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The couch was uncomfortable. It was fine enough to sit on, but laying on it? Maybe for an hour or so or an afternoon nap but for an all night sort of thing, Yoichi felt like he was going to fall right off and onto the cold, cold floor.
If he could lay still, it would’ve been fine. He had his pillow and blanket, yanked off of his side of the bed like that was going to get his point across, but it didn’t, and now he was here, laying in the dark, all alone.
Unable to lay still.
Unable to stop thinking.
Unable to keep the anxiety down, coming back up in little anxious waves of nausea that wouldn’t be resolved until this was resolved.
Michael was angry with him.
And yeah, he probably deserved it, as hard as that was to admit. But he was too stubborn to do anything about it at the moment… too stubborn to give up and just admit he was wrong. Too stubborn to suck it up and apologize so that he could go to sleep in his own bed rather than resorting to sleeping on the couch, which of course, Michael didn’t even ask him to do. That was his own stubborn way of being defiant, and now he regretted it.
Yoichi wasn’t even really sure what had started the argument. Actually, that was a complete and total lie, because even now when he was alone he was trying to rationalize his behavior and blame it on Michael somehow.
It all began the moment they got home. He rolled his eyes when Michael asked him what he needed to feel better after a shitty day of practice. He just couldn’t get the ball to go where he wanted it to go, the team manager kept correcting him which threw him off his game even more, and by the end of practice he was just done with the stares and the questions and the what's wrongs. Maybe he was just having an off day… Maybe something else was wrong that he couldn’t quite pinpoint yet… Whatever it was, it had ruined his attitude and appetite and he was tired by the time they returned home. He couldn’t handle anything else going wrong with his day, and unfairly took out his frustrations and disappointments on Michael.
Who, in return, gave it all right back to him.
Michael told him to get over himself. To can his shitty attitude and get over it. He told him to stop pouting when he ordered Yoichi’s favorite dinner and he refused to eat it because why would he eat it when he didn’t deserve it.
I can’t help you if you don’t tell me what your issue is .
And Yoichi rolled his eyes. Again.
He really shouldn’t have done that.
Somewhere at his core, he knew he shouldn’t have done that. Michael had been having a good day, and hadn’t done a single thing except encourage him when he missed another shot in practice and slammed his fist into the grass to take out some of his frustration. Michael kept a healthy distance from him aside from that, knowing his own mood would sour if Yoichi’s didn’t improve, and that was all he needed.
To stew in his own misery until he worked out a solution for why he sucked ass at practice that day and couldn’t get the new shot he had been working on to go in the right direction. He didn’t want to be pitied or told he would get it right next time because what if he didn’t and he was stuck in a week long cycle of bad shots and bad practices until something finally clicked and he could move forward.
Michael just poked too much when they got home. That was his only fault.
Everything else? Yoichi’s doing. And he felt like shit about it.
He didn’t like being angry at Michael. They had moved past that stage of their developing relationship long ago. It felt like they were back in Blue Lock, when they hated each other and regularly went to their dorms steaming out of their ears, trying to block out whatever it was that the other said that made them so upset. Sure they bickered sometimes, but it was always a healthy, light banter. Never a full on, explosive fight like it was this time.
Well, it wasn’t even really explosive. Michael didn’t explode when he got angry. At least not at him. He held it in, letting it fester and ferment until it turned sour and leaked out of his teeth like venom. Their fights, when they had them, were always more quiet. Tension so thick you could feel it as you walked around the house, even if he tried to ignore it and go on about their day. It was never right again until the guilty party apologized for their part in starting the disagreement, and the other apologized for helping to escalate it.
But this time, it really did feel like it was all him.
He hated Michael being upset with him. He never deliberately antagonized or pestered, unless he knew that Micahel was in a perfect mood. Because one wrong word or a misplaced joke could upset him thoroughly, leading their playful evening down a dark path. He hated it so much that sometimes, he said sorry even if he felt like he didn’t need to just so that Michael wouldn’t be upset anymore.
Turning over again, still unable to lay still, Yoichi stared at the hallway. Michael was still awake, as the light from their bedroom washed down the hall, a sliver of yellow orange light invading the darkness of the living room. Yoichi closed his eyes, trying to screw them shut and go to sleep, but again and again, the worries, irrational as they were, kept creeping up, again and again.
What if Michael got tired of him one day and decided this was too much and kicked him out?
How bad would one of their fights have to be really for Michael to say he was done with him? Break up with him? Never wanted to see him again?
He hated thinking about that. He didn’t want that. Yoichi loved Michael, even on the hardest of days, and he wanted to be with him forever if he could. Not just for a moment or for their time together on this team. Forever. If such a thing were possible for them.
His back was sore, stiff and tense from laying on the couch. He hated this. So he flipped over again, now facing the back of the couch once again. He heard Michael moving around in their room, likely getting ready for the next day, because life goes on even when you’re upset. Yoichi realized that, and wondered if he should just suck it up already and go to bed. His actual bed. With his actual partner who had actually done not a damn thing wrong.
Tossing and turning wouldn’t do anything for him.
Both with Michael and with football.
Giving up on sleeping on his side, Yoichi rolled onto his back, staring straight up at the ceiling. The light from their cracked open bedroom door glowed on the ceiling as well, letting him know that Michael had left the door open for him. Michael’s shadow cast across the light, darkening the room for a moment, and Yoichi felt his entire body stiffen, before realizing Michael hadn’t left their room to come get him, but to go into the bathroom. He heard the sounds of running water, and Michael’s bare feet on the hardwood floor, and then the lights of their bedroom finally turned off.
