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“in the depth of winter, i finally learned that within me there lay an invincible summer.”
-albert camus
It feels right out of Finn’s nightmares.
He’s dreamt this before, being dragged through the stainless, shining gray corridors twining through the Finalizer, a precisely ordered map. Life at the Resistance was chaos, but it was beautiful disorganization. Everything in the First Order is conducted in straight, clear-cut lines. It makes Finn want to throw up.
He’d never been in a cell on the Finalizer before. The walls aren’t quite as stainless for reasons Finn doesn’t want to think about, a little rougher and more worn. The floor is scuffed.
The cell door is opened and Finn tries to swallow his nausea as Captain Phasma, the face that haunts so many of his dreams, enters.
She tilts her head at him.
“I hoped you’d find your way back home.”
“This place was never home.” He’d meant to play it cool, like Poe would have done, or maybe Rey. He can’t help himself from lashing out, tasting the bitter anger on his tongue.
“This world is the only home you ever knew.” Phasma stalks right up to him. “Kylo Ren wanted to take care of you personally, you know. Extract what you knew about the Rebellion.”
Finn can’t help the full body shudder that electrifies him at the thought.
“I told him I wanted to deal with you personally.” She circles him like a predator. “You’re the only defector I’ve ever had, FN-2187.”
“Finn.”
She strikes him and he staggers back.
“Your designation,” Phasma snarls. “Is FN-2187. In time you will remember that.”
Finn wipes his bottom lip of blood. “Well? What are you going to do to me?”
She’s quiet for a moment and even though Finn can’t see her face, he could swear that she’s smiling, can feel it emanating off her in waves.
She turns on her heel and she leaves. The door slides shut behind her.
Finn studies the cycle of the three days he’s been locked away carefully. His talent was never in observation (he was always best at knowledge retention), but the pattern isn’t hard to see. Twice a day, food is delivered. It is enough to keep him sustained. It is not even the portion size of rations they were given as stormtroopers. He does not get to see the deliverers. The food is pushed in through a slot in the door.
He thought they’d try and worm the information about the Resistance out of him first. He was wrong. Phasma wants to break him. She wants to wear him down until there is nothing of him left, until it is easy to turn him back into FN-2187 and take the information when he is willing to give it.
When he realizes, he throws up. When he wakes up in what he thinks must be morning, it’s gone. He’s surprised. He thought she’d want him to wallow in his own filth.
Finn can’t go to reprogramming.
The First Order specializes in ways to break people. He remembers seeing troopers who’d had the slightest waver, a hesitant touch of deviation, come back from reprogramming with nothing left in their eyes. They’ll remold him and take everything they need about the Resistance out of him, and that is unacceptable.
Quietly, Finn starts to plan.
Stormtroopers were instilled with a good head for time. It was vital in preparation for battle. So Finn can confidently say he’s been imprisoned for two weeks when during his daily pushups he sees something that wasn’t there before.
He’s surprised it’s taken this long, honestly. Two weeks of food and water deprivation will do that to a person.
“You know,” he says when he has breaths in between the pushups. “I’m regretting not taking you up on the flying lessons.”
Poe grins at him from where he’s leaning against the wall. “‘I’ll be just fine, Poe.’ ‘What do I need to know basic flying things for, Poe?’ ‘I have no interest in benefiting from your amazingness, Poe?’“
“I’m fairly confident I didn’t say all of that.”
“You’re hallucinating me, what do you know?”
“Fair enough.” Finn stands, wincing at the ache in his body. “You’re wearing my jacket.”
“It was mine first.”
“Mine now.”
“You don't have anything, you’re in a cell.”
Finn stumbles over to the opposite wall to lean his back against it. “You know, you’re a lot snarkier than real Poe.”
“I’m the part of your brain that’s doubtful of our survival chances. I have every right to be snarky.”
“You’d think you’d be Rey, in that case.”
“Completely different situation. You have the hope of contacting her.”
“Good point.”
“Also if you don’t want your hallucinations of friends to be snarky at you, don’t crash your ships on desert planets so they think you’re dead.”
Finn rolls his eyes as he turns around and starts doing wall pushups.
