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They were having dinner after their live broadcast today. Yejun had to leave early after he got a call from the staff regarding some issues at the company. It wasn't anything big, but they're still around the area, so Yejun wants to deal with it as soon as possible before tomorrow comes. Now it's only Eunho and Hamin. They have already eaten and just lounged around to rest for a bit before they went on a walk before going home.
“You wanna know something, Hamin? I've never told this to anyone before. I'm not even sure if I should even tell you this.”
“If you think I'm the right person to tell, then, I'm more honored than anything to hear you out.”
“Even if it’s a bad thing?”
“How bad? Is it that you murdered someone kind of bad? I don't think you even have the heart to kill a fly, Eunho hyung.”
Eunho chuckles, his face a bit flushed from the spicy meal they just had. Under the dining light, he glows a warm yellowish hue. His irises look more orange than scarlet. “I’m a wolf you know. I know how to hunt.”
Hamin takes a sip of his diet cola. Throwing a little cheeky, coy glance towards Eunho’s direction. A smirk tugging at the edge of his lips. “Whatever you say, puppy.” He said the last one quietly. Teasing.
Eunho heard him but decided to ignore it, though not without leaving a light huff of protest.
Cute, really. Hamin wants to bite his cheek, and leave a bite mark there just to see.
“What is it that you feel like telling me?”
“Don't be mad if I tell you this though. I think I'm only telling you because you're my dance teacher.”
“I can't be mad over something I don't know.”
“But what if you get mad?”
“Eunho hyung.” Hamin presses, stern. He sighs to himself. He reaches out a hand, placing in ontop of the back of Eunho’s hand on the table. He gives a reassuring gaze. “Ok. I promise I won't get mad.”
Eunho pauses for a bit, looking elsewhere, thinking. He played with his underlip, fiddling with the straw from his already empty glass. He draws back the hand Hamin’s touching. Hamin takes his hand back, lingering heat from Eunho’s skin had him breathless.
“To tell you the truth, Haminnie-sensei, I actually don't really like dancing.”
Hamin blinks. His world stops for a moment. He doesn’t feel like hearing it right.
“What?”
“I guess it's not really surprising right?,” Eunho waves a hand, his eyes wandering elsewhere, like he has just been caught doing something bad. “I think I may let it on more than I expected. You may even already aware of it.”
“I don't actually.” Hamin really doesn't. So this is quite a shocking truth that Eunho had told him. “You said you enjoyed it? You did very well and improved a lot.” Hamin still having a hard time believing what his ears just heard.
Why is it that it feels personal to Hamin? Why does it sound hurtful to hear?
Eunho purses his lips into a fond smile, his gentle gaze falls back on Hamin again. It soothes the sting. Just a little. “I enjoyed it because I'm with you. I mean, you taught me how to get better, and your patience with me really helped warm me up towards dancing even more. I do like it when we are practicing together with everyone. But personally I'm doing this because Noah and Yejun hyung agreed with Bamby hyung's persuasion. I can't suddenly disagree. Plus it made him happy. It made you happy. And I like seeing everyone happy.”
Hamin nods once. He contemplates Eunho’s words for a moment, staring at the silver haired man infront of him. Hamin swallows before he finds his words again. “Are you happy hyung?”
Eunho shrugs. “It's not so bad I guess after a while. I dislike it generally, but if it makes everyone and Plli happy, then why not, you know?”
“You know we have to do this for a long time if this works out longer than we expect…”
Eunho chuckles, carefully circles his straw within the ice. It clinks against the glass’ walls. They both stare at it for a moment, before Eunho speaks again.
“I know. I'm happy enough that it is making everyone happy. That's all that matters to me, really. Plus, I really like being with Haminnie-sensei a lot, so I really don't mind if that's the only excuse I have to spend time with you.”
Hamin watches Eunho for a second. The way his front hair curls, framing his perfect face beautifully. Long, thick eyelashes make his eyes more defined and have a sharper outline. Eunho hyung either perpetually looks adorably confused or in his head most of the time. To see him serious is actually a rare but common occurrence, just when he's working on something, or concentrating hard. Otherwise, he has a pretty laid back demeanor, that it's pretty easy to be around him. He's the sexiest when he's focusing and working hard, especially when he's on the verge of frustration and exasperation. Whenever Hamin calms him down, he always wishes he could kiss it away instead of giving a platonic brotherly pat on Eunhos back, or a loose half hug as reassurance seeing Eunho has a tendency to fall back whenever Hamin prompts physical contact with him.
