to the surface and immediately felt the burning acidity of the air in his lungs. Simon peered down at him curiously.
“Hey Felle. What are you doing all the way up here?” He asked gently, reaching towards Wille. Calling on every cell of his body, Wille tried to force out a cry, a plea, or any sound that could escape him. There was nothing.
“The food is down here, see?” Simon tapped the glass below him, and the whole tank vibrated.
Wille was shaking, struggling with the strain of keeping himself above water and taking everything he could from his gills.
“Thanks for saying hi. Go back down, now,” Simon said, pushing Wille down into the water with his fingers. They felt so coarse against his skin. All the sound went away, and Simon peered down at Wille through the glass. The lights glinted off his eyes beautifully. Wille always noticed that wherever they were, Simon's eyes caught and reflected the light back to him like a lantern, or a beacon, and they pulled him in every time.
He shook his head at Wille - Felle now, shit - and smiled. “What dumb little fish.” And then he turned and walked away. Wille wanted to scream and cry out, but he knew it was no use. His only hope now was to wait it out; maybe he would wake up from this strange dream eventually.
Simon came back into the room a few minutes later freshly showered, a towel wrapped dangerously low around his waist. He looked incredible; Wille could see rivulets of water shaking off of his hair, and the flex of Simon’s muscles each time he moved. Then with a sudden movement, Simon threw the towel across the room, and he was completely naked. Wille’s first instinct was to look away, he knew deep down it was wrong, but he couldn’t look away. It was like witnessing the most beautiful train wreck. Simon’s body was incredible. Wille had studied it with his mouth and his hands, but each time had been all too rushed, and now Simon was here in front of him in all his glory. It was nearly too much, and Wille was almost grateful when Simon finally pulled on his underwear and started getting dressed. Before he knew it Simon was gone, and Wille was left alone with the other fish to ponder exactly how he had gotten into this mess, and how on earth he was going to get himself out.
–
Wille perked up from his hiding place under the rock when he heard a loud noise. He spent his afternoon fending off Oske, who seemed to like chasing a little too much.
Simon walked into the room, shouting something behind him as he went. He flopped down on the bed, his hands over his eyes, and Wille heard what sounded like quiet hiccups. The sound grew slightly louder, and Simon moved a pillow over his head to muffle the noise, which is when Wille realized he was crying. His aquatic heart sank. Wille swam closer to Simon, peering through the corner of the tank. Simon’s chest rose and fell with each sob, and Wille wished he could know what was wrong so he could do something about it.
Suddenly, a vibration cut through the room, and Simon reached around for his phone. “Hey, Ayub,” he said, sitting up quickly and wiping at his eyes and nose. “No, nothing, just got home from school.” A beat passed. “Not tonight. Yeah, I’m feeling a little under the weather. Okay. Thank you. Hugs, bye.”
Simon got up from the bed and wandered towards his monitor, and the room was suddenly flooded in white light. Wille swam quickly over to the monitor, hoping to get a bit closer to Simon. With a deep sigh, Simon sat in his chair and swiveled just right to where Wille could see his phone screen. Yes, he thought. Maybe he’d get some clue as to why Simon was upset.
Simon’s thumb hovered over the messages app for nearly a minute until he finally opened it. Wille saw his own name at the top of the screen, a little rowboat and frog emoji next to it. His heart swelled. He’d never actually seen Simon’s contact for him before. That was until Simon scrolled up. It seemed like about two pages worth of one sided messages from Simon to Wille, spaced out over the course of a few days. That couldn’t be. Wille would never wilfully ignore Simon, especially not after they shared the best night of his life.
Wille swam as far forward as he could, and rested his little gold fins on the glass. He could barely make out a few of the messages, all at different timestamps.
Hej
Are you okay? I saw the report on the news. I’m so sorry.
I’m here if you need to talk
Then, a little further down, it went on.
I understand if you don’t want to be with me like that anymore. Wille, I’m worried about you. We could just be friends instead. If you need me I’m here xx
Then - nothing. No response. Wille, the human version of himself, hadn’t even bothered to read it.
There was no way that Wille would’ve possibly ignored Simon, not unless something catastrophic happened -
In an earth-shattering moment, it all came back to him. Getting called into the headmistress’ office and the dreaded phone call. Erik’s funeral service, televised for the world to see. All Wille could think about in those moments was that Simon was probably watching him, which made the guilt shroud over his head even thicker. Then seeing Simon again, where all Wille wanted to do was fall into his arms, but he knew he couldn’t. How he had been unnecessarily cruel, just so that Simon would understand to stay away.