Finn sets apart half of his waking day for training. The other half is spent lying in the middle of the floor. He lets his palms rest upwards, makes sure his body is relaxed. He squeezes his eyes shut.
“Rey,” he’ll mutter. No response. “Rey. Rey.”
Poe is always quiet then. Finn appreciates it.
He keeps having nightmares of Phasma molding him back into a perfect stormtrooper. He wakes every time screaming.
Finn is balancing on one foot with his eyes closed when he hears BB-8’s whistle. BB-8 shows up every once in a while, usually to signal Poe’s arrival.
“What’s the point of that?” Poe asks, arms folded as he circles Finn.
“What’s the point of anything, really?” Finn asks philosophically. He’d been doing a lot of reading when he was still at the Resistance.
“Why this in particular?”
“Honestly, I’m getting bored.” His ankle tremors slightly and it’s enough that he goes tumbling down, cursing. He leans against the wall.
“Hey, don’t worry about it, buddy.” Poe clasps him on the shoulder, and it’s not solid enough to be reassuring, but there’s a phantom brush of confidence that makes him feel slightly better. “You’re doing just fine.”
BB-8 chirrups in agreement.
One morning (he assumes) a month in, Finn wakes up from where he’s curled up on the floor to see Kylo Ren’s mask gazing at him.
“Son of a bitch!” Poe snarls, jumping up in the corner of Finn’s eye. All of Finn’s agitation seems to be relegated to Poe, which honestly works for him. Finn feels a strange, calm detachment.
“Have you decided Phasma isn’t doing the trick?” he rasps at him, voice still carrying traces of sleep.
“No.” Ren’s crouching down, mask tilted slightly. “We know you’ve been maintaining exercise.”
Finn’s not surprised. It would be foolish to assume that the cells wouldn’t be bugged.
“You’re not going to escape.”
Finn doesn’t answer.
“Why are you the only one to defect? What makes you so special?”
“Nothing.”
“There must be something. Something the Order did wrong. It can’t have been in your nature all along. Natures change.”
Finn considers the hint of desperation in Ren’s voice.
“Don’t say it, Finn.” Poe’s pacing around the cell anxiously. “Don’t get us killed.”
“Your mother misses you,” Finn tells Ren with the same calm detachment. Poe groans and thunks his head into the wall.
Ren stands up like he’s been electrocuted and Finn idly wonders if he’s going to be killed. But he’s not. Ren just throws the door open with a wave of his hand and stalks out, slamming it behind him.
Finn closes his eyes once more.
“You look good,” Poe tells Finn when he idly wonders how his body has changed since he started training.
“How would you know?” The pushups had gotten easier, so he’s extending the amount of time he does them for. “You’re in my head, you can’t see me.”
“Take the compliment, Finn.”
It’s been a month and a half and Finn still hasn’t been able to talk to Rey.
He refuses to give up hope.
He wakes up, sweaty and screaming, after Phasma stalked him through a snowy forest.
“Finn.” Poe’s holding his head. “You gotta fight it, buddy. You’re stronger than this. You can handle this.”
“You’re not even the real Poe,” Finn gasps, struggling to control his breathing. “You don’t even know.”
“You’re right,” he answers. “Right now, I’m better than the real Poe. Right now, I’m the Poe that’s part of your brain that believes in you, and is telling the rest of you to do it too. And you know he’d say the same.”
Finn closes his eyes and eventually slows his breathing.
“You’re not better than the real Poe,” he says finally, opening his eyes. “The real Poe wouldn’t be such a downer.”
Poe grins. “That’s the spirit, buddy.”
It’s been two months and one week and he hasn’t talked to Rey.
Finn can feel the frustration building. He’s tried everything. He’s breathed deep. He’s tried to clear his mind, tried to make himself relax-
and that’s when he realizes he’s been going about it entirely the wrong way.
You can’t force yourself to relax. It’s never worked like that, not once in the history of the galaxy.
So he doesn’t squeeze his eyes tight, but he lets them drift shut. He thinks about when Rey would talk to him over hologram, glitchy and blue and laughing. He thinks about when she clung to him on Starkiller Base, like she’d bottled up all of her hugs and let them loose in one tumultuous go. He thinks about the amused look on Han’s face when he told Finn that women always find out the truth. He thinks about the delight on Poe’s face when he realized that he was alive.
