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FLASHBACK
The sound of an explosion. Vivid, and closer than she could ever imagine. A huge blast launched the soldier far away from her position, debris shooting from everywhere in the process. The place was severed with a burning heat, making it almost unbearable to stand there.
The soldier's ears were ringing, loudly, and her vision felt heavily limited and blurry. Weakened, helpless on the ground, she felt her body ache with pain. A burning sensation ran through the cuts of her uniform. She weakly raises her hand, as she feels an unpleasant, sticky substance running down her face. She touches it, but her face stings, and her fingers retreat. Through her blurry eyesight, she sees her fingertips dirty with blood. The dull realization, and the pain kicking in right as she does it comes all in impact.
She hears a distant radio noise after the ringing, someone calling for her. She feels her instincts call back, and she drags herself through the tall, scorched grass to her gun, launched right in front of her. The pain on that side of her face was insistent, awfully uncomfortable. One of her eyes couldn't barely see. It was just a dark, red blur.
She reaches for her gun, and picks it up with the bit of strength she got. She embraces it tightly, like no one could take it away from her. A helicopter sound is heard in the distance, approaching closer, with voices coming from it. Her strength fails and she stumbles to the ground, still holding the gun, feeling the pain and her overloaded senses exhausting her.
It wasn't over. It can't be over… It can't be… right…?
Jun wakes up in her bed in a yelp, her body and head jerking forward out as she starts heavily panting. Her fingers were twitching, and it felt like the heat from her dream was still in that room. Her body trembled and shivered, and for a moment Jun felt like she could not control herself.
Suddenly, an animal comes out from the darkness, and jumps in front of her bed. Jun is startled, and she almost kicks her feet at it until she recognizes it. Red, her dog, looked at her with a worried expression, barking. Jun stared at him and held herself, and her breathing slowly calmed down, along with her racing heart. Red approached her as it felt safe, and she embraced him tightly while he whined.
"I'm sorry boy… I didn't mean to scare you…" Jun whispered with a raspy voice, guilty for waking him up. She looked at her surroundings, still having the graphic scenes of her dream present in her head. Also, the stinging sensation on her eye scar, strong and vivid.
Jun didn't cry, but she sniffed and wiped out her glassy and only eye. She looked at Red again, who was now giving her caring dog kisses on her face.
"Thank you, Red, I-I'm ok now…" She rubbed her hands on his head softly. Red whined again, but backed away. Jun turned around to sit down, feeling like her energy was depleted, and she stared at the window.
The night was dark and the sky was filled with little sparks of shimmering stars. She couldn't tell the time exactly, but expected to be very late due the silence of the town.
She stood up, or at least tried. Her legs trembled, and she immediately tripped on herself, falling on the floor. Red came by her side to assist her, and Jun slowly got up, aching. Despite being only a dream, it felt like she had just lived through that awful moment in her life again. She could feel all her past scars, the blurry vision, her scrambled senses…
Jun walked slowly towards the light switch. She pondered, but decided that the lack of lightning felt more comfortable, as she was afraid that turning on the light in her room would trigger another uncomfortable sensation in her. Jun walked towards her shower to try and shake the bad sensations off her, and she took a quick, cold bath.
Once it was done, she walked towards the mirror to check on her eye scar through the darkness. The aching was going away, slowly, but it was still there. Despite having healed physically, it still hurt her emotionally. Just by thinking about it, it just made the stinging briefly come back.
Jun sighed. Everything felt painful, everything felt exhausting. Yet, everything looked ok.
No, it wasn't okay. No matter how hard she tries to move on, those flashbacks always come back to haunt her. Even in her comfortable room, even in the comfort of friendly citizens, she felt restless, but at the same time, tired. The depths of her mind fighting to keep herself functional, sane… And yet, sometimes it felt like it was losing battle.
