Chapter Text
Wang Xiaodong didn’t realize he was in love with his best friend until the feeling had completely and utterly consumed him.
The days before it happened were simpler. No need to question the prolonged gazes they held, or the warm feeling in Xiaodong’s chest when Wenxin’s hand brushed against his during a basketball game. And there was no need to question the pangs of jealousy he felt when he saw Wenxin talking to other girls, like Yue or Xinhua.
But that afternoon, everything changed.
Xiaodong was paired with Zhuliya to clean their classroom after school. Zhuliya moved in next door when he was 3 years old, and they had been close friends since. Everyone always assumed they were dating, even though the two had only ever been friends. Still, Zhuliya did have a certain fascination with love, so Xiaodong wasn’t surprised when the conversation drifted towards the topic.
“Sooo, Xiaodong,” Zhuliya teased as she erased the chalk from the blackboard. “You got a crush on anyone?”
“Huh?” Xiaodong blinked, having spaced out while washing the windows. He turned towards her. “No, not really. Honestly, I don’t think I’ve ever really had a crush,” he muttered the last part to himself before returning his attention to the windows.
“Never had a crush!” Zhuliya squealed, slamming down the eraser. “That’s a lie and you know it; you liked me 3 years ago, remember?”
“Yeah, how could I forget when you said you’d rather drop dead than date me.”
“Oh please, I know you weren’t really offended by that. And that had nothing to do with you as a person; I’d rather drop dead than ever date a man in general.”
Xiaodong chuckled, “I know, it was all for the best anyway.” His face hardened in thought again. “Honestly though, other than you, I don’t think I’ve ever felt that way about a girl.”
Zhuliya gave a look of concern before picking up the eraser and resuming her task. After a few minutes, the board was empty, and she began sweeping with her brows still furrowed.
Xiaodong broke the silence, “C’mon, Zhuliya, what’s that look supposed to mean?”
Zhuliya closed her eyes and sighed, before returning his stern gaze. “Look, I didn’t want to say anything that might come across as prying, but I guess since it’s you I’ll just ask. Have you considered the possibility that you might like boys too?”
Xiaodong dropped his cleaning rag and stared, dumbstruck. “I… what?”
“See, I knew I shouldn’t have said anything! It’s not like I would’ve wanted to hear that 2 years ago.”
“No, no, it’s fine,” Xiaodong reassured her. The two stood still, speechless for a few minutes, before he began, “It’s not like I have anything against people like that- anything against you. It’s just that…”
Zhuliya walked over and put a hand on his shoulder. “You never considered it would be you, right?”
Xiaodong nodded. “Zhuliya, how did you know that you liked girls? Like, what did it feel like?”
Zhuliya chuckled and smiled slightly. “Hmmm, let’s see. The first girl I liked was on the track team with me. Jia.”
“Oh yeah, I remember her,” Xiaodong interrupted. “You were the fastest girl on the team before she showed up.” He paused, “Wait, didn’t you hate her guts?”
Zhuliya grinned, “At first, yeah. I hated how she was faster than me. And I hated the way her dimples looked when she smiled, and the way she had a slight lisp when she talked, and the way her bangs stuck to her forehead after a long run. Well, I thought I hated it. Despite all this ‘hatred’, I couldn’t stop myself from taking a few extra seconds to look at her when our eyes met, or the butterflies I felt when we exchanged batons during a relay.”
Xiaodong immediately thought of Wenxin. The way his hair fell so perfectly behind his ears, and the way the air seemed a bit warmer when he laughed. “What happened?”
“I found out she had a boyfriend. And once the jealousy hit, everything sort of… clicked.” Zhuliya looked at the floor, tears welling up in her eyes, before she felt Xiaodong’s concerned gaze on her. She quickly looked up and beamed, wiping her eyes. “But hey, that was so long ago! It doesn’t matter now. What were we even talking about-”
Xiaodong embraced her, and after a moment Zhuliya returned the hug. “I’m sorry you felt like you couldn’t tell me this before.”
She stepped back and held his shoulders. “Hey, you have nothing to apologize for. I didn’t tell you because I wasn’t ready, not because I didn’t trust you. And I’m glad to have your support now.” She sighed and stepped back, before remembering why she told him this in the first place. “Oh right, you asked me how I knew I liked girls! Did that help at all?”
Xiaodong’s smile disappeared. “Umm, yeah, I think so.”
Zhuliya noticed his more serious demeanor. “Alright. Well, let’s get back to cleaning. I’m here if you want to talk about anything.”
Xiaodong nodded before picking up his rag and moving on to wiping down each desk. He appreciated Zhuliya not pressuring him to say more, but the silence that fell over the room only allowed for more fear to enter his mind. Should he tell Wenxin? It seemed impossible not to, at this point. Wenxin was all Xiaodong could think about- his thoughts jumped between each interaction he had shared with the boy that day, before leaping to daydreams of the two of them playing basketball, and holding hands, and- all he knew was that this needed to stop. So, what if he did tell Wenxin about his feelings? What would it mean for their friendship? Would Wenxin hate him? It seemed too large a risk for Xiaodong to take, but given the alternative, he might have to.
After about 15 minutes, the classroom was spotless. Zhuliya smiled, “Looks like we’re all done! Hey, we haven’t been to the cafe in a while, wanna join me? We can get our homework done there if you want.”
Xiaodong breathed a sigh of relief. He didn’t have to have it all figured out right now. And no matter what happened, he would always have Zhuliya. “Yeah, that sounds like a great idea. I just have one more question, though.”
“Oh? What is it?”
“Was it that obvious that I like Wenxin?”
Zhuliya let out a full bodied laugh, taking a minute to regain her composure. “It was obvious to me because 1) I’m a lesbian and 2) you’re my best friend,” she listed on her hand. “To the majority of people who assume everyone’s straight, no one would suspect a thing.”
“Ok, that’s reassuring,” Xiaodong grinned, and the two exited the classroom hand in hand.