His fingers slowly fall to the ground. Every muscle relaxes and sinks into the floor.
“Rey,” he breathes out gently.
And just like that, something clicks in his brain.
Finn? he hears distantly, as though it’s from far away. He follows the thin beacon of light that is his name with his own thoughts.
Rey.
Finn!
He smiles. There you are.
There I am? Finn, we thought you were dead!
He feels so giddy he’s having a hard time keeping the smile on his face serene for the cameras he knows are watching. Understandable.
Where the hell- hang on, I need to get Poe and the General and Luke-
You’re back?
I came back when you died, just hang on, don’t go anywhere, okay, please?
I promise.
“You did it, buddy,” Poe murmurs from next to him. Finn allows his smile to widen slightly.
I’m back, okay, the General wants to know where you are.
I’m on board the Finalizer. This is Kylo Ren and General Hux’s ship. It’s where Poe was held. I’m in one of the cells. I don’t know what levels.
Why are you alive?
I’m being made an example of. I think she’s probably starving me.
She?
Phasma.
There’s a brief silence.
Poe wants to know if you need him to beat anyone up.
“I’ll do it,” Poe mutters from next to him. Finn has to fight his smile again.
I’ve been working on handling that myself.
We’re going to come for you.
The promise sends a little thrill through his body.
Thank you.
You’re family. Another pause. Poe reiterates.
Thank you. Finn tries to wave aside the thick waves of emotion in his brain. Tell everyone to prepare the finest food they’ve got. I forgot how terrible First Order rations are.
Rey’s laugh is crystal clear and warms his bones.
It is of course 48 hours later that he is hauled to his feet abruptly by the first people he has seen in reality since Kylo Ren’s visit, because when has the galaxy ever cut him any slack?
Phasma is standing in front of him. She has more guards than normal around her. She is scared of him. Good.
“Two months, one week, two days, and three hours,” she tells him, voice dripping with irritation. Even more good. “And yet you are not a wreck.”
Finn shrugs as best as he can with his arms pinned to his side by two stormtroopers. “What can I say,” he answers, aiming for nonchalant. He thinks he does a little better than his first time around. “I guess you’re just not very good at torturing people.”
It’s not the best taunt, but it’s enough that Phasma straightens slightly.
“Well,” she answers with an eerie calm. “Then I suppose this next round will help.” She looks at the guards holding him. “Take him to reprogramming.”
And just like that, his bravado snaps.
“You can’t,” he says desperately. “Leave me to rot, I don’t care, you can’t.”
Phasma says nothing, but turns on her heel and walks away.
They drag him down the corridors. He screams the whole way, begging with the troopers, pleading, desperately trying to find any semblance of mercy within them.
REY, he throws out as he drags his feet against the smooth floor.
Finn? What’s going on?
REY DON’T COME FOR ME YOU CAN’T COME
Of course we’re coming for you, what’s-
REY YOU HAVE TO LEAVE ME PLEASE JUST LEAVE ME HERE TELL THE GENERAL TO PACK UP THE RESISTANCE AND RUN
Finn, what’s going on, let me help you, what’s happening-
REY, I’M SO SORRY, JUST RUN
Finn
As they strap him into a silver chair, he desperately shuts down the connection with Rey, locks it down so hard that when they take him back, when he becomes FN-2187 again, they won’t ever be able to find it.
They clamp a silver band firmly around his head, fastening him to the chair. And now it’s not just Poe, for once speechless in horror that he sees, not just BB-8 frantically whirring around his legs. Rey stands there too, face frozen in terror, and even though he wishes that this wasn’t the last expression he ever saw on her, he still gets to see her one more time as himself, and that’s all he wants.
Finn knows Phasma is watching through the two-way mirror directly in front of him. Knows she has seen him plead enough, knows that she is about to see him cry and scream. He grits his teeth and raises his head, looking straight ahead, hoping he’s staring right into her faceless mask.
“The Resistance,” he says, with as much venom as he can inject into every syllable. “Will not be intimidated by you.”
The only hint that the pain is about to start is a low, gentle hum in the air. Then his head is exploding and he is screaming, begging for death and for mercy and for everything in between. His entire body is alight and he wants it to stop, god, anything for it to stop.
