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The snow taps against the windows of the library, contrasting the toasty insides. Lily's usual perfect handwriting has turned into chicken scratch, as she can't seem to keep her mind focused on the transfiguration essay that lay in front of her. Instead, her mind has been wandering, thinking about a certain someone.
James Potter.
James Potter, who she's sworn to hate. the one boy, who's annoyed her since the first day they met in the train to kings cross station. the first boy, who's told her at least a hundred times how pretty her hair and eyes were in the span of ten minutes.the one boy, who's tortured her with his annoying pranks and flared up her anger just for the fun of it. the one boy, who's asked her out a countless number of times in the span of three years all to which she was supposed to be annoyed at, but had thinking of clever ways to reject him. the one boy, that convinced her to loosen up and party in the gryffindor common room. the one boy, who's she's never saw as anything but an arrogant toerag until now.
Now when she catches a glimpse of his crooked smile, that is so goddamn perfect with one dimple on the side, she wants nothing more than to pull all her hair out. Or when she sees him help the first years find their classes and teach them tricks to tame the moving staircases, she wants to push herself in front of the whomping willow.
It didn't hit her all of a sudden of how different James Potter truly was, from how she previously perceived him. It was gradual.
He apologized with flowers at the start of sixth year, for prompting snape to call her a slur (even though it wasn't his fault) and for taking the mickey out of her all these years. And if that wasn't enough, he just had to be so godamn perfect? He was so courageous, always the idiot jumping head first into protecting the people he loved even if it was taking a few hexing from the slytherins when they would talk about Sirius and Regulus being so vastly different, just so Sirius wouldn't find out and nurse an already broken heart over the sake of his brother. He was so incredibly kind, he always helped Peter with all his essays and get girls, he took all of Remus's notes during the full moon as well pretend to have found a big bar of honeduke's sweetest milk chocolate in his bag, out of the blue. He took Sirius in when he ran away from his family's abuses, and has considered him as his own brother. He listens really intently to Marlene's quidditch strategies, as well cheers up Mary and Alice whenever they're feeling low.
It helps that he also looks so goddamn perfect. Lily would openly admit that she always found him physically attractive, and this was something that she never admitted to anyone ever, but in second year when James would smile at her or help her pick up her books, she felt butterflies in her stomach. Yet she swallowed the feeling when Severus, would badmouth James and nod along with him. James, himself, didn't help his case as he started pranking and irritating her, making him insufferable. And when he comes back into the common room in his quidditch robes, she swears she looks like a pathetic fool staring at him any chance she gets, and the matches are the best part cause she doesn't need an excuse to shamelessly stare at him.
She even found herself doing all the dumb things she promised herself she would never do. Once she complained about Transfiguration, and James, quite humbly, offered help and so they spend hours doing their essays together, mainly cause they kept getting distracted making each other laugh, and for the practical part when Lily struggled James found it a perfect normal idea to invade all her personal space to hold her hand and teach her the wrist movements.
As if that would help, him so close to her in proximity. It was a miracle that she managed to perform the spell correctly, especially when she could feel his hot breath down her neck and his low voice as he instructed her what to do.
So she would sometimes pretend she needed help on things when she didn't, just so they could spend time together and blur the line between friendly touches and flirty touches.
She was so royally fucked.
Lily groaned, and scratched out another line of her essay. "Alright Evans?" His voice caused her to jump in her seat, startled.
Maybe if your lips were mine.
"Perfect Potter" She says, after her intial surprise, and a smile makes it's way onto her face. Now why would she seem that enthusiastic to see him, way to play it cool. "Aren't you banned from the library?"
"Not a permenant ban" James responds, as he pulls up a chair next to her and she finds herself sitting straighter and fixing her hair. "Anyways, I knew I would find you here"
"Funny, I knew this was the one place you wouldn't be so I decided to indulge in some peace" She says, turning to him as he's balancing on the two legs of the chair.
"You can't get rid of me, Evans" He grins, and the corners of her mouth upturn.
