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“Jade.”
Her name comes easily, slipping from your darkened lips like a prayer. She turns to you, long dark hair swishing delicately in the wind. Her olive eyes shine behind her rounded lens, never covered or hidden by the glasses, only enhanced. She blinks once, owlishly, as she waits for you to continue.
“Yes?” she prompts when she receives no reply.
Dammit. You were staring again.
“We should get back to work,” you say, breaking your gaze and directing your attention to the textbook in front of you two.
“Ughh, I’m tired of this. Let’s just work on it later,” Jade whines, voice reaching an octave higher than normal.
“Come on, we need to be ready for the final,” you reason, grabbing the textbook from the grass and settling it in your lap.
Jade pouts. “But it’s such a nice day!”
You can’t argue with her there. It’s almost spring, and the weather is definitely turning for the better. Flowers are beginning to bud in the bushes that line the school, and you can’t wait to see how they turn out this year. After all, it will be your last time to see them at this school.
“Fine,” you relent, clipping your word as if to sound irritated, but you both know you’re not.
“Yay!” Jade cheers, throwing up both tanned arms in success. She always wins in these little disagreements.
She lays down in the grass with a sigh of content, and you join her after a moment of hesitation. Laying beside her in such a calming atmosphere, your heart begins to race. It’s moments like these that you treasure. You don’t have much longer to stay like this.
She’s going off to Hawaii to study, of all places. You’re headed to New York. Complete opposite sides of the country.
You’re not in any position to drag her down with your petty feelings.
Of course you know you’re not being fair to yourself. Your feelings are not petty. They are valid and you know it. You just don’t want to burden her, or have her think any worse of you. You know she wouldn’t, you’re best friends for a reason, but there’s still the chance it could happen. You don’t want to ruin what little time you have left.
“-will be exciting! Don’t you think?” Jade’s voice breaks through your thoughts, and you shake your head to clear it up.
“I’m sorry, what was that?” You wince; you hadn’t been paying attention to what she was saying. Why do you always put yourself in this kind of position.
Jade seems unfazed. “I said, don’t you think Hawaii will be exciting?”
Ah, yes. Hawaii. Just the topic you wanted to talk about.
“Of course,” you assure her, not missing a beat, which you applaud yourself for. “It will be great for you.” Jade has always loved animals and plant life, and getting a special scholarship to study this on an island is a dream. The opportunity of a lifetime.
“I know!” she beams. With her face all lit up and animated like this, you know how much this means to her.
She squirms in place for a bit, gushing about the courses she’s going to take and which parts of the islands she’s going to visit and where she’s going to live and so on. You listen attentively, as any friend would, but your heart aches the longer the conversation drags on.
When she finally settles back down, her hand is mere inches from yours. Your fingers twitch. They itch to just reach out and take her soft hand in yours. Right as you’re about to, you stop. You can’t. Your hand balls into a fist.
You look up into the sky, searching for a distraction. There’s few clouds scattered across the pastel blue. Not much of a conversation topic there. Your eyes drift to the school, a large, two storey building where the two of you have attended for nearly four years. That will do.
“I can’t believe this is our last semester here,” you say, voice steady and hopefully natural.
“I know!” Jade exclaims, a hint of sadness in the edge of her tone.
Her hand is suddenly on top of yours, and you relax your fist so she can grip yours properly. The tan of her skin contrasts with yours, a milky pale, and you’re hyper focused on the feeling of her hand in yours. It’s rougher than you expected, and her larger hand practically consumes yours. Your heart is about to leap from your chest.
“I can’t believe… that I won’t be able to see you for so long afterwards,” her words come slowly, and you wonder what expression she’s wearing. You’re far too nervous to face her.
“Rose,” she says, and that’s all it takes.
You finally turn to her. Her normally bright green eyes are darkened, focused on yours. Her thick brows are tugged downwards, lips set in a small, but determined frown.
Your heart skips a beat.
Her mouth opens, words on the edge of her lips and you listen with rapt attention.
The annoying, shrill bell sounds. Lunch break is over.
You want to scream in frustration.
Her hand is practically ripped from yours as Jade quickly grabs her things and speeds away. You’re left there, half lying in the grass, a befuddled look on your face, left hand missing the warmth of hers.
“What the actual hell just happened,” you mutter aloud.
Quickly you pack your things, though you’re already miles behind catching up with Jade at this point and you swear silently under your breath. Rather than try and fight a losing battle, you decide to talk to her later and head to your next class. You blend in with the throng of students, all making their way through the crowded hallways.
