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Yang Jeongin loved his brother. His brother was his best friend, it didn’t matter that Yongbok was younger than him. No matter how many friends he gained over the years, no one could compare to Yongbok.
Yongbok was never shy to share his joys and worries to Jeongin and Jeongin was the same. Yongbok was Jeongin’s rock, he had been for the last 17 years.
Jeongin loved his brother so it never occurred to him that he would ever be forced to live a life without him. It never occurred to Jeongin that Yongbok would be taken from him.
“Jeongin, you have to get up. Please Jeongin, Yongbok wouldn’t want this.” Changbin said behind the door. He sounded concerned, he sounded sad. Jeongin didn’t like making people sad but he couldn’t find it in himself to care at the moment.
Jeongin wasn’t sure what pep talk Changbin was giving today. It didn’t matter, it wasn’t true and it wasn’t deserved.
Changbin’s voice droned on till suddenly it didn’t. The silence grew overbearingly loud the longer Jeongin stayed in the room. Jeongin hated the silence, he wished he could leave but he knew he needed to repent for his actions.
It could’ve been an hour or maybe it was 10, Jeongin wasn’t sure, he hadn’t been keeping track when he heard the click of the door opening.
He didn’t have to look up to know who it was, he could tell by the shuffle of the feet.
“Jeongin…please. Please, this can’t continue. You can’t do this to yourself. You can’t keep blaming yourself…it wasn’t your fault Jeongin, you couldn’t have known.” Jeongin knew Changbin meant well, Changbin always meant well but Jeongin could feel his anger boiling.
“I know you love him Jeongin but Yongboks death wasn’t your fault. What you’re doing to yourself…you don’t deserve this Jeong-“
“I don’t deserve this?” Jeongin couldn’t help the laughter that bubbled out of his mouth as his anger began to spill out from his carefully crafted pot.
“I don’t deserve this? Does it matter what I deserve Hyung? Yongbok didn’t deserve to die but he did. Yongbok deserved to live Hyung. He deserved to live a long life, he had so many dreams Hyung. He wanted to do so many things.” Jeongin could feel a lump in his throat forming.
“And Hyung. Hyung there’s so much we didn’t do. We were suppose to do so much together. He didn’t even graduate Hyung. I’ll never see him graduate. I’ll never see Yongbok get married, I’ll never see him again. Hyung, he’s my baby brother. He’s not suppose to die before me, he’s not suppose to die so early. Don’t tell me what I deserve Hyung.”
Jeongin could feel the unwelcomed tears sliding down his face. Damn it, he was crying again. He didn’t deserve to cry.
“Oh Jeongin…”Jeongin could feel as Changbin wrapped his arms around him. It felt warm like a blanket was wrapped around him. It felt comforting, comfort that Jeongin didn’t deserve.
“Let me go Hyung.” Jeongin struggled to break free from Changbin but Changbin just hugged him closer. Damn Changbin and his damn strength.
Minutes passed before Jeongin gave up, he was just tired, so tired.
“Jeongin, you couldn’t have stopped Yongboks death-“
“But I could have Hyung!” Jeongin said as he could feel that damn lump forming again in his throat. “I could have-“
“No you couldn’t have Jeongin! You couldn’t have known Yongbok would get in an accident. You couldn’t have known that Jeongin. There was nothing that you could do Jeongin. Nothing. So please stop blaming yourself.” Jeongin didn’t have to look at Changbin to know he was also crying.
“But Hyung. I’m his big brother, I’m suppose to protect him. And I couldn’t Hyung. I couldn’t. I’m so ashamed of myself Hyung.”
Jeongin couldn’t stop, he couldn’t stop crying. He couldn’t stop feeling. It was too much.
“Oh Jeongin…you’re too sweet for this world.…Jeongin, you know Yongbok loved you. Yongbok knows you would’ve done everything to protect him.” Changbin said as he hugged him closer.
“Jeongin, you have to know Yongbok adored you as much as you adored him…but Jeongin Yongbok would hate to see you this way. Yongbok isn’t here but you are. I know it’s hard but if you can’t live for you then at least live for him okay?”
“I’ll try Hyung…but everything hurts Hyung.”
“And that’s okay, Jeongin. Take your time but you can’t stay in here forever.”
The two men stayed in the dark room in silence but this time, the silence wasn’t so loud in Jeongin’s opinion.
We’re in this for life, yeah
Jeongin is somewhere far away but at least he’s at home.
“ Yongbok?”
Jeongin didn’t know how he ended up here but in all realities he didn’t care. Standing in front of him was Yongbok, Yongbok who was supposed to be dead. Yongbok who he hasn’t been able to see for years.
It didn’t make sense but that didn’t matter because it’s Yongbok, Yongbok is in front of him. Jeongin wasn’t one to look the gift horse in the mouth so he didn’t dare to question it.
“Yongbok-ah you’re here. You’re here.” Jeongin didn’t hesitate to hug him.
“Are you okay? What happened Jeongin?” Yongbok asked.
His voice was deep, just like Jeongin remembered it. Jeongin couldn’t help the cry that escaped his lips along with the onslaught of tears, God he missed hearing Yongboks voice.
“Jeongin, what’s wrong? Why are you crying?” Jeongin could feel as Yongbok’s hands glided through his hair. He missed this. He missed those tiny hands.
“I just missed you. I missed you so much.” Jeongin whispered out.
“You’re silly, you just saw me yesterday. Are you sure everything is alright?”
“I’ve never been better. I’m so happy. I just missed you Yongbok.” Jeongin said as he continued cling onto his brother. “You have no idea how much I missed you.”
Jeongin didn’t know how long he hugged Yongbok but in his opinion, it wasn’t long enough.
“Let’s get something to eat.”
Jeongin watched as Yongbok walked towards what he assumed would be the kitchen. It was odd. Yongbok sounded like his Yongbok, he looked like his Yongbok and yet, not.
This Yongbok looked different. He was older. He looked…prettier? Jeongin always knew his baby brother was a looker. How could he forget all those little shits who tried to hit on his innocent baby brother?
Besides the obvious things, Jeongin knew he wasn’t where he was the day before. This Yongbok said things that his Yongbok wouldn’t say. He talked about photoshoot, stays and some stray kids.
Jeongin wasn’t sure what Yongbok was going on about but he knew it would make sense that even in this life Yongbok would try to take care of others. For Yongbok’s sake, he really hoped that those stray kids found their homes.
“Innie, do you want a brownie as desert?” Yongbok asked.
That was another thing, this Yongbok liked to call him Innie. It was fine, Jeongin didn’t mind but he wished that Yongbok would call him hyung again. Though Jeongin supposed that you win some and lose some, at least he won Yongbok back. Honestly winning Yongbok made everything else okay, it was well worth any trades he would have to make.
“Yeah that’s fine.”
“Okay, I’ll cut some, we just have to make sure we save some for Hyunjin.”
Jeongin didn’t know who Hyunjin was. It was alright though, he’d figure it out. Jeongin just hoped that this Hyunjin wasn’t a little shit who was after his baby brother.
None of this made sense and Jeongin was sure he was in some other dimension but at least Yongbok was here. Everything would be alright if Yongbok was here.