Work Text:
11:06 P.M., Los Angeles (2:00 P.M., Manila)
You're exhausted. The moment you arrived in your (and Colet's - your roomate for the trip) hotel room, your whole body is screaming for you to just lie down and get that much-needed rest after enduring a 15-hour flight.
You told yourself to wait just a little bit longer because you know you'll be restless if you didn't shower and remove your make-up.
Half an hour later, you ironically found yourself just staring at the hotel room's ceiling - sleep now completely eluding you.
You heard Colet's deep breaths from the other bed, an indication that she's already fast asleep. You could only stare at her back in envy.
Sana all tulog na.
Another 15 minutes of tossing and turning, you found yourself giving up. So you decided to grab your phone from the side table and tried checking your BINI’s group chat for any unread messages.
♾️BINI IS LIFE♾️
🐼 9:32 P.M: Jho, Mikhs, Shee, we’ve safely arrived sa LA airport!! Just waiting for our shuttle bus na mag-dadala samin sa hotel. See you soon, girls and have a safe flight. 💖
🐣9:32 P.M: Yay! See you tomorrow, Ate Maloi!
🐱9:33 P.M: Hoy Jhoanna, bakit si Ate Maloi lang? 🙄
🐣9:33 P.M: Eto namang si Princess, tampo agad. Of course, lahat kayo excited ko na makita ulit! Kaya see youuuu bukaas!!
🦊9:34 P.M: Eww ang clingy niyo. Kakakita lang natin kahapon sa mass. ‘Di pa ba kayo nag-sasawa sa pagmumukha ng isa’t-isa?
🐺9:34 P.M: (2)
🐨9:34 P.M: (3)
🐰9:35 P.M: (4)
🐣9:35 P.M: Sorry na lang kayo Mikhs, Shee. In two hours, hindi niyo lang basta-basta makikita ‘tong mukha ko, pero makakasama niyo pa for the next 15-hours 😘
🐰9:36 P.M: not looking forward to it 🤢
🦊9:36 P.M: (2)
🐶9:37 P.M: Girls, tigilan niyo na ‘yan. Bunot niyo na naman si Jho.
🐶 9:37 P.M: Anyway, we have to go na Jho. Our sundo just arrived. Update us when you land, okay?
🐣9:38 P.M: Okay, Ate Aiah. Ingat din kayo. ❤
Those were the last messages that were sent from two hours ago.
Hmm, they should be at the airport by now.
Already sure that there weren’t any other messages from the group’s gc and from your family, you opened up the X app.
You can’t help but feel the love (and amusement) in reading some of the tweets from your feed. You silently chuckled when you saw a tweet saying “ganito pala ang feeling ng LDR 😭”.
You were aimlessly just scrolling through your timeline and noted that most of the blooms’ tweets are something along those lines of expressing longingness, whilst others were sending messages of good lucks and being proud as to what you and the girls have accomplished to date.
One other tweet caught your attention though - it was an eleven-second video of the bunso line being interviewed by Sir Mj Felipe whilst at the airport. You couldn’t help but let out a soft laugh when you heard Sheena’s answer.
If someone’s going to ask, you’re blaming twitter for auto-replaying the video for another minute or two as you unconsciously stare at the girl with the widest smile, wearing a black thick-framed glasses and a white hoodie.
You suddenly felt the drowsiness after seeing them safe and sound and all smiley during that interview. But before completely succumbing to sleep, you decided to send out a quick message to the group chat.
♾️BINI IS LIFE♾️
🐶1:08 A.M: Safe skies, girls. 💙
//
10:07 A.M., Los Angeles (1:07 A.M., Manila)
You were rudely woken up from your deep-slumber when you felt someone lighlty tapping your arm.
“Aiah. Hey, Aiahtot. Gising.”
“H-huh? What?”, you groggily watched Colet walked to dresser to get a hairbush and started combing her hair.
“Sorry, had to wake you up. The girls will come over sa room natin in a few minutes. We’ve seen each other in various states, pero si Direk Lauren kasi pupunta din. Baka lang gusto mo mag-ayos kahit kaunti?”
“Huh? Bakit daw?” You sat up and let out a yawn as you tried stretching out your back muscles.
“I guess, you haven’t seen the news yet.”
“What news?”, you asked as you stood up and slowly walked to your shared bathroom to wash your face.
“Si Jho-”, but before she can finish whatever she’s saying – a knock can be heard from your hotel room door.
“Sila na ata ‘yan. Go ahead, finish whatever you’re doing, and I’ll let them in.”
You nodded at her and closed the bathroom door. You can now hear the girls’ and Direk Lauren’s from the other side. You hurriedly finished up your morning routine so that you can start listening to whatever news they’re going to deliver that apparently involves Jho.
