Work Text:
“I figured I’d find you here.”
Sister Daniel jumps slightly when a robed figure sits on the bench next to her, startling her out of her tears.
“Philip,” she says, meeting Father Philip’s eyes. Her eyes are red-rimmed and her face tear-stained, but to Philip, they’ve never looked more beautiful than in this moment. “How did you know?”
Phil smiles softly, taking the sister’s hand in his own. “You isolate yourself, Daniel, when you feel like your thoughts are too big for your own mind—where else would you go besides a garden that you have to hike to?” He speaks with a joking tone, but they both know Philip is only half kidding.
The garden they’re currently in is at the very edge of the property, about a ten minute walk from the main buildings. Secretly, Philip is pretty impressed that the sister was able to make it out here alright. The path isn’t paved, and the standard issue shoes aren’t exactly forgiving while walking long distances.
“What brings you out here, Daniel?” Philip asks softly, squeezing their hand in gentle encouragement. He knows that Daniel sometimes needs that push to get going, the permission to expose their thoughts to the world, and he’s happy to provide that push.
After a beat of silence with no response, Philip looks towards his partner, finding them boring holes into the dirt beneath her feet like the pebbles wronged her in previous lives. Philip squeezes Daniel’s hand once more, and rubs his thumb ever so gently across the base of Daniel’s thumb. He watches as Daniel’s eyes begin to well up with tears once more, and she makes a few aborted attempts at speaking before she’s finally able to get the words out.
“How can I even be loved, Phil?” Daniel finally gets out, choking on sobs, and oh, Philip feels his heart shatter into tiny pieces at that. He’s about to open his mouth to reply, to let Daniel know that of course they are capable of being loved—but Daniel keeps going, unable to stop the flow of words alongside her tears.
“How can I be loved when I’m so different from everyone? I know the way the other sisters talk about me when I’m not listening, how they gossip about how I’m not like them. They’re smart enough to not do it in front of me, but I know exactly what they’re saying, Phil!” Daniel says all of this in one breath, sobbing all the while, and Philip has learned that it’s best to let Daniel say what she has to say before he interjects.
So, he waits, and eventually, Daniel catches their breath once more.
“Sometimes I wish they’d say it to my face, Phil. I wish that they would tell me exactly why I don’t belong, how being aligned with something doesn’t mean that I am that thing. At least then they’d be acknowledging my gender and how the ‘Creator would never create someone’ like me.
“And you know what the most fucked up part is?” Daniel asks, and Philip does his best to school his features into a neutral expression—they’ve been together for some time now, but he doesn’t think he’ll ever fully get used to Daniel swearing so openly in front of him.
“I believe it, Phil. I agree with them!” Daniel laughs sardonically. “Like, I get it! I know I don’t fucking belong here! I feel like I’m playing the world’s most intense game of charades, and if I lose the game, I lose literally the only two good things in my life.” She’s full on heaving with sobs now, hiccups punctuating every other word. “And I can’t lose you, Phil. I can’t. I’ll be damned if the Creator doesn’t like m—”
Daniel’s cut short by Philip placing the hand not currently in Daniel’s hand over their mouth.
“Dan, please,” Philip says, and is surprised at how gruff his voice sounds. “If I lower my hand, will you please not say anything like that?” He asks, and Daniel nods in response.
He lowers his hand down slowly, and for the first time since Daniel began speaking, they lock eyes. Daniel’s honey-brown eyes look at him in earnest, and when Philip looks deeply, he can see Daniel seeking comfort in Philip’s own eyes, and just beyond this search, a vulnerability stripped so bare that Philip feels he needs to avert his eyes.
“First of all, and I know you’re going to argue with me on this, and I won’t listen,” he says, watching as Daniel’s mouth opens and closes wordlessly, clearly not having anticipated Philip predicting his next action. “You are worthy, Dan. If I know anything about the Creator, I know that they made us all in their image. How could they make something so beautiful, yet regret what they have created at the same time? The Creator loves you, Dan, wholly and unabashedly,” Philip’s words come out in a flurry, like he needs to get them out before he’s too overcome with emotion to speak.
Daniel looks like she wants to say more, but Philip shakes his head.
“Secondly, when the other sisters gossip about you? They’re jealous, Dan. They are jealous of how secure you are in yourself, of the confidence that emanates out of you. They see you carry yourself with such assurance, and they wish they could do the same. Even I—” Phil cuts himself off abruptly, right before he reveals something about himself that he hasn’t told Daniel yet.
“Phil?” Daniel asks after a moment, the silence having hung heavy in the air between them.
“I noticed it too,” Philip whispers, feeling like he is the one doing the confessing for once. “I noticed it as soon as you stepped into the same room, Dan. It felt like I was being drawn to you by some divine force—like the Creator themselves was bringing me towards you.”
Philip’s eyes are overflowing with tears at this point, clouding his vision and making everything a soft haze. He can’t find it in himself to break eye contact with Daniel, who, despite her own tears beginning to fall once more, holds Philip’s eyes unwaveringly.
Philip continues. “I loved you from the moment I saw you, Daniel Howell. It’s not something I have to try at or think about. Loving you comes as easily to me as loving the Creator. It flows through me naturally, and guides my every thought and action.”
Philip lets go of Daniel’s hand in order to cup their face with his palms, and gently brushes his thumb against her dainty freckles.
“I love you, Daniel, and I always will. I love you for who you are, exactly the way you were created. There is no possible way that someone or something as beautiful as you, Dan, could be wrong.” Though Philip is crying now, his voice has never sounded so authoritative or sure about anything.
He speaks clearly, the words flowing out of Philip like he planned them, but frankly, Philip couldn’t have written something so perfect if he had tried. While he meant every word of his speech to Daniel, it was as if the words came directly from his heart, rather than being filtered through his brain first. Philip knows at this moment that the Creator is giving him the strength to say what would have otherwise gone unsaid, and he says a silent thank you. Everything he wanted to say to Daniel was under the surface, but having that boost of strength made all the difference.
Philip can see the difference, too, in the way Daniel’s eyes begin to glimmer with the sensation that comes with being loved undoubtedly and irrevocably. His eyes flutter closed as Daniel places a gentle kiss to his lips, and Philip knows that she’s being brave, too.
The kiss is nothing more than a soft press of lips, but to Philip, it is one of the most meaningful moments of his life. It’s a kiss that empowers them, that lets them love one another more purely than two beings have ever loved. Philip has never felt such an outpouring of love, and he feels it surround the two of them, protecting them from whatever harm may threaten to befall them. It is as if Daniel and Philip could take on the world together, never having to fear what may happen.
Daniel is the first to break the kiss, and rests her forehead against Philip’s delicately, like they’re afraid of disrupting the aura currently enveloping the couple.
“Do you feel it too, Phil?” Daniel asks softly.
It may seem out of the blue, but Philip doesn’t have to ask what she’s talking about, for he already knows.
“Yeah, Dan,” Philip breathes, “I feel it too.”