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Kaname was sweet to everyone.
Everyone knew this. Ryota also knew this, probably even more than anyone. Ryota had also known Kaname longer than anyone in their friend group. When his family relocated from Shizuoka to Tokyo when he was eight years old, Kaname was the first kid in the neighborhood that Ryota had met. It was a cliché story: his mother had brought him along with his two younger brothers to the playground in their neighborhood, and Kaname and his mother happened to arrive at the same time. While his mother was exchanging introductions with Kaname’s mother, Ryota was hiding behind his mother’s legs (he had always been shy towards strangers), peeking at the taller kid from under his bangs. And when his mother urged him to introduce himself, he stammered out his name, and felt a flush of embarrassment taking over his head. Kaname didn’t give any indication that he had notice Ryota’s nervousness and gave him a bright smile and introduced himself in return, the toothy kind of smile that had felt dazzling then to the young Ryota, and still felt dazzling now even when they had grown eight years older.
Perhaps it would have been the setting of a romcom if they had been the closest of friends while they were growing up, but reality always disappointed. Besides the occasional soccer matches at the playground when they were in elementary school, Ryota didn’t have many chances to grow closer to Kaname, and when he did, his shyness had prevented him from holding any long conversation with Kaname. Even though they had gone to the same elementary and junior high school, they never ended up in the same class, no matter how many wishes Ryota had made upon the stars twinkling in the summer night sky. Or perhaps the wishes needed to take six years to come true, because Ryota finally became Kaname’s classmate the year he entered high school.
It wasn’t that Ryota had a crush on Kaname ever since he was eight years old, he was too young to have held those kinds of feelings, but Kaname was kind, he cared for everyone around him, and carried a maturity that the other kids at their age distinctly lacked. These factors have made him the coolest kid in the neighborhood in Ryota’s eyes. Ryota had felt drawn to his presence and wanted to be friends with him more than anything. Somewhere along the line, those feelings had developed into something more as they entered the ages of exploring themselves and their identities, but it wasn’t until their second year of high school that Ryota finally had an inkling to what those feelings were.
Back in their third year of junior high school, Ryota’s classroom was two doors down from Kaname’s classroom. Kaname had volunteered to be his class representative (Ryota was too shy to do so, as one would have expected), and it was Kaname’s daily duty to bring his classmates’ notebooks to the teacher during breaktime. By a stroke of luck, Ryota had won the seat at the windows next to the hallway from the class seating lottery, and as Kaname did his daily duty, Ryota also formed the habit of staring out the windows during the breaktime.
Sometimes, when their eyes met, Kaname would greet him with a polite smile, “Hi Ryota,” and stoically out of nervousness, Ryota would greet him back, “Hey Kaname.” But such occurrences were rare, because Kaname’s attention was often occupied by his classmate Kazuto, who brought a cheerful and bright (and loud, Ryota would grudgingly think) energy with him every he went. Often, Ryota would look at Kaname approaching from afar, dropping his eyes to his textbook and pretending to read as Kaname walked by while carrying the stack of his classmates’ notebooks, Kazuto in tow chatting away. When Kaname walked back to his class, his hands free to animate the continuous conversation with Kazuto, Ryota’s gaze would linger on his back as it became smaller and further. In this imperfect setting, it was the most perfect distance between them. If their classes were next to each other, then Kaname would have passed by too quickly. If their classes were further apart, then Ryota probably would not have been able to see Kaname at all, since his classroom was next to the staircase that led to the teachers’ office.
“You know, you could just say hello, right? It’s one of the first words that you learned and one you will use many times for the rest of your life, so use it! Think of this as practice!” His best friend Takato, who sat in front of him, would often turn around to roll his eyes exasperatedly and nag at his cowardice.