What a shit person he was. It killed Wille to see Simon cry like that, and it killed him even more that he was stuck in that damn fish tank with no way out in sight. He wanted to scream at his human counterpart, who was heartless enough to not even look at Simon when he told him he didn’t want to be with him.
So Wille did all he could do, which was thump himself against the glass. Hard. He felt it in his side, but it didn’t exactly feel like human pain, so he backed up a few centimeters and power swam at the glass. The noise was finally loud enough for Simon to swivel around and look around in confusion. For good measure, Wille did it one more time, finally wincing at the contact.
“Felle?” Simon asked in confusion. “What are you doing?” He scooted closer, turning around in his chair to fold his arms over the back and rest his chin on his hands.
Wille swam from side to side, then in a circle, hoping to tell Simon he could hear him. At the movement, Simon’s face lifted and he smiled, even if slight. “Are you doing tricks for me?” He asked. Wille hastily did three more backflips, anything to make Simon smile. He felt extremely dizzy, but it worked. Simon smiled back, tears still in his eyes. “You are one weird fish,” he said. “You know, sometimes I think it would be easier if I could just join you guys in there. This whole human thing? Overrated.” He looked down dejectedly. Wille thumped himself again against the glass.
“Fish are certainly less complicated than humans.” He looked up, considering Wille. “It almost seems like you can hear me. Well, not understand me, obviously. You’re a fish.” At that Simon made himself laugh, but then his face dropped again.
“I might as well tell you. It’s not like you can go and tell anyone, and I don’t really have anyone else.” He took a deep breath. Wille wanted to somersault again, or do anything to show Simon he was attentive. “Wille isn’t texting me back. Which is fine, he told me he doesn’t want to see me anymore. I know, you think I’m pathetic to keep testing him. But he just lost his brother, Felle. Imagine. As much as I can’t stand her, I don’t know what I’d do without Sara. And now that makes him the Crown Prince.” Simon looked off in the distance, hunching himself smaller in his chair.
“You know, it’s crazy. I almost thought I might be in love. Or falling in love, anyway.” Simon looked back up at Wille, and his heart nearly burst where it rested in between his gills. He wanted to cry out, or thump the cage until he bruised purple. “I guess I should’ve known that messing with the prince was never going to end well.” Simon rested his head on his forearm, and his cheek squished against the bone. He was so sad, and so cute, and Wille ached to be let out of the fish tank as fast as possible and into his human form, so he could ambush Simon and tell him how much he meant to him. Though it scared him, Wille also felt like he was falling, and there was no way back up unless it was in Simon’s arms.
Wille remembered his strange dream, sitting there on the lakeshore and feeling the strong, strong breeze. He thought to himself that if there was a higher power responsible, or some karmic force that landed him here, he would do everything in his power to make it right. He couldn’t bear one more day of seeing Simon this sad, and it was all his fault. He thumped himself against the glass and did three backflips. He knew Simon wouldn’t understand, but it was his oath to Simon. One flip that he understood Simon’s pain. Another flip that he was sorry for causing it. The last flip that he was going to make it better.
–
It did not get better. Simon wasn’t sad anymore; instead, he looked like he had seen a ghost. Simon flopped down on his bed, a supermarket gossip magazine in his hands. Before he could stop himself, Wille silently judged Simon until he noticed something on the cover. Was that - could that possibly be a picture of he and Simon?
No. No no no. It couldn’t be. There was no way. They had been in Wille’s room, deep in the safety and protection of Hillerska, and in the early morning no less. Yet there they were, and a bubble icon of Simon’s face hovered right next to them. Simon looked paler than Wille had ever seen him, and after a moment he shut the magazine and threw it away from himself.
Wille’s mind raced with the possibilities. If a video existed, how on earth had the gossip magazines gotten ahold of it so fast? And why wasn’t the court notified first? His mother had practically every magazine in Sweden on speed dial, including the shady supermarket ones. It must’ve been the scoop of the decade for them.
A moment later, Linda flew threw the room and wrapped her arms around Simon. He leaned his head into her neck.
“Mijo, we have to go after them.” Simon stared off into the distance, not saying a word. She combed her fingers through his hair.
