Work Text:
Mikage Reo has never been one to feel much.
Ever since he was a child, Reo was convicted that life held nothing but boredom and an unsolved emptiness, which he never really understood. With everything given to him by command, he never got to experience the thrill and excitement one gets by achieving a goal through hard work. Mikage Reo has only ever seen others go through that process, admiring them from the sidelines, but never really being there, next to them. One could even argue that he was, fundamentally, different from them.
However, all that suddenly changed when he met the football genius, Nagi Seishiro. Even though the white haired only ever talked about his disinterest in, well, pretty much everything that didn't concern video games or sleeping, Reo still felt the sudden urge to learn more about him.
Mikage Reo started to feel.
From that point on, Reo started to look forward to going to school. Playing football with Nagi was fun. Much more fun than staying home on his floor, in his parents' house.
Seishiro Nagi made Reo feel. Playing with him after school, or in Team V with Zantetsu brought Reo joy. Nagi seemed to enjoy spending time together aswell, at least that's what Reo thought until after playing against Team Z and meeting Yoichi Isagi. Why does Nagi, the treasure he found, suddenly care more about someone he just met, than Reo, the one who introduced him to football, the one who always spoils him, the one who loves him?
"You're a pain Reo, I don't care anymore"
Mikage Reo feels too much.
Honestly, what did he expect? There is no reason for Nagi to choose him over Chigiri or Kunigami, when he was useless the whole game. Unlike the others, Reo doesn't own a weapon. He isn't fast like Chigiri, strong like Kunigami or has a high football IQ like Isagi.
Nagi not choosing him should not surprise him or bring him down.
If anything, Reo should thank Nagi for finally finishing him off.
Yet here he is, crying in the bathroom, with his team member Kunigami most likely asleep in their shared room.
"I hate myself right now"
The purple haired whispered, staring at himself in the mirror.
Deciding to go try and fall asleep, Reo went towards the door, sparing a quick glance back to the sink to see whether he forgot anything. However, nothing but tooth brushes and razors met bis eye.
When he quietly opened the door to their dorm, Reo saw Kunigami, asleep on the bottom bunk.
Trying to not wake Kunigami up, Reo carefully climbed the ladder to the upper bed and attempted to fall asleep.
After what felt like an hour, he gave up on falling asleep and made his way to the bathroom once again. Reo surprisingly didn't hear or see anyone during his short walk through the Blue Lock building in the middle of the night. What time was it anyway? He expected at least some players to still be training, but it seemed as if everyone was asleep. When he finally got to the bathroom door, Reo hesitated to actually open it. The thought of turning back came to his mind, but he quickly discarded it and opened the door, looking for what he came here for. The razor he used just a few hours ago sat innocently on the sink. Reo picked it up, staring at it with endless thoughts crossing his mind. He's never cut himself before. He never used the blade of a razor for anything except for shaving himself. He doesn't even know how one properly does it.
Still, hearing Nagi's words over and over again in his head, Reo got a sudden urge to feel.
"You're a pain Reo, I don't care anymore"
Why? Why does Reo now crave for the pain Nagi has given him, just a few hours ago?
Before, Reo has only ever longed for Nagi's touch, Nagi's affirmation, Nagi's love.
Did he finally meet the point where he doesn't care about Nagi's words, but only his acknowledgement?
Reo still remembers everyone's faces, when Chigiri was chosen by Isagi. How Chigiri told Kunigami that they will meet again, how those two went separate paths without losing hope in each other.
"Ah, dammit"
What are you waiting for? It can't be that difficult to fucking cut yourself now can it? Don't tell me you came all this way just to chicken out? Pathetic.
Fuck.
Reo took the blade and holds it next to his right leg.
One cut won't hurt, right?
He slowly puts the blade on his thigh and slices it from right to left. Seeing his skin turn white before blood started coming out of the newly inflicted wound felt somehow rewarding.
What would Nagi say if he saw him like this? Would he care? Would it be too much of a pain for him to care?