“That's a dangerous thing to say, hyung. You can't take it back when you're bored with me.”
Eunho snorts. He stabs the melting ice, then takes a sip of the melted ice water. “If anything, you'd get rid of me faster than I can even begin growing bored of you, Haminnie.”
He says it so easily, not even noticing it stabs the same way he's pushing the straw into the ice.
“Let’s go home, hyung.”
The walk is quiet, just them enjoying the breeze. Well, at least Eunho is enjoying the breeze. It is a pretty chilly night, but not cold enough for a second layer. It is fairly nice. The walking movement helps to burn the calories they just consumed prior anyway, that is enough to provide heat for the both of them for the time being.
It seems Eunho has already said what needs to be said, to take it off his chest. Hamin knows he is only telling Hamin for the sake of being honest about it, but Hamin really can't help but feel some sort of a way, that he hasn't quite yet figured out what. The only thing he knows about it is the fact that it doesn't feel good. One odd thing that he is able to sort out is guilt.
Guilt for having Eunho do something that he doesn't like. Hamin personally won’t go out of his way to do something he doesn't like either, at least not voluntarily. But to do it every single day? As a job they're supposed to enjoy and like? Hamin knows what being burned out feels like. He had been there. He could barely go on. It was pretty lucky for Hamin to have Bamby hyung to help him push through it. That's Hamin towards dancing, something he genuinely enjoys and likes with his whole heart.
It makes Hamin feel pretty much worse really when he thinks about all the times they all teased Eunho about it. Just because he doesn't like it, doesn't mean that he isn't doing his best to be good at it. Noah hyung told Hamin a while back that he doesn't really want to push the dancing part, but if it pulls everything together, it's fine. But that's Noah hyung. Yejun hyung doesn't really mind for the most part, he is only doing everything that he can that could please the mass and have them all enjoying themselves regardless, even though he is quite competitive with his fourth place for dancing among the members, especially even now that Eunho has taken his place.
Hamin is close to having an existential crisis just thinking about it. He feels bad. He feels really bad and he doesn't know why.
“Yu Hamin.” Eunho calls. Placing his palm on the back of Hamin’s hand. Stopping them both in their tracks.
Hamin looks at him, as they stand right under the streetlight. Eunho’s silver hair glows a wonderful halo atop of his head, his cheeks flushed pinkish from their walk. His breathing is still even, barely breaking a sweat, but apparently the burning calories part is still working with how easy his face gets pink like that. Eunho looks at him with an amused, yet concerned gaze. A sparkling scarlet against the dark backdrop of twinkling city lights makes him look extra ethereal, it crosses Hamins mind wondering if Eunho hyung is even real.
He is apparently real enough, with his hand touching Hamin’s forearm; cold, weighted, and human.
“You're thinking too loud.”
Hamin blinks. “What did you hear?” It is as much sarcasm as it is a joke. Eunho smiles, amused.
“I don't hear anything, but your quiet isn't exactly quiet.”
“Is it bothering you?”
“It bothers me when you don't hear what I say.”
“What did you say?”
“See?” Eunho chuckles. “I’m asking if I can stay over. I don't want to drive back home tonight. Is that alright?”
Hamin still can't get over how beautiful Eunho looks. How gentle he can be. The little pat on Hamin’s forearm. Hamin swallows on dry throat. He doesn't like dancing though. Hamin reminds himself against his own will.
He doesn't like dancing.
Eunho… Eunho hyung doesn't like dancing.
Hamin’s train of thoughts are crashing into each other a mile a second. It feels chaotic in a way he has a hard time conducting a better railing for each of them, compartmentalising them better. It makes him feel urgency. If he doesn’t do this right now, he will lose it. Hamin isn’t sure exactly what he will lose. But it feels accurate somehow, in an indescribable way, when he thinks about Eunho kneeling on the floor, head in his hands, breathing hard, dripping sweat on his neck, drenching the shirt he is wearing from working hard yet still not feeling any improvement despite the encouraging words Hamin gave him. And when he gets up again, pads on his palm pressed hard into his eye socket as he bite his underlip in sheer frustration, jaw tense, his veins popping along his arms, mumbling how slow he is to get the steps right.