English is next, your favorite class, but you can’t stay focused. You blame Jade for this inconvenience.
You sit there, idly twirling a mechanical pencil through your wiry fingers, trying to make sense of what happened at lunch break. You thought that you’d have been the one to initiate some kind of physical contact, yet Jade is always full of surprises. You never know what exactly she’s going to try and pull; she’s unpredictable to you. You both love that and hate that about her.
Now your other friends are much different. Their actions are obvious and clear cut; never too surprising or out of character. Even if they don’t quite know it.
You’re excellent at observing people. You pick up their mannerisms and quirks, ones that even they are unaware of. You like to be considered the smart, caring friend, and you are.
One friend in particular you care for more than others.
You don’t know when it became like this, when you started valuing her opinion over others’ or when she became the most important person in your life. Despite everything, you don’t regret falling in love with her.
It hurts, but you do need to keep this to yourself. She has so much going for her, so many hopes and dreams, and you can’t bring yourself to ruin everything just because of your feelings.
The pencil flies out of your hands, and you sigh. You wish everything were simple again.
After another twenty or so odd minutes of doing absolutely nothing, the bell mercifully rings. You grab your backpack and pencil and join your classmates in your hourly exodus.
By the time you reach the gym, you realize that you now face your next daily struggle: the changing room. Luckily, you’ve made it there before Jade, and quickly grab your gym clothes from your assigned locker and head to the restroom stalls to change. By the time you exit, you see Jade entering the locker room. Perfect timing.
Your face lights up a little when you see her, but before you call her name, with downcast eyes she blatantly ignores you and shoulders past.
Okay... what the hell?
You turn around and watch her receding form, and want to say something, anything , but the words catch in your throat.
All you can think of now is if you did anything to piss her off. Many things come to mind, you do tease Jade a lot, after all, but nothing that would make her act like this. You’ve prided yourself with never having a fight with Jade before, as most girls usually do with their best friends. You always thought the two of you were above this, whatever ‘this’ is.
Slowly making your way out of the locker room, your mind tries to rationalize the situation. If you hadn’t done anything in particular to anger her, then maybe she’s not angry. Go figure. Instead, Jade must be embarassed. You’ve seen her embarrassed before, but she’s never quite reacted like this. Usually she’d get all flustered and her dark cheeks would light up a beautiful shade of pink–
“Okay, not helping,” you remind yourself aloud. You make an internal note to stop talking to yourself later.
This all started at lunch, right after she laid her hand on top of yours. She gripped you gently, carefully, as though afraid you would pull away. Almost as if–
The coach blows her whistle then, rounding up all the students. Everyone’s finished changing by then, and your lilac eyes search the crowd for Jade. You spot her at the far end, talking with Jane, another mutual friend. They’re standing close together, mirth in their eyes as they try to refrain from laughing.
Your hands form fists at your side. You’re definitely not jealous.
The coach tells everyone to head out to the track, since you’ll be running laps today. You ask her if you can go to the nurse instead; you suddenly feel sick. With an upset stomach twisting in knots you turn your back on the crowd of students and try to ignore Jade and Jane’s echoing laughter.
In the nurse’s office, you can finally relax, resting on one of the cots. As uncomfortable as it is, it’s better than going outside and running. Also better than having to deal with Jade and Jane being so buddy buddy. You wonder what the heck is up with that all of a sudden.
As a mutual friend, you both know Jane. She’s nice, you suppose, and somewhat pretty, but there’s nothing too special about her.
You cringe. When did you become so mean?
With a heavy sigh you roll over, the stiff leather of the cot squeaking horribly underneath you. You settle down again, closing your eyes.
The next thing you know, the nurse is shaking you awake with a gentle smile.
“It’s time for your next class honey,” she says, voice pitched up as though she were talking with a child. You suppose since you’ve only just turned 18, that you are still a child, so she’s not exactly wrong. “How are you feeling?”
“Better,” you inform her, sitting up and straightening out your hair. Your short blonde locks had gotten messed up from your little nap, some poking out in odd directions.
The nurse pats your back and sends you on your way with a tardy note for your next period. You still have to go back to the gym and change back into your normal clothes. What a hassle.
Thankfully the halls are empty during this time, as class has already started. You take your time, relishing in the fact that you can walk through the hallways without being bumped or run into every twelve seconds. High school is wonderful that way.
Finally back in your regular clothes, you head to your next period, government. You have this class with Jade. And Jane. You’re both excited and nervous for how this class will go.
