Chapter Text
More than your arm, the problem is your heart.
Many a time in his room, he fought his brain against the idea of never being a pro hero. It was painful in a sort of…hopeless journey, never reaching the end.
When he first left the hospital, he stayed with his parents. His mother scolded and doted on him. His father continuously worried. He was on bedrest, propped up by pillows. His back hurt so much that he was worried his heart was leaking or something. The pressure of lying down for so long really got to him. He used to be able to stand up from being thrown into buildings, but now he was in pain for just lying there.
He walked a little at a time, always out of breath, always anxious about the double beats of his heart. He found himself touching his chest a lot. It drove him fucking crazy.
Trying to move his right arm was a challenge. It had been two months since the war against All for One ended. Two months of endless breathing exercises. Two months of mostly lying in bed and sitting in class—no training. Two fucking months of light lifting and excruciating rehab. Two months, all he had to show was barely lifting his arm and a weak heart.
Now that he was back at the dorms, he had to hide the pain and breathlessness after walking. He was allowed to sit in class but not train. When the others chipped in to clean up the city, he could only lift about five pounds to help. He was embarrassed that he was reduced to such a state. He should be blowing up rubble, not carrying trash bags of scraps.
He placed another bag of trash into the compactor and sighed. He felt sweat soak his scalp. It wasn’t hot outside. He wasn’t doing anything really. But he was out of breath, sweating, and tired.
“You good?” Mina asked as she threw two bags into the compactor. “You look really tired. Maybe you should call it a day.”
He looked at her, his expression defeated. Should he even pretend to find the will to keep going? Should he lie and say he could handle it? His eyes glanced at the tiny figure of Edgeshot. He couldn’t let him know his body was this broken even after his sacrifice.
“Bakugou?” Mina asked.
Looking at her again, he answered with a deep breath, “yeah, I’m fine.”
He wasn’t.
She gave him this look of concern but nodded and walked away.
His brow furrowed for a moment before he went back to get more light bags of trash.
Eijirou had three big slabs of rock in his hardened hands and piled them with the others. He had no shirt as usual. Katsuki couldn’t help but look in his direction. He closed his eyes, remembering faintly after he pushed Izuku towards Shigaraki.
He fell to the ground, landing on his side. The pain was unbearable. He knew he would pass out soon. He wanted to watch Izuku land that final blow. He wanted so badly to see him succeed. After everything, he needed Izuku to win…
“Bakugou!” Eijirou’s voice popped in his ears. He felt himself turned over and in the arms of his best friend.
He caught a glimpse of the light from Izuku’s triumph. Then his eyes returned to Eijirou. He whispered, “thanks…”
Eijirou’s arms were comforting, like he was safe and could relax finally.
Safe… That’s how he viewed his best friend now. That faint feeling of being in his hold lingered in his mind. The way the redhead called his name and allowed him to see Izuku… And still…he hadn’t told him how much it meant.
He sat down next to Edgeshot and sighed.
“You should stop for today,” Edgeshot told him quietly. “That heart is still new; your arm is hanging-”
“I’m just sitting. Why does it have to be a crisis?” he murmured.
He could tell Edgeshot didn’t believe him.
After a couple minutes, Katsuki stood up again and walked to the trash bags. He carried them to the compactor, then went back for another, to the compactor and back. He felt he might pass out.
Eijirou stopped him at the trash bags and wiped his forehead with a grin, “I’m so hot. Wanna take a break and get some water with me?”
Katsuki didn’t feel bad about saying yes.
They sat in the area reserved for breaks where cool water and snacks were available. Eijirou handed him the bottle of water and grabbed them some sandwiches. “This is tough,” the redhead said with a sigh. “We barely scratched the surface.”
Katsuki knew they would scratch a lot more if he was in commission. He only drank his water, feeling the pang in his chest.
“I bet it sucks,” Eijirou started, “for you.”
“It fucking suck, yeah,” he hummed, knowing what he meant. Eijirou was always observant of him. He knew he was having trouble recovering.
“I looked it up,” Eijirou said between bites. “Seems recovery time for heart surgery can be six months or more. And you’re doing great so far. All on schedule.”
Katsuki stared at his sandwich, “that’s what I was told, too.”
“For two months, you’re doing fantastic,” he grinned.
He looked away, shameful of his lack of progress. He didn’t feel fantastic.
Eijirou frowned, “hey man… I mean it. You’re recovering in good time so far. You’re off of bed rest, and your heart is slowly strengthening.”
“Can we not fucking talk about it?” he muttered.
“Cool. Wanna hang out when we’re done here?” Eijirou asked.
“No.”
“Come on! There’s a new movie I wanna watch on streaming. We can get whatever you want to eat and chill.”
It sounded nice. But he was already exhausted.
“No?”
“Um…” Katsuki didn’t want to admit it, but for some reason…he was okay with Eijirou knowing. “I don’t think I’ll be awake long enough to watch anything.”
Eijirou smiled, “then you should stop picking up trash and go get some rest. I’m holding you to the movie.”
He actually smiled, too.
“Everyone will understand that you have to leave. No one is judging you or feeling sorry for you. We all know what happened and how long we all had to heal up. Even Midoriya is still recovering.”
“Yeah?” he hummed.
“Yeah, so go get a nap,” he nodded.
Katsuki felt it was alright now. He took a bite of his sandwich and nodded in return.
Back in his room, he felt worthless. He wasn’t used to quitting something early or being weak. The fact that fucking Mineta could still keep going was an insult. He wanted to punch the wall, to kick something. But his heart pounded as his blood pressure rose.
He took his pill and lay down on his back. What was worse…he really wanted to change positions. The doctors cleared him to sleep on his sides or face down. But he was just so…weary of that. Because at first, they told him to only lay on his back as to not shift his sternum. It had to be sawed through and reset after the war. So, it sort of…scared him? He didn’t want to disfigure himself or make it worse. So, he kept sleeping face up, with his back aching in pain.
Later that night, he and Eijirou ate spicy curry in bed and watched the movie. Again, Katsuki felt safe and warm. Eijirou didn’t even have to touch him to cause such peace to his mind. He always wanted him by his side. But how in the world could he say that out loud with retaining his dignity?