Hamin had to watch him with glassy, reddened eyes, frowning hard as he took a sip of water to calm himself. Persistent to go again until he got it right. Until he can confidently do all the steps just right, even though it’s not quite perfect, because despite his immeasurable confidence, the way he moves will always have a hint of hesitation lest his body moves against his will. Hamin had watched it all. Hamin had to sit through his exasperated silence during lunch and dinner as he binges food so much so Hamin is worried he was going to choke. He didn’t though. He would act like nothing happened, and crack jokes like usual. Hamin gave him the time to forget about his previous struggles an hour before. And when Hamin feels brave enough to address his improvement and provide critics, Hamin had to watch the brightness of his smile falls, the dark in his eyes loom again. It makes sense now.
If they ever stop, if this ever ends, Hamin won’t have any reason to see Eunho anymore. At least, Eunho doesn’t have a reason to see Hamin anymore. Hamin can always come to him if he ever wants Eunho to help him with singing or producing covers if he wants. But to think Eunho hyung won’t have any reason to see Hamin… Hamin knows how much he doesn’t like that. How much dread it’s pulling a tow in Hamin’s gut. It makes him pretty sick to think he has no use for Eunho anymore. Hamin wants Eunho to need him. Wants the other to rely on him. If anything, Hamin wants to be the one to reassure and comfort him each and every time.
Hamin fully turns to Eunho, grabbing his arms, placing another one on Eunho's waist. Eunho looks up to him, a puzzled look on his face, bedroom eyes blinking owlishly. He doesn't move away though. Eunho returns the gesture by resting a hand on Hamin’s forearm.
“Do you like me hyung?”
Eunho freezes. He stares at Hamin for a moment, processing Hamin’s question. Then he let out a shaky laugh, dipping his head, this time he actually tries to move away, but Hamin holds him firm, chasing where his body turns. Eunho throws another glance at Hamin, even his ears now tinged a darker hue.
“What…,” Eunho’s voice cracks, his eyes shifty, his laugh shudders. “It's Haminnie, isn't it? Of course I like you. I won't be spending this much time with someone I hate.”
“If there comes a time we won’t be able to see each other again, would you come to me just because you want to see me?”
Eunho stares at Hamin, absorbing his words. “I would. You’re an important person to me, just like the other members, of course I want to see you.”
“No… hyung,” Hamin swallows, his heart is giving answers he doesn’t want to be aware of just yet, “what I mean… would you see me again? Even without any reason. Just because…?”
Eunho huffs a light chuckle, his smile is pretty. “I hope I’m able to see you a lot, Haminie. I hope we can be together as long as we could.” Eunho says, patting Hamin’s arm. He then curls his fingers upwards to hold Hamin’s hand, tugging it to continue walking.
Hamin watches the way Eunho’s hair flows with the wind. Watches the way he tucks his hair behind his ears, and some behind his neck. Watches the way he breathes, the way he touches his ear piercings to correct its position. Watches the way his hand then rests along his necklaces…
Watches Eunho to the point of pulling him into an embrace. His eyes widens a wonderful crimson, sparkles in surprise as their lips find each other.
Hamin isn’t watching anymore. He feels the way Eunho sucks in a breath. Moist lips tastes like cherry from his lip balm that he reapplies prior.
Hamin moves away, apprehensive to open his eyes. “I’m quite happy that you kept dancing because of me,” Hamin grins, following a dumbstruck gaze against his own.
There’s commotion in Hamin’s heart, exploding from the lingering heat on his lips. Remnants of phantom pressure, one that will follow Hamin long into his upcoming dreams and fantasies.
Eunho heaves a breath. “H-Hamin-ssi…,” his face in a shade of red that Hamin has never seen on him before. Hamin doesn’t know something like that could be possible.
There is a buzz in Hamin’s ears, his gut is churning uncomfortably, his chest is expanding and constricting in a rapid pace, it’s difficult to keep up. Despite that, he holds on firm on the hand that’s not letting him go just yet, trusting it with everything that Hamin could offer.
Say something. Say something—
“Okay.” Eunho breathes out, looking away, yet tightening his grip on Hamin’s palm.
His neck and ears, from the back, the same shade as his eyes.
“Eunho hyung, you’re so cute.” Hamin quips, happy and relieved.