Archive of Our Own

On the final day of the joint training camp, Mina gets into a fight with Narumi.

They haven’t really run into each other after their last mission, and Mina preferred the peace and quiet that came with it.

(She’d never admit that she finds it harder to pull the trigger, without Narumi’s presence on the ground, and in her ear.)

But on that final day, they were evaluated as individuals and in small teams.

Of course, she’d ended up in the same group as Narumi. The board of directors had wanted to see how well the First and Third Division could work as a team.

After the weeks of training and handling missions together, they were testing how efficient the new recruits could be.

It made sense to Mina.

And she’d done spectacularly during the individual test - shooting through the numerous monsters with terrifying power and accuracy, as the superiors had put it.

In lieu of testing her on how well she handled the knife all officers were provided with, they assessed how she worked with her personal weapon instead.

This gave her the chance to point out any adjustments that needed to be made. Although she found that it was comfortable to use, even if she had qualms about fighting with it.

It was cold in her hands, weighed heavy, but tailored to her so well that she couldn’t complain. Like how she couldn’t complain about how lonely she was.

Naturally, they made her kill a Daikaiju, reminding her about how special she was. How she was one of a kind, and had she been born earlier, she could’ve prevented numerous deaths.

Mina never knew what to say to that.

She too, mourned the loss of Shinomiya Hikari - a Captain she’d particularly looked up to, being the strongest female soldier of her generation.

At the very least, her release force had increased, and although it fluctuated at times - it was still high. Higher than most platoon leaders, she’d hear the seniors murmur amongst themselves.

Yet again, Mina could only feel that her special abilities were nothing more than a burden, laying heavy on her shoulders.

“Group Three, stand by for your final training exercise.”

And because it was coordinated by headquarters, it had to be a simulation.

A simulation where lives were supposed to be at stake, and because Mina was in the group, they’d gotten a monster which was best fitted for her to defeat.

Even though it was supposed to be a team exercise, she thinks, gritting her teeth.

None of the other soldiers look particularly worried and Mina would’ve felt a bit better if she knew someone from her division.

But the grouping for her team consisted of mostly First Division recruits for some reason, and the only other people she recognized kept to each other.

And because everyone appeared to fear (or perhaps they just didn’t like him) Narumi, the seat next to him was the only one available by the time she got into the vehicle.

Sighing, she reminds herself it’s an exercise, and that it’s not real. If it were real, she wouldn’t even be in a vehicle with the other recruits, always traveling alone anyway.

Apparently, they’d wanted to test how well the others could cover for her as she would make her way to the highest point - that she’d have to identify herself.

It was a test of her wits, and her observation skills. Although it didn’t feel fair that the recruits she was with were mainly there to back her up - none of them said a word.

In fact, the moment the engine started, there was pin-drop silence. The two officers from the Third Division were simply whispering to each other, and Mina felt no need to eavesdrop.

She had to focus on herself.

They had been given a map of the area, and she went through it once more, doing her best to visualize her best route. She had to take into account that she’d be carrying her weapon , and despite being lightweight - it was still bulky.

The idea of having others cover for her made her balk, and Mina knew they should be spending the time now, trying to devise something.

A plan, of sorts.

But it felt so demanding, so selfish - of her to ask them to think of ways to ensure she’d end up on some buildings’ rooftop.

She kept her thoughts to herself instead, leaning back against the wall of the truck - trying to regulate her breathing.

It’s not real.

More information makes its way to their communication devices, and they collectively listen to the scenario they’re going to deal with.

A Daikaiju has appeared in the area, and it can breathe fire. The Yoju associated with it are of similar nature, albeit less powerful. The gas the monsters release are also of high temperature, and they’re reminded to have their masks on at all times.

The Daikaiju has a tell when it charges up for an attack, and their mission is to protect civilians, find the Daikaiju’s weak spot, and take it out. The moment the monster manages to get two attacks in, all of them will fail.

That means.

It means - if Mina can’t shoot through its core and she lets it get away- they’ll all fail.

Inhaling sharply, she hopes none of them caught that as she acknowledges the information alongside the new recruits.

“Arriving on site in ten minutes.” Their evaluator - one of the platoon leaders from the First Division, announces and Mina tries not to panic.

They need to- they have to discuss-

But she doesn’t know how to ask. And she used to be confident.

They want her to be Captain? What a joke, she bitterly thinks, nails digging into her palms as she grits her teeth.

If Kafka - if he were here, he’d know what to do. He’d know how to break the ice, probably make some stupid joke about Godzilla and get a conversation going.

But he’s not.

He’s not here in the vehicle with her and she bites onto her bottom lip, reminding herself of her duties.

She’s dealt with worse.

She dealt with Daikaiju when proper lives were at stake, just last week. She may not have done a good job, but she pushed through.

And even after that, Mina has been working hard.

She has.

Right?

Suddenly all of the training exercises and simulations and subjugations they’ve had to go through in the past month is lost on her.

Has she been working hard?

Can you consider all the times she’s faltered and hesitated, the work of someone who’s done well?

