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Chapter Text

"I just can't do this any more."
"I know."
Findaráto sighed. The two of them were sitting in the lee of a huge snowdrift and had been trying to light a small fire for several hours now - but without success. Findaráto had left his cloak to Turucano (who had lost his own) and was once again fighting with the tinderbox.

"But I'm sure it'll be over soon, we'll manage... somehow."
Turucano didn't respond, instead pointing to the spot where, unfortunately, there was still no fire to spread its warmth.
"Why don't you try one of your musical spell verses, maybe it will help."
"I've never used my abilities in this way before, Turco, normally-"
"Can you cast magic or not?"
Findaráto gave him a doubtful look but sang a few notes and sure enough, after a few attempts, tiny flames flickered out in the snow.
"I think I should have thought of that earlier, then we could have saved ourselves a lot."
With an apologetic look, he settled down at Turucano's side.
"At least we know now that it works." his friend replied with a slight smile.
He took off the cloak and handed it back to his friend, but Findaráto shook his head vigorously.

"Oh no, you need it more than I do!"
"Nothing there, you've been walking around for hours without protection from the cold, your hands are already turning blue!"
Findaráto looked at his violet fingertips in disbelief, as if seeing them for the first time, and replied quietly:
"But I am not cold."
Turucano's heart clutched with a terrible foreboding. He pushed his friend closer to the fire and spread the cloak over Findaráto's narrow shoulders. His friend's grey eyes had taken on an icy blue cast.
"That's exactly how Elenwe felt before-"
"I am not going to die, Turco."
, he interrupted him calmly but firmly,
"I promise you.

Turucano leant his head against Findaráto's shoulder. He was tired and at the end of his tether.
"Don't make promises you can't keep."
Memories flashed before his mind's eye, memories of his wife, of their life in the blessed realm and of that one fateful day when everything changed. Tears fell down his face as he remembered how Elenwe had promised him the same thing.
His friend put an arm around him reassuringly. It was comforting and Turucano was grateful that he did not say anything. He buried his face in Findaráto's shoulder and let him hold him.

Chapter Text

In the end, no one could say how long they sat there like that, but Findaráto's slender body began to tremble more and more - despite the thick warm cloth.
"Fin?"
Turucano released himself from his friend's arms to look into his eyes. They were icy blue.
"Fin!"
"I'm okay, Turco-"
He shook his head violently.
"No you're not, and you know it! Your eyes-"
But his cousin wouldn't let him finish.
"I am not going to die!"

A lie. In the ice that had once been steel, Turucano recognised the same fear that tore at his own heart.
Findaráto's blue fingers struggled to remove the cloak.
Startled, he jumped up.
"What are you doing? Do you want you to freeze to death this very hour?"
His friend shook his head resolutely,
"It is your turn again," and held the garment out to him.
So much power over life and death.
His words resonated with the silent plea that made Turucano hesitate.
"Do it for Itarille. Please."

He gave in, but not without a struggle. "Then at least let me warm you. Can you keep the fire going?"
Findaráto nodded silently and sang a little tune. The low flames stretched sleepily, almost as if it was too cold for them out here too.
Turucano took his friend in his arms, hoping to give him some warmth. Findaráto cuddled up to him gratefully.
"I hope your father comes soon and gives us a lecture. Even Artanis' soup would be welcome right now."
They both giggled.
"This broth? No way!" Turucano laughed,
"I'd rather starve myself until the end of this journey than choke it down again!"
Findaráto laughed heartily.
"Just do not say that in front of her, or she will really let you starve!"
Turucano grinned wryly. How he loved that laugh. Even all of Tirion's treasures weren't worth that much. He simply could not lose this happiness of friendship.
//Don't you dare leave me alone here!//

Chapter Text

"Where by all the ice hells is Findekáno?"
Findaráto shook his head weakly. Against all protest, Turucano had put his cloak back on him, but the tiny fire had been smothered by the icy wind. They must have been stuck here for several hours.
His cold fingers found the horn on his belt and with the last dwindling remnants of hope his heart could muster, Turucano poked it. Not that he had not tried before, but desperation kept him going though the cold stormy breeze blew the sounds back into their faces.
Findaráto raised his head sleepily. It wasn't just his hands that were blue by now.
"I-Is Fin-n-no finally here?"