"Who said I did" She smiles fully, but turns to continue doing her assignment. He doesn't respond for a beat, his mouth is hung open. Were they flirting? Wasn't the first time. "You're gonna catch flies"
He lets the front legs of the chair fall, making him right next to her as he's decided to fold his arms onto the table. "Care from a charming witch like you, always feels different"
Lily laughs out loud, "Charming witch? God James, this is how you get half the female population smitten by you"
"Not you though" He quips back, "For you, it's the giant squid that makes your heart sing with joy"
'I'd rather go out with the Giant Squid than you'
They're grinning at each other, and Lily knows they're both thinking of that day. That day, actually crushed James and for Lily it had changed everything, but now it made her insides warm at the thought at how much different they were now- how much closer they were- close enough to laugh at that day, anyways.
"Do you think the giant squid would leave me alone to do my transfiguration essay" Lily jokes, but she's fully given up on the essay.
"I don't think anyone can leave you, Lils. you're so you." He says, easily. "even if that someone or more like thing was the great squid"
The way he's staring at her after making a statement like that, makes her heart do too many somersaults. She regrets flirting first, cause of course no one could beat James at making her flustered. Determined to not let him in on the way she was internally screaming she rolls her eyes and says in the most steady voice she can muster, "always the charmer"
She starts to do her essay but it's incredibly hard as he's watching her, with his gorgeous eyes that Lily feels she could get lost in. It's not fair, she thinks, for someone to possess such beautiful eyes and get to stare down at anyone, knowing the effects they have on people. Lily's about to put her pen down, and ask him if he wants to head back to the common room with her, knowing that their friends would be playing wizarding chess or exploding snap, she didn't know if she could take the eyes of James Potter staring down at her in a way that made her heart beat at a sickening pace. But she doesn't get to, as Amanda Silverton makes their table, and places a hand down right next to James causing him to look up.
"James, are you taking the pitch this friday?" She asks, and she's fluttering her lashes a bit too much for Lily's liking.
"Of course Amanda, We actually want to win the quidditch cup" He grins, and Lily turns to him with a scowl. Why was he openly grinning like that towards her? And they were on first name basis?
'Mostly everyone's was on first name basis if they were cordial enough' the annoying voice in her head reminded her.
"Oh don't get your ego higher than you can fly on your broom" Amanda laughs and Lily's mouth falls open.
That's what she told him start of term!
James laughs at this, before quipping back "At least the gryffindor team can fly on their brooms"
So he didn't remember? Of course he wouldn't, you remembers their banters with a person. It was stupid to think so. And just as she's consoling herself, another very rude thought enters her brain.
Wait did Amanda and James have something going on between them?
No.
She would know.
Or maybe they weren't officially going out, but were into each other. Lily felt sick either way. Her whizzing thoughts consume her so fully that she doesn't even notice, that James has asked her a question till he squeezes her shoulder, jolting her back.
"I was asking, what time was our next rounds?" He says, and she can tell he's trying to read her eyes. She looks away briefly, terrified that he might uncover her true feelings towards him.
Would that be such a bad thing, though?, the nagging voice asks
'yes, stupid voice in my brain it would' Lily responds.
"Uhh I'm pretty sure this friday we decided to start a bit later due to the recent incident" She answers quickly, once she realizes they were awaiting her answer.
"Oh well, I guess I have all the time in the world for quidditch" James turns to Amanda with his insufferable(very charming) smirk.
"Whatever Potter" Amanda laughs, "You'll still lose"
Thankfully, She leaves them not before patting his shoulder. Usually, Lily wouldn't care at all, but ever since she's accepted that she might harbour feelings for James Potter after all these years of him chasing her and finally stopping during their sixth year, especially when they were such good friends and not to mention, the head students of hogwarts.
Perfect timing.
"I guess I should head back" Lily says, standing up and reaching for her books and parchment to place into her bag. She felt a headache coming, one that ranting to the girls could heal.
"I'll come with" He responds and stands up with her, "I actually came in to call for you anyways"
She ignores the way her heart skips a beat, she was losing her mind if she was going to so easily be floored by him simply searching for her. She doesn't respond and they walk in silence back to the common room, Lily gives the fat lady the password, and as soon as the doors open, she rushes to the girls who were surrounded around the fireplace.
