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Redemption is not smooth. It is not a singular progression into the Light. No, it's uneven. Broken. Imperfect. Sometimes, it fails.
But Rey can't help but hope that somehow, she can achieve the impossible.
"If you get bored, tell yourself stories in your head. Maybe meditate. Or think about the past, any good memories you have. Though I doubt that would do you much good."
Rey is accustomed to isolation. Most of her life has been lived alone, going days on end without any real interaction with anyone. BB-8 was her first friend in over a decade. Finn was the first person to care about whether she lived or died. Poe was the second.
"Prison isn't much fun, I would say, so don't expect to find any sympathy from me. You must have known this would happen eventually."
She remembers the first time she met Kylo Ren. In the woods on Takodanna, then again at Starkiller Base. The feeling of being trapped, of having nowhere to run. And every other time since then: their battle after he killed his father, then again on Jakku, the encounter on Mustafar, and once again, in a battle she could never win.
"If you ever decide you want to talk, don't reach out to me. I'm not here for your amusement. I have missions to complete and work to do."
The small part of her that somehow still pities him aches a little, but not enough to make her show it. Emotion, yet peace, right? But the cell has no windows and barely any room to breathe, hardly conducive to any semblance of peace.
"I wish it hadn't come to this. I really do. But perhaps this will help you realize what side you truly belong on."
And with that, Rey turns her back on Kylo Ren and leaves him in his prison cell. Alone.
Every day, she brings him meals herself. Sits there with him and eats in silence, watching him with a hopeful curiosity that burns him. Her mind still probes at his, gentle and yielding against his fierce refusal to give her anything.
Sometimes, she talks. At him, not to him, because she clearly expects no response. He just stares at her, no emotion on his face, and focuses on not listening. Not reacting when she tells him about the doll she picked up from her old home on Jakku, or when she explains her frustration with Poe always being out on missions.
"Finn and I rarely see him. And I know it's foolish to be angry at him, since he's only doing his job, but I miss him so much. Maybe my anger is because I care so much. Familiar with that feeling, Ben?"
He wishes she would stop calling him that. Ben Solo is a dead child, lost to the darkness that he can feel fading back into the depths of his mind. The darkness he clings to, because he has killed the only tether he has to the Light.
After a week of listening, he finally breaks his silence, asking her to shut up in the middle of her recounting one of Luke's stories about Han Solo and a Rodian. She blinks at him, surprised, and then keeps on talking.
He doesn't know if she means to kill him with kindness or her loud mouth.
"Answer me this," Rey says without preamble, waltzing into the cell where Kylo still sits, sulking. "Do you have multiple robes? Or have you not changed clothes in years?" The disgraced Sith acolyte doesn't even look at her. "Well, you're going to sweat yourself to death if you keep those robes on, and that would be awfully anticlimactic, so I brought you some clothes better suited to the weather. They're still dark, so don't worry."
"Are you going to continue to torture me with your abysmal attempt at humor?" he finally snaps. Rey smirks.
"I'm not joking," she retorts, tossing a pile of dark brown robes towards him. "And this is just a warmup. You'll know when my real questioning starts."
"Will I?" he asks darkly.
"Yes. And I won't need to break into your mind to get what I need. You'll answer every question willingly." Kylo arches an eyebrow.
"And pray tell me, how will you manage that?" Rey smiles.
"You'll be on our side."
He tries to escape. He fails.
When she brings him back to his cell, she almost feels a sense of pride coming from his thoughts. She pushes it aside.
He doesn't know when he started actually talking back to her during her daily visits. A part of him tells him to start listening closely when she talks, discover all of her secrets and then use them against her. Some days, that part manifests itself through snide remarks during her stories, and revels in the brief lapse of control he detects whenever he does hurt her.
But those days are growing few and far between. The more she talks to him, treats him like family and not a mere monster, the more he begins to see her the way she sees him. Not as a threat, a bitter enemy, but as his own blood.
"I've been thinking," she says, biting the small roll in her hand.
"A Jedi trait," Kylo observes blandly. "Thinking, never acting."
She ignores his comment easily. "The way you fight, the form you use. It's not your preferred form, is it?"