If there was one good thing about junior high school, it was that he was able to befriend Takato (“It was mostly my own effort and doing, thank you very much!” Takato would say whenever Ryota expressed this sentiment). Takato had moved from Shonan to Tokyo with his family in the middle of the school year. On the first day of class, their homeroom teacher had assigned Takato the desk in front of Ryota and asked Ryota to show Takato around the school. Takato carried with him the warmth of the sun and the free spirit of the wind from the Shonan’s coast, and despite his shyness, Ryota found himself opening up and getting closer to Takato in no time. Takato was also annoyingly perceptive, and he had noticed Ryota’s little habit by the end of the month since he had transferred in.
“Ok spill, who is that kid from 3-1 and why are you obsessed with him?” Takato dropped the question one day when they were having lunch in the classroom.
“Wha-? Who-? What kid are you talking about? I’m not obsessed with anyone!” Ryota sputtered, feeling heat creeping up his face. He offered Takato an innocent smile, though it felt more like a grimace. He could see that Takato did not believe an ounce of his words.
“Ryochin, if you don’t tell me, I will introduce myself to him the next time he passes by.” Takato beamed, and despite the radiant energy his face was showing, Ryota felt the chill of a threat down the small of his back.
“Okay, okay. His name is Yoshizawa Kaname. We are, um, we live in the same neighborhood. We are childhood friends, sorta, I guess you can say that…” Ryota trailed off, then quickly added, “And I am not obsessed with him!!!”
“If you guys are childhood friends then why are you mooning at him every time he walks by instead of saying hi and, oh I don’t know, starting a conversation?” Takato continued his inquisition.
“I don’t moon at him!!” Ryota squeaked, “and um… I’m shy? You know me…”
“I know you’re full of shit,” Takato huffed and rolled his eyes. The next second, Ryota was facing the full force of Takato’s puppy eyes. “C’mon Ryochin, I thought we were best friends, would you not tell your best friends about yourself? I just want to know more about you and become closer to you.”
Under normal circumstances Ryota would have chosen to be stubbornly tight-lipped until the end, but that day, perhaps because it was the first time someone else had taken notice of his feelings that he had ended up confiding in Takato this puzzling drawn he felt towards Kaname, and his desire to get closer to him. Takato had offered to help, but Ryota made him swear to just leave things be instead. Takato begrudgingly agreed, though of course that would not stop him from making teasing comments towards Ryota for the rest of the school year.
This agreement between Takato and Ryota held up until the first day of high school.
When Ryota looked back at the last two years of high school, he wondered how time could have passed by so quickly, and yet he could also remember clearly all the emotions he had experienced, like the twinkling stars of the Milky Way shining through the dark swath of cosmic dust enveloping it. He could still feel the thundering of his heart when he walked into the classroom, the slight mortification at the sight of Takato striking up conversation with Kaname and simultaneously shooting a sly glance at him. Ryota wondered if Takato was the courage that he had somehow lost when he was young.
He reluctantly made his way to where Takato and Kaname were standing since Takato wouldn’t stop waving him to come over. He was keenly aware of the heat rising up his neck to his ears and how clammy his hands had become while clutching the straps of his backpack (much later, Takato told him that he looked like one of those baby kitten memes on the Internet, and successfully earned himself a kitten punch from an overheated Ryota while Kaname and Kazuto broke out in laughter).
“Hi Ryota,” Kaname smiled at him.
“Hey Kaname,” Ryota unconsciously raised his voice, and inwardly winced at how overly enthusiastic he had sounded.
At that moment, Kazuto entered the classroom. As soon as he spotted Kaname, he cheerfully called out to his friend and made his way over to where the three of them were standing. They exchanged introductions, and Ryota let Takato take over the conversation. Takato and Kazuto surprisingly hit it off well after they found out that they had both transferred into their old junior high school in the middle of the year. At lunchtime, Kazuto invited Takato and Ryota to eat together with him and Kaname. This was the beginning of their friendship.