She walked towards her bed again, but she pondered it. She didn't feel tired. Actually, she was afraid to sleep. Afraid of sleeping and having bad memories come to her through nightmares. Jun whimpered. God's sake, she just wanted to rest.
Red sniffed Jun and looked at her, expecting her to do something. Despite loving the presence of the caring old dog, he wasn't a human, and Jun felt like she had to share her pain with someone that could listen and comprehend her.
Her missing eye kept aching more. At this point, she really wanted an actual person to comfort her, at least so she could maybe have a peaceful night.
Jun felt guilty as one name came to mind: Leona. But in the middle of the night, would Leona even come to help? She feels guilty for thinking about bothering her. But out of everyone, her presence has always comforted and soothed Jun. Even if Leona can't relate to what Jun went through, she was always there to help and care for her.
Jun looked at the bed one more time, thinking if it was actually a good idea. But she tried to shake away that doubt. She looked at Red and lowered down to give him some pets.
"I'm gonna have some time out for a bit. You stay here, okay?"
Red cried, but he didn't stop her. He sat down and stood there, staring at her. "Take care of the place for me, alright? I'll be back." She said, before heading out.
In front of Leona's door, Jun started thinking again. She still felt bad for bothering her in the middle of the night, even if Leona probably would say she doesn't mind it. Also, Jun didn't even know if she would wake up to open the door.
Every second that passed made Jun feel more unsure, but she was afraid to back away. So Jun decided to knock and wait, and leave if she gets no answers.
She knocked rhythmically on the door, not too loud to scare her or even wake little Bao up. Then Jun stood around and waited. A few seconds passed, and she didn't get any answers. She was about to give up and head out, until she heard some noise from inside the house. Then, sounds of footsteps coming closer, and then a lazy yawn.
The door is finally opened. Jun couldn't help but freeze in place, staring at Leona appearing through the door. Her hair was messy, and she wore an oversized shirt that Jun assumes to be pajamas. Leona rubbed one of her eyes, tired.
"...Hello?" She softly said, before noticing who was the person in front of her. As she realized, her eyes grew surprised. "Jun…?"
"Hi…" Jun waved her hand shyly. She looks at the ground. "...Uhm, sorry for bothering your night…"
"It's ok." Leona replied quietly, and invited her in, without questioning "Come in."
Leona went in and Jun followed her, and she looked around the cozy, yet cluttered living room. Leona went back to close the door. Jun didn't know what to do next, so she just sat down on the old sofa, thoughtful and nervous.
Leona approaches her, with the tired face of someone who abruptly just woke up. But she didn't seem annoyed or bothered. Instead, her eyes looked concerned for Jun. She sits down next to her, and they stay in silence for a little bit.
Jun starts muttering "I… uhm… didn't expect you to answer, in the middle of the night. Sorry…"
"That's alright. I got used to waking up to noise at night because of Bao." She manages to smirk. "Mother instincts, perhaps?"
Jun let out a quiet chuckle, then they were met with silence again. Leona decided to break that silence.
"Is everything ok?" Leona asks softly. Her worried tired eyes could not leave Jun's. Jun crossed her arms, like she was trying to embrace herself.
"I… uhm…" Jun stuttered for a little, feeling it all come back, very slowly. "...I had a nightmare. A pretty bad one. I… was afraid to go back to sleep after that…"
Leona nodded. "I see… is there anything I can help you with?"
"I…I'm not sure…" Jun's voice came out weak, and she felt herself shrink. For some reason, she suddenly felt distant, and fragile next to Leona.
Then, she felt the memories and pain come back again, and her hands trembled. She held her eyepatch while trying to hold herself from completely crumbling down, jaws clenching tightly. Jun felt herself lose her mind to the depths of her past memories… For a moment, she was injured and alone again on the battlefield.
"...Jun? Jun!" Leona called for her, noticing her sudden change in behavior. She held her shoulder, but Jun was tense. Then Leona noticed that Jun was going through another traumatic episode.
