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Three weeks had passed from the end of the war against All For One, and the reconstruction after the war was going smoothly. UA students had aided in it by day. Work for the day was over, and as students were no longer required to stay in the dorms, a lot of them went home and some remained in the quiet quarters of Height’s Alliance.
“Stop moving dimwit.” Katsuki said exasperatedly, twisting Izuku’s arm to get a better look at his wound. It was a short, ugly gash received from shrapnel piercing Izuku during the cleanup that had opened up again and bled after he had wrapped it prior. They were both in Katsukis room; Izuku sat cross legged on the floor, and Katsuki leaned forward on his desk chair. “But it hurts Kacchan!” Izuku wailed. “No, you’re just a goddamn crybaby. So stupid you can’t even bandage a wound right.”
Izuku found Kacchan’s new demeanour scary to say the least. He was so.. calm. He was advised to stop shouting in order not to aggravate his weak heart, stitched up my Edgeshot. So, although this newfound stoicism wasn’t by choice, Izuku was still spooked.
Ok, just ask him Izuku, now’s your perfect chance, he can’t get too mad. Else he’ll probably die.
Katsuki looked up "I can practically see the cogs turning in your shitty brain Izuku. What does your needy ass want?"
A few seconds of silence. Izuku looked up, into Katsuki’s eyes.
“Kacchan, can I ask you something sensitive?” Katsuki raised an eyebrow at Izuku, still holding his arm. Izuku took this as a yes.
“Promise you won’t get mad- OW” Katsuki dabbed his wound with cotton soaked in antiseptic and rolled his eyes “Don’t be a fucking idiot. Who do you take me for?.”
Izuku avoided meeting his eyes. “When you were fighting Shigaraki, All for One, whoever -before I got there- what did it feel like?”
“What, fighting him? I mean, shouldn't you-“ he said while unrolling the bandages.
“No no. I meant what did it feel like uhhh…” Izuku bit his bottom lip, and his eyes darted across the room, trying to find a way to ask the blonde the question that had been sitting on his mind in a while, without angering the him. Katsuki grew impatient.
“Spit it out nerd.”
“What did it feel like.. to die?”
Silence devoured the room, save for the soft thump of Katsuki dropping the roll of bandages he was holding. He breathed in sharply, attempting to collect himself.
“Oh I’m so sorry Kacchan! That was so stupid of me to ask!!” He slapped his face with his palms “Stupid Izuku!! Is your heart giving out?! Do you need-" Izuku's good arm hovered around Katsuki.
“No, it’s fine.” he said picking up the bandages, and he began to wrap them around Izuku’s arm. “I guess..well usually when people die they’d be thinking about their family, school, friends and stuff right?” Izuku slowly nodded, listening patiently. “But I don’t remember thinking about all that. Mostly, I was thinking about you.” He kept focus on wrapping Izuku’s arm, head down and not daring to look him in the eye. A soft gasp escaped Izukus lips in disbelief. “Me? Why-"
“I couldn’t keep up.”
“I don’t understand.”
“With you. I couldn’t keep up with you. I was always behind you, this entire time.”
“Kacchan, that’s-" Izuku tried to counter.
“Shut up.” Izuku stiffened and fell quiet. "I died thinking about you, because I was always weaker than you. My strongest attack barely put a scratch on Shigaraki.” He put a hand on his heart, wrenching his shirt in his hands. “Right before my heart exploded… I was in total despair. Because that’s when I realised that, even as we were kids and I had a strong quirk and you didn’t that you were always ahead of me. You broke your body over and over again, in order to win. When I did it in a last ditch effort, it killed me. You’d been through this so many times and I couldn’t reach your level. I had lost, and I'm only here because of Edgeshot.” He finished wrapping up Izuku’s arm and gently placed it on his lap. “Good as new.” Tears welled in Izuku’s eyes, and opened his mouth to retaliate, but Katsuki must’ve caught on as he continued speaking. “I brought something with me to the battlefield. Did you see it?”
