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There were many words to describe Jedediah Smith, “calm” was most definitely not one of them. It wasnt even his adventurous nature, his hyperactivity and a need to just keep going and never slow down, it was more that….he couldnt.
Really, no matter how many nights he tried to just calm down and take a nap, no amount of warm tea or alcohol, no matter how many times he drove full speed around the museum, hell, even in the day it still felt like he was just trapped, weighed down, his mind still raced at a thousand miles a hour, some days he felt so frustrated, he just wanted to settle down. Thats why when Larry suggested the two leaders to stop fighting, he didnt. Octavius said it was just a way to pass the time and he was right! It stopped all of his overthinking, every doubt that he was making a mistake or any pent up energy in his body instantly evaporated once one of them got a punch in.
He thinks stopping the fighting was both a blessing and a curse, on one hand he got the best friend he could ever ask for, a man that he would die for, even, but on the other hand, he felt so…he couldnt even begin to describe it. It felt like he had a damn shaken-up jar of angry bees instead of a heart and every simple touch burned into his skin like a cattle brand, most days he just wanted to tear at his skin, thats why he never takes off any of his clothing, no matter how close he is with the person hes with, its been a wonderful argument starter sometimes. But what bothered him most was that he could never settle, relax, his shoulders stayed tense and his eyes ever aware like anyone could hurt him at any given moment. Most days his head was ringing with so many thoughts and he heard so many sounds at once he almost wished that bear had done damage to this body as well.
His heart beat fast, his body always tense, his senses always on overdrive, and a mind racing so fast it could out-speed a cheetah and you got Jedediah Smith. Safe to say that the word calm isnt one he would ever be described as by anyone ever.
Except for one person, Gaius Octavius.
When he had invited the other over to Rome his thoughts ran wild, they had been dating for a few months now, why would he invite him over suddenly? Were they going on a date? Was he going to break up with him? Tell him hes moved on and found someone better? Why just an invite randomly? Well, technically every invite is “random”, but thats besides the point. An overthinker if there ever was one, Jedediah walked over and laid his eyes on his spark…….and the thoughts dulled down a bit, his curly hair and bright smile with those pretty whiskey-brown eyes could drown out anything. When the roman crossed over and slipped his hand into the others to intertwine their fingers, Jedediah half-wished he had taken off his gloves for him.
After a nice walk, the two went to Octavius’s room, the general laid his armor down and laid on his bed, patting the space next to him with a smile. Jedediah’s brain fizzed out, his body felt too hot for all these layers, it was a bit uncomfortable. So he laid his vest, chaps, boots, and gloves down before going over and flopping onto the space next to his boyfriend, smiling. They talked for a long while and they shifted so Jedediah’s head laid in Octavius’s lap, looking up at him. Octavius had ran his hands through the others hair before realizing how tangled the other’s hair was “do you never brush your hair?” he asked, teasingly
“Im a busy guy! Plus it’d ruin my “mountain man” look to have my hair sleek” the roman rolled his eyes and leaned over to grab a brush from his nightstand. He guided the cowboy up so he sat up, head tilted back to make it easier, Octavius took a section of his hair, beginning to gently run the brush through it again and again until it ran smoothly through his hair. “Your hair is soft, it should be softer without the tangles” the general muttered quietly. Quiet, everything was just….quiet. Octavius removed his handkerchief, saying how its easier and how he could put his hair up with it later, Jedediah didnt process much of it however, because for once his brain was completely off. He could feel his body relax, his shoulders sagged and his jaw unclenched, he felt his heartbeat slow to a steady rhythm, his breathing not making much of a disturbance. His chest and stomach filled with warmth, he felt like he could breathe again, he heard the soft humming of his lover while he brushed through his blond hair and felt nothing but love.
Love, home, calm, safe
Every word he never knew came crashing in and made itself known, in this tranquil, domestic moment, his eyes filled with tears and he chuckled softly before starting to sob. Octavius realized something changed in his lover before he even heard him start to cry, or see his tear-stained face, he shifted to see him and wondered what happened. “Jedediah, are you alright?” the cowboy wiped his tears away and looked at his Octavius, smiling wider than he ever had, kissing him. It was soft, but firm enough to be reassuring, Octavius kissed back, cupping his face to wipe away his tears. They pulled back and Jedediah knew, deep in his heart, that he wanted to spend the rest of whatever life he has with this man
“i love you”
“I love you too”