It does, suddenly, and he gasps for breath.
“What is your designation?” drones through the room. Dimly, he registers that there must be speakers of some kind in the room.
“My name,” he mumbles. “Is Finn.”
The pain starts again, and he shakes in the chair.
“What is your designation?” is asked this time during the pain.
“My name,” he shouts. “Is Finn.”
The pain gets more intense. It feels like it goes on forever and he is aware, somewhat, that he is crying for Rey and Poe. And he waits and he waits, in the agony, for them to take him again, for them to strip him of his name and his family, of every need and love and want and like he has ever had-
And then the realization hits him like a blaster to the brain.
They can’t.
They can’t take it from him. Maybe he’ll die in this chair, they’ll burn him alive right here. But he’s Finn now and they’ll never take it from him.
He starts to laugh hysterically through the drumming in his mind and the taste of blood in his mouth. He’s Finn. His name is Finn.
It occurs to him then as he mentally chants his name like a prayer. His name is Finn. But they don’t need to know that.
He lets his body sag, lets his eyes slam shut. The pain stops and he gasps for a minute as he gets used to a life without the anguish in his mind.
“What is your designation?”
“FN-2187,” he mumbles.
Pause.
“What is your designation?”
“FN-2187.”
“What is your designation?”
“FN-2187.”
One more pause.
“Good.”
It’s not hard to return to the mind of a stormtrooper. To allow his face to be dull without orders to paint it, to allow his eyes to be dead without a spark to be put in them.
He tells Phasma he has no recollection of the base of the Resistance. She summons Kylo Ren and General Hux.
“They must have put a failsafe in him,” she growls in frustration, pacing back and forth between Finn’s ramrod form and Hux and Ren’s watchful ones. “After you got the information out of Dameron. That if we ever got our hands on him, the knowledge would wipe itself. Especially if the rumors are true and they got Skywalker back.”
“Ren,” Hux asks contemplatively. “Can you see if the location is truly gone?”
Ren steps up in front of him. Finn forces himself to remain stiff and still. He may still have his identity, but he doesn’t think he could withstand Ren digging through his mind.
They stand in silence for several moments before Ren turns away.
“He knows nothing,” he tells Hux and Phasma. “You must be correct. Skywalker must have put a block in his mind.”
Phasma huffs in irritation. “What should I do with him?”
“Use him as an example to all the others.” Hux has that dangerously thoughtful look on his face. “Deserters may do so, but they will always be found, and they will always be brought back to their rightful state of being.”
Phasma nods in agreement. Hux and Ren sweep out. Finn watches Ren’s cloak disappear around the corner and wonders.
Finn spends a week playing the perfect stormtrooper while trying to make a plan.
He’s not as good a pilot as Poe. This makes things slightly more difficult. However, the First Order is arrogant. They assume that they have taken Finn back completely, and have no need to watch him. This makes it easier to size up the ships. If he gives himself one more week, he can escape in one of the smaller ones. He knows how to pilot those reasonably.
However, after one week and three days of pretending to be FN-2187, the decision is made for him when he is summoned to Phasma.
“We have captured your former allies, the girl and the pilot,” she informs him, tone nothing short of gleeful. “We believe they were attempting to rescue you. Accompany me.”
“Yes, Captain.” Finn falls into step behind her, mind racing to correct to a new plan. If there’s anything Finn’s at least halfway good at, it’s plans.
They walk into a room that is one corridor and three rooms away from the main hanger. There are ten stormtroopers within. Rey and Poe are kneeling on the ground, hands bound in front of them. They both look exhausted, bags under Rey’s eyes and stubble on Poe’s face, and Finn is filled with both sadness that they have run themselves ragged and joy that he gets to see them again.
“You came in the hopes to recover FN-2187,” Phasma says, standing in front of them, Finn falling into rank with the other stormtroopers.
“What have you done with him?” Rey’s voice is low and dangerous in a way Finn has never heard before. “Where are you keeping him?”
“In plain sight.” Finn’s suddenly grateful that Phasma is going to milk this for all she can. It gives him more time to think. “Soldier, step forwards.”
Finn immediately snaps to her side.
“Remove your helmet.”