"Hey you" Mary says, as Lily sits down. They were all seated on the floor around a small ottoman with a deck of cards, apparently Mary was teaching them muggle card games.
"You look tired" Marlene notes, as she tries peeking at Alice's stack of cards. "Which is surprising cause long boring study sessions usually always refresh you"
"No way Evans" Sirius laughs, the rest of the maruaders were seated away from them just by a bit, and currently Remus was on the couch reading a book and James was seated next to him, while Sirius and Peter were on the floor enjoying a game of wizard's chess. "Reading energizes you?"
"It's actually good for the mind" Remus takes her side, and Lily sends him a grateful smile. "You should try it sometimes, maybe then you want struggle to pass charms"
"I only pretend to struggle with charms, moony" Sirius laughs, "that way i can get you and peter to finish my essays for me"
Remus seems annoyed and mutters something incoherent under his breathe, and James laughs at whatever it is he said. Lily finds her eyes drawn to James as he laughs. He looked so carefree and happy. She decides that he looks his absolute best when he's smiling or laughing, especially with the way his eyes light up and the specks of gold and green become vibrant, and the sides of his eyes crinkle.
"You're staring" Alice says and Lily looks away instantly, heat rushes to her cheeks.
"Am not"
"Are too" Marlene singsonged, "It's okay Lils, we know you fancy each other" she says this parrt in a whisper.
"we do not fancy each other, thank you very much" Lily responds hotly.
"we know you fancy him" Marlene quips back tilting her head to the side and Lily fiddles with her fingers, knowing it was true. "And anyone would be an absolute fool to believe that he didn't fancy you either"
"he was rather friendly with Amanda today" Lily says, and she feels silly for feeling jealous.
"Amanda Silverton?" Alice asks, "The ravenclaw quidditch player?"
"Yes and yes" Lily says, rather glumly. "I wanted to tell them to get a room, it was horrendous"
This confession was followed by a series of 'oh lily' and 'don't even think about her' and 'he doesn't fancy her that way'. Lily just nodded, "I mean if he likes her, he should go for her. I'd be happy for him"
"He doesn't like her, Lils" Alice rubs her arm, "But I do think she was talking about wanting to snog him"
Lily hates the way her heart sinks, the thought of James and Amanda snogging felt sickening. The more she thinks about it, the more she feels like throwing something.
"They are friends, and i have seen them walk to a class before" Marlene says hesitantly, and she can't seem to meet Lily's eyes, causing her heart to sink further. "I just wanted you to know all the information so your not blindsided if something...does happen"
"Thanks Marly" Lily tries her best to muster a smile,"And I wasn't not going to act on it. I mean, we're great friends too and heads. I wouldn't want anything to ruin that"
"But there's always going to be more" Mary addded, "I mean hypothetically, let's say you don't get together this year, but we'll all join the order and eventually it's bound to happen"
"Unless he finds someone who he'd want to spend his future with" Lily points out, and she takes a discared card on the floor and starts bending it.
"Think positive!" Alice tries sounding cheerful, but fails, miserably.
They fall into silence for a couple of minutes, the three girls playing a game of snap, and Lily lost in thought. The sound of parchment and quills scribbling fills the silence, along with occasional cheers from Sirius and Peter.
It's not the end of the world. She can get over him, easily. It's not like she eventually realized that she not only likes him, but also might love him?
No. She couldn't. Not now, anyways.
"Lily!" Sirius yells, and Lily jumps slightly, "I've been calling you for the past minute"
"Maybe I was ignoring you" Lily responds, trying to be as normal as she could be.
"Oh bugger off" Sirius says, "Now tell me, are you or are you not into Christopher?"
"Christopher?" Lily asks, very confused. Out of the corner of her eye, she sees James sit up a bit straighter and easygoing smile was erased off of his face, and instead his jaw was set, rather rigidly. "Why?"
"Can't a friend, wonder about another's friends dating life?" Sirius asks, a grin lighting up his face.
