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Alan Virdon stood under the waterfall and let the water cascade over him. The day was hot but the water was cool and refreshing. He took a deep breath. He drank in some of the running water. Revitalizing. He thought back to the cool showers he used to take to get a break from the Texas heat when he was training for the Probe Six mission. Sometimes he would sneak back to his base housing and take a quick shower just to wash off the day’s sweat and dust. Sometimes when Chris was in school, Sally would join Alan there. What did she use to say? The only thing I like more than my man in his uniform is my man out of his uniform. He smiled at the memory.
Sally.
Virdon took a deep breath, closed his eyes, and tilted his head back to let the water splash over his face. He ran his fingers through his hair. Pete says they are never going home. Says it all the time. Galen agrees. Alan shook his head and let the water fly from his face. He can’t allow himself to think like that. Of course, he’ll get back to Sally. Of course, he’ll see Chris again.
He has to.
He thought back to one time, before Chris was born, when they were living in base housing. After a nice, hot shower (and the particularly vigorous intercourse that preceded it), he was getting dressed to go back to the space center. Sally was lying on the rumpled bed; the room smelled like their lovemaking. She commented about something so mundane that he couldn’t even remember what it was. And as bad as he wanted that memory of what she said to come back, it stayed at the edge of his mind. It was something about how there was never enough hot water on this base or how the living room windows would stick whenever she tried to lift them. It was about nothing but for some reason, it felt so important for him to know what it was at this moment. Such minor worries they had compared to the survival concerns he had today. He had leaned down and kissed her. He could have taken her again right then if there had been time.
Another time, right before his last mission, Sally had told him that she was scared. Had a weird feeling about it. A premonition. He had stopped tying his tie in front of his bedroom mirror and pulled her into a tight hug. Everything will be alright, he had assured her. Absolutely it would. Burke and Jones won’t let anything bad happen, he had joked. But Sally was not reassured. She didn’t know Jones all that well and she didn’t trust Burke’s cavalier attitude about everything.
No longer smiling under the cascading water, Virdon felt hot tears coming. His shoulders slumped over as if in defeat. He covered his face with his hands and started to cry. The sound of the water splashing and swirling around him sounded very loud. Suddenly it was not very soothing. Suddenly the day felt cold. He shivered. Sally, he whispered through his tears.
“Hey, Alan, save some water for me,” a laughing voice called from the shore.
As he stepped out from under the waterfall and headed towards the land, he wiped away the tears, painted a smile on his face, and waved to his friends, Burke and Galen. He would not tell them of his hidden pain. Or how often he felt those sharp, stabbing pains of memory. He had to lock away his dreams of going home. They didn’t want to hear it anymore and he didn’t want to think about it.
As he wiped the back of his hand across his face he thought, at least they won’t be able to tell I’ve been crying.
With the smile now fixed to his face and shouted back, "Don't worry, Pete. There's plenty here for all of us!"