Even though the civilians they’ve stationed in the area are trained officers as well, most likely with proper weapons on them if things go south - her group mates-

They’re counting on her.

She tightens her grip.

Mina can’t remember why she’s here.

What she’s doing here.

“Five minutes.”

Don’t cry, she chants relentlessly in her head.

Don’t be weak. Don’t let everybody down again.

Don’t fail.

Before she can spiral further, she suddenly feels warm, and she looks down at her hands.

They’re no longer clenched into fists, and there’s another hand on top of hers.

She turns to her side, baffled.

Confused, but somehow - it helps.

It helps, and reminds Mina of a time where she’d been wailing, holding onto Miko’s ashes before feeling Kafka slip his hand into hers.

Narumi couldn’t be any more different than her childhood friend, but the glaring difference is that he’s here, and Kafka isn’t.

So she holds onto the hand he’d silently offered, and breathes in. Shifting them so they’re out of sight, she slowly breathes out.

“Everyone,” Mina starts, hating how her voice comes out shaky and she squeezes Narumi’s hand a little too hard when the other recruits turn to stare at her. “We need a plan.”

“Two minutes.”

She clenches her jaw, they don’t have time-

“No we don’t.” Narumi says from her side, and she threatens to leave his grasp, but he keeps her hand in his.

“You-”

There’s no time.

“The highest point in the area is in Zone B. I’ll be headed that way. Unlike the other mission, the Yoju aren’t known to fly and only cover short distances.” She inhales, trying to throw out all the thoughts she was going to keep pent up before they reach.

Thankfully, nobody (especially Narumi) cuts in so she continues, “I can fire a few shots here and there while carrying my weapon but I’ll need someone to cover me.”

None of them offer, and she tries not to feel isolated. Tries so hard not to let it bother her.

“Yamazaki, was it?” Narumi suddenly points at one of the First Division officers with his free hand. “You’ve been pretty observant during our previous exercises, think you can find out the Daikaiju’s weak points before its second attack happens?”

“I-” The officer- Yamazaki stares blankly at him, and Mina unintentionally squeezes Narumi’s hand again.

“Scratch that, you will. I don’t work with or for anyone - I’ll do my own thing and take down all the Yoju. Maybe even the Daikaiju too - if you can’t.”

The last sentence is so obviously directed at her as he spares her a glance from the corner of his eye and Mina grits her teeth. She doesn’t have time to argue with Narumi.

“Yamazaki-kun, I’m counting on you.”

“Uh- Alright. Yamato, think you can help?” The pair start discussing ways they can figure out the Daikaiju’s weaknesses and Mina relaxes slightly.

It’s not perfect. It’s not concrete, and she’ll likely have to make her way on her own but that’s fine. Her shield should suffice and be able to withstand a few hits.

“Group Three, prepare for final evaluation.”

And then the door to the truck is opening, and before she can let go of Narumi’s hand and move to collect her weapon - he tugs her back until they’re the last two to leave.

She looks back at him, hand still in his.

“Ashiro.” He says, surprisingly lacing their fingers together and Mina- she doesn’t know what to think. She can’t - not when she’s still riddled with anxiety, but she can’t deny that it‘s soothing. “Don’t you dare think for a second your teammates aren’t strong.”

It’s so ironic she has to choke out a laugh, squeezing his hand - allowing herself to indulge for one second before she glares at him.

“I could say the same to you.”

And then she lets go, steeling her nerves and heading towards where her personal weapon is stored.

She slings the standard rifle behind her back, and prepares for battle - positioning her goggles around her neck after putting on her gas mask.

Being a smaller squad, there aren’t as many Yoju as there could be - and they’re confined to two zones.

They split into two groups, with Yamato and Yamazaki spearheading towards Zone A, two other officers in tow.

Narumi is already nowhere to be seen, having run off with his sword and gun as soon as he jumped off the truck.

Ignoring him, she turns to the two Third Division recruits leftover, realizing they’ve ended up with their respective division mates again.

“I won’t ask you to protect me.” She adjusts her grip on her weapon, before taking a step forward out of the safe zone. “But let’s work together.”

The two of them look at each other, before nodding, and she smiles behind her mask.

“I’m headed for that building.” She tilts her head in its direction, taking a tentative step after ensuring they’re following her.

Except, a Yoju appears from nowhere, and it’s hard to even describe - despite having already seen visuals of it.

All that matters is that it spots her instantly, and clearly charges up to attack.

She doesn’t need to think before she’s grabbing her rifle and shooting right through it.

The moment her bullet goes through, the monster explodes, and she hisses.

“Everyone - I’m sure you’re already aware, but the Yoju explode if you fire at them when they’re charging up to attack!” She relays her annoying discovery to the others, before continuing.

They start charging up the moment they make eye contact with them, so she warns her fellow soldiers to attack before the Yoju spot them.

“Mikoshiba - on your left, Arashi - behind you.”

They’re quick learners, she finds, and that’s enough for her as she heads closer to the building.

When the coast looks clear, she hurries forward - only to stop in her tracks when she hears a cry.