Finn obeys, forcing himself to stare straight ahead, to not look down even at Rey and Poe’s horrified intake of breath.
“He was very resilient, I’ll give him that. Perhaps he’ll even make a good commander someday.” Phasma turns to him. “What is your designation?”
“FN-2187.”
“Finn,” Rey says desperately. “Finn, please.”
“He seemed to think he could escape, you know.” Phasma is circling him like a pleased predator. “He trained every day. We had to upgrade him several sizes of armor from before.”
(he’s actually a bit proud of that)
“He said your name most often.” Out of the corner of her eye, Finn sees her gesture to Rey. “He would lie in the middle of the floor and call out for you. We think it was a way to calm himself. However, he actively spoke to you-“ she gestures to Poe this time. “Most often. We believe he began hallucinating you due to the food restrictions and solitary confinement.”
“Finn, you’ve got to snap out of it,” Poe begs. “I know you’re in there. I know that you’re still the same man inside.”
It takes every ounce of self control not to run up to them and promise them that he’s okay.
“He wouldn’t break under the solitary or the starvation,” Phasma muses. “So in the end, we brought him to reconditioning. He screamed for both of you as he writhed in the chair. Begged for you to save him.” He can hear the smirk in her voice. “You failed, of course.”
“Finn.” He’s never heard Rey sound so broken.
“And now he’s going to kill you. And he’s going to look into your faces as he does it.”
Excellent.
“FN-2187, execute the prisoners.”
“Yes, Captain.”
“Kill Dameron first. He’s been a thorn in our side much longer.”
“Yes, Captain.”
Finn steps forwards up to Poe, eyes flickering to the guard stationed behind Rey and Poe.
“FN-2187, look down at the prisoner.”
Finn looks down at Poe and catches himself. Poe looks so openly devastated and he knows Rey must look the same.
“Finn, please, I know it’s you.”
Finn readies his blaster. Poe takes a deep shaky breath.
“It’s okay, buddy,” he whispers. “It’s okay.”
Finn points the blaster at Poe’s head, gazing down at him.
Slowly, he winks.
Poe blinks in surprise.
Lightning fast, Finn shoots the guard behind Poe and drops the weapon into his hands. He rolls between them and grabs the blaster of the one he dropped, taking down one of the others.
“Kill them!” Phasma roars. Rey jumps up and thrusts her hands out. Three of the troopers are hurtled back and slammed into the opposite wall. Poe takes out two of the other troopers and Rey kicks one of them in the face hard enough that he slams to the ground. Finn nimbly picks off the other two and stalks up to Phasma, holding the blaster right to her head. Phasma is still.
“What broke you out of reconditioning?” she growls.
“You never reconditioned me. My name is Finn. It was never FN-2187.”
Phasma lets out a low irritated noise as Rey and Poe stand next to him. Finn tilts his head at her.
“I haven’t had a nightmare of you since reconditioning,” he tells her. “Do you know why?”
She doesn’t respond.
“Because I used to wonder what was under your mask. Even when I was still a stormtrooper, I wondered. I thought maybe seeing your face would change things. But I was wrong. Your face doesn’t matter. Because that mask is all you are. Nothing but sadism and brutality and evil. That’s your face, Captain Phasma. That’s all I need to see.” He can’t help the little grin. “You don’t scare me anymore.”
“So do it. Kill me.”
He stands perfectly still for a moment, hearing the goad in her voice full well.
“If I kill you,” he says. “Then I really was FN-2187 all along.”
He neatly flips the blaster and slams her helmet with the butt of it. She drops to the ground. Finn turns to Poe and Rey.
“Sorry about that,” he says. “Had some stuff I needed to get out, I gue-“
Rey lunges at Finn, wrapping her arms around him and burying her face in the crook between his neck and his armor. Poe quickly follows, grabbing onto him and hugging him closely. Finn knows they don’t have time for this, knows they need to be moving, but he responds just as tightly, clutching at this ridiculous, beautiful family he’s built for himself.
“I told you not to come for me,” he mumbles into Rey’s shoulder.
Rey snorts. “I’m a little concerned about your intelligence if you really thought we wouldn’t.”
He allows himself an extra two seconds to smile at that, to clutch at Rey and Poe a little tighter. Then he releases them.
