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"Hey Dan?"
"Yeah?"
"What even happened in 2012?"
"Can we not? I really don't like to think about that stuff, and we're past it now anyway."
"We've got to talk about it eventually, and once we come out we have to explain it to everyone somehow, there will be questions about it, you know that."
"I guess so. Sit up properly so we can talk."
Until that moment Phil's head had been resting on Dan's lap and they were both on their phones. Phil sat up, scooted over next to Dan and gave him a little tiny kiss on the cheek.
Dan sighed. "So basically, I was in love with you from the start, way back in 2009, but you hadn't shown any signs that you felt the same, so I kept it hidden.” Dan looked away with a combination of remorse and nerves written across his face. “Then I found out about the shippers and basically panicked because I thought that you didn't see me like that and I was worried that you would get scared off and leave me to find new friends, and I really didn't want that, so I tried to make it clear to you and everyone else that we weren't together and weren't interested like that. Looking back, I basically pushed you away, and I'm sorry about that, because I loved you, I still do and I always will."
Dan turned back to face Phil properly, meeting his eyes and finding them full of love.
Phil’s first response was relief that it wasn’t anything he had done, then he looked at Dan properly again and saw back to 2012. He saw the year again, saw the pain in his best friend’s eyes and the longing that he had missed the first time through. Dan leant over and rested his head on Phil's shoulder, pulling him back to the present.
"Ok I can see why they call you 'heart eyes Howell,' that look just before, along with a soppy romantic declaration, it’s like fanfiction. "
"Come on Phil, I've told it from my perspective, you're up, what was 2012 to you?"
"I was just falling in love with you, right at the start of the year.” Phil began with a smile. “Everything was looking up for both of us on YouTube and our subscriber counts were growing, fast. Basically it looked like it was going to be the best year ever, and then for no apparent reason, like a switch had been flipped, you got all distant and weird.” Phil’s face fell at the memory. “I was worried that I had done something that really offended you, but every time I tried to get closer again you just pushed me out. I didn't understand but I figured that you would tell me what was wrong eventually, so I waited for you to figure out what was going on and say something. Until now, you never did."
"Wow um, sorry? I guess? That sounds really bad from your side."
"Yeah well, if I had just said something sooner, we could have been together that whole time instead."
“Well, we can’t change what we’ve already done, all we can do is try and make up for lost time.”
“Don’t you get all existential on me again, Dan.” Said Phil, half chuckling. “Like you said, we have to make up for lost time, and that means no existential crisis time.”
Phil shifted his shoulder out from under Dan’s head, turning to kiss him on the cheek. “I’m glad we got that out in the open,” said Phil, pulling away from Dan a little, “but how much are we going to tell everyone else?”
“Some, not everything, not nothing. We can decide later, for now let’s put on a movie or something, and let the making up of lost time commence!”
“Sounds like a plan.”