A child.

The defense force employed children?

Mina doesn’t have time to wonder if this is some sort of prank because either way - she needs to save the kid, “Child civilian spotted in Zone B. Moving to rescue now.”

“Mikoshiba-” she turns around, but clicks her tongue when she sees him occupied, the same with Arashi.

She examines her options in the second she has because a Yoju is heading in the boy's direction and his cries aren’t helping.

Using her personal weapon here will result in-

Whatever, she thinks, dumping the goggles and her weapon onto the ground. She’s right by the entrance of the building she needs to be in anyway.

Loading up her rifle, she looks around the area, searching for a way to kill it before it charges up.

There’s no time. There’s no way she can get it because it’s already charging up. Instead, she sprints forward, grabbing the child into her arms, and sprints back.

Shield at 100%

She doesn’t make it out of its range in time, but she puts her shield up - back turned to the monster and ensuring the child is safe in her arms.

The gas - she hurriedly thinks for a second, removing her own mask and placing it over the boy’s smaller face.

It’s too big, but she orders him to hold it against his face. Tears in his eyes, the child nods, and Mina genuinely detests the defense force for once in her life.

She doesn’t know what a child is doing here - but she doesn’t have time to think because the Yoju has finally stopped and it's scorching.

Confirming she hasn’t actually sustained any injuries, she immediately shoots down the Yoju before it can charge up again - and feels her eyes scan the area for a safe spot.

“Control room, requesting for a safe area in Zone B.”

“To the far end, between Zones A and B, Officer Ashiro.”

They respond to her as if she should know this, and she does - but that’s too far, why weren’t these people equipped with gas masks?

Gritting her teeth, she looks towards Zone A, wondering how the rest are doing.

“Mikoshiba, come in-” she communicates directly with him, and sighs with relief when he answers. “Can you take this kid to the safe zone? I have to get ready.”

Thankfully he reaches her in less than a second, and she notes his speed.

“A kid? Seriously?” Mikoshiba stares at the child, and she wearily shrugs her shoulders.

“He can keep the gas mask. I should be alright.”

He looks at Mina, doubtful but she shrugs again. At this point she’ll be away from most of the monsters anyway.

As usual.

“Okay.”

And then he’s off, carrying the child with him and Mina turns to ensure Arashi is keeping up with the Yoju.

She seems to be handling them well enough, so she informs her that she’s heading up - but will cover Arashi from above.

She picks up her weapon from the ground, puts her goggles back on and climbs up two stairs at a time. The worst part will always be the damn stairs.

Although she knows she’s complaining over essentially nothing compared to what her fellow officers have to deal with.

The building is fairly free of monsters except one she’d killed before it noticed her.

When she makes it to the top, she informs the control room - and they advise her on the best position.

The Daikaiju thankfully remains stationary - but Mina can immediately tell despite the distance that it’s charging up for its first attack.

“Do we know what it’s aiming for?” She asks, to anybody who has an answer.

“It seems to be attracted to human life, movement in particular - similar to the Yoju.”

If that’s the case, she can’t attack it now. If she did, there’s a chance it could explode, and with its size-

She shudders to even think about it.

Instead, she adjusts her weapon, keeping it steady and waiting for the right moment. If the Daikaiju is targeting human life, it’ll have to calibrate and take aim now.

Like her weapon, it needs time. And just like her, the monster won’t be able to move until it launches its attack.

“How likely will it hit any of the civilians or troop members?” She asks again, this time - it's directed at the people in the control room.

“Based on our calculations, this attack won’t.”

So the second one will.

Which is why they’ll fail if they let it happen.

“Officer Ashiro,” the platoon leader in charge of their evaluation buzzes in her ear. “Focus on your task.”

She clenches her jaw, tight.

She’s incredibly aware of her place in the defence force. She’s aware of how most senior officers feel about her.

It’s not like she wanted to be the source of their envy.

“Understood.”

Peering down below her, she checks to see how Arashi is holding up on her own, and is relieved to see she’s gotten a hang of the timing.

Whilst they charge up quickly upon discovering movement, their firepower isn’t as strong and doesn’t last very long. Even though she’d gotten a direct hit earlier, her shield was enough to protect her.

And their cool down gives them a perfect window to shoot them, which Mina assumes will be the case with the Daikaiju.

The only thing she’s worried about is where it’s aiming at. Although she wants to believe it won’t harm any of their men - she doesn’t see how it won’t.

But she supposes, as long as they don’t get in the way of the monster’s range, they should be fine.

She hopes they’ll be fine.

Mina only has two shots.

One after it fires, and another before it charges up - if her first shot doesn’t make it.

“Daikaiju preparing to fire. Officer Ashiro, stand by. Other officers on ground evacuate from its range immediately.”

Collectively, they acknowledge the order.

“Permission to release limiter.”

“Granted.”

Release force 78%

She breathes out, steadying her hands.

Believe in them.

Her fellow officers, the people in the control room - Mina needs to trust them.

Except.