When the last bell rang at the end of the day, the four of them walked together to the subway station. Takato and Kazuto did most of the talking, Kaname occasionally chimed in with commentaries while Ryota just laughed along and made reactions like he was on a TV variety show. The early April air still carried a little leftover frostiness from the previous winter. It felt refreshing, the gentle wind brushing away bits and pieces of the accumulated tiredness through the day. The air felt light and clear, but to Ryota, Kaname’s laughter was even lighter and clearer, as though they’re glass beads, each sound rolled into him one by one.
At the subway station, Takato said goodbye to the three of them and got on his subway train. Without Takato, they continued to make small talk, and Ryota found out that Kazuto would get off at an earlier stop, while he would get off at the same stop as Kaname. At one point, the conversation switched to an earlier discussion about fishing that Kaname and Kazuto were having, and not having much knowledge on fishing, Ryota fell silent and listened to the back and forth of Kazuto’s energetic voice and Kaname’s lower soothing voice.
Right before the subway train arrived, Kazuto excitedly told Kaname that he had found a funny video that he wanted to share with Kaname. The subway car was crowded when they got on and there was no room to move inward so they could only stand near the car doors. Kazuto gave Kaname one of the earbuds of his wired earphones, and they put their heads together to watch the video on Kazuto’s phone. Ryota stood next to them, eyes fixed on Kaname’s reflection on the opposite subway door, just for a moment, then the car they’re in exited the tunnel, and the orange sky with billowing candy cotton clouds filled his vision.
After Kazuto got off the subway at his stop, the subway felt even more silent than before, despite the crowd barely thinning. At the next stop, Ryota followed Kaname off the subway. He wasn’t sure what to say, it felt like he had a lot to say but simultaneously nothing at all, so they walked side by side on the familiar in silence. Ryota thought there was something funny about how this was their first time walking home together, despite their many years of going to the same schools.
When they walked by the konbini near the playground, Kaname suddenly turned to him and asked, “Hey, do you want to get ice cream?”
Without thinking, Ryota said yes. They entered the konbini and walked straight to the ice cream freezer. Kaname pushed the freezer door to the right and did a sidestep to allow Ryota to look at the ice cream selection. Ryota was grabbing the ice cream that he liked when he heard Kaname spoke,
“Do you still like matcha ice cream? I think they should be in the far corner of the freezer. Oh, you found it!”
Surprised, he dropped the ice cream bar and whipped his head to look at Kaname, who gave him a toothy grin back. Ryota looked back at the freezer and clumsily grabbed the matcha ice cream again, and then with the same hand, he also grabbed the ice cream in the section next to it. He turned to Kaname and handed him the ice cream.
“And you still like vanilla bar, right? Here you go.” Ryota gave Kaname a wide grin back. This time, it was Kaname’s turn to be surprised. His eyebrows shot up and his mouth slightly dropped. Ryota pushed down the thought that Kaname looked cute in his head.
“I can’t believe you still remember!” Kaname exclaimed.
“Well I can’t believe you remember either! Seriously, when was the last time we had ice cream together with the football group? Like seven years ago?” Ryota retorted back, the grin still on his face.
“Yeah, it has been a long time since then, hasn’t it?” Kaname gave him another smile, a gentler one this time, and Ryota felt his breath hitched in his throat. Thankfully, without waiting for a reply, Kaname continued, “C’mon, let’s go pay for these ice creams so we can commemorate our first day of school.”
Ryota exited the konbini and found Kaname already opened the ice cream while waiting for him to pay for his. He indicated for Ryota to do the same, and they resumed their journey, each with their favorite ice cream in hand. The silence between them felt more comfortable than before. Ryota indulgently bit into his ice cream and winced at the coldness hitting the root of his teeth. He enjoyed the slight bitterness of the matcha before the sweetness took over.
When they reached the familiar playground, where they would have to part way, Kaname turned to Ryota and grinned, “Happy first day of high school. Since we will be going-home buddies from now on, please take care of me.”
