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Gai wandered. He couldn’t help it.
Juggler knew this. He hated it.
He sat in a dimly lit bar, nursing a short glass of something . He had wanted coffee. Yet the only place that made coffee like how Juggler could stomach, Gai had managed to wander into and destroy. So, the something had to do. He scowled into the glass.
He wasn’t sure where Gai was. After their last encounter, Gai had been keen on sending updates. Well, less of “updates” and rather pictures of places he was. Juggler deduced where he was based on the basic Earth geography he knew. But it had been a few days of nothing. He wondered if Gai had took off to some other planet in some other galaxy far, far away. A small ache in his chest signaled that Juggler would’ve wanted to tag along despite his reservations. The last time they had been on another planet together, Juggler was ready to kill Gai.
He wasn’t sure what it was. Jealousy, hatred, an undistinguishable feeling of being left behind, but something was causing a pounding in his chest and head as the two men stared at each other. They were panting, their footwork getting sloppier by the second. They had decided to get in a quick training fight together. Something soured in Juggler’s mind halfway through as he looked at Gai. Really looked at Gai. He had been smiling. It was small, virtually unnoticeable. But Juggler noticed. He wasn’t sure why this had ticked him off. It wasn’t like Gai was doing some incredible move that threw him off. Or that he had even come close to a victory yet as they sparred. But he was smiling. Juggler went for his throat.
He hadn’t been picked to be Ultraman. He came to terms with that when he saw how shitty Gai was at being Ultraman when he first transformed. He was okay with it then. But now Gai was learning. He was always a quick learner. Juggler couldn’t not blame himself. The quick comments and critiques he yelled at Gai when he was figuring out how to fight as Ultraman rang in his head. He should’ve kept his mouth shut.
Mother birds don’t tell their young how to fly. They push them out of the nest and if they don’t fly, the mother doesn’t waste time on creating tears.
“But he’s your buddy right?” How stupid it all was now. He thought about how he went quiet after that—how he never denied it. He should’ve. Not friends nor buddies. This is what Juggler told himself as the clang of metal rang in the small room. This is what Juggler told himself as he managed to knock the blade out of Gai’s grasp. This is what Juggler told himself as his katana was at Gai’s throat and made no sign of stopping. Not until Gai moved. Until Gai pushed himself away and pushed Juggler down. He was yelling, obviously shocked, but none of it registered. All he could do was stare at Gai as he felt his eyes burning. He had worked so hard, he was just as good as Gai and yet nothing came of it. He pushed Gai off of him–pushed Ultraman off of him–just to storm off.
He left that evening.
Now Juggler spent his evening tracing the rim of a full glass in an ugly bar. This was his legacy. He scoffed to himself. His eyes scanned the room. It would be so easy to cause a kaiju attack, ruin the night of so many people just because he was lonely and bitter. Change into his Majin form, wreak havoc because he was bored and had wanted coffee instead. But he sat there, scowling at a glass.
He watched the windows, watched people walk by. Since Gai left, he had been doing that more often. Every so often he’d find himself standing outside the SSP building and would watch their figures from the windows. Sometimes he’d get close enough to listen. He’d hear Naomi’s voice mention Gai and he’d rush off down the steps, stalking off to go watch someone else. His hands in pockets as he hunched over, grumbling something about stupid Gai . The windows in the bar were dark tinted but he could still see outside. See the shadowy figures pass, walking with places to go and people to see; people to be with. His head started to hurt.
They had been boys together. Even through all the resentment he harbored, Juggler never forgot that. They had both been training to be worthy to be chosen by the light for as long as they both could remember. But on the off days (which has just been days where they were still young and stupid enough to sneak away) they ran on paths together. Climbed small mountain peaks that they could manage to reach.
“How will you fight for the light when your clothes are so dark?” He remembered Gai would tease. They laughed about it then. Giggled when nobody was paying attention. He remembered a day where he tried on Gai’s clothes and they laughed so hard their sides ached. Gai always laughed louder than Juggler. He laughed louder than anyone. The sound was ingrained into his mind. Even when they were exhausted and beaten from the day, Gai would still manage to find a way to smile and laugh. He managed to make Juggler laugh, even. They called it his talent. That was before Gai managed to become Ultraman.
He hadn’t been sure of what he expected to happen when they were climbing that mountain. If it were Juggler instead of Gai, would he have done the same as Juggler? Would he have buried himself in resentment and envy? No. Gai wouldn’t do that . He’d help Juggler. He’d be selfless with a smile.
“But he’s your buddy, right?” Gai wouldn’t even hesitate to answer. Hell, he wouldn’t have denied they were friends in the first place. He wouldn’t go for Juggler’s throat. He wouldn’t attempt to kill him so many times all because he was mad. Childishly mad. They were kids together but it seemed now, Gai was the only one who kept growing up.
