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It was cold.
Kalos was colder than most of the other regions he had travelled around. Sinnoh, colder of course, but, Kalos was different in how it was cold. Sinnoh had bitter frosts, frosty nights, and treacherous ice to move through. But, he had Brock and Dawn, laughing and smiling away, making each night feel less cold. He was on their level, friends to the end.
So why did he feel so cold in Kalos?
He flopped backwards on the moist grass of the park. The stars were covered by clouds, and the dew resting gently on the blades of grass seeped into his jacket. His hair fell over his eyes, while he took long breaths of the night air. The minutes seemed to melt into one another, before footsteps alerted him to the presence of another.
His eyes glanced over to where the tall, Hoenn Champion, in his normal suit and red tie, was walking up to him.
“Hey Ash. It’s pretty early to be up, especially out in the grass.” Steven approached him, from his side. He crouched down beside Ash, gently grabbing his arm and tugging him up. He led him over to a bench, where Ash sat down, fidgeting with his nails. Steven leaned backwards.
“Thought I’d stick around a few days and help with the clean-up. What’s up?” Steven asked. Ash chuckled, shaking his head, looking away from Steven’s slight concern.
“It’s nothing, really. I’m just overreacting, I’ll be myself soon.”
Steven’s expression hardened, and he shuffled in place, fixing his tie. “What do you mean by that?”
Ash deftly plucked a flower and held it carefully in his palm. He shut his eyes, thinking about what Serena had told him before. This isn’t the Ash I know. Who, was that, even supposed to be? Why wasn’t he the Ash she knew. Or remembered? Did he have to return to that childlike silliness?
“Well, you know, I’m not acting like myself. This isn’t the Ash people remember.” Ash explained, the words flowing off his tongue quicker than he could stop himself. With each lingering pause, each lingering thought, he plucked a petal from the flower, letting a small piece of the rose in his hand flutter onto the ground.
Steven’s breath audibly caught in his throat. His hand hit off the metal of the bench, audible from the soft clang the rings he wore made from the contact. Why was he startled by that, when Serena had said it as if it was such a normal thing to say?
He was their rock, why should he pretend otherwise?
“Who is that, then, Ash?” Steven muttered. “Who is the Ash we remember?”
“Carefree. Strong. There for people. Somebody others can rel-” Ash began, lifting off qualities and such. Steven cut him off, by grabbing his shoulder. The action startled him so much, Ash yelped.
“Ash. You sound like an employer listing off things to find on a resume. Not qualities of a teenager.” Steven whispered, but still, each word and it’s weight hit Ash. He gripped his hands tightly, crushing the rose.
“But who’ll be there Clemont- or, or Serena. I’m supposed to be there. Helping them, protecting them, being opti-” Ash rambled, rubbing at his eyes harshly to stop himself from crying.
Steven held his wrists, while Ash stared at the rose petals on the ground. “You aren’t responsible for other people. You aren’t supposed to be. They can look after themselves, and you should worry about you. It’s alright to not be at the best. Now, who told you this?”
“Told me this?”
“Yes. Who told you that you needed to be there for them, or that you had to be somebody you aren’t any more.” Steven reaffirmed. Ash took in a deep breath, holding it for a little while.
“Serena. I mean, she just was worried, and she told me that the last time I was sad to act like I used to be. Be the Ash she knew. And, you know, I’m the strong trainer. She’s there because I’m strong and stuff, right?” Ash coughed. “I think she likes me, even. That’s what her rival is insinuating.”
Steven held his wrists so tightly, Ash momentarily thought he’d rip them off. “Ash. Serena was wrong. Please tell me you have better friends.”
The sincerity of the statement was quietly terrifying. He opened his mouth to reply, but Steven still cut him off.
“I mean it. I don’t care if she helped out back before. This is the now. This is what she’s saying, or how things she said affected you.” Steven emphasised each word. Ash couldn’t bear himself to look at the older man as he felt tears land daintily on his jeans, soaking into the fabric. The saltiness of them stung on his face as he felt just as cold as he did back in Snowbelle, within what had felt like an endless snowstorm.
Alone. He was so afraid of being alone. Alone in his thoughts, alone in the world, alone with no friends, alone with no Pokémon.
“I have other friends.” Ash replied softly, ignoring how his voice wavered at each attempt at a syllable. “They care.”
“Do you tell them what’s wrong? Or does Serena know? Is she ignoring your past because she’s only interested in the parts she likes?” Steven asked. Ash didn’t stop Steven when he felt his hands were let go, and instead, his tears were being gently rubbed away, as he was brought into a hug that felt like a burning fireplace on a cold day.
“Not..really. I don’t like talking about it, because I don’t want to think about it. She doesn’t.. Um, well, she didn’t really take it all… seriously. Since I’m Ash. And great.”
Steven tightened the hug, and Ash cried more. He couldn’t tell what emotion was powering it, but, he was happy inside to realise that Steven probably didn’t care, either. “She shouldn’t put you up on a pedestal. You aren’t perfect.”
Ash nodded slowly, before Steven tilted his head up with a hand. “And that’s okay.”
The sun was now rising over the park. Beautiful orange light spilled over the lake, the clouds parted a little to reveal rosy hues within the sky, yellow streaks dashed across the sky, while the sun slowly climbed up.
It was beautiful. He took in all of Steven’s words.
He didn’t have to be somebody he wasn’t any more. He didn’t have to be perfect, he didn’t have to be always there and always great around others, he just had to be him, and he was allowed to need help.
A breeze drifted past him, blowing the remainder of the rose in his palm away.
It was warm, and comforting.