Leona raised her hand slowly to touch her face, softly speaking to her, but with a noticeable urge on her voice "Jun, please… Look at me…!"
Jun's eye was fixated and looking through Leona, looking at something far, distant, and that only she could see. Then, her anxious eye spotted Leona's, finally noticing her worried expression, and Jun's muscles relaxed.
She let out a suffocated gasp as Jun slowly started calming down, and Leona rushed to embrace her. Jun felt very lost, confused and nervous, but she still hugged her back.
"Jun…" Leona whispered, her voice clouded with worry and sadness after watching the struggles of the exhausted veteran.
Jun didn't know what to say. But the itchy, stinging sensation on her missing eye wasn't leaving. Her hands stopped trembling, and Jun held her eyepatch, clenching. Sometimes, she felt that thing bothers her to hell and back.
Jun pulled away, startling Leona. Jun grabbed the eyepatch, and ripped it away from her head, throwing it far away from her. Then she lays her hand softly on her damaged eye (which was no more an eye, just empty skin with a large scar crossing it), wanting that non-physical pain to just go away.
She finally looked up to see Leona's shocked expression. Then she realized that she has probably never seen Jun without her eyepatch. She felt embarrassed for reacting like this in front of her, and she would apologize if any words could come out of her mouth.
Both of them remained still, wordless for a little bit. Then Leona raised one of her hands to caress Jun's cheeks. The other hand reached to Jun's available hand, holding it. The gentle gesture made Jun’s heart quake and soften, and she couldn't help but to tear up.
"Shhh… You're okay now, you'll be okay…" Leona comforted her through quiet, velvety words "...I don't want to see you hurting anymore… I'm here for you… alright?"
Jun lowered her head to lay on Leona's chest, not removing her soft hand caressing her skin. She allows herself to break, and starts quietly sobbing, holding Leona tightly for warmth and comfort. Leona raised her other hand to caress Jun's fluffy hair.
"Nothing can hurt you now. I won't let anything else hurt you." Leona's voice was quiet, but strong. Even through only words, Jun felt comfort in her voice. Next to her like this, her pain and anguish started fading away, being replaced by a gentle, tender feeling.
Then, Jun held Leona's hand that was delicately touching her face, and she moved her head until Leona's hand was over Jun's scar, allowing her to touch it.
"Does it hurt?" Leona asked, sympathetic.
"Sometimes… sometimes it does." Jun replied, with an exhausted voice.
Jun lifted her head up, with her hand still over Leona's. She looked at Jun's scar, carefully. A deep cut that slowly healed through time. But even if it was physically healed, something else broken inside of Jun kept hurting her.
"If so…"
Leona stared at her face, brushing her finger softly against her skin, and then she moved forward. Jun is taken by surprise when Leona approaches her face next to hers, giving her a delicate kiss on the scar. Jun's body shivered and she flinched, but slowly she allowed herself to relax with Leona's tender touch.
Leona backed away, with a gentle smile, then asked. "Would this help?"
Jun looked to the side, feeling helpless and embarrassed. "Kinda…"
She fell back into Leona's arms shyly, feeling at ease and also exhausted from the energy outburst. Jun couldn't help it but feel like a child who hurt themselves and ran to their mother for comfort.
"You should stay over tonight." Leona suggested calmly. "You can sleep next to me, I wouldn't mind."
But Jun only let out a soft groan. The sense of exhaustion and helplessness made her start feeling tired again, and she didn't want to leave Leona's comfortable embrace.
She called for the pink haired girl again, but instead of replying, Jun just rested her body on top of Leona, surprising her, forcing Leona to lay on the sofa as Jun wrapped her arms around her waist. Leona let out a quiet chuckle, and she ran her fingers through Jun's hair, as her head rested on Leona's chest.
“Sleep well, Jun." Leona quietly whispered, as they both cuddled on the small sofa, Jun falling asleep comfortably and soundly like she hadn't in a long time. At this brief moment, she felt at peace.