Work Text:
Get Off That Table
Steve stared, mouth dropping open a little in surprise. He closed it after a moment. He couldn’t think of a single thing to say.
Tony stared back, fingers slowly reaching for the frame of the picture in front of him. When he realized Steve wasn’t going to speak, he carefully lifted the frame off of the hook, turned just far enough to get clearance, and then chucked the picture onto the ground.
“DID YOU JUST GET UP THERE TO CHANGE THE PICTURE?!” Natasha bellowed from behind Steve, making him jump.
“It’s less damage on the floors if I just use a step-up instead of the suit,” Tony answered, as if this was reasonable or even barely normal.
Thor began to nod, apparently willing to believe his reasonable tone. Then he saw the “step-up” Tony was using. “Did you cut the coffee table in half and stack the pieces on top of each other?!”
“I’m an engineer,” Tony explained helpfully.
Steve and Thor both took this as well as could be expected, which was to say: They were still too bewildered to speak.
Bruce came over to pick up the discarded picture, frowning when he saw it was one of Iron Man in a Cubist arrangement. “I thought you liked this picture.”
“I do,” Tony answered, picking up the frame leaning against the wall by his legs. “But sometimes you gotta keep things fresh! Fun! Interesting!” He put the new painting up, then turned, gesturing at it with an excited flourish. “What do you think?!”
Everyone took a moment to respectfully inspect the new artwork. Finally, though, Clint asked, “Is that Iron Man with a Pearl Earring?”
“Yes!” Tony said cheerfully, and then turned and squinted at the painting. “Or, well, to keep in theme with the armor they made a pearl-colored bolt. I thought it was clever.” He rubbed his chin thoughtfully. “From a distance it looks like a pearl earring though, which is also cool.”
Natasha turned to slant Clint a suspicious frown. “You know Girl with a Pearl Earring?”
“They made a movie about it,” Clint retorted.
Bruce turned from examining the new painting. “That was historical fiction. It wasn’t real.”
“Well I saw the finished picture anyhow? I don’t understand the side-eye. I contain multitudes,” Clint huffed, putting his hands on his hips. “I don’t see why you’re all giving me shit when Tony sawed his table in half to make a shitty ladder.”
Tony sniffed at him imperiously, crossing his arms over his chest. “I used a laser, not a saw. And my engineering skills are impeccable.” Then there was the sound of wood cracking, and he yelped as the table started to tip, tumbling off of it.
Steve and Thor both dove to catch him and mostly just ended up at the bottom of the pile of table halves and Tony, while he miraculously twisted in midair to stay on top, probably from muscle-memorized maneuvers in the Iron Man suit.
“I’m buying a step stool,” Steve muttered into the floor as Bruce rushed to at least pull Tony off of them.
“So he can put it on top of the next shitty table ladder he makes?” Thor groused, pushing one of the halves off of them.