“Oh eto na pala si Aiah.”
“Morning, Direk. Morning girls. Sorry, just woke up a few minutes ago.”
“Napasarap ba tulog, Ate Aiah?”, Staku teased.
You let out a soft chuckle and just nodded at her.
“Good morning, Aiah. So ayun, as I was saying, pag-dating ni Mikha and Sheena, you girls need to do reblockings tomorrow. Your coaches, Mickey and Matthew will guide you through it.”
“Wait, Direk. Bakit po? I mean, bakit si Mikha and Sheena lang? Nasaan po si Jho?”, you asked, suddenly confused.
“Ay, Direk. Sorry po, nakalimutan kong sabihin na hindi pa alam ni Aiah ‘yung news about Jho”, Colet clarified.
“Ate Aiah, Jho will skip the Kcon”, Maloi butted in.
“Nag-send ng message si Tito Boyet kanina na biglang sumama ‘yung pakiramdam ni Jho so they decided not to let her go. Naka-confine siya ngayon sa hospital”, Staku sadly explained.
You grow even more confused because unless you must be dreaming, you literally saw Jho all smiles and getting interviewed by the media last night, “Pero nakita ko sa twitter na nasa airport na siya together with Mikhs and Shee?”
“Yes, Ate Aiah kasama pa ni Jho si Bebe and Mikhs when they decided na hindi patuluyin. I guess, you didn’t saw the other video na kumalat kagabi sa twitter?”, Gwen asked.
You shook your head, “No”.
“Ahh, mukhang mabilis ang blooms na mapa-delete yung vid.”
You can’t help but still be worried for Jho. You know that if she knows that she can make it, she will push through with this trip and perform even when she’s not feeling 100%. It’s just what makes Jho, Jho. Her backing out of this event, when she personally told you that she’s so excited just a couple of days ago, meant that whatever sickness she’s caught was really bad.
The worry that you’re feeling about the situation must have shown in your face because you suddenly heard Colet giving you some re-assurance, “Don’t worry, Aiah. Sabi naman nila Tito, okay na si Jho. It was nothing serious and parang over-fatigue daw sabi ng mga doktor. They’re just waiting for the results to confirm na wala talagang problema so that they can discharge her.”
You just nodded.
“Yes, Aiah. Don’t worry. I’m pretty sure makakahabol pa yang si Jhoanna sa Asap and Canada tour niyo. Okay, so now that it’s all cleared up, I guess, girls you have the free day today while we wait for Mikha and Sheena na dumating mamayang gabi. Maybe use this time today to decide who will step in and fill Jho’s parts sa song na i-peperform niyo bukas and as well as decide who will be the leader for now. And then tomorrow, as I’ve said, you can practice the reblockings. I’ll leave you guys to it, okay?”
“Okay po, thanks Direk.”
“Thank you, Direk. See you later po.”
//
10:18 P.M., Los Angeles (1:18 P.M., Manila)
“So it’s decided. Si Maloi muna ang mag-cover ng parts ni Jho and sa last chorus si Staks naman”, Colet summarized.
The girls (now with the addition of Sheena and Mikha) were once again in yours and Colet’s room trying to make the final decision in spreading out responsibilities in Jho’s absence. You don’t know when or where it started but whenvever the group had some gigs out of Manila, it's become a tradition for the girls to regroup and do the final checks in whatever room that has been specifically assigned to you. You asked Jho about this once and she only said, “it might just be me, pero siguro kasi you just naturally give us that sense of calmness which is what we need, before we feel that hecticness that always comes along during the day of our performance.”
“Buti na lang pala maiksi ‘tong, COT. Kaunti lang ‘yung paghahatian natin na parts in case na may isang member na ‘di makakasama”, Maloi said.
“Oo nga, Ate Maloi. At least, hindi tayo masyadong mahihirapan”, Gwen agreed.
“Agree. Also, naalala ko, sabi ni Direk, may short time tayo na allotted for a short spiel after the performance. How do we want to split it?”, Mikha asked.
“May napagsabihan ba si Jho kung may nagawa na siya?”, Colet questioned.
“She told me that we just need to do a short intro of ourselves and just tell the audience where to stream our songs”, you answered. “I can do Jho’s usual 2-3 at the start?”
“Okay, then I guess Mikhs, ikaw na sa second part?”, Colet asked.
“Sure, Ate-”, Mikha’s response was suddenly interrupted when a loud ringing can be heard from your phone. You felt six pairs of eyes turning at you as you checked who was calling you at this time.