He stills, for just a moment, but continues to eat his lunch. Maybe she'll get bored of this topic and move on to another.
She doesn't. Typical.
"I shouldn't have been able to capture you," she continues, "But you were sloppy. Your movements felt forced, almost. Not natural. Vapaad, right? The form originated by Mace Windu?"
"Your Master knows his history," he snarks.
"My father does indeed," she replies haughtily. "But as I was saying, you don't like Vapaad, do you? You prefer . . . oh, blast, what's it called? The form of balance-"
"Niman," Kylo interjects, voice quiet. Rey nods, and he figures she never really forgot the name, just wanted him to say it himself. He wonders, briefly, when she became so adept at manipulating him.
"Yes, that," she says softly. "Why wouldn't you use it? It's what you used on Starkiller, I remember."
"When I lost," he reminds her.
"You were injured and had just killed your father," she says matter-of-factly. He winces despite himself. "I got lucky." She tilts her head, considering. "It's interesting, really. The fact that you use Niman. Not a form associated with the Sith."
"Which is why I abandoned it."
"But don't you think it's rather telling that you prefer a form of combat associated with the Light, even after everything?" She leans in. "I've seen your thoughts, just as you've seen mine. You're not as far gone as you'd like the galaxy to believe."
"That's a nice thought, but you're ignoring reality," Kylo seethes. "As you so love to point out, I killed my father. I slaughtered the new Jedi. I am Master of the Knights of Ren, and apprentice of Supreme Leader Snoke. I am as far gone as there is."
"You're also my family."
"That's irrelevant."
"Really? Should I remind you again of Vader-"
"A moment of weakness from a great man."
"Is that what Snoke tells you? How convenient."
Kylo, having enough of her condescension, rises angrily. "Enough of this. I'd rather be alone than continue having this conversation."
Rey shrugs, as if she hadn't just been attacking his very way of life. "Afraid you'll see my point?" Kylo sighs. His annoyance hit its peak ages ago. Now he just wishes she'd leave. Her mind sends gentle, apologetic comfort his way, and he rejects it like it's a blaster bolt going towards his head.
Rey wonders how long she can maintain her cover.
"I need information."
"Too bad."
Nobody knows the real reason she's stayed at Naboo for so long. Everyone thinks she's on a simple pilgrimage to the planet where her grandmother grew up and lived. Her own father thinks she's spending her days training, learning, discovering herself or something of the like.
Poe and Finn come and visit her almost three months into her time on Naboo. Every moment she spends with them, she knows she should tell them that the reason Kylo Ren has mysteriously disappeared is not what the Resistance thinks. He is not training with the Knights of Ren or Snoke. He's her prisoner.
They wouldn't understand.
Luke would, a voice in the back of her mind whispers, and she knows it's right. Her father always understands. He went on a suicide mission to turn his father back to the Light. But how can she tell him now? How could she face Chewbacca, who still mourns the man Kylo killed every day? What would she tell Leia if she fails?
She can sense Finn and Poe's suspicion, but she also knows they trust her judgment no matter what. Perks of being the sensible one in a friend group, they assume she knows best. Even if she is on a fool's errand.
"Where do you train your troops?" she asks. Kylo grimaces.
"Like I would tell you."
Perhaps that is what's driving her capture of Kylo Ren into secrecy. She knows that if she tells everyone and fails, the failure will be hers to bear in front of everyone. But another part of her also fears. For his sake.
He will surely be put on trial for his crimes. But if he goes to trial with darkness in his heart . . . he will die. She will have lost an uncle and a cousin to Kylo Ren. And she will stop at nothing to bring Ben Solo back, to make her family whole again. Ben Solo has a chance to live a life when all is said and done. Kylo Ren does not.
She moves him into a real room when Finn and Poe leave. She's taken him outside before, not wanting him to drive himself madder than he already is, but his new room has a real bed and a window with a view over a deep cliff.
She's not a monster, after all, and she suspects this is the first kindness he has received in a long time. His confusion is palpable, and he reaches into her thoughts, doubting her sincerity.