“He’s not talking to me, Mamá,” Simon cried, shaking his head.
“Shh. Shhh, baby. It’s okay,” Linda said, rocking him side to side. Wille felt a pang of sadness and shame. Still, he pressed himself up to the glass, his fins holding him steady.
Linda paused her movements and looked right at Wille. He froze.
“Simon,” She said. “Is that one Felle? The one you said has been acting off?” Simon lifted his head in confusion and glanced over at the tank.
“Yeah,” he sniffed, wiping at his eyes. “He’s been acting really funny, like he’s trying to tell me something.”
“Huh.” Linda paused. “Mi amor, have you been talking to your fish again?” Despite the heaviness in the room, they both laughed at each other.
“Mamá,” Simon groaned, burying his head in her shoulder again.
“I’m just teasing. I’m happy you have them to talk to.” She backed away, tucking Simon’s chin gently in her hand. “But you have to talk to us humans sometimes, too. Okay, mijo? And don’t start with me, Ayub already told me you’ve been dodging his and Rosh’s questions.” Simon nodded resolutely.
Linda turned back to the tank, a puzzled expression on her face. “Maybe the temperature is too warm, or something, and scrambling up their heads.”
“Fish don’t have heads, Mamá,” Simon laughed wetly.
“Well then what do you call the part with the brain?” They continued like that for a few more minutes. The shock was slowly starting to dissipate. Wille closed his eyes. It was suddenly too much. He swam away to his favorite hiding place, a fake ship that had a tunnel he could slip into for privacy. He closed his eyes. He was starting to get the sinking feeling that he was here for a reason, and he knew why. He had to make this all right with Simon. He couldn’t be afraid of what the world would think, Crown Prince be damned. Especially not anymore, now that Simon’s face was plastered all over the gossip magazines. He breathed in, and breathed out, praying to whatever force had brought him here that he would make it all better.
–
Wille awoke with a start, his whole body soaking wet. He thrashed around him, by now used to fending off the other fish or looking for food, to find himself back in his Hillerska bed. He gasped air into his lungs, feeling like he couldn’t get enough, and his heart beat impossibly fast. Darting across the room, Wille looked in the mirror at his face. A regular human Wille looked back at him. He studied his hands, his arms, his crotch, his legs, and his feet, all seemingly intact.
There was no way it was real, no way that he hadn’t been in the strangest dream of his life. Except Wille looked back at his bed to find everything from the sheets, to the mattress, completely soaked.
Three sharp knocks rapped on the door. “Crown Prince?” Malin asked. “We have to go in ten. Your mother has sent you your script, and she’s asked you memorize it on your way to Stockholm.”
Wille had a terrible feeling in the pit of his stomach. He grasped his phone from his nightstand and swiped open his official email inbox. It was a formal address to the Swedish public denying all involvement in the video and his relationship with Simon. He cursed, running his hands through his hair. He didn’t even know what the video was, or how much it showed. Clearly the public had figured out it was Simon. Wille thought back to the moment in question, when he was bent over Simon, kissing down his chest. The person must’ve recorded through his window, which meant that his back was most likely to the camera for most if not all of it. Which meant the court could likely deny his involvement.
There was no way he was going to let such a thing happen. He had already broken Simon’s heart after Erik’s death, and yet Simon still tried to be there for him.
Swiping out of his email, Wille pulled up their message thread. Human Wille had not responded in his absence, which was disappointing but not surprising.
I’m sorry. I'm going to make this right, he typed out, then hit send.
–
“Mamá?” Simon called. Linda came through the laundry room a moment later, walking right over to the fish tank where he was standing.
“Yes?” She asked, looking at him curiously.
“It’s Felle. He’s gone,” Simon said.
“What do you mean, gone?” Linda asked, ducking every which way to look for him.
“I got up to feed the fish this morning, and look - there’s Oske, Olle, Freddie, and there’s the little ship he usually rests in. He’s not here.”
Linda looked at Simon and frowned. “That one has always been a little funny. Maybe he escaped?” She hardly believed such a thing was possible. “Now grab your things. I’ll look for him. You’re going to be late.”
–
The Hillerska lake was home to much biodiversity. This included many species and schools of fish, but a common goldfish was not a common sighting. And yet, one early winter morning, one bright goldfish swam alongside a school of much smaller, silver fish, who couldn’t quite decide if he was friend or foe. How he got there was just another mystery of the Hillerska lakeshore.