“Ah, l-likewise. Please take care of me.” Ryota stammered, face hot. Kaname gave him a little wave before turning into the playground to cross to the other side. He walked forward decisively and steadily without turning back. Ryota looked at his straight back for a moment and continued walking home in small quick steps, eventually broke into a run. He ran and ran and ran, feeling the cold early spring air seeped into his lungs, his heart pounded wildly. The burning sensation took over his chest and the muscles in his legs and thighs. When he reached home, he was breathing heavily, hair messy from being roughed up by the wind, his bangs stuck to his forehead due to sweat, but the corners of his lips couldn’t stop curling up to a smile.
Kaname was sweet to everyone.
Everyone knew this. Ryota also knew this better than anyone. He had witnessed it all, from when he was looking at Kaname from the outside of his world, of how he cared for others, of the kindness that his words and actions were rooted in, of the fairness with which he treated all of them with. Being a part of Kaname’s world as his classmate and friend allowed Ryota to not only witness closer and more clearly, but also experienced Kaname’s sweetness. On some occasions, his sweetness felt like cotton candy, light and sweet, and yet would melt away too quickly, and you couldn’t help but search for more. On other occasions, it was like honey, thick and saccharine, but you had to be careful, for even bees could drown in honey.
There was this one time Kazuto showed up to school with a cold. It was sometimes in the beginning of their second term, when the cold temperature had set in. He wore a white medical mask, his drooping eyelids gave him a sleepy look, and he didn’t have his usual alertness and energy. Ryota could see that Kaname was worried despite the constant reassurance from Kazuto. Kaname brought Kazuto to the school nurse’s office during lunch so he could get cold medicine and some rest, and he kept an eye on Kazuto for the rest of the classes. That day, Takato had stayed back for an afterschool activity, and without Kazuto’s usual energy, their walk to the subway station lost the usual rowdy atmosphere. On the subway, Ryota noticed that Kazuto was a little unsteady on his feet, his body swaying with the subway motion. At his stop, Kazuto said goodbye to the two of them and exited the subway car.
“Hey, I’m just going to follow him to make sure that he gets home okay.” Kaname turned to Ryota and said quickly, and without waiting for Ryota’s reply, he dashed out of the subway, bumping into an office worker who was getting on in the process. Ryota watched him apologizing profusely to the older man, then ran towards the exit that Kazuto had headed to. The subway doors closed just as Kaname’s back disappeared. This time, Ryota saw his reflection staring back at him. His hand unconsciously held the subway pole a little tighter.
The next morning, Ryota found Kaname waiting for him at the playground in their neighborhood. Ever since they walked home together on the first day of school, they had come to a tacit agreement to walk together to and from the subway station for school. Their daily morning routine went something like this: they would meet up at the playground to walk to the konbini together to grab a quick breakfast (they had even taken up the challenge of trying all the breads that were sold at the konbini during the first term; Ryota decided that his favorite was the chocolate bread stick while Kaname’s was the matcha bread). Usually, it was Ryota who would arrive at the playground first. He would sit on the swing and listen to music while waiting for Kaname. Sometimes, after Kaname arrived, they would sit on the swings for a little bit to enjoy the fresh morning air and the bustling sounds of nature and commuters together.
“Kaname, I’m so sorry! I overslept my alarm clock by ten minutes. Sorry, I should have texted you to let you know. Have you been waiting long?” He ran with his palms pressed against each other in an apology gesture to Kaname, who was sitting on the barriers in front of the swings, his long legs stretched out in front of him.
“No worries, I also just got here myself. I think this is the first time I’ve gotten here before you did, isn’t it? I got to experience what Ryochin normally do every morning, that’s not too bad, right?” Kaname smiled and reassured him. Ryota wasn’t sure if it was because Kaname happened to stand in the one spot where the sunlight was shining on, but he was positive that Kaname was sparkling. He swallowed nervously, feeling as though there was an air bubble floating from his chest and lodging itself in his throat.
