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Since the Abyssal poison knocked out Xavier, Julian’s sole mission was to keep him alive.
Julian did everything he could: he squeezed the poison out of Xavier’s system with his hands, tied a tourniquet made from his own shirt to stop the external bleeding and prevent the remaining poison from spreading to Xavier’s heart, checked his vitals to ensure his pulse was still steady, and made sure Xavier’s airway was clear.
His heart sank when he saw a thin line of green seeping past the tourniquet. No, what should he do? Tightening it further might damage Xavier’s limb and cause more blood loss from the open wound. But if he did nothing, the poison might reach Xavier’s heart and kill him.
Julian chanted the healing spell, but as he thought, it was not enough. Xavier needs a real cure. Something like—
“Demon Hunter Antidote,” he mumbled, his voice a bit shaky from the nerve as he noticed the poison changed Xavier’s skin one shade darker, as Xavier’s body spasmed due to the poison messing with his muscles.
He knew he had to seek any nearby demon hunter to ask for help. Yet, he could not move. He did not have the guts to leave Xavier behind. He had to stay beside him. He had to watch for his every progress. After all, he’s the only one with experience dealing with Abyssal Poison, as little as his knowledge might be.
Julian must be sure to be there to give Xavier as much help as he can.
“Antidote… aight, I get it. Demon Hunter? Who?”
To Julian’s surprise, someone was responding to his mumbling. He glanced at the voice, which belonged to Fredrinn, the man/mercenary/Xavier’s old friend. He fixed his eyes on him, looking dead serious.
“Which Demon Hunter? Where can I find him?” he repeated.
Julian did not even have time to be skeptical about the man’s intentions. He had to tell Fredrinn that all demon hunters carry it all the time. It was part of their training. Julian heard someone say that when the Abyssal creature poisoned a fellow Raven, see that—”all demon hunter…” he voiced it out. “Have it.”
“Kay,” Fredrinn said, and Julian could hear a rustle as he approached Julian closer. His eyes looked a bit glassy, but he looked firm. “Look, I’ll go look for em and get that antidote. You gotta keep him alive, got it? Ya gotta make sure he has a chance to survive. No matter what happens, promise me you’ll keep him alive. I trust y’can do that till I get back, lil guy?”
Julain did not even have the chance to nod before Fredrinn went out in a rush. He thought he heard Melissa and Yin conversing, but he no longer paid attention. How could he when he had to keep Xavier alive? He repeated the healing spell over and over, even though he knew it wouldn’t help Xavier much. After all, Ravens were only taught the weak healing spell, good enough to treat small wounds and keep them going.
If only he learned better spells… If only they taught him—
Xavier’s breath hitched.
Julian reached out to help tilt Xavier’s head, but upon seeing his own hands now show a faint green, he pulled them back, afraid the poison would infect Xavier’s face, too, if he touched him with his infected hands. Julian wrapped his hands in fabric, the nearest one he could find to cover them, and tilted Xavier’s head.
Keep the airflow open, chant the spell, check his pulse—
In the middle of his frantic attempt to keep things in order, Julian heard the voice of two grown men. Fredrinn is back with a Demon Hunter—Chevalier. Julian has seen this man on more than one occasion. But he did not, could not pay attention or recall his name. He was too busy keeping Xavier alive.
Julian did not budge from his spot even when the Demon Hunter came closer to Xavier to give the concoction to Xavier. He did not move even when Fedrinn told the Demon Hunter to leave. He did not move when he heard Aamon coming in. He did not move when Fredrinn told them to go clean up.
He refused to budge from his spot even when the antidote finally took effect, Xavier’s breath finally evened out, the color of Xavier’s skin stopped getting darker, and his muscles stopped spasming.
He refused to move when Xavier looked stable enough, he looked like he was sleeping instead of dying.
Xavier would heal, Julian concluded. But there could still be complications.
Xavier would be alive. But no one knows what an Abyssal poison could do in the long term.
Xavier is safe. But the concoction might have a side effect on a half-elf.
His mission to keep him alive is more or less accomplished. But what now? What good is he now that he has no missions to do? Any goals to accomplish? The only person who could tell him what to do was lying flat on his back, unconscious.
Julian could only wait. like a dog whose owner has abandoned him.