Except - the moment the Daikaiju prepares to attack, it turns its head, at a speed that clearly none of them were prepared for and a fireball launches right in her direction.

Shit.

“Ashiro!”

Immediately, she lets go of her weapon and jumps to the side, hands fumbling around her neck before remembering she’d given the child her mask.

Shield at 72%

It’s just enough for her to protect her side, and she manages to get away from the bulk of its attack but when she looks back-

The billboards behind her, right where she was standing - are melting from the high temperature.

“Officer Ashiro, fire.”

“She just got hit - you fucking-” She numbly hears Narumi shouting over the communication device, but the platoon leader is right.

On shaky feet, she stumbles towards her weapon and positions it once more, directly at the core should be.

The Daikaiju looks straight at her - and even though she knows it’s cooling down and unable to attack - she feels sick.

She tries so damn hard not to think about how she’d nearly died.

Instead, Mina swallows down the bile rising in her throat and informs the operations team, “Loading of first bullet- complete.”

“Fire.”

Planting her feet down hard, she finds it will never get easier, having to deal with the recoil - and she grits her teeth.

The concrete below her cracks as she fires, and it’s so hard not to think about how alone she is - yet again.

Her shot is supposed to make a clean hole in the Daikaiju, but she doesn’t relax - because the operators’ aren’t announcing its death.

So she loads up her second bullet while she can.

“Status update.” She hisses, because Mina can’t see when there’s smoke all around the monster.

“It’s– The Daikaiju was protected by the Yoju.”

Of course this wasn’t going to be easy

“Yamazaki - did you discover anything?”

“Ashiro. It’s possible we can cause a chain reaction of explosions. The Yoju are directly in front of the Dakaiju’s core - and I believe if we wait for them to charge and we shoot them at once-”

Yamato chimes in, “We can use the Yoju’s reactive behaviour to hurt the Daikaiju, and get rid of its shield.”

“Exactly.”

“Roger. There’s a smoke cloud covering my line of sight. Are the Yoju preparing to charge?” She asks, her goggles only being able to show her where the monsters are through heat detection.

Another one of the First Division’s officer (Fushimi?) adds, “No. I believe they’re not moving because they can’t sense anyone.”

She clicks her tongue.

So they won’t charge up unless there’s someone nearby, but that would mean having one of them act as bait.

But if they don’t think of something soon, the Daikaiju will start charging up, and Mina will miss her chance.

Although it’s obvious that it doesn’t care for movement.

The Daikaiju is different.

“Operations room, why did the Daikaiju aim for Ashiro.” Narumi’s voice, icy, rings in her ears.

She’s never heard him sound so serious.

“We appear- It appears there was a miscalculation.” One of them stutters out. “It seems to aim for the strongest person in the area.”

“Hah-!?” Narumi huffs, and Mina knows why. “Then it should’ve aimed for me.”

“Narumi.” She warns, privately speaking to him.

“You-” He replies instantly, and Mina doesn’t care to check where he is. She needs to get ready. She needs someone to-

Mina can’t ask.

She can’t ask one of them to act as bait, to risk their lives - so Mina can shoot at the Yoju as they charge up.

Because there’s a chance they’ll get caught in the explosions.

They need to think of something else.

“We can’t-” she announces to the rest of the officers, “I think if it’s aiming for me- I can avoid it a second time. We’ll figure out another way.”

“But-” Arashi whispers, and Mina looks down at where she is. She’s mostly cleared the Yoju in the zone. “But then you’ll-”

“I’ll be fine.” And then she clears her throat, speaking directly to the platoon leader. “Is it possible for us to pass as long as it doesn’t launch a third attack?”

The platoon leader doesn’t even pause, before answering, “As long as you can kill it before it charges up for the third attack - we’ll consider it.”

Again.

It’s all up to Mina.

“Absolutely not.” Narumi's voice rings in her ear again and she sighs.

“We don’t have time.”

“And you don’t even have your gas mask.”

Five minutes before overheating.

“I don’t need it.” She answers back, before squinting at the cloud of smoke that hasn’t drifted away. “Is the Daikaiju preparing to charge?”

“Not yet.” Yamato updates her, and she narrows her eyes.

The lack of visibility might be a problem, she thinks. But if she can detect its next attack- before-

“I’m going to provoke the Yoju.” Narumi suddenly cuts in, “Everybody else, tell Ashiro when to fire. The smoke is on purpose.”

“Narumi.” She grits out, frustrated.

Out of everyone, he’s the best choice. Mina knows this. But it shouldn’t come down to an officer putting their life on line like this, for her.

Although that sounds selfish, because the real reason any JAKDF officer would do this - would ever dare to risk getting burnt, injured is because of their dedication to keeping people safe.

All Mina seems to do is hide behind someone’s back.

She hates this, she thinks.

Why won’t Narumi ever listen to her? Why won’t he-

Why does he always work alone.

How can he enjoy it - when it’s everything she fears?

And it’s infuriating, how stubborn he gets.

“Narumi,” Another First Division officer (Tsukasa?), who’d been quiet the whole time speaks up and she tightens her grip on her weapon. “I’ll cover you.”