Michael was giving him exactly what he wanted from the start. Time and space to stew and be angry at himself. So why was it making him so sick to his stomach?
Ah he was such a bad liar, he couldn’t even lie to himself to pretend like he didn’t know.
The ceiling lit up blue, letting Yoichi know that he had received a message. He grabbed his phone from the coffee table, sitting face up so his screen illuminated the dark room, and blinked the darkness away as he opened up his phone. Michael, of course, texting him to let him know he was going to bed.
Yoichi wasn’t going to answer, because he almost felt like he didn’t deserve to, but Michael sent a second message as he was staring at his screen, his eyes feeling hot from the shame of being in the wrong.
Come to bed, Yoichi
As if he hadn’t already been considering it.
Sitting up, Yoichi winced as he knocked his knee on the coffee table. He probably deserved that. He abandoned his blanket, grabbing only his pillow and shuffling down the hall. The bedroom door was still cracked, just an inch, so he could push it open without making much noise. Michael was already in bed, as he said, but Yoichi couldn’t help notice the two stacks of clothes, ready for the morning, sitting on the top of their dresser as always. But Yoichi hadn’t been the one to prepare his clothes as he normally did, only going into their bedroom earlier to grab his pillow.
Michael was too good to him when he didn’t deserve it.
Yoichi could feel his eyes watching him, like a cat watching you from a dark corner. The only thing that was missing was the glowing blue eyes that came with a feline. He didn’t look directly towards where Michael was laying, knowing that he was there, a hand stretched out into Yoichi’s side of the bed, waiting for him to lay down and roll into Michael’s side.
But he was being slow about it. Gingerly stepping around the end of the bed to reach his side, he fluffed his pillow, setting it down in his spot before pulling back the covers. Michael’s fair skin popped out of the darkness as he did, the thorny tattoo running up his arm in stark contrast to his skin in the dark.
Yoichi set one knee on the bed, prepared to hoist himself in, before pausing.
“Are you sure?” He asked, voice barely above a whisper. He pictured Michael rolling his eyes as his fingers flexed, grabbing for him even through the hesitation.
“I never said you had to sleep on the couch,” Michael retorted, his face finally turning to meet Yoichi. It was too dark to see his expression, Michael having tightly pulled the curtains and drawn the blinds for their sleep. But Yoichi knew from his tone that he was pouting, irritated by Yoichi’s behavior and by being denied his before bed snuggle.
Flopping down onto his side of the bed, Yoichi was immediately grabbed, pulled under the covers and against Michael’s chest. He didn’t have a single choice of how he was going to lay as Michael’s hands adjusted him just how he liked with his head tucked under Michael’s chin, and a leg thrown over his hip. Michael held him in place with a tight grip on his bottom, but he sighed happily, his longer strands of hair tickling Yoichi’s cheek.
“I’m sorry,” Yoichi stated against Michael’s chest, trying to raise his voice just loud enough for him to hear. He didn’t elaborate, because they both knew what he was apologizing for. But it still felt like he needed to say it, because if it was never said, it felt like he didn’t mean it.
“I know” was Michael’s simple response. He squeezed Yoichi’s cheek with the hand that was holding his bottom, pinching his rear sharply, as if that was his reward for taking Yoichi’s shit that day. “I’m not mad, by the way.”
A small consolation, as Michael knew how tough it was for Yoichi to have his boyfriend mad at him. Yoichi sighed, tightening his own hold on Michael. He was too lucky sometimes. Too lucky for Michael to be this good to him after he was being a brat all evening.
Well, not that lucky, because Michael proceeded to sink his teeth into Yoichi’s cheek, lightly and not enough to puncture the skin, but a bite nonetheless, before kissing his forehead and laying his head back down on his own pillow, satisfied with himself.
“What was that for?” Yoichi asked as he wiped Michael’s spit from his cheek, rubbing it on the covers before digging his nails into Michael’s ribs in retaliation. Michael simply laughed as a response, and Yoichi could feel the heat of his cocky, annoying smile.
“Well you said bite me leave me alone earlier, so I left you alone and now well,” Michael chuckled, mimicking Yoichi’s whiney voice. “I’m just doing what you said, dear.”
Yoichi rolled his own eyes, this time safely from Michael’s view. He had deserved that, he knew it, but god did he want to retaliate with Michael’s playfulness.
But he also just wanted to sleep, feeling safe and self-assured once more because Michael wasn’t angry at him. At least not really. Irritated maybe. Annoyed at Yoichi’s tone and behavior. But not angry.
With a sigh and a wiggle to readjust himself, so much more comfortable now that he was in Michael’s arms once again, Yoichi let his eyes fall closed. The worries in his mind stopped, at least for the time being, as he listened to Michael’s breathing even out, comfortable and warm, as he fell asleep.
Yoichi wanted to follow him, happy to not go to bed upset with himself and his partner, but he also just wanted to enjoy this moment for a little while longer. The warmth of Michael’s arms. The comfort of his chin on top of his head. The steady beat of his heart on Yoichi’s forehead. And the feeling of confidence, knowing that in the end, if they wanted this, they could get through anything, and maybe the idea of being with this man forever wasn’t as big of a pipe dream as he thought.