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“It’s a beautiful day isn’t it?” Borsalino stood just out of periphery behind Sakazuki. The ocean sprawled out before them, the setting sun casting her rays on the Fleet admiral, though today he couldn’t feel its warmth. No matter how much he reached, how far he sailed, or how distantly he yearned. He couldn’t recall the warmth of the light.
He thought back to the days when the two of them were younger, when days came easier and their tasks were simpler with less consequence, basking under banana trees with dreams of the future. A small hand reached out towards the horizon line, grasping the sun itself - a spider’s web of a connection and a large, unfilled shadow cast itself over the unassuming child.
“Oh~?” Borsalino had said, “Do you want to catch the sun?”
“No.” Sakazuki hadn’t formulated much of a reply besides that, not knowing how to express this longing feeling.
But Borsalino was right. He did want to catch it. He wanted to hold the sun between his arms and kiss it, his light, his life. The rays were fleeting, time brought thunderous storms, long nights cold and alone, but in the end the sun always broke through. Blessings after the most insurmountable of typhoons, beams of golden iridescence cascading through the air, cutting through the gray abyss where the clouds meet the sky. He sees the rainbows breaking on dew drops in his memories, mist pooling at his feet.
His blinks and it disappears behind his eyelids.
There is a chill in the air.
“It is beautiful.” Sakazuki replied. The words felt cold on his lips, barely a whisper. No waves could be heard at this height, pearing off the highest balcony on New Marineford. The ships rested idly in the harbor, waiting for him to send them back to sea. The weight of the position of Fleet Admiral bears down on him suddenly, singularly. Heavy on his shoulders lay the lives of so many, and yet it was one that broke him.
He straightened his back, remembering himself, and took a deep breath. “Like Atlas,” Borsalino had said once he had assumed the position of Fleet Admiral, “you hoist the world on your shoulders.”
“I'd hold it gladly. It's my job now.” Sakazuki's body had ached from his battle, scars slowly healing, still tender under bandages.
“Hmmm~ you forget that was Atlas’s punishment.” Borsaino chided.
He drew his hand in front of him, so that he could see the sun hitting his skin, the long-healed scars. Nothing.
Cold.
If he were on the beaches of their home island, would he be able to feel it then? The low hanging clouds and the dewy morning mist made the sun hazier. There was more majesty in the world then, more magic. Budding warmth.
His hand drew up now, reaching for the sun. There was no more warmth on his skin than there was in his heart, icy and barren from loss.
“Oh~?” Borsalino chuckled under his breath, his voice but a chime tone in the wind. “You reach for the sun even now that you stand at the top of the world?”
“The top isn’t within my grasp, not yet.” Sakazuki withdrew his hand slowly, magma pulsed underneath his skin, causing it to glow hot red. “And-” He started his sentence but stopped himself short, a confession he couldn’t even make to himself. The magma burned, bubbling and bursting just underneath his skin, violent and all consuming with a hunger that turned everything to ash.
“Do you doubt your resolve?”
“No.”
Sakazuki reached into his pocket. He took a deep breath, filling his lungs with the sea air and stealing his will.
He looked down to his finger, at the ring that he couldn’t bring himself to take off. Sentiment permanently attached to his finger no matter the time he found himself in.
“Sir! Fleet Admiral Sir!” a marine insisted behind him.
The red clad marine turned and addressed the young man, who looked a bit disgruntled. Had he been standing there a long time? How many times had he called for him? It was lost on him, though he couldn't bring himself to care. He sat down and addressed the young man properly, Sakazuki heard his ramblings but didn't truly listen, mind lost on the item in his pocket. His thumb glided over the gilded surface, the small intricate details that decorated the exterior tickled the pad of his thumb. He caught the edge of his fingernail on the little lip and flipped it open.
“Are you sure?” He heard Borsalino ask in his ear, “You want to run~? Fleet Admiral is quite the achievement~”
“There isn't a reason to stay.”
“What was that? Fleet Admiral?” The marine in front of him questioned, a deeply confused look on their face.
“Oh nothing, continue please.”
The young man looked slightly ruffled but to his credit he recovered quickly and continued rattling off whatever he was saying. Sakazuki weighted the pendant in his hand, running his finger one last time over it's tiny details before pressing the button.
It clicked.
After a few moments pause filled with anxiety, the gears whirred and clacked, magic and willpower lurching to life after so long dormant.
The world around him began to fade away, the droning voice of the young marine blurred shades of white pastel into the walls, the hard oak wood of the table in front of him picked up like mere grains in the sands of time. He braced himself, it was never a pleasant experience.
Sakazuki closed his eyes and imagined Borsalino, the warmth of his embrace, the plush softness of his lips, his essence, his memory. He pictured docile moments together, waking up next to each other.
Although he had long avenged his husband, he sometimes woke to his presence, expecting him to be there when he awoke. He felt the shadow of their embrace fading away as sleep stole the world of dreams away from his conscious mind. Sometimes, like today he heard his voice. It was torture, a knife twisting in his heart, stabbing himself in some form of masochistic penance his aging brain cooked up.
He gripped the handles of his chair in a white-knuckled grasp and shook, bracing himself. When he opened his eyes again, the walls of the room collapsed in on themselves and glass windows shattered, spilling gleaming shards into the menagerie typhoon forming before him. The overwhelming sound of rushing wind and breaking glass filled his ears while everything gradually started to darken, the shadows on the missing walls engulfing the room. Eventually everything was eaten away, and Sakazuki fell into the darkness.
There was no more sound, there was no more light.
He reached out, but could grasp nothing.
Sakazuki shouted, screamed as loud as he could, but no sound came from his throat.
He didn’t know or understand how long he fell, but the whole time he kept reaching, kept clawing, desperately tearing into the nothing that spread out for eternity in front of him.
He fell.
Until he could see the smallest speck of light, a star on the horizon, and singular guiding sign.
He fell towards it, until the light around him embraced his whole being and blinded his eyes, while his own screams overwhelmed his ears.
--
He woke from his dream in a start, the sensation of an endless fall finally coming to a screeching halt jolting his senses to full alert. Adrenaline coursed through his veins as he panted, out of breath like he’d just run a marathon.
“Oh, you were sweating quite a bit there Saka-san. I hope you don’t mind that I woke you up.”
As Sakazuki looked at Borsalino he realized just how real that dream felt, and then questioned whether or not this too was a dream. He reached out to Borsalino, trepidation and fearful nerves giving shake to his hand. He touched him.
Warm.
Yes! Yes, this is real and Borsalino is alive. It was all just a bad dream.
He cupped his chin, marveling at the feeling and warmth, stubble prickling his fingers and the corner of a smile under his thumb. Borsalino leaned into the touch, forwards into his arms as he hummed thoughtfully.
“Hmmm~ what do you want for breakfast? I’m hungry~”
Sakazuki smirked and leaned forwards to kiss him quickly, “Eggs and toast?”
His husband smiled at him, moving to get up from the bed but not before pressing a quick peck of a kiss on Sakazuki’s forehead. “I’ll get the coffee started.”
The two officers started getting ready for their day, the metal locket he had aquired forgotten on the bed. Soon Sakazuki would remember, the side affects will wear off, and Sakazuki will strike first.
This time Sakazuki won’t mess up. He won’t lose him again. Not again.