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Everyone knows that Jean had a thing for Mikasa. He finds her to be incredibly beautiful, but also determined, ambitious and most of all, kind.
He knew that for a long time there was no space in her heart for anyone but Eren, and any advances would be nearly pointless. Jean was not happy with how Mikasa was treated by Eren, it always felt that he was dragging her along, aware of her feelings for him but not man enough to acknowledge them. But this was none of his business, really. He was only a bystander.
Then the Rumbling happened, the end of the world came and went and Mikasa was nowhere to be seen. He worried for her, but this is Mikasa they were talking about.
When news came that she made it back to Paradis he was relieved. He decided to start sending out letters the moment they were able to. Asking how she was doing, about Paradis, telling her about his life with the other Ambassadors.
Mikasa's letters were considerably shorter than his at first, but over time they became a source of comfort for her. Talking to Jean felt like owning a diary. He was easy to talk to, and he made her laugh sometimes. It took her a while but over time she started opening up about her feelings. About how lonely she felt every day.
"I wish I could be there with you, Mikasa" was a line she kept reading over and over.
Years pass and the Alliance arrived back to Paradis. Jean spent a comical amount of time fixing his hair, his face and suit. He’s wearing his best perfume.
As they disembark he spots Mikasa in the crowd, smiling. He can't help but sprint towards her, but when he gets close his nervousness gets the better of him yet again.
"H-hi! Mikasa" he says, smiling awkwardly.
Her hair had grown long again. She looks thinner and a bit tired, but she’s smiling nonetheless. Oh god, Jean forgot how to function completely. Has she always been this pretty?
"Hello Jean. Welcome back." She says softly.
"Y-yeah-um Mikasa I-" but then everyone else circled around Mikasa, Connie, Armin, even Reiner and Annie, and they all hugged and laughed together. The moment was lost.
This wasn't Jean's chance.
Later that night everyone agreed to go out drinking. They wanted to celebrate not only the reunion with Mikasa, but with their families and home. Armin and Jean had booked a table at a pub nearby which had lots of different kinds of food and alcohol to enjoy.
The table is rowdy, Reiner and Connie singing, Pieck bringing over more and more booze, Armin gazing at Annie lovingly, completely drunk while Annie munches on various desserts off the pub's menu. Jean only had a bit to drink, but can’t take his eyes off Mikasa. He feels bad, was it really ok for him to have feelings for her still? After everything that happened? Was it fair on her?
But then Mikasa walks over and asks him to come out for some fresh air and he agrees. The pub air was becoming a bit stuffy. They exit through the backdoor into a beer garden, which wasn’t currently in use as it was still cold outside. The two of them lean against a brick wall, admiring the beautiful trees and decorations in the garden.
"Jean" she says softly. So softly.
"Ah-yeah? Um, how are you?" Jean manages to reply. His cheeks are red, partly from the alcohol but mostly because they’re standing so close to eachother.
"I've been well. Thank you... for being there for me. For writing all those letters." She looks at him with a tiny smile on her lips. Her cheeks are the same colour as his, but Jean can’t remember if she had anything to drink.
"Of course, you're our friend. We were all so worried about you" he says sheepishly.
"Mhhmm" she hums.
There’s silence for a while.
"Say, Jean, I've been meaning to ask, what did you mean by..."she pulls a little letter out of her pocket, unfolding it. "This" Her finger points at a line that reads: "I wish I could be there with you, Mikasa" which makes Jean blush even deeper.
"W-well, you see..." all the replies he had prepared in his head, all the pick up lines, seductive and charming ideas are gone. His brain is now pudding, unable to form anything coherent. He clears his throat.
"I misses you. A lot" Mikasa says.
"We missed you t-"
"No, Jean, I missed -you-." She turns towards Jean, now leaning on her side, her face unreadable. Her tone is serious.
"I- I also missed you" he replies in a weak voice. Is this really ok? He doesn’t want to hurt her, or himself.
She takes one of his hands in hers, not breaking their eye contact. "Are you, holding back?" Her gesture makes him snap out of his worries.
"Of course I am, Mikasa!" He squeezes her hand tightly, turning to face her. "There's nothing more I want to do right now than to hold you, but I'm worried, you know?" His face is beet red, and Mikasa can feel his hand shaking slightly. "I've been so worried about you, a-and then I saw you and you looked so-"
He suddenly feels very warm, realizing that Mikasa pulled him into a tight embrace. Was he dreaming? Or maybe he died and ascended to heaven?
"I also... wanted to hold you. I was so lonely, for a long time I didn't know what to do with myself. With, Eren gone and everything." She mutters into his chest.
Jean hugs her back tightly. He couldn't imagine just how lonely she must have been.
"But reading letters from you and the rest helped me realize that I need to move on. For him and for myself" her grip on his shirt is tight. She looks up to see Jean glancing down at her, smiling.
"Will you help me learn how to live for myself?"
Jean's hand reaches up to stroke her hair.
"Of course"
It might take months, maybe even years for Jean to tell her how he really feels, but for now all he wants is to hold her for a little longer.