"This is probably more than you deserve," she says bluntly, "But I thought you might be more comfortable here."
"You Jedi have an odd way of treating prisoners," he says quietly.
"Don't even try to break the window though," she warns him breezily. "It's a bit of a drop." He nods gruffly, as close to gratitude as she thinks she'll get.
She doesn't mention the motion sensors throughout the room that will alert her, and the Resistance, if he tries to escape. She doesn't need to, he knows. And she likes to imagine that 's at least a little curious about what happens next.
It's that very night that her grandfather's ghost appears to her. His hair is a light brown, just slightly darker than her father's, and falls to his shoulders, much like her cousin's. His eyes are gentle, but something seems to run like a current beneath the surface.
"You look just like her," he says softly. "Absolutely beautiful."
Rey stares at him in amazement. "Her?" she queries.
"Padme. Your grandmother. You look just like her."
"Anakin Skywalker," Rey realizes in amazement. Through their bond, Rey feels Kylo's acute shock as he sees through her eyes. Her grandfather nods in affirmation, his translucent form approaching her slowly.
"I've been wanting to see you," he says, "But I was waiting for the right time." He cocks his head to the side. "You don't need to shut Ben out. We have met."
"I'm sure he was thrilled," Rey snips before she can stop herself. She feels Kylo's annoyance surge and can't help but feel a little pride. Anakin smiles sadly.
"He did not realize it was me. He does now, I presume."
"Vader," Kylo breathes, now fully realizing. A memory comes, unbidden, to Rey's mind, one that is not her own.
"You are like so many others, only seeing what you wish to see."
"You appeared to him as Anakin," Rey says, not guessing but knowing. "But why me, now? Are you here to tell me to tell Luke what I'm doing?"
"Masters always know," Anakin says vaguely. "But no, I am not here to scold you. I just wanted to meet you." Rey smiles, touched. "Luke is proud of you, as am I. You are far stronger than we ever hoped to be."
Rey brushes off the praise, blood rushing to her cheeks. She feels her cousin, struggling to keep his emotions from her.
"I know Ben can hear me," Anakin continues. "But in case he does not listen now, make him see this later: his family will never stop loving him. Skywalkers do not let go."
"I will," Rey promises. Anakin nods.
"I've heard that they teach my return to the Light was a moment of weakness. But between you and me, Rey, it was the best choice of my life. It gave me the strength to topple the Empire and save my son, so that you could be born. So that your cousin could grow up in peace."
"How did you turn?" Rey asks. "How did Luke do it?"
"The simple answer?" Anakin asks, a bit sadly. "Love. Compassion. My son has it in spades. You inherited it, I think. Ben did too, before it all. I watched him training, watched the way he was never too busy to spend time with his baby cousin or take a holocall from his mother."
"I've been trying for so long," Rey admits. "I don't want him to die. I don't want to see Leia's face if he does. What else can I do?"
"The First Order has a training base on Manaan," Kylo's voice whispers in her mind. "It's where your friend was trained. Now please, tell him to leave us be." Rey's eyes widen in shock, and Anakin nods with approval before fading into the night.
"I think you're on the right track."
That night, Kylo dreams of Rey. It's not a vivid vision of an alternate world where they grew up together, but a hazy vision of the future. He sees himself dressed in robes light like hers, sitting on cool grass and staring up at the stars. He senses, rather than sees her, sitting down beside him. A comfortable silence settles between them.
"They're proud of you," she says, finally. "You know that, right?"
When he wakes, he knows Rey shared his dream, because she's standing at his door, eyes wide. She staggers forward, sitting down at the edge of his bed, not meeting his eyes.
"For a servant of the Darkness," she whispers, "You dream of the Light a lot."
"I'm well aware," he mutters, mind whirling. She reaches out, through their bond, to conduct her familiar search through his mind. "Why do you keep doing that?"
"Doing what?"
"Going through my head as if there is something worth finding."
She pauses, considering.
"Maybe I think I'll find feelings of some sort. Or memories of a childhood I'll never remember fully." Kylo sighs.
"If you're looking for Ben Solo's memories, you'll be looking for a long time. He does not exist anymore."
