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Iwaizumi has managed to avoid you for weeks now.
Not that he didn't want to see you - he didn't want to see you hurting after he broke up with you. He'd rather live in the (un)comfort of silence than admit he regrets breaking off things with you but there isn't a day in which Iwaizumi wakes up in his cold bed without missing your warm body next to him.
Things weren't that bad, you know? You fight quite often those days but isn't that how relationships go after the honeymoon phase? Iwaizumi didn't quite understand that, though. He didn't understand why he'd wake up to you pissed off because he fell asleep last night, or how he'll see your mood change when he does not reply to you immediately. He was a busy guy, after all.
"You look miserable. At least get better at pretending." Oikawa commented, rolling his eyes at Iwaizumi who refused to get up from the bench.
Iwaizumi kept his eyes closed, not responding to his captain. No insults from Oikawa hurts more than what has happened.
"You know, if you hadn't been so stupid, you wouldn't be like this." Oikawa spoke again, making Iwaizumi sit up and say, "You don't know anything."
"Right. Not like I don't know how you've almost neglected Y/N for almost two weeks before you broke up." he mocked. "Or should I say, how you made her feel neglected? Because you know, you said you didn't mean to do it."
"I had so much to do, stupid. It's not my fault she doesn't understand that. It's not my fault she got mad every time I make a small mistake like falling asleep on her or not responding fast enough to her messages. It's not my fault she makes everything into an argument." Iwaizumi said, defending himself.
"It's not your fault, indeed. But she did try to understand you, Iwa-chan. She communicated how she felt and you-"
"Shut up, Oikawa. I'm tired of being invalidated. I'm tired of making excuses for even my smallest mistakes. I'm tired of not being heard." he said, cutting off Oikawa.
"If you had told me how you felt, then maybe I would've understood you better?" a familiar voice behind Iwaizumi suddenly said. "You never tell me anything, Haji."
Iwaizumi glared at Oikawa as he stood up to leave the two of you.
The silence was heavy. Iwaizumi still doesn't have the heart to face you. Everything is blurry. Even you feel something getting stuck in your throat.
"Hi, Haji." you say, breaking the silence as you sit next to him. "How've you been?" you asked.
"The usual. You?" he responded, closing his eyes and not looking up at you. This felt like a stab to your chest. You didn't expect him to be this cold, after all.
"Well, I've been reading. Uhm... A lot of reading. And you know, stuff." you manage to say, swallowing the lump in your throat. Stuff, what a way to avoid saying you've been crying every night after he broke up with you.
"Stuff, yeah I know." he scoffs.
Iwaizumi finally opens his eyes but he kept his head low. He caught a glimpse of your wrists and saw the bracelet you guys bought when you first started dating. He never thought you'd still wear something from so long ago.
Silence filled the entire court again. He didn't know what to say to you. He has pushed you away so many times. He doesn't understand why he can't seem to get rid of you.
"Why are you here, Y/N?" he finally asked, looking at you with somber eyes.
It hurt you. Him looking at you with those eyes. It hurt you because you still remember how he used to look at you with so much love.
"You know I'm not the type of person to walk away, Haj." you said, your fingers feeling every bead of your bracelet. "No matter how many attempts I made, how many break up scenarios I had in mind, you know I don't have the courage to leave you, Hajime. I love you so much, after all."
Love for you means going through everything, even the tiniest inconvenience that goes with it. And that's what you both promised at the start, too. To stay no matter how hard things get.
Iwaizumi stayed quiet.
"Heaven knows I'd choose the chaos of having you in my life than the solitude of being alone, Haj. I will choose to go through everything we went through over and over again if it means keeping you around." you added, choking up the tears that are threatening to come out.
"I'm tired, Y/N. You know I wouldn't give up so easily. You know that, right? I'm just so tired of our constant fighting, of the cycle our relationship is becoming." Iwaizumi said. He hasn't given you any other reasons aside from that- that everything is becoming a cycle.
"That's what I told you the last time, Hajime. I told you I was tired and we're arguing over the same thing over and over again. You begged, Haj. You begged me not to leave you." you started to cry, holding on to his arms.
"Call me unfair or whatever, Y/N. I don't want to be with you anymore. I'm tired. Please go. I don't want to talk anymore." he said, grabbing his arm back and standing up. "This is for the better."
"Why do you always avoid confrontations?" You still don't understand him. Why was it so easy for him to let you go? Why was it so easy for him to give up on you? "Do you even love me?" you feel nauseated. Never in a million years did you expect to ask him that question.
He looked at you with those same eyes again. "No. No, not anymore."
But if this is for the better, why do you feel so empty? If this is for the better, why are you hurting so much? If this is for the better, how does anyone even call this "better"?
"I'm really tired, Y/N. I can't do this anymore." Hajime said. And you can see it. The tiredness in his eyes, the anger and frustration he's feeling.
"I'm sorry. I'm really sorry, Haj."
"I'm sorry too, Y/N."
There's so much you want to tell him. So much you want to talk to him with. You miss him. You've missed him. But it already ended before you even knew it.
"I love you, Hajime. I always will. No matter what, I hope you know that you will always have me." you want to hold him, touch him, feel his warmth. "Please know that you haven't lost me."
"Thank you. I'm sorry." he apologized again.
"I love you, Hajime." you repeated but didn't hear a reply back.
You can't move forward, can't walk away. You didn't want to walk away, constantly looking back and hoping that he would run back to you.