"Yes, they can" Marlene responds for Lily, and Lily turns to her blonde friend, still very much confused about everything that was going on. "And yeah Christopher does fancy Lily, and Lily does think he's cute"
She looks right at James, before turning back to Sirius. Remus closes his book, seemingly intrigued by the events unfolding, While Lily racks her brain to remember a Christopher.
It takes her a minute, but then it hits her. They were talking about Wallenby.
Christopher Wallenby, a sweet hufflepuff she had a total of five conversations with.
"Oh?" Sirius says, and the grin dims. "I didn't know your type was blondes"
It wasn't.
Her type was the black messy haired boy with glasses, and a damn fit quidditch body. One who reminded her of the smell of grass and aftershave. Who made her feel like she belonged in hogwarts, always reminded her that she was a bloody genius every chance he got. Who told her multiple times, that her green eyes were something worth dying for.
"No it's not" Lily says, but as three pairs of scrutinizing eyes fall on her, she stutters. "I mean I don't really have a type"
"Of course you don't" Sirius rolls his eyes, and Lily feels annoyance bubbling under her skin. What was Sirius trying to prove anyways?
"I'm off to bed!" She says, not even trying to hide her annoyance before she makes her way out of the common room towards the head's dorms. Sirius smiles to himself, as he continues his card game with peter (who had rigged all the cards by now) and Remus continues reading. The girls stare at each other, with worried looks, but decide it was best to leave her alone for a while. James, on the other hand, hasn't moved an inch since Sirius had brought up Christopher.
He absolutely detests, the fact that he might have to see her frolick around with Christopher. He's already mentally thought up countless scenarios on how he could accidently fake a quidditch mishap directed at him. It would all work out...but, he couldn't be that guy anymore. Not that he would have ever actually hurt the guy, maybe warned him off in a not unkind way.
But he couldn't. he had to sit and watch everything happen, that's what he deserved after all these years of chasing her. "Prongs, you good mate. that quill looks horrible"
James looks down to his hand which held a broken quill with ink oozing out, and then back towards a borderline amused and concerned Remus, "Yeah, fine. And I think I'm going to turn in for the night. Long day"
He doesn't wait for any response and stands up to leave, his shoulder's slumped and his hazel eyes downturned. If he had stayed for a bit longer he might have heard an estranged Marlene say, "Sirius your stupid plan better work, or I will drown you in the black lake"
"When have I ever failed?" He grinned, but at her expression he continued, "Don't answer that, and it's already working look at the state their in, they're bound to jump each other's bones soon enough"
--------
The next day starts rather horrid.
Lily almost stabbed Peter's hand with her fork, instead of her eggs, when she saw Amanda holding James upper arm as she laughed at something he said. They spent the majority of breakfast talking together, and she could tell that both Sirius and Remus were equally surprised as the rest of the girls. They all send her glances before whispering to each other, tones filled with concern.
It was rather pathetic, the way she was so affected by him, but she couldn't help it.
"You should eat" Remus tries after a couple more minutes in agonizing silence, as she pushed around her food. It was rather pathetic, the way she was so affected by him, but she couldn't help it.
"Do you want the rest?" Lily asks instead, and Remus shakes his head but Peter happily takes her plate. She decides that she isn't going to think about him flirting, laughing and ,maybe possibly in the future, snogging Amanda, instead she was going to listen in on the latest gossip Marlene had to offer - or try to.
"I can't believe she cheated on him" Mary exclaimed, "I feel so bad"
"Yeah he did not deserve that" Lily agreed, shaking her head.
"Who didn't?" James asks as he appears behind her, taking a muffin off her plate, Peter didn't take.
Lily wants to be mad, but she can't considering she's focusing all her attention on the fact that he was incredibly close to her and as he stood back straight, he placed one arm on shoulder.
"Me" Sirius answers, "I didn't not deserve to see you and Amanda being all over each other"
"What?" James says, and there's more of a warning in his voice than question, and Lily's certain that he glanced down at her briefly when he said this. Making her feel all the more stupid.