“What did you bring?”
“A limited edition All Might card. We got them together when we were kids.”
“I think I remember seeing it next to your...” your corpse “I was so mad, so it’s a bit hazy. I can’t believe you kept it this whole time!” he said, incredulously, eyes bulging.
Katsuki nodded “I was never one to believe in luck, and I don’t know why I thought it would be any different that time. I lost it on the battlefield though. I thought.. When I got into UA and became a hero.. It would’ve been pretty cool if I asked All Might to give me an autograph. Perhaps I would've asked him to sign it before I ended his career. That probably makes two now.”
He’s meand Edgeshot. Despite the reassurance given to him by the Ninja hero, Katsuki couldn’t help thinking about the what-ifs.
“Kacchan…” Izuku's bottom lip trembled, but Katsuki couldn’t stop now. His words were flowing out like a gushing waterfall and they couldn't- wouldn't stop and oh God, his body is doing that thing again where his throat closes up and his voice becomes wobbly.
“Memories of me and you and us and All Might played in my head like a movie; you were always stronger than me. But now.. you’re Quirkless again” Izuku deflated, reminded of Katsuki’s unnatural reaction in the hospital, “and I can’t… I can’t chase after you anymore. It took me a while to accept that you were strong too, more than me, because I failed to see my own shortcomings. And now it’s too late. Facing death made me think of all my failures. One of my biggest regrets is misunderstanding how you felt. I thought you looked down on me for years and that’s why I bullied you. I know you’ve heard this before but just- if only I was stronger, and wasn’t so weak to misunderstand you, to toss you asside- I could still be on your heels for the rest of our lives. ” He finally let out a choked sob and squinted his eyes to stop the tears flowing; a futile attempt. Only the soft pitter patter of rain against the window could be heard.
And then Izuku stood up from the ground and did something fucking crazy.
Katsuki felt like he was falling apart and the only thing holding him together were Izuku’s strong arms wrapped around him tightly. Less suffocating and more comforting.
“You know I’ve forgiven you, right? Years ago. Even before you apologised.” Izuku muttered, voice muffled from the warm fabric of Katsuki's hoodie. Warmth. A sign of life.
”I don’t know why you did. I treated you so awfully.” Katsuki doesn’t deserve this truly, he's gone and done it again, making it it all about himself, Izuku’s the Quirkless one. Izuku's the one who had the one thing he wanted stripped away from him. Izuku's the one whose dream was stolen away. Izuku's the one with a good heart whom Katsuki bullied for years on end, because of his own fears. Izuku's the one who taught him that Quirks aren't everything. Izuku isn't the one whom he'll chase after in the future. Not anymore
. Izuku felt Katsuki beginning to tug, and pull away Izuku laid his head on Katsuki’s chest, above his frail heart, trying his best to look out for his weak heartbeats. “I’m so glad you’re alive” he said as his body racked with sobs, “You have no idea how angry I was. Your were dead Kacchan! And I thought you weren’t coming back! I nearly lost all control and played right into All For One’s hands…I was so scared because- because I could never imagine a future without you. And then, when I was living in those moments, without you- with you dead, and filled with so much anger and rage and sadness- my whole mission felt so hopeless because I wasn’t there to protect you. So please.. Can we stay like this.. For a few more seconds?” Izuku tightened his arms around Katsuki’s neck and stained his hoodie with tears.
Katsuki allowed himself to wrap his arms around Izuku, and hold him for a few moments, before pulling away, clearing his throat and wiping the tears from his face.
“Ew. you’ve got snot on your face moron.” he handed Izuku a tissue from the desk table.
Izuku smiled, cleaning his face. Kacchan was back to normal- or at least normal as he could be.
Izuku moved back down to the floor, and the pair sat in an awkward silence for a few minutes. Katsuki stared at the floor and Izuku twiddled his thumbs.
“....There’s leftover Katsudon in the fridge downstairs. Want some?”
“Yeah, that sounds nice.”