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Alex sat down on the opposite side of the couch. She never thought she’d have to repeat this conversation but here she was, about to rehash the worst moments of her life. His eyes were on her. They felt like they were seeing into her soul. He always had a way of reading her, reading her better than anyone ever had.
“So, um…” Alex starred down at her lap.
“I know that you’ve told me everything, but it was all done in such a rush and then you disappeared.” Matthew tapped her leg with his foot, causing her glance up at him.
“You are not the easiest guy to break up.” Alex stated simply.
“If that’s the case, then why did you leave me?”
“Why would you have wanted to stay with me after what I did?” Alex could feel the emotions start to bubble up and she fought to push them back down.
“See, that’s where I get confused. What exactly did you do? Things had been going so well.”
“Things had been going well, and then I took that job and things started to fall apart. I was never home and you started to hang out with all of those…” Alex paused, “With that woman.”
Alex walked through the front door of the home she had been sharing with Matthew for the last couple of years. She was excited to tell him her good news, news that she had been working hard on acquiring over the last few weeks. She set her bag down on the couch as she passed through to the kitchen. She glanced around the room, and quietly listened to the sounds. She soon realized that the place was empty. He hadn’t made it home yet from the set.
She walked over and opened the fridge, peering inside, looking for anything that could be made into dinner. As she was scanning the contents, she started to evaluate the last few years she’d spent with Matthew. She smiled as the moments played through her mind. She truly did love him.
She pulled out a few things and started chopping and dicing and preparing dinner for the two of them. She was elbows deep in cutting up vegetables, when the front door opened and seconds later shut.
“Gube…” Alex shouted, “I’ve started dinner.”
His head appeared in the doorway, “Good, because I’m starving. Sorry that I’m late.”
She watched as he disappeared around the corner and could hear his footsteps echo down the hallway. She stirred the sauce and thought about how to break the news to him. A few minutes later, he was plopped down on one of the stools, his elbows perched on the counter.
“So, you said earlier today that you had some news.” He reached over and snatched up a piece of celery.
Alex stopped cutting and set the knife aside, “Remember when I was telling you about the opportunity for me to move up, step into movies? Well, I got a call today and I’ve been offered a job on a big movie production. It’s a huge step up for me and a big bump in pay.”
Matthew stopped; mid-reach and just stared at her. He was quiet for several moments, “Are you staying in LA?”
Alex shook her head, “This is where it gets sticky, it requires me to be on set and that’s going to be across the country. Look, Matthew, it’s only going to be for a few months and then I’ll be back.”
His face had fallen and Alex didn’t like how quiet he was being.
“Matthew, you didn’t think I was going to stay at Criminal Minds, did you?”
He just nodded his head.
Matthew looked over at her, “She was just a friend Alex.”
She tilted her head, “I know that now but at the time, I honestly believe that you were replacing me, pushing me out of your life.”
His eyes narrowed and a fleeting look of guilt crossed over his features. “I didn’t handle the news of you leaving well and I didn’t handle the long distance well.”
“No Matthew, you didn’t. You could have talked to me. You could have told me that it was bothering you.”
He sadly let his head hang down, “I know,” He said quietly.
“Look, I have to run, but I promise that I will call you as soon as I’m done for the day. Are you still planning on coming out this weekend?” Alex pushed her shoulder forward, trying to press the phone closer to her ear.
“I don’t know, some stuff came up and now I’m not sure I can get away.”
His tone lacked and Alex squeezed her eyes shut, afraid of what was coming next. “You wouldn’t happen to be hanging out with her this weekend, would you?”
She was met with an echoing silence.
“Matthew, you promised me that nothing was going on between the two of you.” Alex could feel the familiar twinge of tears building. She quietly sniffed, and blinked a few times. She would not start crying at work.
“Nothing is going on, she’s just….” Matthew paused.
“She’s just what?”
“She’s here and you aren’t.”
Alex took a deep, steadying breath. “Okay, so you won’t be coming out this weekend. I get it and I’m not going to start fighting with you over the phone. I will call you when I get off.” She pulled the phone away from her ear and hit the end button before he had a chance to respond. She really didn’t want to say something she would regret, but he was starting to really piss her off. His lack of effort in their relationship was staggering and she was pretty damn positive that he was sleeping with his new found ‘friend’.
“Can I ask you why? Honestly, I’m not trying to point blame but everything seemed to fall apart when I left. It’s almost like we both gave up before we even gave us a change to survive.” Alex leaned back into the couch. She ran a hand through her hair and quietly sighed.
He couldn’t look her in the eyes. He just stayed focused on a spot behind her. “I didn’t think you’d want to come back and be with me. You were surrounded by all of those big names and men far more attractive than me, I figured I didn’t stand a chance after all of that.”
“But I never gave you any reason to think that.” Alex shook her head, “Will you please look at me?”
His eyes slowly moved to meet hers, “I was lucky to get you in the first place. Hanging onto you, that was a whole new challenge and one I wasn’t prepared for.”
“Matthew...” Alex stopped. She didn’t know what to say.
She rolled the magazine up and hurled it across the room. How could he? He promised. Tears started to spill, running down her cheeks. He’d been photographed leaving one of those award show parties, hand in hand with a young, up and coming model. She knew she should call him. She knew she should talk to him about it. She knew she should get the story directly from him, but she just couldn’t bring herself to pick up the phone.
