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It was in the middle of the night, when Clive finally set a foot upon the hideaways dock.
The battle against Kupka and everything he turned into after absorbing the heart of the crystal was taking its toll on him. Every single bone and muscle in his body arched, and just thinking about taking all those steps that separated him from his quarters made him sweat.
Maybe it would be the better option to just lay down on the floor and sleep there. Preferably for a whole day, maybe even two.
But just as Clive was looking for the perfect place to simply lay down, did he see some light flicker underneath the slit of his door.
It couldn't be, could it?
He needed to check. He needed to know. Even if she was angry at him for just leaving her behind, he needed to see her, more than he needed his rest.
Finding the last thread of strength remaining in his body, he slowly walked up one stair after the other until he reached the heavy doors. Should he just open them? But what if she was asleep? He didn't want to wake her. Just seeing her would be enough. He was sure that he hadn't left any more strength to talk much in his body anyway.
Should he knock softly to make himself known? What if she just forgot to blow out the torches when she left? Maybe Tarja still wants to check on her during the nights? He chose the middle and softly knock on the door before slowly and as quietly as possible, opening them.
Just as he entered the room, his eyes fell on her. She was sitting on his desk, her upper body laying on the desk, her hands folded as a little pillow. Myriads of letters splayed around her, and the ink on the stolas quill was apparently still wet. As far as he could tell, she was only wearing her white shift and her black leggins. Her hair was like a curtain in front of her face. She was a sight to behold. It immediately calmed Clive by just looking at her.
The pain that wrecked his whole body suddenly became less intense. She was always his best medicine. No tincture nor potion that Tarja could ever produce was as effective as her.
Clive closed the door and just watched her for founder knew how long, the slight movement of her body with every inhale she took. The candles illuminated her in a gentle orange that reflected on the silver of her hair. If this was the last thing he saw in his life, he would die a happy man.
He honestly considered just laying against the wall and watching her until he fell asleep standing straight. It wouldn't be the first time. His time in the imperial army taught him to sleep in basically any position other than laying down. Just as he was about to remove his sword from his back to lean back comfortably, he saw Jill moving. Did he wake her up?
Jill slowly lifted her head, her eyes hooded, and she jerked up slightly when she saw him, before recognizing him for who he was.
“Clive?” her voice sounded like the sweetest of songs to him. So soft, so vulnerable after just waking up.
“Sorry, I didn't mean to wake you up”
He could see the sleep still confusing her, for she needed a few moments until her eyes grew wild and she jumped out of his chair, turned around the desk and came to a stop an arms length away from him. With Jill so close now, he could see the awe in her face.
“You're back, but since when? And what happened? You look terrible. Is that your blood? Did you see Tarja before coming here?” He could easily tell that there were at least another half a dozen of questions laying on her tongue, but she composed herself, instead reaching out her hand until her fingertips covered the scar on his cheek “You are finally back” her voice almost broke and he channel the last bit of power left to take a step closer to her and just embrace her, breathing her in as if she was the air that filled his lungs.
“I'm back” was everything his brain came up with. The scent of the ointment she uses to lessen the pain of the curse, filling his nose as he buried his face in her throat, taking deep breaths to calm down further. This was it. This was his home. Just where he belonged. Yes, he was fighting for bearers, for a future where everyone can live and die on their own terms, but if he had to answer honestly, Jill's safety was what he truly fought for.
He felt Jill's arms coming around him, adjusting a bit so that there was no space between them, and she gently placed her head on top of his. He could feel her heartbeat from where he was pressed against her, and he felt it quickened. He loved Gav like a brother, but he was still a bit angry about his interruption in the infirmary almost three moons ago. They never talked about it since then, and suddenly, Clive regretted nothing more than letting the opportunity slip out of his hands.
What if he died in Dhalmekia? What if Joshua didn't save him from Ultima and he would lose control over his body? What if the curse takes the ultimate price of Jill all of the sudden?
Especially the last thought had Clive trembling and shaking, so much so that Jill must have felt it too, since one of her hands started to draw patterns on his back. “It's okay, I'm here. I'm fine.” she whispered the words in his hair, her breath hot, of course she knew. She always knew what he was thinking. He did, too. They always knew, even back in Rosalith as children. Joshua teased them countless times for their “telepathy.”
Even after spending thirteen years apart, it just took them only a few days until they reached that deep understanding of the other again. Sure, things were much more difficult now, their trauma and nightmares plaguing them, but they managed to keep that connection, and Clive swore, it was deeper than ever before. And maybe, just maybe, she was thinking the same as he did now?
Maybe Titan and everything that happened around his death was the last push that Clive needed to realize his duty. No, his priority, what he needed to do, or he would forever regret it.
Slowly, carefully, did he pull back from Jill's embrace, he let his eyes close for a moment longer. Fighting monsters, Eikons, or even God himself wasn't as terrifying as what he was about to do next. In his heart, he knew that he had nothing to lose but everything to win, but still, taking this final step, this leap of faith, it scared him. But his mind was made, so he took one shaky inhale before he opened his eyes.
Her own eyes, steel gray with the slightest of blue looked at him, but not in question but rather in understanding. He could almost feel her longing and her want.
Back in Eastpool, in Lady Hannas barn, was she the one to make the first move, but this time, it would be him. It needed to be him, to show her that he too wanted this as much as she did.
His hands were shaking when he lifted them to take her face in her hand, a single tear rolling down her cheek until he wiped it away with his thumb. He took the step forward that he took back when he let go of her embrace, his eyes falling on her lips for the split of a second and he heard her breath hitch, just as his did. Jill's hands found their place on his waist and shoulder.
No one, not even Gav could take this moment from them. And so he inched closer and closer to her face, gulping audibly in the otherwise silent room, his head tilted just in time with hers. Her eyes already closed his own eyelids, feeling heavy, as he tried to commit this moment into his memory.
And then she rose to her tiptoes, and with just the tiniest of moves forward, did Clive feel it. Her lips pressed against his own. Was this real? Was he really kissing Jill? After all those years of wanting to do nothing but this?
Her lips were so incredibly warm and soft, the press light but still firm in its own way, and the sound she made, not a moan but more like a whimper? Maybe he truly died against Kupka, and this was his heaven?
But when Jill's hand, that was resting on his shoulder, moved up to the nape of his neck to press against him even more tightly, did he start to realize, that this was truly happening, and he was sure that his heart skipped at least a few beats before running of like a wild chocobo.
In time with each other, their lips start to move, perfectly in sync with how the other would react. Maybe they did this a million times before, maybe in another life? It didn't matter to Clive. All that mattered was the woman in his arms who kissed him back just as fiercely as he did her.
Again, as if reading his mind, did Jill slightly open her mouth to invite him in and the moment his tongue brushed against her for the first time, one million fireworks exploded behind his eyes and he was the one to groan into the kiss.
Clive's every sense was overwritten by her taste on his tongue. He suddenly felt more alive than ever before and as if he could fight against each and every foe all at once. But he tried to focus on her and not his body. She tasted like Lemon Tart and Ham. It was divine. He was sure that he would never get enough of her, of kissing her, of being kissed by her. Being kissed by his Jill.
Both he and Jill were so lost in their kiss, that they lost every sense of time and almost forgot what it was like to breath but when they eventually did break the kiss, their lungs begging for air, did he opened his eyes to see Jill smiling so bright at him, fresh tears forming in her eyes and he knew that he was grinning and crying too.
This was what he ever wanted in life. And he knew, that she knew, what he was thinking, but still he felt the need to voice his feelings.
“I never thought a smile could bring me so much joy.”