"Yes, it was obviously Kylo who spared me because he had a flashback of me as a child, when he spared me the first time," Rey deadpans. "And it was Kylo who dreamed of a life where he turned away from Snoke's offers, a life where we grew up as a family."
"I destroyed your family," Kylo hisses. "I forced your father to abandon you and I killed your mother with my own hands. And you still insist that we are family?"
"You will not goad me into hating you," Rey says evenly. "Believe me, I tried. But at some point, you run out of anger, and if there's nothing else, you're left with emptiness. I'm not empty. Despite your best efforts, I have a father who loves me, two friends who will never leave me behind, and yes, even you. In my head, whether we like it or not. You could have me too, if you wanted. The way it should have been."
She sends the memory his way, of his dream. Growing up with Rey, training alongside her. Making peace with his innermost demons, being the man worthy of bearing the name "Skywalker." He pushes it away like it's vile poison.
"I killed Han Solo-"
"-and I forgive you. Your mother forgives you. Luke forgives you. I am not tethered by rage over the past. And I know you are not past redemption."
"You know nothing about me." She laughs, without humor.
"I'm in your head, as you are in mine. We are connected by blood, whether you serve the Dark or the Light."
"That means nothing."
"It means everything!" Rey shouts. Ah yes, there it is. The fire so often in her eyes that he knows all too well. "You think I asked for this? You know I never wanted to be tethered to you, but it is what it is, and I know what I've seen in you. You struggle with the Light like it's a disease, because you are terrified that if you face what you've done, you can never go back. You refuse to discuss your father because killing him was not just another mission to you. It wrecked you. You regret it with every breath you breathe. And you wish, when you think I can't see, that you never turned."
"It's too late," Kylo whispers, his mind going back to the last time he said those words. A ploy to lure his father closer that did more damage to him, because it was only in that moment he truly believed it. That he could never go back.
"There is no such thing as too late," Rey says softly. "Ask our grandfather."
She takes him to Padme's grave. The beautiful, ornate grave teems with the Force, covered in wildflowers of red and gold. Theed can be seen clearly, the palace where she honed her craft and helped save her homeworld.
Kylo is oddly muted at the grave, kneeling down and closing his eyes. She chooses to leave him to his devices for once, confident he will not try to run at this moment. Her hand rests on his lightsaber, clipped to her belt alongside her own weapon.
"Is he your brother?" her guide, an elderly woman named Sabe asks softly. Rey snorts.
"Cousin," she corrects. "But we're not exactly on the best terms."
"Because he's Kylo Ren," Sabe observes steadily. Rey's eyes widen, and the woman just shrugs. "Don't worry, I will not get in the way of whatever you are doing with him."
"How could you know?" Rey asks, baffled and slightly terrified. Sabe chuckles.
"He has her eyes. You have her fire." Rey's mouth hangs open, and the woman must sense her confusion as she continues. "I knew Padme many years ago, when we were both young. She was very kind to me. To everyone. I would recognize her blood anywhere."
Kylo's hand reaches forward, leather-covered fingers gently pressing against the tombstone.
She looks back at him, and carefully, through their bond, searches for something to hint at what he is feeling. He doesn't try to resist, hasn't tried in the longest time to keep her out. She gives Sabe a tight smile and makes her way over to the grave, kneeling down beside Kylo.
"I forgot her name," he confesses, voice barely a whisper. Rey's puzzlement must reach his mind, for he continues, "I spent so much of my life focused on Vader, but I forgot her name. Who she was. What she did."
Rey tries to mask her surprise, but fails. He smiles bitterly. "I wish we could have met her," she murmurs. Kylo looks at her, bitterness fading into genuine confusion.
"We?"
She nods. "She's your grandmother too."
Luke calls her that night, and she tells him how beautiful Naboo is. How she wishes he could have been raised there with his mother.
"That would have been nice," he admits with a sad smile, "But it's not reality.
"Reality is awful," Rey deadpans, images of Ben cutting down her mother running through her mind.
"Yes," Luke agrees, perhaps thinking the same thing, "But it's all we have."