“We need to get moving. They’ll figure it out soon enough.” Finn kneels by Phasma and takes Rey’s lightsaber and Poe’s blaster. He gently drops the lightsaber in the pocket of Rey’s robe. “Are you a full fledged Jedi now?”
“Not quite.”
He tucks the blaster into Poe’s jacket. “Nice trick with the troopers, though.”
“Thank you.”
“Which ship did you come on?”
“The Falcon.”
“You came on the garbage ship?”
“Hey.” Rey looks vaguely insulted and Finn groans internally that she seems to have gained Solo’s defensiveness over the ship.
“Whatever, we’ll make our way there-“
“We can’t,” Poe says, looking at Rey. Rey winces slightly.
“That’s right, I’d forgotten.”
“Forgotten what?”
Rey shifts slightly. “Luke, Chewie, and BB-8.”
“Luke, Chewie, and- you brought the last Jedi Master to come and get me?”
“To be fair,” Poe says, raising a finger. “He volunteered.”
“And by volunteered, Poe means he snuck on the ship when the General wasn’t looking,” Rey adds on. Poe nods.
“The General’s going to be pissed.”
Finn rubs his brow. They brought the last Jedi onto a Star Destroyer to get one person. Unbelievable.
“I think he was having fun,” Poe says. “He said it was just like old times. He kept saying things about detention levels fondly.”
Finn takes a deep breath. “Can you get in touch with him?”
“Yes.”
“Tell him to meet us at the Falcon. Unobtrusively.” He tugs on his helmet. “Follow my lead.”
He marches them through the halls down to the hanger. A Stormtrooper Commander stops them on the way.
“Phasma wants them taken to the Millennium Falcon to inspect contraband they may be hiding within the ship,” Finn tells him. The Commander lets him pass.
They’re about halfway to the Falcon when of course the unobtrusive nature of the mission completely falls apart as one of the troopers yells “it’s Skywalker, blast him!”
Finn whips his head around to glare at Rey. She can’t see him through the mask, but she must be able to guess, because she throws up her bracketed hands immediately. “Okay, this isn’t my fault.”
“You’ve rubbed off on him or you’re both cut from the same cloth. Either way, I’m blaming you.” Finn grabs the lightsaber from Rey’s robe and slices through her restraints. She quickly undoes Poe’s while Finn shoots at one of the stormtroopers taking aim at Chewbacca, BB-8, and a brown robe clad figure. He chucks Rey back her lightsaber. “Head for the ship, all of you!”
They obey immediately, Rey doing her best to deflect the bolts in their direction. The brown clad figure skids to a stop next to them, cutting down a trooper that was a little too close to Finn. The hood slips off, revealing an older man who is undoubtedly Luke Skywalker. He looks a little amused by the proceedings.
Finn doesn’t have time for hero worship. “Having fun?” he asks sardonically.
“Tremendously,” he answers brightly. “You must be Finn. I’m Luke Skywalker. We’re here to rescue you.” He looks inordinately pleased with himself for no apparent reason.
“Delightful. Get in the damn ship.”
“It didn’t go down very well the first time, either.” Skywalker slips up the ramp. Finn runs into the ship to hear Rey and Poe bickering.
“I’ll have you know that I’m the best pilot in the Resistance.”
“Best pilot or no, I know the Falcon better than you do, so I should-“
“I WILL MURDER BOTH OF YOU,” Finn bellows as he jumps into one of the gunner’s seats, shoving on a comms set.
“Right,” Poe says quickly. “You can take co-pilot with Chewie, then.”
“I’m in position,” Skywalker says from the other gunner’s seat. “Let’s go, Chewie, Rey.”
“What am I supposed to do?” Poe asks. BB-8 drawls something that makes Chewbacca snort and Rey laugh. Finn would ask what it was, but they’re unexpectedly rocketed into space.
Space is vast and large and Finn doesn’t like the wideness of it. At all. He can feel panic building in his chest but he does his best to tamp it down.
“Five coming up on us,” he says around the sudden fear of the vastness. “Skywalker, you ready?”
“On it.”