“Ha!” He laughs, and she hates how Narumi mocks them. How he looks down on them. “No need. Ensure there aren’t any more civilians in the area. I’m heading close.”

“Do it quick, the Daikaiju looks like it’s about to charge up.” Yamato says, and Mina feels like she can’t breathe.

Narumi shouts something stupid like quick is my middle name - and she reminds herself that this is Narumi.

Realistically, she shouldn’t have to worry about him.

She shouldn’t have to hesitate.

But she does anyway, even when she gets the signal to fire.

Because she thinks about him, getting caught in the explosions, getting injured, falling - falling - falling down and Mina squeezes her eyes shut for a second.

“Fire.”

She pulls the trigger, and Mina can’t see past all the smoke the Yoju are releasing.

All she can do is stand there, from a relatively safe distance and listen to the explosions that happen one after another.

All she can do is hope that nobody gets caught in it.

And all she can hear after, is the Daikaiju letting out a defeaning screech.

“One more - Officer Ashiro, hurry up.”

Suit overheating.

Vaguely, she can register that it hurts-

“Loading of the third bullet is ready.” She chokes out, trying not to think about the pain. She has a duty to carry out, and the Daikaiju is weakened.

“Fire.”

Don’t think about anything, she reminds herself - and it’s twisted, how she finds herself appreciating the force from the recoil this time.

At least like this - Mina isn’t exempt from getting injured even if she’s not like everybody around her, fighting down there.

“Daikaiju vitals have ceased. Group Three has successfully completed the subjugation-”

“Not yet.” The platoon officer barks out, and Mina wheezes, gripping onto the railing of the rooftop. “They have yet to clean up.”

“But that’s not the recruits’ job…” Someone from the operations room whispers, and the platoon leader clears his throat before correcting himself and congratulating them on completing their task.

She doesn’t really care though, too tired to feel truly at ease.

Instead, she adjusts her communication device and connects to Narumi’s line.

“Narumi. Come in.”

Nobody else has said anything since he went to taunt the Yoju, and she doesn’t know what the situation is like but he’s not answering and she clenches the railing tighter.

She should’ve-

It should’ve been her-

“I can hear you overthinking from here.”

She turns around, coughing out blood from how fast she moves.

Her knees wobble, and she feels faint - despite never feeling like this even after overheating for a few minutes in the past. An arm holds onto her waist and she feels her eyebrows furrow.

“Already?” Narumi observes, and she glares at him - considering pushing the arm around her off.

But she halts when she takes in his appearance and sees that he’s injured.

Clicking her tongue, Mina carefully grabs his arm, eyeing it- the burns.

“I told you I would handle it.”

He scoffs, pulling his injured arm away from her grip, “Worry about yourself.”

They stand around the rooftop for a while, looking anywhere but each other, waiting for more instructions.

He’s the one who breaks the silence first.

“You almost died.”

She looks over to the melted billboards, the only indication they were even there being the metal pole that was attached to them.

Mina remembers how she felt, watching the fireball make its way closer and closer to her.

Bile rises in her throat again, when she thinks about how if he hadn’t called out to her-

No.

She can’t die. Not now. Not when she has a promise to keep. Not when Kafka hasn’t passed yet.

Not when she knows he will.

“I won’t.” She swears, glancing at the empty space beside her.

And then she’s looking at Narumi again, who has an unreadable expression on his face.

Softly, enough to surprise both of them, she whispers, “You could’ve, though.”

“Don’t be ridiculous. I’m me.”

Whatever that means.

She’s still mad at him though, because his teamwork continues to suck - and if she wasn't so exhausted, she’d tell him off for it.

But she is, and she hates herself for it.

She can’t afford to be tired, when she’s barely done anything at all.

“Ashiro! Narumi!” Someone calls, and they turn their heads to the door of the rooftop. The arm around her waist drops instantly.

(She doesn't think about the warmth that lingers behind.)

Their other troop members.

Eyeing all of them, she’s relieved to see they’re all relatively safe and sound.

Arashi comes up to her, asking if she’s okay and Mina elbows Narumi when he has the gall to roll his eyes and say, “What do you think?”

“I wasn’t talking to you.”

Mina moves to pick up her personal weapon, but Yamato helps her instead and chokes out, “Dude- You’ve been carrying this the entire time?!”

Slowly, and in confusion, she nods.

“It’s heavy.”

Not really, she wants to say, but she doesn’t have the energy to discuss that right now so she lets out a small chuckle - and instantly shuts up when they (including Narumi) turn to stare at her.

“Um-” she says, eye darting between all their blank faces.

“Ashiro-chan,” Arashi chirps, suddenly happy. “You’re cuter than you seem!”

“Thank you…?”

“Cut it out, Arashi. She’s injured.”

“What does that have to do with anything?”

Narumi and Arashi bicker for a bit, and Mina feels that the ride back later might be a bit more comfortable. She’s a little upset it’d taken her this long to find a group like this.

Warm.