After a minute more of replaying the sight of James and Amanda so close in proximity, she decides she's had enough of everything, and tries her best to sound casual as she says, "Well I'm off to charms, Flitwick wants me there a bit earlier"
She tried to sound as nonchalant as possible, and it seemed to have worked as most the table had nodded and turned back to their previous conversations, except him.
she hurries down the corridor, trying to gather her thoughts. Yes, she had fallen pretty hard for him. Yes, she told him she hated him most of her life. Yes, he's moved on,rightfully so. She's so occupied in her thoughts and thinking of ways to get her guard up and protect herself from the heartbreak that was most definitely coming her way- that she doesn't even realize she bumps into someone.
"Oh sorry" the words die on her lips, Oh Christopher
"Lily!" He greets rather cheerily, and she smiles in spite of everything. Might as well. "Charms?"
"Yeah, Getting there early" She says, with a chuckle.
"Classic Lily" He quips back, tipping his head towards her. and she gives him a laugh, because she's done being miserable. James was everything, and he was so good, but he didn't owe her anything to like her back. And here Christopher was, smiling very brightly, blonde hair touseled to perfect, and uniform very neat. And most importantly, he wanted to go out with her.
"You know me" She laughs again, and her own laughter seems so fake.
He hesitates a moment after the laughter between them dies out, and sshe has a feeling he's going to ask her to hogsmeade. She's thinks she'll say yes, she should say yes.
But she doesn't get a chance.
"Wallenby" James calls out to him, as he approaches them, coming up right behind Lily. There's an easy going smile on his face, but Lily knows it forced especially with how happy he seems, and she knows James doesn't ever greet anyone like this just for fun- unless something is coming. "Ah It's been so long"
"Yes" Christopher says, fixing his glasses. Lily could tell that he was nervous speaking to James. "H-How's quidditch been going?"
"Fantastic" James responds back, the relaxed smile still resting on his face but Lily can tell he's making an effort to look this controlled. He turns to her after a moment of silence, "Could I borrow Lily for a moment- Head's business"
Christopher agrees instantly, almost as if he was hoping for this and runs in the opposite direction hurriedly. Lily's about to tell him off about scaring the poor guy for no reason. Except James is quicker, "We were worried since you hadn't touched your breakfast, but it turns out you were perfectly fine!"
His tone is accusing, which causes her anger to flare up. No way in hell was she going to let James tell her off, when he had been cosying up to Amanda since a week. "I'm perfectly fine! You can stop pretending to care"
This seems to have struck a cord, as his eyes are ablaze and Lily almost regrets her words. He walks towards her and says his next words, in a mixture of hurt and rage, "I have never pretended to feel anything for you"
Lily feels her heart hammer against her chest louder, "I've never pretended to feel anything for you either"
It's as if something shifts between them and she can't seem to pinpoint exactly when they were so close to each other, or when he had leaned in while she propped herself up against her toes, or even when his arm had encircled around her waist. He whispers against her lips, "even when you hated me?"
"What makes you think I still don't" She breathes out, and if it wasn't for the smile playing on her lips or the proximity between them, this conversation could have gone in a very different direction- but instead a second later, She crashes her lips against his as her hands rest against his chest. He pulls her in closer, to the point where she can't differentiate whose hands are whose; years worth of passion, pining and tension molded into a kiss.
The break away after what James feels to be several minutes in heaven and out of all the things he expected her to say, the words that come out of her mouth surprised him the most, "I really hated seeing you and Amanda"
He stares at her before laughing and she frowns at him, which he finds more endearing than he should, as he's been on the receiving end of some of her very feisty hexes. "Amanda? God Lily, I- that was nothing"
"Right" She rolls her eyes not believing a word, and so he presses another kiss to her lips, a more slower one. this time when they pull apart, he decides to be more serious, "Really Lils, no one ever stood a chance against you"
She smiles and moves in closer to him, "Though I have to say I really hated Christopher"
He earns a laugh from Lily this time, and they go back and forth teasing each other but at the end none of it mattered, cause they were hand in hand together.