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I knew it would eventually come to this, somewhere deep down, on the first day that Ladybug and Cat Noir were given the miraculous...
I slid open the door in a panic to see Master Fu sitting in the lotus position, comfortably breathing in and out. "Master Fu! Someone has used the butterfly miraculous!"
Master Fu answered me calmly, "Do not worry, my student, I've already chosen new holders." I slam my hand on the wall behind me, yet he doesn't react. "Now holders?! Don't tell me you gave out the Ladybug and Black Cat miraculous?! I'll retrieve them at once, please, let me use Kelki! Who did you give them to? Do you even know them? What could possibly make them qualified to hold the most powerful miraculous? What if they're an unbalanced pairing? Have you been training them in secret? When did you give them out?"
Amidst my rambling, Master Fu slowly turned to me, with that same smile on his face as always, as if he was too preoccupied with counting sheep and dozing off to care about the fate of the world. "My apprentice, you know that us guardians cannot use the miraculous ourselves. I have chosen two capable holders of equal strength, and they are sure to surprise you." He didn't notice when I glanced down to his bracelet, or when Wayzz could only look at me in pity. "But Master, I haven't even met these two, it would've greatly eased my mind if I had accompanied you on-"
He cut me off, for not the first time in the world. "Do you trust me?" I was bewildered that he would even ask me a question like that. "Of course." I said it without hesitation, because at that time, he'd always been hospitable to me. Master Fu slowly turned back around, going back to meditating. "Then, there is no reason to worry." I watched him for a few seconds, my face scrunched up. Alas, I didn't question it further, afraid he'd cast me aside. I left the room, somehow feeling worse than I entered.
In the present moment, I realize that it wasn't because I didn't trust him, but because he never really trusted me. I could still remember how I looked when I first saw Ladybug- or should I say Marinette Dupain-Cheng.
A teenage girl entered the room, with blue hair that separated in pigtails at the bottom. She talked to Master Fu casually, and her voice was sweet, much too innocent for my taste. I disapproved the moment I met her, or more accurately, when she fell on top of me before scrambling away. I scrunched up my face again, a bad habit of mine when I saw something I disliked. Master Fu chuckled as I handed him a cup of tea from the teapot I was preparing. It felt like he had been distracting me so I wouldn't talk to Ladybug. "You'll get more wrinkles than me if you keep making that face, my student."
I continued to look at the closed door. I felt anger bubble up as I spoke, slowly raising my voice. "She's just a teenager, Master Fu. How could she trip over air? Not only that, but she doesn't even know who you are. Did you give her any training?!" I whipped my head around to see Master Fu doing as he always did, sitting comfortably as if he hadn't a care in the world. He brought the teacup to his lips, taking a long sip before replying, since he often thought he had all the time in the world. He was right. Even if it took years, I would've waited for him to answer, because I believed anything he uttered must've been the absolute truth. "Appearances decide, my apprentice. She's very capable." He held out the cup of tea. "Mind pouring another?"
I instantaneously took the cup out of his hands. "Of course, Master." I clenched my teeth, but we left it at that. I already knew there wasn't anything I could do about it. He was my Master, and I was the Student. It left a bitter taste in my mouth, and I didn't even get to have any tea.
Our first real introduction was nothing more than a formality. It was entirely disappointing. However, it was the first day that I started to believe in her, since she managed to bring back the Miraculous Spellbook. I found her a bit cute at the time, and my opinion started to change.
Marinette stood in front of me, holding out a hand. "You're the next Guardian, right? I'm Marinette, er, Ladybug, and I think we'll be good together- Uh! Working together, I mean!" She was a nervous girl. I took her hand, and smiled at her. "I'm the next Guardian, it'll be nice working with you, Ladybug. Good job on returning the Miraculous Spellbook! With this, we might get closer to stopping Hawkmoth!" She faltered, slowly letting go of my hand. "What do you mean?" I looked at her excitedly. "Well, whoever had the Miraculous Spellbook must be Hawkmoth, since it was one of the missing artifacts along with the Butterfly and Peacock Miraculous."
She made a strange face. I didn't think much of it. "Oh, but I found this on a- uh- Bench! A bench! Yep, I have no idea who it could've belonged to." My disappointment swallowed up my previous excitement. It was still a good first step, to retrieve it. The thing was, it felt like she was hiding something. When she left, I scrunched up my face yet again. Master Fu seemed to gloat a bit. "Well, my apprentice, what do you think?" I gripped my shoulder, forcing a smile. She couldn't be all bad, since she's Ladybug, and most importantly, Master Fu chose her. "She needs some work."
Saying that made me feel terrible for constantly underestimating her. She brought the Miraculous Spellbook back, so how bad could she be? I just needed to trust her, so I did.
I was wrong for doing that. I always seem to be in the wrong, making the wrong choices. Time and time again, Ladybug and Chat Noir failed to meet my standards. They weren't even at all, I never even met Chat Noir, but I had met Ladybug. How could that be equal at all? It was obvious that Ladybug was the leader of the two. Chat Noir was sidelined constantly, he didn't even have his own blog. Yet Master Fu continued to cover for them, saying that I just needed to have faith, Knowing what I do now, I wonder if I could've done it all differently. If only I had been worthy. If only I didn't let Ladybug borrow the Bee Miraculous, then none of this might've happened.