Julian fixed his eyes on Xavier. The concoction took a few hours to take effect, and it would be hours before Xavier was conscious. Julian did not know what he could do with so much idle time on his hands. He was never the Raven sent for a recon mission; he was usually sent to execute.
Against his will, events and memories from the past twenty-four hours filled his mind and demanded to be processed. But Julian did not know what to do with those memories. He wanted to ask Xavier. He wanted to hear what did he think about it. Would Xavier help him? The blue-haired man jumped to protect him from the poison. Xavier must be a little less disgusted by him now, right? Did it mean that Xavier liked Julian better now, or—
The air on Julian’s left suddenly moved, giving way to something—a human’s arm, approaching Julian. The red-headed boy grabbed his knife and in a swift movement, turned to point it at the figure approaching him.
“Whoa, kid,” Fredrinn raised his arms, showing his hands which were holding the antidote from the Demon Hunter. “Relax, just wanna help with ya hands.”
Julian did not think anything was wrong with his hands. But as he paid closer attention to the half-covered palm, he realized the color of his skin, which turned pale green earlier, now was starting to get darker. Though, it did not look as severe as Xavier’s.
Oh.
Julian shrugged it off. It’s nothing. It would heal in a few days. Julian was only slightly exposed to the poison. It won't be serious. His body will neutralize the poison in a few days. He did not need the antidote. It’s better that—“The concoction… for him.”
“Nah, don’t gimme that shit, kid. Drink up. That Demon Hunter made us a few more bottles before he left. You can drink this one,” he said, sitting next to Julian and shoving the small concoction bottle into Julian’s wrapped hands.
Julian reflexively flinched. He swat Fredrinn’s hand with the part of his covered hands. If he was not careful, he would be—“...infected too,” Julian said. “Don’t.”
“Huh,” Fredrinn scoffed. He let out a smile that looked more like a grin, then placed the bottle next to Julian. “Fair enough. We don’t want anyone else down with Xavier still unconscious. Far too exhausted for anything now, right?”
Julian nodded. He grabbed the concoction bottle, drinking it up. It tasted bitter, a little bit warm, with an even more bitter aftertaste. But he swallowed, anyway. It’s nothing worse than he had ever endured.
“Now that’s more like it,” Fredrinn said, looking pleased. His booming voice, his huge presence—everything about this man was a bit suffocating, making Julian wonder if Xavier would be truly okay with such a looming creature sitting so close. “Look, I’m grateful that you did your best to keep ‘im alive, but he’s stable now. You gotta look out for yourself, too, ‘kay? Don’t sacrifice yourself trying to save others, kiddo. Ain’t no life is more worthy than the other.”
Julian furrowed his brows. No, some lives are better than others. That’s what he was taught back in the monastery. The lives of the King of Light, the priests, and the bishops were all more worthy than the lives of the average human. And even if they’re wrong—”some people… deserve life… more.”
Fredrinn laughed, though it did not seem to reach his eyes. “Yeah, thought you’d say that,” he paused. His eyes shifted away from Julian and to Xavier now. “He must think the same, you know? He must cared about you a lot, to the point that he thinks your life is more precious than his. You deserve to live more than him because you’re young, because you had a bad childhood, and he felt like he was responsible for that, and you still have your whole life in front of you. So he sacrificed himself for you.”
Julian could feel his scowl deepen. It did not make sense, but at the same time, it answered why Xavier jumped in front of Julian to keep him from the poison. It answered why Xavier went to bring Julian to his father. At first, Julian thought it was only Xavier’s sense of duty. A trade. In exchange for him joining them, instead of taking them back to the Monastery, they take him to his father to help him understand his forgotten past. Xavier can’t—“Care… about me.”
“Judging from how he treats ya? Big time,” Fredrinn said. Apparently, considering Julian’s statement as a question. “So stay alive, kid. Don’t neglect yourself. Let me tell ya, dying for others is so fucking stupid. Sure, it sounded heroic, poetic, even, to give your life to one you cared about. But dying in vain while keeping others alive is the most selfish thing one can do. Because if you’re gone, you’re gone. You can’t feel shit when you’re dead. But that person who you cared about? They’ll live with the pain of losing someone they also care about so much. They’ll live with regret, with the pain of loss that they might never get used to, let alone grow from for the rest of their lives.”