“Good work.” The platoon leader greets them by the vehicles after they head down together, and he directs herself and Narumi to the first-aiders on site.

“We’ll check the both of you for any serious injuries. Does anybody else have issues?”

The rest of them shake their heads, and Mina breathes out a proper sigh of relief.

“Alright. This might take a while so we’ll send you back to base first. The other two will return with me.”

Oh, Mina thinks, a little disappointed.

Even though she was too worn out for it, with the rest probably being the same - she wanted to talk about the mission. Wanted to thank them for everything.

Because - it’s been a while and she’s been grateful to work with people like them.

People who don’t-

She hisses out when the nurse presses down somewhere, and she snaps out of her thoughts.

“You’re burnt in multiple places, and you’re suffering from injuries due to overexertion, Officer Ashiro.” The nurse looks at her, stern and she hangs her head in shame.

It hadn’t really hurt much when she was fighting, and everything seemed to become numb the moment she barely escaped from the Daikaiju's attack.

“We don’t have any spare jackets here-”

“I do.” Narumi pipes up from beside her, and she stares at him.

Mina doesn’t get it though, tilting her head in question.

“Why would I-?”

“Your suit’s burnt.”

Oh, she thinks again. She hadn’t noticed that either.

When she feels a jacket - that isn’t their uniform draped over her, she’s surprised it smells decent.

“Officer Ashiro, remember to replace the patches daily. And no exercise for a week.”

“Does going to the shooting range count?” She immediately asks.

The nurse raises an eyebrow at her, and she feels like a kid getting reprimanded. “To look at the targets, or to shoot?”

“I understand.”

“Good.” The nurse then turns to Narumi, tending to his injuries as well.

She doesn’t really register what’s being said, but picks up bits and pieces and is glad to hear he hasn’t sustained anything too serious.

Mina looks around, and spots the boy from earlier talking to another nurse. She gets up, ignoring Narumi calling after her, and bends down to speak to the child who beams at her.

He recognizes her.

“Onee-chan!” He cries out, wrapping small arms around her and she-

This is why she joined the force.

To protect people like him.

“Are you okay?” She asks, putting the jacket on properly because she finally realized why the nurse suggested it.

The child eagerly nods, and then holds a finger up, telling her to wait.

So she does, rising from her crouched position, deciding to speak to the other nurse since she’s there.

“Do you know why there were children in the simulation?”

“Simulation?” The nurse repeats, blinking at her.

Mina blinks back at him.

“This- The subjugation exercise-” she points at the cordoned off area. “Was it not-?”

She can’t find the words. She doesn’t have the words.

“I’m not sure what you were told, but we got a call for an emergency two hours ago.”

Two hours ago. That was when their group was brought out to do their exercise.

She feels her eyes narrowing, heart beating out of her chest.

“Everybody here-” Mina glances around, suddenly realizing how many normal people there are. People who obviously aren’t trained soldiers from any of the special forces. “Civilians.”

The nurse nods, “It’s a relief there weren’t many serious injuries. - thanks to you folks on the defence force.”

He salutes, and all she can do is let out a broken smile. The urge to cry is overwhelming.

It was real.

“Onee-chan!” The boy returns, and Mina sucks any feelings of pain up. Locks it back up. Throws the key away.

“Hi,” she turns around, kneeling so she’s eye level with him again. “What’s your name?”

“It’s Akira!” He grins, before passing her gas mask back to her. “I got you this too, because Okaa-san always said to give pretty girls pretty flowers!”

She stares at the weeds in his small hand and laughs, endeared. They may be weeds, she muses, but they are pretty.

And it’s definitely better for him to be ripping out invasive species than native flowers, anyway.

“Thank you, Akira-kun.” She pats him on the head, and sees him off to his mother who thankfully isn’t injured.

They exchange a few words, before Mina heads back to where she’s supposed to wait with Narumi.

“Got yourself a suitor?” Narumi says, briefly looking up from his game console when she moves to stand next to him.

She looks at the flowers in her hand, smiling softly, “Sure.”

When Mina feels an intense gaze on her, she looks to her side and raises an eyebrow at Narumi.

“What?”

“Nothing.” He shrugs, and Mina frowns.

He’s so weird, but thinking about him will only irritate her more - so she keeps quiet and tucks her hands into the pocket of his jacket.

“Did-”

“Alright, both of you patched up?” The platoon leader returns, and Mina nods - immediately swallowing the words back down.

He leads them to a car, since it’s just the two of them and they sit in the backseat in silence, while the platoon leader is up front.

There’s too many things she wants to ask. Too many things she wants to talk about.

But she’s so tired, and she feels herself drifting off before she can help it.

The last thing she remembers is her head getting manoeuvred somewhere, somehow - until it’s in a more comfortable position.

She doesn’t open her eyes to see where it ended up.

When they’re back on base, the Chief of all people, holds a congratulatory party for all the recruits.

It’s nice, and she exchanges contacts with all the people in her group from this afternoon. She doesn’t know if they knew, but Mina chooses not to say anything.