“Si Jho”, you told them before accepting the video call and placed your phone in the middle of your bed. You let the girls took the empty space in the middle of your bed so that Jho can see all of you through your phone’s camera.
It was just a split-second but you caught the surprise in Jho’s face when she saw the presence of the other girls with you, “Hi girlsss!”
“Jho!!” “Ate Jho!!”
You let out a small smile as you heard Jho’s name excitedly being uttered by each of the girls as a form of greeting.
“Ate Jho, miss na kita!”, Sheena shouted.
Jho playfully rolled her eyes, “Asus, parang kahapon lang sinasabi niyo lang na sawa na kayo sa mukha ko eh”.
“Joke lang kasi ‘yun Jho, sineryoso mo naman kasi eh”, Staku said.
Jho scratched the back of her neck, her demeanor suddenly turning timid and shy, “Sorry na guys, hindi na talaga kinaya eh.”
“Ay bakit nag-sosorry? Ginusto mo ba ‘yan?”, Colet raised her eyebrows.
“Hindi, pero-”
“’Yun naman pala eh, kaya tigilan mo na ‘yang sorry sorry na ‘yan”, Colet interrupted.
“Tama si Col, Jho. Wala kang kasalanan. Sarili mo muna ang intinidihin mo at ‘wag muna kami”, Maloi said.
“At tsaka, hindi rin naman na bago sa ‘tin ‘yung ganitong last minute adjustments. Batak na batak na tayo sa ganito, Jho”, Gwen added.
“Yeah, we literally have just finished deciding our parts for our performance tomorrow bago ka tumawag”, Mikha said.
“Speaking of tawag, bakit si Ate Aiah lang ang tinawagan mo? At hindi ba dapat nagpapahinga ka? Asan sila Tita?”, Staku asked.
“Lumabas sila saglit para bumili ng pagkain. And okay naman na ako, wala na kong ginawa dito kung hindi matulog, kumain at matulog ulit. Parang nakakapagod din pala ‘pag puro tulog”, Jho explained.
“Wag mo naman i-flex na sobra-sobra ka na sa tulog. Awa na lang sa’min dito oh”, Sheena scoffed.
Jho lets out a soft chuckle, “Sorry, Shee pero totoo kasi.”
“And ‘yung sagot sa unang tanong ni Staks?”, Sheena playfully raised her eyebrows.
“Ahh”, you turned your eyes away from her but you can still feel her gaze now focusing on you, “na-feel ko lang talaga na nandyan kayo sa room ni Ai-Ate Aiah. ‘Di ba tradition na natin ‘yan before we perform for our events?” Jho’s slip-up made you return your gaze at her and you were slightly surprised to find her eyes still staring at you.
“Hmmkay”, Sheena reluctantly accepted Jho’s explanation, “Anyway, I think we need to back to our rooms na. Wala pa kaming masyadong pahinga nitong si Mikhs from the flight. Ang aga pa ng call time bukas.”
The other girls agreed and started fixing themselves up to go back to their rooms. One by one, the girls bid their farewell and started walking towards the door.
“Good night, Ate Aiah, Ate Colet. Oy Jho, pagaling ka d’yan okay?”
“Oo na Staks, ako pa ba?”, Jho answered.
As soon as the door was shut closed, you heard Jho softly whispering your name, "Aiah."
It's always been like that. Contrary to what the public (your fans, the management and maybe even the girls) know, Jho will drop the 'Ate' when it's just the two of you. It was you who insisted and when Jho asked the question as to why, all you can reply is, "It doesn't feel right."
"Ay may hihiramin pala ako kay Maloi. Balik din ako agad." You watched as Colet hurriedly tried to get out of the room but not before meeting your gaze, silently communicating that she's giving you the privacy and space that you and Jho need for this conversation. You nodded at her and mouthed a quick thank you.
Looks like Colet is more observant than you give her credit for.
"Hmm?"
"Look at me, please?
You can’t resist her for far too long so you let out a soft sigh and stared back at her through your phone's screen.
"You were silent kanina. Are you okay?"
You let out a soft laugh. Leave it to Jho to ask that question when she's the one confined in a hospital.
"I should be the one asking you that, Jho. Ikaw ang naka-hospital gown sa ating dalawa."
"Ehh kasiii", you saw her pouting through the screen that you can't help but wish that she's just within your physical reach and not thousands of miles away from you, "Tahimik ka lang naman kapag may malalim kang iniisip. I know you, Aiah. Nagiging nonchalant ka lang kapag may ino-overthink ka at madami nang pumapasok sa utak mo."
You shook your head, "You know me too much, Jho."
"And is that a bad thing?"