She slouched against the wall, slowly sliding to the ground. She pulled her knees to her chest and hugged them to her. She allowed the tears to flow freely. She never thought he’d hurt her like this. She never thought he’d lie to her. The phone in her pocket started to vibrate and she fumbled for it.
“Hello,” Her voice was stuffy.
“Alex? Are you crying?” His silky smooth voice, one that used to bring her comfort, grated on her nerves and made her cringe.
“No.” She matter-of-factly stated.
“Oh…” She heard him take a deep breath. “I’m going to guess that you’ve seen the pictures. Look, it isn’t what you think. I was only holding her hand because I had just pulled her through the crowd and I was giving her a ride home. I didn’t want to lose her in the masses; you know how the paparazzi work.”
It was the explanation she had been hoping for but it wasn’t making her feel better. His behavior had been so off lately and she was tired of fighting the feeling of him not loving her anymore. “Okay,” Was all she managed to feebly mutter.
A long period of silence followed, “Are you coming back to LA next week?”
She nodded, realizing she was still on the phone, “Yeah, I’ll be back next Thursday.”
“Can you promise me something?”
She nodded again before replying, “Sure.”
“Will you hold all judgement until I see you? Until I get the chance to fully explain,” He almost pleaded.
“I guess,” She was so tired.
“Okay, I’ll take that. I do love you Alex and I miss you so much.”
She wanted to believe him. She wanted to cherish those words. “I’ll see you then. Bye Matthew.” She hung up. She couldn’t bring herself to tell him that she loved him, that she would always love him.
“I know you didn’t believe me then but I never cheated on you.” He broke the quiet.
“I know that now and I wanted to believe that then, but I think I was just so hurt and so confused and I think it was almost easier to believe that you had moved on than to rebuild what had broken.” Alex scooted a bit closer to him.
“What I want to know though, and I know that you explained it to me once or at least tried to, but why did you start the rumors? Why did you just take off?” Matthew’s arm was slung over the back of the couch and his fingertips gently brushed her shoulder.
Alex took another deep breath, “I was angry Matthew. I was so angry with you. When I got back and I told you I’d stay, I guess I figured things would start to go back to normal. When they didn’t, when you took her side over mine…I lost it.”
A look of confusion crossed over his brow, “I never took anyone’s side over yours.” He paused for a moment… “Wait, that’s what caused all of this?”
Alex nodded her head, “Now do you see why I took off? I couldn’t face you after that. When I found out the truth, I regretted it. I have never regretted anything more.”
Alex reared her hand back. She was going to slap the smug look off of the girl’s face, regardless of what it would cost her. As her hand started to move forward, long fingers wrapped around her wrist.
“Alex don’t you dare.” Matthew’s stern face came into her line of sight.
She yanked downward, trying to break from his grip, but he held tight. “Matthew,” She hissed, “Let go.”
“Not until you calm down.” He positioned his body between the two women.
“She has no right to even be here and now you’re defending her.” Alex pulled against his restraint again to no avail.
“She’s here because I invited her and because she’s become friends with Paget as well and I’m not defending her, I’m keeping you from doing something stupid.” Matthew stepped closer to her.
Alex shot him a look, “Let go of me and back off.” She glared at the girl standing behind her boyfriend, that fucking smug look still present. “Make her leave, or I’m leaving.”
“Look, I don’t know what was said but I know that I’m not going to make her leave. Will you please just come over here with me?” He tugged on her arm but she held her ground.
“You want to know what she said,” Alex pointed a finger at the petite brunette. “She was informing me on how you are a really passionate kisser. How you really know what you’re doing and how you don’t deserve to be treated like shit by your girlfriend. She mentioned how you can do better and that she was really impressed with your skillfulness between the sheets.” Alex narrowed her eyes at the young girl. A smirked was dancing on the girl’s face and Alex lunged at her, catching Matthew off guard.
Shemar grabbed her around the waist, “Alex, baby, she isn’t worth it.”
Her feet leaving the floor, she had no choice but to be swept away from the cause of her distress. “Shemar please put me down.”
Once across the room, he planted her feet back on the ground. “You do realize that she is just trying to get under your skin?”
“Why is she here?” Alex couldn’t let it go.
“Paget had invited her before we knew when you were going to be back. She hadn’t realized that there would be a conflict. I’m not sure any of us quite knew the extent of the issues. What’s going on with you and Matthew?”
Alex glanced across the room again. Matthew had his arm around her waist and he was leaning into her, whispering something into her ear. “I can’t Shemar. I can’t be here.” Alex spun around and ran towards the door. She couldn’t hear Shemar shouting her name. She couldn’t hear Matthew calling after her.
She shuffled down the sidewalk. She wasn’t sure where she was going, but she had to get away. She wasn’t paying attention to where she was walking and nearly ran into a group of paparazzi staking out the party. An idea popped into her head and the anger that had invaded her body, clouded her judgement. She approached them, not giving a damn about the consequences that would occur with what she was about to say.
Thinking back on that moment, tears started to well up in her eyes, “Oh my god Matthew, I am so sorry.”