“R-ight!” Ryota willed himself not to stutter. His eyes met Kaname’s briefly before he chose to focus on Kaname’s ears instead, hoping that his face didn’t look like how it felt – that it was actually on fire. “Um, should we go now? Would hate to be late for class haha…”
“Yeah, let’s go,” Kaname stood up from the barrier and smoothed out the wrinkles on his peacoat, but he made no attempt at moving. His eyes were locked on Ryota’s face, but he didn’t say anything either.
“W-What’s wrong?” Ryota tilted his head and looked up at Kaname through his bangs. He licked his lip nervously.
After a beat of silence, with a serious expression, Kaname finally said, “I want to apologize for not being able to walk back with you yesterday. I just wanted to make sure that Kazuto get home safely since he was running a fever.”
“Oh, no no, I understand, I could tell that Kazuto wasn’t feeling well on the subway. Thankfully you’re quicker on your feet than me,” Ryota replied quickly. The earlier air bubble seemingly had burst, and it was the first time he felt a taste of bitterness spreading and coating his throat with its ugliness. He awkwardly laughed and gave Kaname a light punch in his arm. “You don’t have to feel sorry about it. I’m not a girl you know, I can make it home okay by myself.”
“It doesn’t matter if you were a girl or not. I just…” Kaname trailed off with a furrow in his brows which disappeared as quickly as it had appeared, and then he light-heartedly punched Ryota’s arm back. “But you are pretty weak though, so I was worried you’d get picked on.”
“Hey!! You take that back!!” Ryota tried to give Kaname another punch on his arm, but Kaname had already moved out of the way, causing Ryota to stumble forward towards the barriers. Kaname grabbed Ryota’s arm and pulled him back, all the while laughing his head off. The serious atmosphere between them dissipated.
Ryota felt a change occurred in him after that day. He noticed that he had become more aware of Kaname’s actions towards Kazuto and other people more than ever, but mostly Kazuto. This obsession troubled him. He didn’t know what to make of it. He wondered how other people would think of it, and whether Kaname would be creeped out by it. Ryota wanted to ask Takato for his opinions, but at that time, Takato was busy with his afterschool club. He had joined a Pokémon Hunting club, and he became preoccupied with impressing the chair of the club, an upperclassman named Muto Jun. So Ryota often found himself having lunch with only Kaname and Kazuto, since Takato would take off to the upperclassmen’s building as soon as the lunch bell rang.
Ryota used to look forward to lunch with his friends, but now he felt too self-conscious, too aware of his own skin and the way he would linger on Kaname’s face, the way his eyes would track the motions of Kaname’s hands, and how bothered and unpleasant he would feel when Kaname’s hands would interact with Kazuto. It wasn’t normal, he knew it wasn’t normal, but he wasn’t sure how to stop it. He ended up being more withdrawn, and he thought that Kaname had noticed it too. He could feel Kaname’s gaze on him sometimes when they walked together either before or after school, the unspoken question hung in the air, and he would hold his breath, thinking that the time to talk about it would come, but then Kaname would look away and they continued their daily routine like everything was fine.
It took all the way to the summer holidays for Ryota to finally realize what the change in his feelings meant, after carrying the weight of it for six long months.
It was a humid summer night. Occasionally, a breeze would pick up, but it would disappear just as fast as it had appeared, doing nothing to dispel the mugginess that hung in the air. Ryota once again found himself walking towards Kaname at the playground. They had agreed to meet up there so they could take the train to Kazuto’s neighborhood for the Tanabata festival. He could feel the beads of sweat already forming on his forehead, his white oversize t-shirt starting to cling to his body uncomfortably. Kaname was once again leaning against the barrier in front of the playground. He was also wearing a loose white T-shirt, hands tucked in the pockets of his black sweatpants. Takato had proposed to wear yukata to the festival, but everyone had vetoed it, much to Takato’s chagrin. Ryota suddenly felt like they were presenting a harmonious picture with their white shirts and black pants.
Kaname was staring at the ground in front of him, deep in thought. When Ryota got closer to him, he finally looked up, his eyes forming two crescent moons, and he gave Ryota a bright toothy smile. “ Hi Ryochin.”