When the function room starts getting too noisy for her taste, she lets Mizuki know she’s going out for a moment, and leaves.

Ironically, her feet take her to the rooftop.

And it’s funny how she can breathe a bit easier here, despite wanting to avoid such high places whenever she’s fighting.

But the view of Tokyo, when the sun has set and there’s no monster for her to aim at - is gorgeous and it’s a shame she’ll be returning to Tachikawa tomorrow.

“Ashiro.”

She doesn’t need to turn around to know who it is.

“What is it.”

He moves to stand next to her, and she keeps her eyes trained on the skyline before her.

“I didn’t want to say it but-” Narumi starts, and Mina grimaces. She kind of knows what's coming next.

Hates that she’s hearing it from Narumi of all people.

“But you’re going to get us and yourself killed one day.”

She grits her teeth, gripping onto the railing.

When she doesn’t say anything, and doesn’t even acknowledge him, he continues, “I don’t get it - just pull the damn trigger.”

It’s not as simple as that. It would never be as simple as that.

“What do you know?” She hisses out, knowing her voice is laced with venom. And it’s out of character for her to get angry, to feel emotions - because to everybody else, Ashiro Mina always has an expressionless face on.

Her voice may quiver, when she speaks to her superiors, but they’re them. They don’t care.

Everybody else- everybody else- platoon leaders, her batch mates, the other officers- they see someone who gratefully accepted her role as some sort of Messiah in the defence force.

And Mina can’t do anything but play her part.

“Narumi Gen,” she turns to face him fully, and she doesn’t know what she looks like now- but her facade slips. “What do you know about me?”

He gapes at her, and she thinks: yeah, surprise.

When he doesn’t respond, doesn’t even flinch when she grabs him by the collar of his uniform - she feels herself bubbling.

Seconds away from overflowing.

“You couldn’t possibly understand.”

And for some reason, that’s what makes him snap, because he’s gripping onto her wrist with such force that should hurt - but doesn’t.

“What the fuck do you know about me?” He hisses back, voice equally laced with venom. She growls, hearing him curse. “You’re nothing more than a coward.”

She laughs, almost manically and Mina doesn’t even sound like herself, when she half-yells, “Maybe you should learn to be a bit more careful. Your selfishness will get everyone killed too.”

“When has it ever-”

“Learn to rely on your comrades more.”

He clenches his jaw, moving his face closer until their foreheads are touching and the only thing Mina can see is Narumi’s pink eyes - seemingly glowing with fury.

“I could say the same thing right back at you,” he snarls, “Ashiro.”

Mina feels pure anger overtake her, tugging him even closer by his clothes.

“You will never understand-” she seethes, and in her entire nineteen years of living- has never felt so furious. “You will never understand - not when you’ve never considered the lives of others in your unit.”

His other hand grabs her face by her chin and she doesn’t even flinch.

“Say that again.” He growls.

“You don’t consider the lives of those in your unit.”

Narumi sneers, looking down at her, their usually minute height difference seeming larger than normal. “Maybe if you opened your eyes for once, instead of keeping them shut every time you’re up there, you’d be able to fucking see.”

Even though Mina has always been a little angry at everything - since she enlisted, she chose to keep her feelings pent up.

She’d hoped that one day, with time, she’d get better. That perhaps, all these feelings laying dormant would go away.

They never left. No matter how many times she told herself she’d rid herself of these unnecessary emotions.

(Anger, sadness, loneliness, fear.)

So she’s here now, glaring so hard at Narumi she hopes he’ll close his eyes and see her, haunting him. Because he’ll never know about the burden she carries, constantly being told she’ll change everything.

“Shut up.” She screams at him, pushing him back until he’s stumbling against the wall leading to the door.

He snarls, a noise more feral and lower than previous ones and hurls her into the wall in retaliation. Mina bites her tongue so she doesn’t gasp out in pain.

She’d rather die than show him.

Instead, she grabs him by the collar again, switching their positions once more - jaw clenched and eyebrows furrowed, feeling so, so hot from the anger.

The cool evening air does nothing to calm her down.

She raises an arm, fist curled up but never hitting home.

Profanities leave her mouth, and it becomes a battle of throwing insults at each other, pointing out each other’s flaws - and how they’ll never be a decent captain if they keep this up.

“Stop doubting your comrades!”

“You stop doubting us. We’re here to help. What’s the point of working as a team if all you’re going to do is go off on your own because you don’t trust us!?”

“You know what - maybe you should learn to be more selfish, Ashiro.” He tugs at the collar of her shirt, challenging her. “Don’t talk to me about trust - when you don’t even believe your comrades can fend off mere Yoju before you make your move-

If you had more faith in them- us, you wouldn’t be so afraid.”

This time, she’s the one gripping onto his wrist, squeezing it tight, pushing him backwards once more- until he trips, and she just barely manages to move her hand under his head as they fall down.

“I’m not.” She says, ignoring the way her voice trembles.

But Narumi catches it.

“You are.”

She’s straddling him now, pinning him under her. A fist is bunched around his uniform collar, the other hand under his head protecting him from a concussion.

