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“Why are you here?”
They say it at the same time, and it’s kinda funny if you think about this moment separately from the situation.
But the situation itself is not very likable. So Hawks doesn’t laugh.
She must be around fifteen now, and usually children celebrate going to high school when they’re fifteen. But she gets left with a sentence for drugs, and it’s kind of not pretty. They have a staring contest for a while, and Hawks finally decides to insist: “Let’s pretend I asked first”.
“And how am I supposed to answer that?”
“I just can’t understand how you got caught. I taught you detours myself when we ran into patrol”.
“Well. That’s why I ended up here only now”.
“But why?”
“Are you shitting me? Because you were one of the patrols this time. And I got caught only after your lead. So now it’s your turn to answer, why are you here?”
\\\
When Hawks digs deeper into this case, something doesn’t add up. He really tries to remember, when did iit happen, what were they doing exactly, but everything seemed so insignificant then that he has to strain.
The most she could get is three years, and the number ten in her sentence look just ridiculous. The problem with heavy drugs was in another district, how did they attach it here is an interesting question.
When he tells the commission about it, they just brush him off because it’s not his business anymore. Not heroes’, to be precise. The police are dealing with this problem, so you don’t need to be involved, you have other things to do, Hawks, you were going to found your own agency, so do it rather than trying to find faults in other people’s work.
He still goes to the police. They want to get rid of him too, he sees it, but something stops them. Maybe his connections to the commission.
\\\
[10:47] sender — we didn’t talk for years but like
[10:47] sender — hi?
[14:24] sender — just wanted to know how you’re coping
[14:25] sender — y’all still together, right?
[14:25] sender — who else besides miyako deals with drugs?
[18:03] sender — I can’t cover you if anything
[18:03] sender — no matter how I want to
[22:31] sender — well, I hope you’re all okay
\\\
“Seriously, we haven't seen each other for so long and you don’t want to talk to me”.
“And I have the right to do so”.
“What do I do to melt your heart? Treat you with cake?”
“Get me out of here”.
“I can’t”.
“You can’t or you don’t want to?”
“...”
“Bring me cake then. Payment for moral damage”.
“No need to be so rude”.
\\\
They think of Hawks as birdbrain here, and it sounds as right as funny.
“So what did you want to talk to me about?” Yamashita can allow himself more in his own penthouse. He can stop complying with formalities, for example, smoke in the building, not pay attention even as a courtesy.
It’s just Hawks who sits at the table feeling like every extra breath will lead him to execution. Keep your back to the wall, boy. Don’t move. It applies to your feathers too.
It’s just a matter of habit that he finds windows right away. It’s pretty hard to miss it here.
“I think you should review Ivasaki’s case. It has a lot of inaccuracies”.
“It was reviewed inside and out a week before, isn’t it kind of late for you to care?”
This remark scratches him harder than he would like to admit.
“But it really has a lot of inaccuracies”.
“The girl was caught red-handed”.
“And she didn’t have anything to get such a long sentence”.
Yamashita looks away from him only to put out his cigarette on the ashtray. He’s not interested in the slightest, it shows. He has no benefit from reviewing the case that helped him to cover all holes in their work. And it makes Hawks very, very uncomfortable.
It’s just ridiculous. Yamashita won’t even feel bad about it. He knows where he’s wrong. He’s aware that Hawks knows it too. And he’s not bothered with it in the slightest.
Yamashita stands up from his armchair when he’s bored with just staring, and he starts walking somewhere behind Hawks’ back. It gets even more uncomfortable.
“You mean we are incompetent. Really, how can we compare with heroes”.
“I just suggest you review this case another time”.
Hawks tries not to move at all, but it’s no use. Even if he froze like a stone, he would still get that hard look on his back. For a moment, the feeling of being poured with something sticky is so strong that it seems like his limbs are glued together. For a moment, the back of his head burns, as if it’s not the ashtray Yamashita put out his cigarette on.
But it’s nothing. It’s a great lesson of diplomacy. It trains his endurance, his ability to keep himself together.
Don’t scratch a thing in this room. Don’t hurt him. Don’t scare him away. If you’re still here, you have a chance to fix your mistake.
Take this chance.
Or neither Touya nor Miyako nor everyone will ever forgive you.
(Actually, they won’t forgive you either way).
Hawks still doesn’t move. He doesn’t need to in order to know what’s going on in the back. Yamashita sighs, and he sounds so tired as if Hawks is just a child that annoys him with “Dad, buy me this toy”.
“Why should I do that?”
“Because it’s not fair”.
“It’s kind of strange to watch you worry about the criminal you caught yourself”.
“It’s none of your business”.
“Just like the court’s decision is not any of yours”.
He’s right about this, and it really hurts. Hawks thought about it a lot: what if he went to patrol alone, would everything be different?
And some venomous voice always laughed in his head hysterically: yes, it would. You would have caught her yourself, because everyone needs to get punished for their crime. It’s your job to catch guys that cause trouble. You wouldn’t cover for her.
And then you would be as miserable as you are now.
They’d be better off without you.