“Hey Kaname,” Ryota smiled back, trying to ignore how his heart felt like it had missed a beat. He wasn’t sure why he was feeling nervous. His fingers couldn’t help but play with the hem of his shirt.
They chatted about their summer plans on the way to the train station. Ryota didn’t have many plans besides going to his grandparents’ house in Shizuoka, where they would celebrate his birthday and then he would spend the next two weeks lazing around on the sofa under the hardworking air conditioner while playing video games. Perhaps his mother would call and nag at him and his brothers to help his grandparents with their gardening. Kaname, on the other hand, had planned to do a lot of traveling and active activities. He particularly got excited when talking about his fishing trips. Ryota watched the crescent moons never leaving Kaname’s face, his hands animatedly moving through the air.
“Yeah, my family usually goes on fishing trips three or four times in the summer. Each time, we tell each other we are only doing it for fun, but somehow it always ended up being a competition.” Kaname laughed, his laughter once again fell out like glass beads, clear and bright, the humidity couldn’t dampen its vibrancy.
“Have you won a lot then?” Ryota smiled at him, imagining Kaname having fun with his family on a fishing trip. He was sure that Kaname would spend the entire trip laughing like this. He started wishing that he could experience the fishing trip too, despite active activities not being his thing.
“Usually my sister would win because she’s a monster at fishing. But there was one time I won last year, and she was super pissed about it, so it felt even better.” Kaname laughed again, and Ryota couldn’t help but smile. “Ah, Kazuto also got angry too since he placed last. It was super funny to see him blame his fishing rod for his losing.”
Ryota felt his face froze, and despite the smile etching on his face, he didn’t feel like smiling anymore. “Oh… I didn’t know that Kazuto also go on fishing trips with your family.”
“That was the only time actually,” Kaname was now wearing a secretive smile. “I forgot to mention, we were at Zauo Shibuya. You know the restaurant where you could fish indoors, and they’ll cook the fish that you caught? Kazuto wanted to go for a while now so he tagged along when he found out that we were going.”
“Ah, I see…” Ryota didn’t know how to continue the conversation. He felt the stone at the base of his throat coming back again. Maybe he should go to the doctor and get it checked out, he hazily thought. Before Kaname could say anything else, the subway train had arrived at the station, and without so much of a word, they both got on in contemplative silence.
Kazuto met them at the station, unusually excited, or perhaps it was nervousness, or both. Ryota didn’t have the mind to analyze his actions. They made their way to the park by simply following the stream of people leaving the station, some in yukata and some not. Takato and the upperclassman from his club, Jun, were already waiting for them at the park’s entrance. After a round of introduction, they headed towards the center of the park, where the festivities were taking place, though they ended up not being able to stay together for long, as Takato and Jun immediately had taken off together citing something about “gym takeover” and “battle”. Kazuto, too, had sprinted towards his friends, whom Ryota recognized to also be students from their school, though before he went, he turned to Kaname and gave him a nod, to which Kaname nodded back.
“What was that about?” Ryota asked.
Kaname smiled at him but didn’t answer. Then, he said, “Should we go play some games?”
So they walked together over to the game stalls, though due to the crowd, Ryota ended up walking just an arm’s length behind Kaname. He stared at the wide shoulders of the boy before him, at the straight line from his neck down to his back, upright, the most perfect form, at the ease with which he carried himself, confident strides, walking through the crowd as if he didn’t belong to this world, and nothing material could touch him. Ryota swallowed, hand reaching out to tug on Kaname’s sleeve. Kaname turned back to him with a smile, “What’s up?”
Ryota stared back at him, feeling heat creeping up to his ears yet again. “A-ah which game are we going to first?”
“I was thinking ball toss, but if there’s something else you want to do then let’s do it first,” Kaname said and cocked his head in the direction of the ball toss game. There were a couple of people standing in front of the stall already.