Fredrinn’s voice was getting lower, thick with pain that Julian could only describe as a personal experience. Julian stared at the man, seeing how his tired eyes were clouded with mourning, and somehow, his features looked years older. Fredrinn looked completely different without the snark and smirk that had been part of his persona ever since he introduced himself to their little group.
“So never, ever try to do that, kay? Saving people’s good, but do try to stay alive. Don’t waste ya life for nothing, and look alive while you’re at it. I didn’t know how ya all got grouped together, but from what I saw, these people care about ya. I care about ya,” Fredrinn patted Julian’s back a few times.
Julian reflexively flinches. This man wasn’t shying away from physical touch, something that Julian was not used to. He frowned, but he did not disagree with the man’s words. It makes sense. Julian hated that Xavier jumped to save him because Julian did not want to lose him. He was not ready for Xavier to go.
He couldn’t imagine Xavier having this feeling, too. But if Fredrinn said so…
“Maybe start caring for yourself with a shower and a meal?” Fredrinn nudged Julian from his musings. “ You gotta be hungry, keeping him alive this whole time. ‘Sides, he’d murder me if he woke up and saw you in your state now.”
At that, Julian shook his head and clenched his fists into a ball. No, he did not want to be away from Xavier. He did not want to leave his side until Xavier was awake. He wanted to—“Stay… here.”
Fredrinn let out a laugh. “Huh, thought you’d say that too,” he said. “Sure ya can, I’ll get ya some food. And for those two, too. Just make sure ya call me when Xav wakes up, kay?”
Again, before Julian could nod, Fredrinn got up and left the room, leaving Julian with the weight of his words. It was hard to believe that they grew to care about Julian, but he felt safe here in this group. And now that he had completed his mission and no longer had anything to do, he felt like staying with them, to do whatever they needed him to do. Not because he felt like it was an order or because it was his duty, but because he wanted to .
He wants to be with them.
He feels like… he belongs with them.
When Fredrinn came back again, he brought two bowls filled with fruits and another dried meat. Julian felt grateful regardless, and apparently, so did Yin and Melissa. They welcomed the food all too enthusiastically, and Yin even got choked and coughed violently. Melissa slapped his back and brought water for Yin to chug down, finally freeing him from the food stuck in his throat.
“Thanks, Mel!” Yin said, letting out a bright smile. “You’re so kind.”
It dawned on Julian that maybe he should say something, too. He should express his gratitude to Fredrinn for bringing him food, for giving him insight, for telling him that it’s important to stay alive, and for giving him a name for the feeling he felt around these people he grew to care about a lot. And maybe he should speak more to express his gratitude to Melissa and Yin, too, for caring about him.
And for Xavier for saving him.
He should say something. Maybe starting with something genuine and simple. Like—“T… Thank you.”
His voice was small, slow, and careful. He tasted his words like he’d tested his knife, but somehow, it quieted the room.
So Julian started again.
“... For food. Water. Thank you…”
For saving me. For having me. For caring about me. For bringing me to clarity. Thank you—
“... for everything.”
Julian could feel the rest of the words stuck in his throat, and it felt like so many were in his mind. But he could not cough it up, nor could he swallow it back. Julian felt frustrated and annoyed out of this world. He wanted to say so much but did not know how to say it. There’s so many in his mind and he did not know how to let them all out. He had never had this training before. The monastery had never bothered to teach them how to speak. How could you talk so much when you’re expected to be quiet all your life?
Fredrinn was the first to respond. “Sure, my pleasure,” he said, a proud smile etched on his lips, and somehow, it made Julian feel better. “I know ya have a lot of things t’say but take it easy, pal. You’ll get there. We ain’t going anywhere.”
Melissa’s eyes light up. “Oh!” she said. Yeah, he’s right. Take your time, JuJu. We’d wait and listen to whatever you say, even if you want to mock Yin for his incompetence.”
“Yeah, dude! Sure we’ll… wait, what?”
Melissa and Fredrinn laughed, and for once, Julian could feel the corners of his lips tugging upwards, too, mirroring their expression.
A Smile.
It felt good. It was not just contentment or the feeling of safety—it was pure happiness.
And it felt… liberating. It reminded him of his mother’s smile and her constant reminder never to lose a smile.
Maybe he could do that. Naturally, this time, without having to pull the corners of his lips with his fingers.