When you enter the room, you see Jade and Jane sitting together, Jane in your usual seat, talking amongst themselves. You give the teacher the tardy slip, and mentally prepare yourself, heading towards the two of them. You can’t exactly avoid them, so might as well face them and get some answers.
“Hi Rose!” Jane regards you kindly, smiling up at you. She’s the type of person you just can’t hate.
“Jane.” You return her greeting with a small nod. Jade doesn’t look up at you. With a little huff of annoyance, you pull up an extra chair and sit on the other side of Jade. She’ll have to face you sooner or later.
The teacher chooses then to begin the lecture, and the three of you all pull out your journals to begin your notes for the day. You peek at Jade out of the corner of your eye. She’s already looking at you, but quickly averts her eyes with a not-so-subtle jerk of her head. Continuing to observe her, you notice her cheeks darkening.
Your heart flutters in your chest. You think that despite not saying a single word to her since lunch, you’re beginning to understand what’s happening.
But is this actually happening, or are you just misreading the situation because you want this to happen?
Hormones are a troublesome thing indeed.
You continue to take notes, sneaking glances at Jade every once in awhile. She seems determined to not stare at you, bright green eyes focused on the projector. Her notes betray her attention, since she’s barely writing anything down.
Your lip quirks up in a smirk. You definitely have a handle on the situation now.
All you have left to do is confront her about it.
Thankfully, this is your last class of the day. You can talk to Jade after school. You think about what to say to her, how to get your feelings across, and if you actually want to go through with this. If you’re wrong about this, then you’ll only make a fool of yourself. But if you’re right, and Jade somehow actually has feelings for you...
Damn. Now you’re the one not paying attention to the lecture.
Class passes by both thankfully, and regretfully quickly. By the time the bell rings Jade has all her items gathered in her arms, ready to bolt. Having already expected this, you’re there to block her path.
“Jade,” you say, the clip of her name shows her you mean business.
“Um,” she stammers, looking ruffled and eyes focused on anything but you.
You raise a brow. The gesture is wasted. “We need to talk.”
Jane, passing by, seems to feel the tension, and gives you a small wave as she exits the class. The rest of the students are leaving, and your teacher is giving you a look saying ‘when are you going to leave so I can go home?’. You can’t keep holding Jade up like this.
“I know!” Jade exclaims, startling you a bit as her olive eyes bore directly into yours for the first time since lunch. “I know,” she repeats, a little quieter, shooting the teacher an apologetic glance.
“Let’s go.”
The two of you head out of the class, the teacher shutting the door loudly behind you, and walk slowly down the hall. You don’t have any particular direction or destination, you’re simply buying time as you find the words to say. The crowd of people is thinning out, many already headed home for the day. You tug on your backpack strap nervously. How are you going to–
“I like you,” Jade blurts suddenly.
What?
You turn to her, lilac eyes wide with surprise. You were expecting to be the one to tell her first, since you knew how nervous and flighty she gets in situations like this.
“I’m sorry!” Jade says, and the quiver in her voice pains you. “I know it’s weird, and we’re best friends, and girls aren’t supposed to like girls, and we’re about to be leaving for college soon, and we’ll be on complete opposite sides of the country, and I was gonna tell you at lunch but I was too scared and I’m sure you–”
“Jade,” you say quietly, effectively ceasing her ramble. You take her hand gingerly in yours, feeling the long digits tremble with nerves, and give her a reassuring squeeze. “I like you too.”
“What?” Jade barely squeaks out. She turns to you, disbelief written all over her face.
You smile at this. She’s so cute when she’s flustered. “I mean it,” your voice is quiet, but strong. You want her to understand how much she means to you.
Her countenance immediately shifts, disbelief morphing to excitement and hope and you’re captivated by how beautiful she is, and how she has no trouble expressing her raw emotions. She grins at you, showing off her pearly whites in a confident expression.
“We’ll work out the whole college matter later,” you inform her, continuing the walk down the hall with her hand grasped firmly in yours.
“Yeah,” Jade agrees easily, and she gives a little bounce of excitement. Your connected hands swing between you.
“Well then, Jade. We never made it official,” you say, giving her a sly smirk.
“What?” she questions, genuine confusion lacing her tone.
“Do you want to be my girlfriend?” you ask, trying to keep it together when she freezes up with a blush.
“That’s gay,” she says, hiding her face with her free hand. Her other gives yours a tentative squeeze.
Your lip quirks up again. “I know.”