Someone sat down next to him. Juggler didn’t bother to look. He sipped his something and kept staring out the window.
“Alaska.” Juggler straightened his back, a chill going through him. Alaska .
“You ended up back here after Alaska?” He heard the fabric of Gai’s jacket as he shrugged.
“There wasn’t much to bring back to you.” Juggler raised an eyebrow and looked over at him. They always did this. Gai always said that same line when they saw each other again and then set something out for Juggler. This time, it was a small magnet that said Alaska, North to the Future in the shape of the state.
“I didn’t ask you to bring anything,” he replied, just like every other time. Gai laughed and clapped him on the shoulder. He was warm.
“When do you ever ask?”
“What was so bad in Alaska?” He saw the shrug this time.
“A few kaiju attacks. You know.” He hadn’t known without any of Gai’s stupid pictures but he nodded anyway. He was too weary to try and be cryptically pessimistic now.
“They’ve led you here?” Another line that always repeated in these brief visits. Gai stretched his arms out as he sat on the barstool. Juggler noticed a few small scars adorning the side of his face as his eyes squeezed shut. Gai only laughed again.
“Only stopping by to check on you.”
“So worried I’ll create more problems here, are you?” He smirked. Gai smiled. Juggler rolled his eyes once he saw it. Gai slung his arm over Juggler’s shoulders, the two men slightly swaying as they sat.
“Should I be?” Of course not . Juggler had found no fun in terrorizing Japan if Gai wasn’t there to end up defeating the kaiju he released. He refused to recognize it but he found no fun in Japan without Gai there at all.
“You should.” Gai only laughed again. The sound was so familiar. So warm. Suddenly, they were two boys sitting together below a gray mountain. Gai’s arm slung over Juggler’s shoulder as they traced shapes into the ground. Juggler’s finger traced the rim of the glass in front of him. They got quiet and held their breaths as they heard someone approach, silently willing that it wasn’t an instructor of theirs come to find them. The bartender had approached, asking if Gai wanted a drink or if Juggler wanted anything different. Both of them refused. Gai threw his scarf around Juggler. The fabric, no matter how dirty Gai let it become, always looked so bright against his dark clothes. They laughed.
“I’m tired.”
“When are you not? That’s what you get for all that wandering.”
“Let me sleep on your couch.” Juggler closed his eyes and groaned, his posture becoming angular as Gai’s arm was still over him. He never liked to admit that Gai had caused him to rent an apartment just so he’d end up back in Japan in any capacity. Obviously, the doors to the SSP building would always be open for Gai no matter how many times Naomi called him stupid. They both knew this. But Gai preferred spending his quick visits with Juggler, asking to sleep on his couch only to end up sleeping in his bed. It was better like that anyway.
“Buy my drink.” Gai’s eyes turned to pleading at his words. He pulled away from Juggler, his hands patting at the pockets of his jeans just to show how empty they were.
“Next time.”
“Go to the SSP.”
“Please.” Gai was never too good to say please. If only Juggler could say the same for himself. There was no point in having Gai pay for a drink he hadn’t even really drank. He relented, his posture somewhat relaxing as he sighed. He put the money down on the bar and stood up.
“Don’t get my couch dirty.” It was this back and forth always. No matter when or where Gai found him, they always ended up like this. Gai grabbed his bag and set his hat firm on his head. “And don’t you play that awful tune.” Gai laughed. Louder than anything else, like always. Juggler rolled his eyes, biting back a reluctant smile.
“I’ll buy you a drink tomorrow before I leave,” he said as the two of them walked out of the bar. The air that hit them was both warm and cool as it whirled outside, like the two temperatures were walking hand in hand through the sky together.
“Already planning on wandering again?”
“I can’t help it,” Gai shrugged, looking at Juggler with a crooked smile.
“I know that.” Juggler looked at Gai, letting himself return the smile. They started off towards Juggler’s apartment, walking side by side. He watched Gai pull something out of his bag, draping it around Juggler’s neck. “What is this?” He looked down at the strip of thick, cream colored fabric.
“A scarf. They’re big in Alaska. It'll keep you warm when I'm not here to.” Juggler felt the scarf in his hands, his eyes scanning over the light colored cloth. They laughed, Juggler spinning the cloth around until he tripped over his own small feet, bringing Gai down with him .
Gai had pushed him down, his stupid ratty scarf hanging off his neck as he yelled at Juggler for almost killing him.
Juggler blinked a few times. Then he laughed. And Gai laughed. Juggler's arm slung over Gai's shoulder, the force almost pulling the both of them down but they managed to keep walking. And they were two boys, walking down the sidewalk laughing, loudly laughing, Gai louder than Juggler. Like always .