It’s about that patrol, of course. If he weren’t there, she wouldn’t have been caught. Well, it’s also about heroes. If it weren’t for his job, he would help her. She wouldn’t need to deal drugs, he would come up with something.
He would definitely come up with something. If he weren't a brainbird.
“There’s no way we could come to an agreement?”
He can help searching for dealers in another district, after all, the ones whose case is attached to hers. He’ll just need to catch a couple more of his old friends, big deal.
The fluffy carpet makes footsteps almost soundless, but it’s not important, Hawks still knows Yamashita stands right behind him. He just imagines that his limbs are glued, of course he can turn around and look him in the eye, but it’s just the last thing Hawks wants to do. He focuses on the window in the front. It’s hard to focus on something else when windows are everywhere. He remembers Touya, and that’s why he doesn’t move a muscle.
He remembers Touya, and that’s why he doesn’t flinch when he feels a touch to his back. Yamashita’s fingers are cold. Hawks hates cold.
“Let me think about it”.
And it somehow happens that Hawks still doesn’t move. He doesn’t break all furniture to shreds and doesn’t hold a knife to his throat. He doesn’t even jump and slam the door. He simply doesn’t do a thing.
He silently endures wet touch on his neck. He stands up when he’s told to, and his legs get weak from sitting too long, but it’s nothing. Completely nothing. He’s told: “We’re gonna need you to shower first”, he’s told: “You’re quite pretty”, when he gets off his shirt.
Touya said: “It’s me who benefits from it in the end. I mean, how narrow-minded you need to be to spend a lot of cash just for sex”.
Touya said: “Yes, I did burn a couple of clients, but shit happens. Even I have my limits”.
Touya said: “I just don’t care anymore. It helps. Well, mostly”.
So Hawks tries not to care. It’s not like he’s going to die, after all. He’s in warm bath, thoroughly soaping his feathers in his hands, when Yamashita walks in complaining he’s taking too long. Really, how can he know how much time it takes to properly care about your wings. Hawks feels his limbs being glued again, but now he realizes that he really can’t move at all. Yamashita pulls out the plug, and Hawks feel his wet skin gets covered with goosebumps after it’s not under water anymore.
Just never mind it.
You benefit from it in the end.
It’s your fault in the first place, so you need to fix it, otherwise what’s even this all about.
What’s this all about, really.
Yamashita gets into the bathtub himself.
Distract yourself. Think about something. The bathtub’s still warm in the bottom, at least. Touya was scared of any touch at first. No, think about something else. What did you have for breakfast today? Did you have anything, actually? Seems not, otherwise you would probably throw up. Alright, the cake, you promised Miyako you would bring her cake, she liked it with fruits before, she ate it almost on her own before, you remember, right, you remember, you need to buy her a cake, the bathtub is too small, how you can even move in it I’m uncomfortable and I can’t even change my position no it doesn’t mean you need to do it for me don’ttouchmeIchangedmymindIdon’twantitgetoffmegetoffmegetoffmeIdno’twanttopleasestopgetyourhandsoffme
He’s leant to the bathtub’s wall with his back, and it happens on its own then, just reflexes doing their work. Dozens of feathers aim at Yamashita’s throat.
It looks funny in their position. Two fair guys barely fit in the narrow bathtub, one almost on top of another. It’s kinda funny if you think about this moment separately from the situation.
But the situation itself is not very likable. So Hawks doesn’t laugh.
“Review the case and reduce the sentence, or I will cut your throat”.
Well, it’s not like he should say: sorry, I didn’t mean it, it’s just don’t press my back to something, my protective reflexes are very good. Yamashita knows Hawks won’t do it, it’s obvious, Hawks cannot do it, but he still decides to bluff.
Yamashita nods, making his own conclusions, and looks away. Hawks finally can crawl out and get away from here.
He can’t stop shaking for the next half hour.
\\\
“You look awful”.
“Say it to people flirting with me”.
“What, you don’t like attention? Every time I learn something new about you”.
“And what was the first thing you learned?”
“That you’re an asshole”.
“Wow, you’re really never getting bored of being rude”.
“But you really look awful. Got tired while catching homeless kids? Poor thing”.
“That’s my job”.
“I know that, can you imagine? Just like it’s bad to sell drugs? But Touya would kill you on the spot. And it would be right”.
“Then it’s a shame he didn’t do it at the time”.
\\\
[03:24] sender — you know
[03:24] sender — every time you came with big piles of cash and acted almost like nothing happened
[03:25] sender — I had no idea how you did that
[03:25] sender — and well
[03:25] sender — I still don’t get it
\\\
“I tried to reduce your sentence”.
“You failed”.
“Thanks for believing in me!”
“It just shows”.
“That I’m a loser? Probably”.
“It’s your new hobby now? Putting insults into other people’s mouths?”
“Bullseye! I really thought I could do it. Turns out I can’t”.
“Then what’s the point?”
“What are you talking about?”
“You don’t even have any power. Then why did you leave us?”
\\\
[20:17] sender — maybe when I migrated contacts into new phone I messed up somewhere
[20:18] sender — and if my messages come to some random dude then let me know
[23:01] sender — I probably won’t stop texting though
\\\
For the next two nights he wanders around alleys. He tries to remember every detour, every place they used as a shelter.