Rey knocks on his door before the run rises the next morning, and he answers, knowing she would probably shout through the door anyways. He telegraphs the thought to her, and she smirks.
"I was going to go find somewhere quiet to meditate outside of the city. We're leaving in five minutes."
Her mind is warm, he discovers, as he watches her sitting in utter stillness in the small meadow she found. Distantly, he hears the roar of a waterfall and when he reaches out, the energy of Otoh Gunga beneath the surface.
And again, he feels her curiously exploring his own mind, seeking the Light. He wonders what she sees, because he is not even sure what she will find.
He could have escaped long ago. His cousin is unimaginably strong, but she is also trusting. He can take her down now, leave Naboo, and return to Snoke's side with renewed worth. He could leave in the night, when her mind is muted.
But he has no anger left, just like Rey said. He has nothing left. Without the First Order, he hasn't been able to fuel his rage. He has no General Hux constantly trying to usurp his position, or Snoke scarring his back with lightning. He just exists in the midst of a war he no longer cares to fight, hearing of how the First Order is slowly crumbling without him, how the Knights of Ren are scattered.
The First Order was never his true passion, in any case. The Dark Side was. Power was. And now, he cannot remember for the life of him why he cared so much in the first place.
She asks him for more information, but he refuses to give her anything else. He's already done enough by remaining there with her, on some sort of twisted family retreat or whatever she wishes to think it. He can sense her growing impatience as the days wear on, and wonders when she will finally give up and cut him down.
"I'm about to give you the opportunity of a lifetime," Rey says in greeting, striding into Kylo's room with ease. He's sitting near the window, meditating, and doesn't acknowledge her. "I'm letting you go."
This gets his attention. He turns, eyes narrowed. "You're what?"
"Well, if we're being specific, I'm going to leave Naboo tomorrow and return to the Resistance base. And I know you know where it is."
"Why are you doing this?" he asks. Rey pauses. She only has this moment to explain everything to him, what she realized just recently after a lot of thinking and a lot of time observing him without the veneer of a Knight of Ren.
"I realized something. Redemption is a choice, one that can only be made by you. It can't have anything to do with your father, your mother, or even me, or else it's just superficial. In the end, what this is all about is you." Ben Solo, she wants to add.
"Me," he echoes, mystified.
"You are not the Dark Side, and you are not the Light. And I cannot believe it took me so long to realize how the Force flows through you, but I get it now. And I think you're beginning to see it to. You know that serving under Snoke is tearing you apart, because you're not him. You're not a monster. I've seen your soul, Ben Solo. I know who you are."
"You're deluding yourself."
"No, you are. So here are your options. I am leaving behind a small shuttle for you to take offworld, and it has two destinations programmed in. The first is the last known coordinates of the First Order fleet. You can return to them and tell them whatever lie about escaping from me that you wish." She hesitates, biting her lip nervously. This has to work. "Your second option is coming home. I've programmed in the destination of our base. You can surrender yourself, and you have my word that I will do everything in my power to ensure your safety."
"What's stopping me from leading the First Order straight to your base?" he asks bluntly.
Rey shrugs. "I'll sense it, and you'll find nothing." He can't hide anything from her, not really. Not when the stakes are this high.
He stares, for a very long time. "Why do you keep trying to do this?" he asks, finally. "It's too late for me. We both know this, Rey."
"If it was too late for you, you would have killed me by now."
"I'm your prisoner!" His mind floods into hers, and she feels his shame, for being unable to escape her, ever. For knowing he does not have the power to subdue her, no matter what he tries. For feeling more at peace as her prisoner than he has since . . .
"I'm not giving up on you," Rey says firmly. "I'm going to let you go, and you're going to come home. Not because you're my prisoner, but because you're my cousin, and you want to."
"I'm not-"
"Yes, you are!" Rey insists with fire in her voice. "I remember. More and more every day. You loved me, and I loved you. You were like my brother, and we would go to the woods and you would use the Force to toss stones into the stream because it made me smile."
It's almost impossible to breathe when she remembers. The way he once held her after awful nightmares, softly singing lullabies. Their swordfights he would let her win. And she knows he remembers, keeps those memories locked away where no one, not even Snoke, can touch them.