Reo stopped properly thinking at that point.
He repeats his action again and again, not caring about the blood he loses because of it.
Would he still feel like this if he had listened to his father back then? What if he just ignored Nagi when he met him for the first time? What if he didn't take the stairs that day?
No.
Football and Seishiro Nagi were probably the best things that happened to Reo in his entire life. Having a dream, something to work for, feels amazing.
Meeting Nagi had changed his life for the better. So why does he feel like this now? Why can't he stop adding stupid cuts to his thighs?
Reo inhaled for a second.
Staring at his leg, he can see tons of fresh cuts, with blood coming out of each one. Some of them are deeper, while some even stopped bleeding already because they're so small. One cut in particular met Reo's eyes. It's by far the biggest and deepest one, being about 6 centimetres in length, although Reo has never been one to be good at estimating stuff like that.
When Reo looked at the floor, he found multiple small puddles of blood forming underneath him. He quickly started to regret not going into the showers before, which would've made cleaning up a lot easier.
However, the first thing Reo had to do now was stop the bleeding. Using his Blue Lock uniform would be too risky, since he doesn't know for sure if Ego would just provide him with a new one without asking what happened to his old one.
Instead, he looked through the bathroom, searching for anything that could be used as a bandaid.
"Got it"
Reo grabbed the toilet paper and pressed it onto his wounds. Luckily, the deepest wound was pretty high up and could easily be covered up by his boxers, so he didn't need to worry too much when changing with the other players.
After carefully wrapping the toilet paper over almost his entire thigh, Reo used one of the Blue Lock headbands, which he had seen some players wear before, to stabilize his 'bandaid'.
He then cleaned up all the mess he had made and went back to his dorm.
I wonder what Nagi's doing right now...
"Reo?"
At the mention of his name, Reo suddenly froze. When turning around, he saw, instead of Nagi, familiar red hair, and a confused looking Chigiri Hyoma, staring at him concerned.
"Reo, it's after 4 ÆM, just what are you still doing in the hallways?"
"I could ask you the same, Chigiri. Shouldn't you be with Nagi and the others?"
"I couldn't sleep. Barou and Nagi were arguing the whole time and Isagi was no help either. And since we wanted to play against Itoshi Rin's team next, I thought it'd be a good idea to rewatch their last match against Isagi in the monitor room"
"Is that enough for you as an explanation? Seriously, how are you able to be with Nagi for such a long time, that guy is such a pain in the ass"
"Oh uh I don't know either to be honest, I guess he can be kinda lazy sometimes but he's my treasure after all, so I gotta deal with it! When you get to know him better, I'm sure you'll start to appreciate him in your team"
"Well, you do know him the best so I guess there's gotta be some truth to that!"
No. I don't know him at all.
"But you still didn't answer my question on why you're up so late at night. Is everything alright?"
Stop
"Oh, I was just going to use the restroom, no need for the concern"
"If you say so... Ah, by the way, could you say hi to Kunigami for me? I'm sure he's asleep right now, but you see him tomorrow so I'm sure that's no problem?"
Just shut up
"Yeah, I'll be sure to tell him his oh so dear boyfriend misses him and couldn't sleep"
"Shut it Reo, don't act like you and Nagi don't act much worse when you two are together"
"Whatever princess, I'll go to bed now. Have fun watching Rin's match and goodnight"
"Goodnight Reo!"
.
Silence.
What the fuck is wrong with me
Why can I just smile at him like nothing happened? Nagi chose him, not me. Shouldn't I despise Chigiri? Why did his presence feel so comforting?
Mikage Reo feels too much.
Too many feelings, to many emotions to understand them all. However, the one thing he does know is that he never hated Nagi for what he did. Reo didn't know why he felt this way, but that didn't bother him too much.
After all, maybe it's better this way.
Maybe their shared dream was never one intended for them both.
Maybe it's better for just Nagi to become the number 1 striker in the world and win the world cup on his own.
And just maybe Reo wasn't the one who would lead him there after all.