His whole body was trembling. Turucano hugged him tighter, although he knew that would hardly push back the ice. He was so terribly cold.
"In a moment. He's a-already on his way."
Yes, the cold was beginning to creep into his bones too, but if he gave up now there would be no rescue for either of them.
His words at least seemed to have convinced Findaráto (a further proof of the seriousness of the situation), because he leant back against him, relaxed. Only seconds later, he had dozed off again.

Turucano felt the fatigue threatening to overwhelm him as well.
So cold.
Horn blows and Voices reached his ears from somewhere. Familiar voices. He lifted his heavy eyelids again.
A short time later, a head of curly black hair slid into his field of vision. The golden ribbons shone like Laurelin's light from the old days.
"Turco?!"
Findekáno was beside himself with worry, the fear on his face as clear as if the ice had frozen it there.
"Finno?"

His mind became clearer again.
"What took you so long?"
Findekáno smiled, but it did not look cheerful.
Fear. Cold fear.
"I'm sorry you missed dinner. How long have you been here?"
"Too long."
With difficulty, Turucano let his brother help him to his feet, which threatened to give way under him like pudding.
"Findaráto..." he fell silent.
Cold fear.
"I don't know if he'll make it, Finno."
A suppressed tear rolled lonely down his cold cheek. The despair had been suppressed as long as he had had a task, but now it came back. Tearing at his heart with her icy claws.
Findekáno gently lifted their cousin in his arms and led his brother to the illuminated tents that had been set up only a few hundred metres away.

"I need help, quickly!"
Findekáno carefully lowered his unconscious cousin onto the warm hide camp.
Turucano had got himself a bundle of dry clothes and sat down in front of the warm fire - but without taking his eyes off Findaráto.
Irisse was the first to come to his aid.
"I'll get some warm blankets!"
And she was gone.

A short time later she returned, the promised blankets and Artanis and Arakáno in tow.
His cousin helped him dress Findaráto in something dry while his siblings set up camp next to the fire.
"You too!" Irisse turned to Turucano sternly.
"I'm fine!"
//Very well, his stubbornness didn't suffer.//
"Don't argue, your daughter needs her father well and in one shape!"
And with that, the argument was over. Findekáno admired his sister's ability to silence others with a single look. Together with his cousin and sister, they carried Findaráto to the camp by the fire and he set about heating water.

Only when Arakáno returned a short time later with a healer did he allow himself a break.
Turucano stared absently into the flames as he sat down next to him.
"I'm sorry it took so long."
His brother looked at him out of blue eyes.
No ice, only the sea looked back at him.
And fear.
"I can't lose him too, Finno. Not him too."
"What happened out there?"
Turucano sighed.
"We got lost in the storm," he replied quietly and let his gaze wander over to her cousin.
"Fin and I had to share his cloak because-“ , He broke off and took some seconds to gather himself. He was shaking. „Because Elenwe needed it."
A tiny tear trickled down his Turucano's face.
Salt beads of fear.

Then he opened his eyes again and a new flame shone in them.
"I shouldn't have let him do it!"
"And then? What good would it have done you? He would've done it anyway and even if he hadn't, if your roles were reversed and he was the one sitting here blaming himself, it wouldn't make you any happier."
Findekáno wordlessly put an arm around his brothers shoulders and was surprised when Turucano allowed it. They had not been very close lately.
"Findaráto is a fighter, Háno. Trust me, he's not going anywhere."
Turucano looked at him with new hope and nodded slowly.
"Finno."
"Huh?"
"Sometimes you're not so bad after all."
Findekáno smiled.