Skywalker, Finn recognizes dimly as he runs on autopilot, firing on instinct, is a damn good shot. He takes out three immediately until Rey does some kind of death spiral that has BB-8 screaming and a clattering sound accompanied by a yell that Finn assumes is Poe thumping into some walls.
“Finn,” Rey shouts. “Do you remember the move we did on Jakku that saved us?”
He does. “Not fondly!”
“Good!” And with that, Rey kills the engine just right so that Finn’s positioned in front of the cannons on the Finalizer. He slams his fingers down on the triggers and the cannons are destroyed.
“Going into hyperspace!” Rey yells and just like that the stars are nothing but streaks of light.
Finn tugs off the comms set and staggers into the main of the Falcon, shedding stormtrooper armor on the way until he is wearing his standard black underclothes. It reminds him so much of landing on Jakku that he'd feel nostalgic if he weren’t so damn tired. He hears Chewie crowing in victory and BB-8’s cheery whistle as he makes his way to the small bed.
Folded on the bed is his jacket. Finn tugs it on, and it’s like the final piece he needed before he knew he was home. He curls up in the bed and passes out almost immediately.
When he wakes up, he sees a mop of curly hair.
Poe is sitting in front of Finn, back leaning against his bed in front of his face. Rey’s sitting across from him, playing cards. BB-8 is watching them and providing what sounds like less than helpful commentary as he wheels back and forth to look at the cards. Chewbacca and Skywalker are engrossed in a game of dejarik.
“How you feeling, Finn?” Skywalker asks without looking up. Rey looks up and Poe immediately spins around, getting his hair in Finn’s mouth. Finn tries to tug some stray hairs out of his mouth while not spitting on Poe at the same time. It’s tricky, but he manages okay.
“Hungry.”
Skywalker smiles. “Good answer.”
BB-8 rolls up and immediately sticks his lighter out in a thumbs-up manner. Finn grins and gives a responding thumbs-up. Satisfied, BB-8 wheels off to do what looks like heckle Chewbacca’s playing skills. Chewbacca growls, but only half-heartedly. Finn focuses his attention on Poe and Rey.
“You need to shave,” he rasps at Poe as he sits up.
“Thanks for the commendation on the heroic rescue.”
Finn rolls his eyes. “Thank you for flying in half-cocked with no plan.”
“All I was looking for, buddy.”
Rey doesn’t say anything, but she sits next to Finn and leans her head into his shoulder. He wraps an arm around her.
Something beeps and Poe and Chewbacca get up to go to the console. Finn idly wonders what the battle for Poe to have co-pilot this time looked like while he was out.
“We’re almost to base,” Poe calls. “Landing soon. Incoming transmission.”
“Is Finn all right?” Finn recognizes the General’s voice.
“Yes, General. Tired and hungry but alive and in one piece.”
“More than could be asked for some when it came to other poorly thought out and sudden rescue missions thirty years ago.” Skywalker winces at her tone. “Tell my brother that he’s in trouble.” He winces double.
The ship touches down and Poe helps Finn to his feet. Finn staggers slightly. His legs are weaker than he anticipated.
“It’s okay. I got you.”
“I know.”
Poe helps him off the ship, where there’s a small landing party assembled. The General is glaring over their shoulders at Skywalker.
“To be fair,” Skywalker says, approaching the General. “I had a grand old time reliving old memories.”
“I’m going to strangle you later,” she tells him before turning her attention to Finn. To his surprise, she gently envelops him in a hug. Finn leans into her.
“Your son,” he mumbles into her shoulder, knowing it is important to tell her immediately. “He could have given me up. But he didn’t.”
The General stills slightly. Then she pulls back a little. Her face is gentle, the barest spark of hope in her eyes.
“We’ll talk about that later,” she tells him. “How are you doing?”
Finn thinks about it. His body aches and the idea of eating real food is exciting but… daunting. He’s exhausted and the idea of being back at the Resistance, full of wide open spaces that are nothing like the cell he has been accustomed too is a little frightening.
But Poe is fist bumping Pava and Wexley, and Chewbacca is making a derisive comment at Skywalker, no doubt about the trouble he’s in with the General. BB-8 is delightedly whirring up to R2-D2, and Rey is keeping an eye on them, like always.
“You know,” Finn tells the General with a tired smile. “I think I’m gonna be okay.”