I watched what happened on the News Station. I practically rushed into the room. "Master Fu! You can't let Ladybug do this any longer- she lost a miraculous! And it was use for harm! There's no excuse for this! You should've let me go! I could've wielded Pollen, and I know everything there is to her and-" "My apprentice." I went silent. There was never any point to arguing, so it was better to just listen to him. He looked at me calmly, like he always did when Ladybug messed up. "Guardians cannot use the Miraculous. You know that. Joining the fight could jeopardize your identity."
I made a fists with my hands, sticking at my sides. I couldn't look at him. Saying it felt childish. "You have Wayzz. I'm not even the Guardian yet-" "No! You must not think like that!" Master Fu held my forearms, looking up at me. He didn't smile nicely at me that time. I felt grimy and nauseous. I could tell what he was going to say. "You must be the Guardian. You can't repeat the mistakes I had. It's my fault that the Bee Miraculous was lost, but not Ladybug's. It was my fault that the Peacock and Butterfly Miraculous were lost. It's the Guardian's fault if they're lost, not the holders." I must be the Guardian. I can't use the Miraculous. I must be the Guardian. I can't make his mistakes. I must be the Guardian. I couldn't say anything back. Anything I said wasn't important anyway. "Ok." I must be the Guardian. Nothing else matters. If I'm not the Guardian then what have I been living for? My purpose is to be the Guardian.
I must be the Guardian, so I didn't protest when Ladybug borrowed more miraculous, or when Chat Noir never appeared to visit. The Guardian guards the miraculous. If one of them is lost, then it's my fault for not protecting them. I didn't say anything when she went to China, far away from Paris. I didn't say anything when she failed to awaken the rest of her powers. I didn't say anything when Chat Noir was left in the dust by Ladybug, no trust between them. I didn't say anything when Hawkmoth revived Master Fu's old sentimonster, and I aided him in retrieving Ladybug's and Cat Noir's miraculous. I didn't question it when Ladybug started visiting more often, doing the things I was taught a long time ago. That was what a good apprentice did, that was what a Guardian did, and I must be the Guardian.
I thought it mean that they'd finally get training, and I didn't question it when Chat Noir never came in for training. No, I knew. I knew what it meant when Master Fu started teaching Ladybug. When she said something, he took it with the utmost importance. He aided her in everything she needed, although I saw her as nothing but a clutz. She didn't learn the ancient language like I dutifully studied, but Master Fu looked through the translated pages with her. She didn't even know what his favorite tea was, but he happily drank anything she brewed. She often talked about some supermodel while taking slight glances at me, but Master Fu never talked to me the way she talked to her. I never talked with him about love or friends. I didn't have any.
My life was spent in that small apartment, learning how to be a guardian. It was all I knew, all I was taught, and when Master Fu smiled at me, I was overjoyed. It was all I needed for him to say 'Good job.' Even when he stopped praising me, I continued training. Even when he knew no more to teach me, I started learning on my own. I must be the Guardian. What else could I possibly be? I had nothing else. I was nothing else. Everything I ever was was bound to that little apartment. Ladybug didn't understand. I never resented her for it. I was the Guardian, and she was the Holder. Of course our lives would be different. Of course she'd go to some private school while I never finished elementary. Of course she had parents while I only had Master Fu. Of course she knew how to bake and sew and draw while I only knew how to be the Guardian. Of course she'd find love while I had never talked to someone the same age as me except for her and a few of Master Fu's clients.
Of course I followed Master Fu when he decided to confront Hawkmoth. Of course he didn't know I was following him. I must be the Guardian. If I couldn't do what he did, I'd never be the Guardian. I must be the Guardian. I escaped the bees and made my way to the final battle in the last moments, ready to jump into action. "Master Fu!" I yelled. He didn't look at me, his eyes stayed on Ladybug. I pretended he didn't hear me. I couldn't make out what he was saying to her.
I ran forward, as he spread out his arms, declairing his ultimatum. 'No! I'm not ready! I need to train! Please, Master, I need you! You can't give up being Guardian yet!' He shouts from the bottom of his lungs, "I, Wang Fu, hearby relinquish the miracle box!" I scream, "Master!" 'Please, don't leave! You can't leave me alone! I don't have anyone else!' He doesn't stop. He begins to glow. "And name Ladybug the new Guardian!" I stop running, panting, out of breath. I watch in shock as Wayzz's shield shatters.
I fall to my knees as he detransforms, seeing the Miracle Box glow brightly before changing into a new form. My mouth stays agape. Hawkmoth flies off, carrying the holder of the Peacock Miraculous. Ladybug jumps into action to get the box back from Queen Bee, and Chat Noir goes to Master Fu immediately. It was like I was invisible. No one seemed to notice me getting my world shattered. I must be the Guardian. I must be the Guardian. I must be the Guardian. If I'm not the Guardian... who am I? For the first time, it occurs to me that Master Fu had never once called me by my name. I was an apprentice, not a Guardian, and that's all I'll ever be.
I shakily stand up, pulling myself together. 'I don't think anyone knows my name.' I turn around and start walking away. I didn't feel any better when I walked. I wasn't going anywhere, because I had nowhere to go. An apprentice without a Master doesn't exist. So, I don't exist.
My mind goes to Ladybug. She didn't know the things a guardian needed to know. She didn't even know the things a holder needed to know. However, even if I begged her to give ownership of the box to me, I'd never be the real Guardian. I wasn't chosen. I probably wasn't even an afterthought. 'Master Fu never thought of me as his apprentice.'