Chapter Text

Coldness.
She dug her claws deep into his flesh.
Sharp and deadly.
He had never thought that freezing to death would be so painful. It felt like his body was on fire, but without the warmth.
His limbs hurt so much. Almost as if the frost was filing his bones until they fell off.
When would it be over?
Was it normal for it to take so long?
It was said that Námo called all Fear by name to Mandos, why did he not hear anything? Had the cold perhaps destroyed his ears?
No, there was something.
But it wasn't his name, it was a melody, strangely familiar.
He also recognised the voice that sang it, but where from?
Was it his mother? Had she come to take him home?
No, that was not possible, Earwen would never turn against the Valar by following him onto the Helcaraxë. Nevertheless, there was the voice and it sang to him that old melody from his childhood. He couldn't be imagining it, could he?
The ice retreated from his limbs as the melody progressed. Golden light and warmth lulled him. Laid themselves over him like a blanket.
A face peered down at him through the dark veil of his eyelashes, but the singer did not fall silent. The bright hair shone like the trees at the hour of mixed light.
Now he remembered.
He knew that voice.
Very well, in fact.
//Atarnis.//

When he opened his eyes, his sister was gone, but her song still echoed in his ears.
Dazed, Findaráto tried to sit up, but strong, firm hands pushed him back onto his bed.
"Don't even think about it!" Turucano hissed.
Findaráto smiled weakly.
"I did not even hear you coming."
His friend's features relaxed, the light of his blue eyes warming him.
"Because I was here the whole time."
He hesitated.
Findaráto read the guilt in his friends gaze.
"How are you?"
Findaráto smirked.
"Should you not that know better than me?" Silence.
"I am all right, I think, but still a bit cold."
Turucano nodded.
"I'll make you some hot water."

He stood up, Findaráto noticed the brief hesitation in his step.
The heaviness on his soul.
"It was not your fault, Turco."
Surprised, his friend turned round to face him.
"What?"
"Elenwe" he looked Turucano seriously in the eyes, endeavouring to radiate as much love and understanding as the other one needed.
"What happened was not your fault."
Turucano snorted dismissively.
"Oh yeah? If I hadn't persuaded her to come along-"
"Then what? It could have been any one of us, you, me, Findekáno, Artanis...
You're no more responsible for the ice than for her decision to accompany you. She did not go with us because you pushed her, but because she wanted to, because she loved and believed in you and in our plan.
Do you really think she can not think for herself?"

"I..."
He searched for words to express what he felt, the grief, guilt and sorrow, but could not find any.
"You're too hard on yourself, my friend.", Findaráto said warmly.
Turucano sighed deeply.
"I know. Irisse says that all the time, too."
"Then believe her, she is smarter than both of us put together."
That made his friend smile after all.
The fire was fuelled further with a bright crackling sound. Turucano hung a pot filled with clear water over it and sank down next to Findaráto.

"You know, I'm insecure. I feel responsible for what happened. Itarille misses her mother and I can't give her back and... how can I be a good father to her if I can't even deal with my own pain?"
"Talk to her, be there for her, show her she's not alone. It's okay to grieve, Turco. You can cry, you can find time for yourself, but don't leave your daughter alone in her pain. She needs you."
"I just don't know how, I... never mind."
"I can help you if you like. I may not have much more experience than you, but..."
He smiled.
"You're not alone, my friend."
Turucano looked at him firmly, tears gathering in his eyes.
"I'm so glad you're here, Fin. When they brought you in here I thought...
you looked so terrible, I thought you wouldn't make it."
Findaráto put a hand on his shoulder.
"But I did and that was because of you."
He smiled at him and it was impossible for Turucano not to return it.
They each saw the gratitude of the other one in their eyes.

A dull roar brought them back to the present.
"Oh crap, the water!"
He got up and ran over to the small hearth fire. When he returned with a steaming cup in his hand, Findaráto had already sat up. This time Turucano didn't admonish him.
"I'm afraid it's only water, we don't have any tea leaves left."
"As long as it is warm, I do not care what it tastes like."
Findaráto gratefully accepted the cup, but his gaze lingered on his hands, which were trembling slightly.
The first sip was like a summer morning under Laurelin's rays. He felt the warmth spreading through him and his body relaxing. He cast up his eyes to find his friend watching him, his posture now at ease.
"Turucano..."
"Yes?"
"Thank you."
He smiled.
"You owe me one."