“No no that’s perfect! I want to play! Let’s go before more people line up!” Ryota said and hurriedly walked past Kaname towards the stall. He scolded himself mentally for take such an impulsive action.
Luckily for them, when they reached the ball toss stall, the people before them had just finished playing and were collecting their prizes. After they left, Ryota gingerly stepped into their place, Kaname came up to stand next to him. The worker at the stall told them instructions for the game, then Ryota paid him the fee for the game, and the worker gave him ten balls in turn. Ryota quickly forgot about his mental conundrum and became fully immersed in the game. However, despite his enthusiasm, he ended up not being very good at the game, which only fueled his competitiveness.
After three rounds of failing to get the biggest prize, Ryota finally gave up. The worker at the stall smiled brightly at him while handing him a pack of candies as consolation prize, kindly(?) explaining to him that they’re mystery flavors. Ryota thanked the staff and turned to Kaname, only to discover that there was no one next to him. His stomach dropped, and he turned the other way to see Kaname walking towards him, seemingly coming from another game stall.
“I’m so sorry!” Ryota rushed out the words when Kaname came near him. “You wanted to play this game and yet I-“
“Hey, Ryochin, it’s okay.” Kaname said, he placed his hand on Ryota’s back and patted him assuredly. “There was another game that I wanted to play as well so I took the chance to play it in the meantime. Don’t worry, you did nothing wrong. We’re here to have fun, right?”
Ryota still felt bad despite Kaname’s assurance, so he opened up his candy bag and offered it towards Kaname as an apology gesture. Kaname smiled and took a wrapped candy from the bag, and Ryota took one as well. As soon as he popped the candy into his mouth, he was met with a sourness that almost felt paralyzing. Ryota scrunched his face and felt tears swelled in his eyes.
“What’s wrong?” Kaname asked, also with a candy in his mouth, concerned.
“It’s so sour!!!” Ryota said, though it was almost like a yell. “How are you able to eat it!”
“Oh? Mine is sweet though?” Kaname said.
“AH! That’s right!! These are mystery flavored candies!!” Ryota cried, still with a high-pitched voice, still suffering from the extreme sourness. “Ahhh I’m so unlucky!!!”
Kaname burst out of laughter, eyes crinkling up to become crescent moons, his laughter was low, throaty, and warm. For a moment, Ryota forgot about the sour candy still causing havoc to his nerves, and stared at the sight of Kaname, feeling a stream of sweetness pouring into his heart, like sugar falling into a glass canister, endless white crystals slowly filling up to the top. Without awareness, the corners of his lips curled up into a smile too.
After Kaname finished laughing and offered consolation to Ryota’s bad luck, he paid the stall worker the fee to play the game. Unlike Ryota, Kaname was surprisingly good at the ball toss game, and Ryota could only watch him, partly envious, partly in awe, as he kept on hitting the target. Though as good as Kaname was, it ended up taking him four tries to hit all ten targets and won the grand prize. The stall worker handed Kaname the winning prize – a big teddy bear that was almost as tall as Ryota - without the eagerness with which he had given Ryota the bag of candies. Ryota pursed his lips at the worker then turned to Kaname; he was about to ask him if he could play with the big bear for a bit when he heard Kazuto’s voice.
“Kaname! You did it!” Kazuto was running towards them with a big smile on his face. He practically threw himself on Kaname, his face squished in the bear’s stomach, and Kaname stumbled backwards a few steps, hands still holding onto the bear. He threw his head back with laughter, and this time Ryota didn’t feel the warmth like before. Instead, he felt his heart squeezed, just a bit of a sting, and he looked down to his chest as he put a hand on his heart, feeling the steady beat against his palm.
“I told you that I would and yet you still doubt me? I’m hurt!” Kaname said, though the smile etched deeply on his face showed that he was only joking. He held out the teddy bear to Kazuto and the other boy put his arms around it and took it from Kaname’s hands.