Is it? The sudden warmth that envelopes you at the thought of someone (especially Jho) knowing you like the back of their hand says otherwise.
"No. No, I guess not."
"So?"
"So, what?"
Jho lets out a soft sigh. "What are you thinking?"
"You."
There was a brief silence as you saw how Jho was momentarily caught off-guard by your response.
"I mean, I'm worried about you, Jho. Are you okay?
"I'm o-"
"Please tell me honestly. You can't lie to me as you did with the girls. If you know me too well, please know that it goes both ways. I know you too well, too and I would know when you're not telling the whole truth."
You saw Jho scratch the nape of her neck with her forefinger again, a sure sign that you've caught her red-handed, "Wala talaga akong kawala sa'yo noh?"
"Sorry, my dear. But you're stuck with me forever." You didn't intend for the double meaning behind those words. Or maybe you did?
And if Jho picked up the other meaning, she didn’t acknowledge it.
"Totoo naman talagang okay lang ako. It was really just the exhaustion and fatigue. I just need to eat more and stay hydrated. The doctors said that I'll be out of the hospital in no time."
"Okay... and what about your heart and mind?"
You saw Jho looked down and started playing with her fingers, "I'm disappointed sa sarili ko, Aiah. I've dreamt of this. Of sharing that international stage with you and the girls, tapos biglang mangyayari 'to. Masakit sa puso, kasi halos tatlong taon kong minanifest ‘to tapos ngayong andyan na, naging bato pa."
"Jho...", you softly uttered her name, "Jho, please look at me."
You could not have prepared yourself as to what you saw when Jho lifted her head and met your gaze. Because as soon as you saw those brown eyes, filling up with tears, you swear you feel your own heart breaking into tiny pieces.
"Please, don't be hard on yourself, Jho. These things happen and alam kong nilaban mo talaga na makatuloy dito. But our bodies have its own way of telling us to slow down."
"Pero-"
"What? Bakit kami din naman halos pagod din dahil pareho lang naman tayo ng schedules, hindi na-apektuhan?" Jho nodded.
"You need to stop comparing yourself to us, Jho. You're the leader, you're our leader. You have more responsibilities than the rest of us. Kung kami, wala nang iniisip after ng rehearsals. Ikaw hindi. Because I know, you're already thinking and preparing, not just for yourself but for the whole group, for the next day. And all of those things that you think are just ‘small’ that you're doing for us, which by the way in my opinion are not in any way small, nakikita ng girls 'yun. Nakikita ko 'yun."
You heard Jho's sniffles and watched her start wiping her tears. The suddden urge to envelope Jho in your arms became too strong, that for a moment you tear your gaze away. You really hate seeing her cry like this.
You looked at her again and noticed that the tears have stopped and so you continued, "And about sa international stint natin? There will be bigger and grander stages than this, Jho. I promise you, this is just the start and it won't definitely be the last. And I'm more than sure that you will be with us when that happens. And besides, sabi nga ng blooms natin, queen of manifestation ka. We just need to believe and manifest again, Jho."
You watched as the frown in her face get replaced by a genuine smile.
"I always wondered", she started, "How come you just know the right words to calm me down?"
"I don't know", you shrugged. "Baka it really goes both ways? You're always the person, my person, who can easily calm me down when I'm having one of those anxiety attacks."
You wanted to say that Jho doesn't even need to say comforting words, because her mere presence (and maybe holding your hand) can instantly give you that sense of peace. You've long since given up in your quest in finding the reason as to why that is when you couldn't find the right answer that you're looking for. Or maybe you did, but was just afraid to admit it.
"We make a pretty good pair, aren't we?"
"Yes, yes, we do."
For a moment, you let yourself sit in comfortable silence with Jho. Not until you saw her trying (and failing) to cover her yawns.
"Tinatawag ka na ng tulog, Jho. You need to rest."
"Kaya ko pang magising, Aiah", she pouted.
"Walang effect 'yang, pagpapa-baby mo" you playfully rolled your eyes, "you have to sleep, Jho. I know sabi mo na sobra ka na sa tulog but just think of it na the more sleep you can get, the sooner that you'll be here with us.” Here with me.
"Fine, sige na nga."
"I'll end the call na okay?"
"Huwag!"
"Why?"
"Please stay with me?", you couldn't resist those eyes. Or maybe you just don't want to.
"Okay. Sleep now, Jho."
"Good night, Aiah", she said as she slowly closed her eyes and started drifting off to sleep but not before saying those last words that made your heart skip a bit, “love you”.
You smiled, "Good night, Jho."
From the corner of your eye, you saw Colet silently entering your room again.
"She's okay?", Colet whispered.
"She is."