He doesn’t see a single familiar face.
It starts to seem like he just can’t recognize them anymore.
\\\
“Listen, before you got caught—”
“I won’t talk about it”.
“I just wanted—”
“Leave”.
“Wow, you’re getting more welcoming every day”.
“...”
“Okay, I’m leaving. By the way, here’s the cake, just like I promised. Try not to get caught”.
\\\
[04:53] sender — where are you
\\\
Hawks wouldn’t kill him, Yamashita knew that. Hawks can’t kill him, Yamashita knew it really well so he didn’t even lift a finger for Ivasaki’s case. But everyone suddenly shakes in joy: the media announced that the name of a mysterious and handsome hero is going to be finally revealed. Just right after his agency opened. What a stupid joke.
Like, seriously. Where would they get it from?
“Yamashita Masayuki: interview next week, don’t miss it!”
He checks this info from the commission first. And then he nervously laughs for a long time looking at the wall. They give him a day off, because he’s no use, because even an invalid with no limbs would be more useful than him now, and he just lays on his bed feeling pathetic for a whole day. He laughs from time to time. Although the situation is anything, but amusing now.
But still, he thinks, could you fuck up everything even more gracefully. And for what.
Why.
What was the purpose of you becoming a hero?
Hawks answers himself, whispering to his pillow in confidence: “So I could become a better person than Takami Keigo. So Takami Keigo and his bad reputation wouldn’t follow me”.
Someone rings the doorbell. The pillow whispers to him back: look, speak of the devil. Help them get settled.
Hawks gets up from his bed after an eternity, but it ends up more prosaic: the delivery guy asks him to sign for getting pizza.
Maybe he just needs to get busy with organizing what he started. It will help him to get his mind off things. That is, being objective, anything will help him. He will recall where he’s left his documents now, check it again and then he’ll fly to bring them to registration. And after another few tricks he’ll be even closer to success. He will earn enough karma points, and when he’ll get older maybe he’ll make a difference and heroes won’t need to work as much as he does.
He won’t be a popular hero. He won’t make Endeavor like him, they will give him a nickname about stealing, and he’ll be an invisible hero, trying to work quietly so he won’t get any unnecessary attention. They will call him the name he won’t ever want to respond to, they will misunderstand him, and he’ll get infamous as the most unpleasant hero the world has ever seen.
The commission said to him: Yamashita isn’t from our field, we have no leverage. You probably can take care of it yourself.
But he can’t. It somehow happens that he’s not omnipotent. That he has no idea what he should do now. Hawks knows how to handle cold weapons, or how to evacuate a thousand people the way no one gets hurt, Hawks can do it all with his eyes closed, he can prevent the threat before anyone notices it exists. But he’s so-so when it comes to diplomacy.
He’s so-so when it comes to anything actually.
\\\
Pizza, eaten just a while ago, leaves his body so steadily that it’s getting funny again. Even pizza doesn’t want to have anything with him, after all. He looks at the mess of digested dough, chicken and cheese, floating in the toilet, and thinks: yes, that’s how he feels right now. He flushes, turns on the shower so he can get busy with washing his feathers for another few hours. He makes water pressure so strong that it feels like it’s gonna put a hole in him.
What’s taking you so long?
Hawks moves his fingers first, then entire arm. It’s alright. He’s alone here. It’s just in his head. He turns off water, because, contrary to expectations, the noise just makes it too bad. And then he sinks into the water and screams, screams and screams, until there’s no air in his lungs. He keeps underwater for a little while, and then he feels worse, he rises to the surface, and his shoulders get cold. It seemed like a good idea to shower. Like it would freshen him up, like it would make him feel better.
Good ideas don’t really come to him anymore lately.
If he comes to Yamashita again, he doesn’t even know if he’ll want to listen after all.
He doesn’t even know what option scares him more.
\\\
[17:28] sender — someday you said that I have always place to run
[17:28] sender — but
[17:30] sender — :)))
[18:03] sender — never mind I just got a little overwhelmed
[18:03] sender — we’re strong and independent!
\\\
“Miyako”.
“...”
“You really don’t want to talk to me anymore?”
“...”
“Okay, I’ll leave. Sorry”.
\\\
[19:45] sender — :)
[19:45] sender — :))
[19:45] sender — :))))))))
\\\
He goes to Yamashita on an empty stomach, just to make sure that he won’t throw up on the dark blue fluffy carpet.
Although, to be honest, he’s not sure it will help.
\\\ \
[03:27] sender — how did you cope with it
[03:27] sender — I just
[03:27] sender — I really don’t get it
[04:13] sender — I don’t get it
[04:13] sender — oh I already said it
[04:13] sender — haha
[04:14] sender — sorry
\\\
[07:54] sender — I
[07:57] sender — sorry
\\\
“I just want to apologize. I mean it, really”.
\\\
Next week everyone shakes in rage: the agency opens, but the name of a mysterious and handsome hero still doesn’t get revealed.
The case of Ivasaki Miyako still hasn't been reviewed.
\\\
[22:13] sender — I guess
[22:13] sender — I won’t text you anymore
[22:14] sender — you can breathe easy