“Thank you so much! I have to go now since the fireworks are almost starting! If I successfully confess to Mitsuki-senpai then I’ll treat you to sushi!!!” Kazuto excitedly said then turned to run towards his other group of friends, teddy bear in tow.
Ryota looked at Kaname looking at Kazuto’s figure becoming smaller and smaller, his smile had waned a bit from before. He felt a flare of anger in his head, and his heart started beating quicker than before. He thought about how concentrated Kaname had been when he was playing the game, the disappointment on his face when he missed the target as well as the joy on his face when he won. He knew Kaname was sweet, and kind-hearted, and he would have done this for any of his friends. But if it was Ryota in Kazuto’s shoes, if it was him…
“Ryochin,” Kaname’s voice jolted him out of his thoughts. He lifted his eyes to look at the taller boy and saw that Kaname was smiling again and at him this time. His eyes seemed to twinkle with all the stars in the sky.
“What is it?”
“It’s too bad that you’re going away for your birthday.” Kaname pouted his lips, and Ryota felt his heart started to race again, the anger already dissipated like smoke into the sky. Kaname slightly bent forward, closing the distance between their heads. Ryota felt like he was forgetting how to breathe when Kaname held his free hand and pulled it toward him, palm up. Then, Kaname took out his other hand from his pocket and dropped a black cat plushy with a keychain attached into Ryota’s hand. “This is an early birthday present from me. I hope you’ll like it. Happy birthday Ryota!”
Ryota stared wide-eyed at the plushy keychain in his hand, its black fur felt soft against his skin. He lifted his head and looked into Kaname’s eyes to see himself reflected there. Perhaps it was due to the surprised look on Ryota’s face, Kaname laughed and brought his hand up to Ryota’s head and ruffled his hair, which only caused Ryota to blush further.
“Ah! Thank you Kaname, I love it! It’s so cute! When did you get this?” Ryota finally remembered his words.
“I noticed it at the ring toss stall and thought you would like it since it’s a black cat. It’s cute, isn’t it?”
At that moment, it suddenly hit Ryota that the feeling that bloomed in his chest and growing rapidly to cover every inch of his body, was his crush on Kaname. That was why his face was burning up, along with the lightheadedness he felt drunk, his heart beating wildly in his chest, and he felt aware of every open pore on his body, of the sweats that clung to his skin. But more than anything, he was aware of Kaname’s special existence to him, and the ways Kaname had affected and could affect his feelings. Of course he would fall for Kaname, who was so sweet, so kind, so thoughtful, and who took care of everyone around him to the best that he could. Who wouldn’t?
A face came into his mind and Ryota frowned, looking down at the black cat plushy in his hand again.
“Ryota? What’s wrong?” Kaname asked, eyes showing concern.
“Ah-” Ryota jolted out of his thoughts and reflexively opened his other hand. The bag of mystery flavor candies slipped from his hand and fell to the ground. He looked down to see the wrapped candies scattered on the ground and instinctively squatted down to pick up the candies with his free hand, his other holding his present – a sudden happiness - tightly. As he started picking up the fallen candies and putting them in the bag one by one, he heard the telltale whistle and subsequent thundering of fireworks and he saw the skies lit up from the corner of his eyes.
In front of him, Kaname was also squatting and picking up the candies on his behalf. With a palm full of candies, Kaname lifted his head and locked eyes with Ryota. Ryota could see the bright dazzling flowers blooming in the sky reflected in Kaname’s clear eyes. His throat went dry, and he looked down to the ground again, fingers grabbing the nearest candy on the ground.
“Ryota,” He heard Kaname’s voice again, and he did not know whether it was due to his current mood, but something felt different about Kaname’s tone.
He felt a resolve form in his chest and looked up into Kaname’s eyes again.
“Kaname, I…”
Ryota squeezed the candy inside his hand, wondering what flavor of candy he had chosen this time.
He heard the whistle of the firework again and sent his wishes to the sky with it.
Please don’t let it be sour candy this time.