When she tries to reiterate that she’s not scared, her voice cracks and she squeezes his uniform.

Narumi sighs, "If you weren't, you wouldn't be making that face, Ashiro."

She stills, her grip slowly loosening.

It’s tiring - to keep pretending.

It’s frustrating - to hear Narumi say it.

To have him notice.

She looks down, avoiding his face and keeps her eyes trained to the now crumpled collar of his uniform.

“I know what it’s like, being abandoned all the time.” He suddenly says, and Mina continues staring at his clothes. “I don’t trust people to be there for me. I’m sure you’ve heard - they were even thinking of kicking me outta here.”

Mina has heard about that.

“So I learnt to protect myself, since no one else will. And…” He sighs, and Mina doesn’t question what’s left unspoken.

It’s surprising as is, to hear him talk about himself.

She takes the time to let his words sink in, before exhaling loudly into the dead of the night.

In the end - they’re the same, refusing to see the people that stand with and behind them.

Mina doesn’t face them, afraid because she believes it’s her duty to protect them. To ensure that she prevents the loss of as many people as possible.

Because she’s special. Because she’s supposed to be able to do all of that.

Narumi… Mina can’t say for sure, but he probably can't see his comrades as people who can help him - because he’s never had anyone protect him before.

She wonders what he thinks about, when he kills all those monsters on his own, standing on top of dead bodies.

She always wondered what it’d be like, to do all of that with a smile on her face too.

They couldn’t be any more different - but at the same time, they couldn’t be any more similar.

She thinks back to the mission earlier, when Narumi had chosen to provoke the Yoju by himself, and demanded Tsukasa stay back. Even though she knows the larger part of him loves the thrill of killing, of fighting monsters, and showing off his strength-

She also knows they had identical intentions - wanting to ensure their comrades wouldn’t get hurt.

Because she was begging for the Daikaiju to attack her once more, as long as everybody around her was safe.

It is her duty to prevent as many casualties as possible.

“No it’s not.”

Blinking, Mina realizes she must’ve said that out loud.

“It’s not,” he sits up, and Mina removes the hand under his head. “It’s not your duty. It’s ours.”

He continues, pointing at her. “We, as officers in the defence force, protect civilians and our troop members.”

Right.

And how could she have dared to call Narumi unworthy of being a Captain? When all he’s done, despite his irresponsible and childish behaviour at times - is show her what it’s like to be one.

She thinks back to when he silently held her hand, on the way to the site.

She thinks back to the way Narumi has been annoying her since the start of the training camp.

She thinks back to how, when he first spoke to her - half an hour ago, he’d mentioned she was self-sacrificial to a dangerous fault.

Taking a deep breath, she slams her palms against his cheeks, keeping his face in place. Mina would find his shocked reaction hilarious, but she has things to say.

“I’m only going to do this once - so remember it.”

He blinks, slowly, and briefly - she's reminded of a cat.

But she gets rid of that thought and takes a deep breath.

“I apologize.”

“Wuh?” He intelligently responds.

“For saying you weren’t worthy of being a Captain.”

And then she’s getting off him, putting her hands into the pocket of his jacket. She’d come out of the bath in a regular t-shirt, but it’d been calling her name - so she put it on.

It was slightly more comfortable than the standard uniform jacket, anyway.

“Goodnight, Narumi.”

“What? Wait.” He’s scrambling to get up, and she ends up holding the door open for him. “That’s it?”

She raises an eyebrow, “Did you think we were going to have an actual fist fight?”

“No. Obviously not, but-” he stares at her, and follows when she starts walking back to the function hall.

“But?”

He runs a hand through his messy hair, and Mina watches him from the corner of her eye.

“Whatever, I guess.” He scratches the back of his neck, “Did I… Did I hurt you?”

She stops in her tracks, cracking her neck, her knuckles, and stretches.

“I don’t think so.”

“Okay. Good. Thanks for-” he points to the back of his head and she nods. She could get angry all she wanted, but Mina wasn’t trying to kill him.

“Are you feeling better?"

It’s such a sincere question, that Mina stops again - and Narumi stops with her.

“It was…” she considers his words, opening and closing her fist. “All right. It helped.”

Her feelings, which had previously bubbled over, have returned to a simmer. And it's no surprise that her heart does feel a bit lighter, after finally letting it out.

At her response, he smiles, skipping ahead, and Mina is left to wander behind him. She lets herself think that it would be nice, working under him.

Despite everything.

But then she remembers how much he seems to hate anything other than fighting and - yeah. No. She’ll be her own Captain.

Be everything Narumi is but also isn’t. She’ll be a Captain people want to follow no matter what, someone people can't help but admire.

She’ll protect her comrades, she’ll protect civilians, and she’ll protect herself.

How can she die, when she still has more dreams to achieve?

“Is that my jacket by the way, from earlier.”

“You must be imagining things.”

“But I haven't gotten it back?”

“Really? That’s such a shame.”

(He drops the subject, and Mina is reminded that Narumi is nicer than he seems.

Despite everything.)