"That was a different person-" he tries to insist, but she cuts him off.
"No. No. We know it's not true. You know, as well as I, who you truly are. Who your best self is. You want power, Ben? Under Snoke, you're a pawn. You have no power over yourself."
"You know nothing of power-"
"Yes, I know nothing, which is why you haven't tried to escape. I'll tell you what I know of power: it is fleeting. Meaningless. The real power is the power to affect change: to change the hearts of others, to have people follow you because you deserve it, not because of blind fear."
"Save Master Luke's lectures for someone who cares," Kylo growls. "It was him who had you capture me, isn't it?"
"No," she yells, exasperated. She groans, frustrated, not wanting to bare her soul to him but having no other option. "I am doing this because I love you. Despite my best efforts, I see the Light inside of you, the man you used to be, and the man you've become and I love you all the same. And it's impossible, and it hurts, because how do I reconcile the cousin I care for with the monster who has killed millions?"
And Force, does it hurt. The impossible love of a creature of Darkness, of wanting to hold them close to your soul but knowing they could tear you apart. Leia's palpable grief makes sense, now, as does Luke's harrowing ear of failing again.
"You don't," he says softly in response. She sighs. He still doesn't get it.
"You're wrong. You think the Darkness is all you have left, but you have a family, desperate to have you back, however broken you may be. I know you heard what our grandfather said. We don't let go. I won't let go."
"Then you're a fool."
"So be it."
"I don't deserve your compassion."
"It's not about what we deserve."
He sighs, heavy and ragged. His conflict has doubled, his thoughts are racing too quickly for her to keep up. She feels and sees him shut down to her, unable to take any more. "You've stated your case. Now leave me," he requests.
Rey hesitates, but acquiesces, backing out in silence. She takes secret pride, however, in the turmoil she feels in her wake.
How dare she.
How dare this girl, this lowly scavenger with dreams of being a Jedi, tell him who he is. How dare she assume that she knows his own mind better than he. How dare she be everything his family wanted him to be and more, and throw it all in his face at every chance she gets.
He feels it again. The pull to the Light, to her. His formerly precious cousin whom he had once cherished, his cousin who now surpasses him in every way. Her words drum around in his head, tormenting him and tempting him to just stop being angry and do what he has pretended for years he doesn't want.
Here, there is no helmet, no reminders of his grandfather's legacy. There are only quiet mornings, echoes of a love so strong it tore the galaxy apart. There is only the grave of his grandmother, and the bitter taste of regret.
And there is Rey. So strong, so sure he will make the choice she wants him to. So sure that she is giving up her best chance to eliminate him and leaving him behind. So sure that he can be redeemed, when he doesn't even want to be redeemed.
Doesn't he?
She leaves.
He sees her off, accompanying her to the landing pad, much to her surprise. His mind is unusually closed off, and for a brief moment she wonders if her leap of faith is going to lead to her losing her best chance to save the galaxy.
"Your lightsaber is in my room," she tells him quietly. "I'll see you soon," she adds, after a moment, wanting to remind Kylo that he does have a choice. His mind opens to her, briefly, and his sadness is so sharp it pierces through her very soul.
"Until we meet again," he says.
"Does that mean you've made your choice?" she asks. He hesitates, but closes off his mind once again.
"Goodbye," he says, turning and leaving her on the landing pad. Alone.
She enters her X-Wing, fingers running along the engraved doodles on its hull left by Poe and Finn. It's time that she returned to reality. To the people who don't need to saved. Her true family.
"This is your last chance," she thinks, finally, hoping that he hears, and hoping that he doesn't.
"I know," he murmurs in her thoughts, hand curling around his lightsaber.
She takes off, and as she enters lightspeed, she wonders what will happen next.
A day later, Kylo Ren enters the small shuttle she leaves behind. He sits down in the pilot's seat, and sees a small wildflower on top of a holopad.
I saw you pick this while I was meditating. I thought you were going to crush it, but you simply let the wind carry it away from you. I like to think that meant something. Please come home. –Rey
He chooses a destination.